Fear Me (28 page)

Willow lowered her gaze to her textbook so she didn’t see the look in his eyes before he yanked her out of her seat and quickly disappeared with her in the bookcases. I could hear her reading him his rights with a few of her favorite choice words. She sounded as if she had it under control so I turned back to my textbooks.

I was prepared to ignore Keiran but it seemed he had other plans when he lifted me from my seat and sat me on his lap. I struggled against him, but he wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in my hair. “Fuck, I missed this,” he muttered, shocking me completely still before I realized he said “this” and not “me.” All he wanted from me was my body and my pain. I was annoyed with myself for how quickly I could forget.

“Don’t –” The sound of books falling from the shelves and a steady thump, interrupted what I was going to say. I shot out of his lap, intending to make sure Willow was okay when I felt Keiran’s hand clamp around my wrist, stopping me.

“I wouldn’t do that a second time.” Keiran cautioned.

“What are you – Oh.” Understanding dawned on me and I could feel my cheeks blush. “He wouldn’t –” Keiran raised an eyebrow. “She wouldn’t –”

I was interrupted by what sounded like a feminine moan come from their direction. I couldn’t believe they were having sex in the school library! We couldn’t be more than a few feet away from them. I didn’t know who my best friend was anymore and the thought made me sick.

“You don’t look so good. Sit,” he ordered, pulling me back down in his lap. I could still hear the muffled sounds of sex and I desperately tried to tune them out.

“You need to keep Dash away from Willow. He’s corrupting her.” I narrowed my eyes at Keiran in a pitiful attempt to intimidate him. The corner of his mouth lifted in a half grin.

“She wants it.”

“You don’t know her. You don’t know what she wants.”

“Apparently you don’t either and her moans say different,” he said matter-of-factly.

He didn’t sound cocky about it but it still pissed me off because I knew he was right. Despite Willow’s wish to stay away she seemed to always give into him. I snuck a peak at Keiran and admitted that I could understand how it felt to be that confused.

“She’s confused.” I didn’t know if I was trying to convince him or me. He looked at me as if I was dense before his eyes softened and he held my gaze.

“If it makes you feel better, he’s just as confused as she is and maybe just a little bit addicted.” Something told me he wasn’t speaking only of Dash and Willow, if at all.

“Why would he be addicted?”

“Because she’s so goddamn beautiful. In every way that counts.” I drew in a breath at the raw emotion evident in his voice. He wasn’t talking about them. He was talking about us. “Why did you run away from me this morning?”

“I didn’t run.” I lied.

“Don’t lie to me. Don’t ever do that.” His grey eyes hardened into steel.

“You ran Saturday. You got a phone call and just left without a word.”

He blew out a breath before answering. “I didn’t run. My uncle got word of what happened so I had to split and go home.”

I still got chills thinking about Trevor and what he tried to do. “How did you find me that day?” Keiran was still on the court when I left to chase after Willow and didn’t think he saw me leave.

“I saw Anya and Rosalyn approaching you and was watching for trouble when I saw Willow run off and you run off behind her.”

“I saw Willow run out of the locker room and went back to the gym to get Sheldon to drag you out. That must have been when Trevor slipped in,” he gritted. I could see the self-blame in his eyes and once again wanted to comfort him but I held back.

“Sheldon went in and came back out moments later for help.”

“So you still think I set you up?”

He shook his head, “No. Sheldon heard most of his confession. I heard enough.”

“So what happens now? What are we doing?” I was confused as to why he tracked me down if he knew the truth. “We are still enemies…aren’t we?”

“I – I don’t know,” he frowned in confusion.
Huh?
I wasn’t expecting that answer. “Trevor was right.” He swallowed heavily before continuing. “Last night I thought about you and about this thing between us that I kept alive for ten years. It was fucked up but it was the only way because I hated you. That part was real.”

“So what, you think we can just pick up where we left off? You want to continue to bully and humiliate me because it gets your rocks off?” I stood up to leave, way beyond pissed. “Screw you.” I flipped him off for kicks and turned to leave.

Of course he didn’t let me leave. I found myself flat on top of the table with his hard body hovering above me before I could take a step. I looked around for help but it was still too early for other students to be around and the librarian wasn’t leaving her solitaire game anytime soon.

“Shh.” He tried to soothe me. “I can’t say that I will never hurt you again or that I wont even want to.”

“No? And you would hurt my aunt too, won’t you?” He closed his eyes as if in pain and took a deep breath.

“I thought you framed me. It was never about going to jail. I’ve done more than enough shit to deserve that sentence and I’m not talking about to you. Anyway, I thought you were fighting back. I thought you weren’t afraid of me anymore. I had to make you afraid again because I couldn’t lose that control. I needed it.”

“So am I just supposed to forgive you?” I narrowed my eyes at him.

“I’m trying to be honest with you. I don’t have the right words to say to make this right. I just know that I would have done anything to control you. I still would.”

Is he serious?
The look in his eyes told me he was. “What if someone tried to hurt your uncle? How would you feel?”

Nothing. Not a flicker or emotion or regret. His eyes and face were as still as death. “Don’t you care about your uncle?” I tried again.

“No.” His tone was flat and unapologetic.

Well shit.
I stared up at him dumfounded not knowing what to say. “How? I mean…why not?” He shrugged his shoulders and got off the table, pulling me up with him to a seating position and then he was standing between my legs. “Well what about my aunt? Are you still having her followed?”

“No,” he said as he stared down at me. His hands started rubbing up and down my jean-clad thighs slowly. I wanted to pull the hood off his head so I could see all of his features and maybe run my hands through his hair. I started to relax when he confirmed that my aunt was now safe until something occurred to me.

“Are you trying to distract me?”

The corner of his mouth lifted in that half-grin I was growing to love. It made him look boyish and not so scary. “Is it working?” he asked.

“No.” I lied but he didn’t have to know that. He gave me a skeptical look before removing his hands and balling them into his sweatshirt pockets. I wanted to snatch them back and he must have known that from the cocky look on his face.

“Look,” I took a deep breath, willing the courage for what I had to say. “I can’t stop you from hating me, so we have nothing more to say to each other.”

“No, we have so much more than words we owe each other. I’m done hating you for something that isn’t your fault.”

“But you hated me before then.”

“I’m not talking about the set-up.” His mesmerizing eyes stared back into mine, willing me to understand. I didn’t.

“I don’t understand and I don’t care. We’re through here.”

“Then let me make it clear for you.” His eyes had turned cold at my dismissal and belied everything he’d just said. “You messed up when you let me near you. You messed up when you let me touch you. But you
fucked up
when you let me have you.”

“I didn’t have a choice!” His hand shot up to my neck to hold me lightly. His thumb swept my lips and I unconsciously licked my lips, tasting his skin. His eyes were now also dark with lust. He was hot and cold at that moment. I shivered wanting to run away and yet get closer.

“I decided the first time you let me in between your sweet thighs that guilty or not, you were mine. I’m done denying myself what I want. You want me just as bad.”

“News flash, I had you,” I retorted, “and I’m over you.” I crossed my arms over my chest and stared at him defiantly.

“These bitches are seriously fucked!” Dash gritted, bursting from the bookcases and interrupting whatever Keiran would have said. I was so wrapped up in Keiran that I’d forgotten about Willow and Dash.

I took in his appearance and felt my eyes widen. His hair was tousled, sweat dripped from his skin, and his belt was now unbuckled. It was no question as to what they had been doing.

“What did you do to Willow?” I jumped off the table to confront Dash but ended up trapped between Keiran and the table when he refused to move. I looked up to glare at him and he glared right back.

“Nothing yet,” Dash stated ominously and looked at Keiran. “You ready, bro?”

Keiran ignored him and gripped my ponytail lightly in fist. “Go take care of your friend.” He kissed the tip of my nose and I felt my body soften against my will. “But remember what I said,” he ordered.

He had to go and ruin it.

* * *

They finally left and I rushed to find Willow in the bookcases. I found her crying quietly and immediately wrapped her in my arms. “Willow, look at me.” She shook her head no and kept her face buried in my shoulder.

“What happened? Please, let me help you.”

“Fate must have a sick sense of humor. We were the only two people from our school in the summer program so we gravitated toward each other. He was always so sweet. And charming. Half the time I knew he was full of shit but it didn’t matter because he was funny and down-to earth. I always thought he was just some spoiled rich kid with his nose stuck up in the air. But he wasn’t. He wasn’t fake or phony. He was real – all the time, about everything. Or so I thought.”

“He’s breaking your heart,” I guessed. I was tempted to track him down and kick him in the nuts.

“It’s silly really and my fault. He never promised me anything. He just always made me feel special. And for the first time I wanted to be special for someone other than me. I wanted to be special for him. I cared about what he thought.”

I tried to hide my surprise but I knew my face said it all.
For her that was big. Willow was a take me or leave me kind of girl.

“One day I even tried to be normal. I dressed like a square to please or impress him – I don’t know. We were going to hang out and he showed up dressed like I would dress.” She let out a small laugh, her cries finally subsiding. “He looked ridiculously beautiful and proud and I
loved
him for it. That was the day I gave myself to him.”

“Why were you crying just now?”

“I threatened to get a restraining order if he didn’t stay away from me.” I raised my eyebrows in surprise. “He got upset.
Really
upset. He said it wasn’t fair to try and force him to stay away just because I couldn’t.”

“I get that he is supposed to be engaged with Rosalyn but why were you fighting him before you found out?”

“You know Charles is my adopted father and Buddy’s real father?” I nodded. “My mom doesn’t like to talk about it but my birth father is some rich guy who she fell in love with. Well they were supposed to get married but his family didn’t approve of her. Apparently he was already engaged to someone else. My mom didn’t say much about her just that she came from a rich family also.”

“This is sounding familiar,” I stated dryly.

“Yeah, that’s why I freaked out Saturday– for once I had to admit that my mother was right and it hurt like hell to hear that he’d been playing me.”

Guilt ate at me the more I listened to her because I knew of Keiran and Dash’s plan and in a way I took part in it by saying nothing. At the time I thought it was the right thing to do but now…

I took a deep breath and steeled myself for what I had to do. “Willow, Keiran set Dash up with you so that he could use you to blackmail me. I knew about it but I couldn’t tell you because if I did he would tell Dash to break your heart.” The words rushed out of my mouth before I could think it over.

She shook her head and released a humorless laugh. “He succeeded. My heart is broken.”

“I am so sorry, Willow. I should have told you sooner. Please forgive me.”

“Yes, you should have,” she affirmed. “But I don’t blame you.” I hugged her to me and surprisingly she hugged me back.

“So why get involved with him?”

“I actually didn’t find out until I got back. He came over to my house the second day back. He said he missed me and it was weird not seeing me so I let him in. I introduced him to my mom and she just grew so cold towards him. It was awkward so I apologized and asked him to leave. My mom and I had a huge fight when she forbid me to see him. I demanded to know why and that’s when she told me about my father. I felt so bad for her and it seemed really important to her so I gave in. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Just when I was becoming something with Dash, I had to let go and it hurt. After a while Dash began to remind me of who he really was. He was the popular playboy. He’s different now– not my Dash. But then…he never was mine. He refuses to understand why I have to let him go and why he has to let me go.” Her voice broke at the last.

“So what are you going to do now?” I asked with a heavy heart. It seemed they were doomed to fail from the very start.

“I’m going to stay away. Even if it kills me.”

Seeing her so broken and lost filled me with a burning anger and I finally felt what Keiran must have felt these past few weeks. “Willow?”

“Yes?” she sniffled and looked up at me with fresh tears in her eyes, reinforcing my decision.

“I want to make them pay.”

I walked Willow to her first class with enough time to make it to English. I was expecting to see Keiran in class but he wasn’t there. I assumed he was running late but he never showed up. He wasn’t at lunch or fifth period either. I was tempted to ask Dash or Keenan where Keiran was but we weren’t exactly friends. I wasn’t supposed to care anyway.