Fearless (10 page)

Hawaii5*9:
Yo! Where you been? Haven’t seen you in a while.

I liked that he had been looking for me.

JustM3*87:
I just had some stuff going on. I joined the swim team.

Hawaii5*9:
 Really?

JustM3*87:
I know, right? It’s like a sign of the apocalypse.

Hawaii5*9:
 LOL What race you gonna do?

JustM3*87:
??

Hawaii5*9
:  You know, breaststroke, backstroke…?

JustM3*87:
I have no idea.

Hawaii5*9:
 Well, congrats!

JustM3*87:
Thx

Hawaii5*9:
 How are things going with your new bf?

JustM3*87:
??

Hawaii5*9:
 That stoner who was stalking you.

JustM3*87:
:) His name’s Liam. He’s cool. And he’s not my bf.

Hawaii5*9:
 Rly?

JustM3*87:
Srs.

Hawaii5*9:
 Kewl. So, have you read Dreamscape yet?

JustM3*87:
Oh yeah….

I had a lot of fun debating the comic with him. Of course, he loved it and I kind of did too, but it was fun to poke holes in the plot just to watch him fume. I didn’t feel bad about teasing him, either. He did it to me with the titles I made him read.

While it was fun, I noticed something weird that had never happened before. As much as I liked chatting with Hawaii, I kept thinking about Liam. I wanted to call him and chat with him, which was really lame since I’d only left him like a half hour ago.

JustM3*87:
So, did you hear about the Bond marathon?

Hawaii5*9:
 Yes! I so want to go. No one to go with, though. :(

I had this crazy idea of asking him to go with me. There was just no way, though. For one, I couldn’t afford it, not without Aunt Judy’s birthday money. And for second, of course, there was the fact that Hawaii wasn’t actually a teenager. He was some creepy old guy waiting for the chance to do things to me that are not G-rated. I had to remember where the line between fantasy and reality was.

JustM3*87:
I’m tapped out after buying all that swim gear.

Hawaii5*9:
 That sucks. I gtg, it’s family Monopoly night. *eyeroll* l8r!

I signed off and then started sorting through pictures on my hard drive. They weren’t as artistic as the ones Liam took, but they made me think of him anyway. I wished I had the money for the Bond marathon so I could go with him. It would be lots of fun, I figured, and way better than going with my dad.

Yes, so I had a crush on him. I know I said I wouldn't, and I didn't mean to. It just sort of happened. He was the coolest guy I had ever met. I was even willing to put him a notch above Zach, so you know I liked him a whole lot. I guess part of it was that I had never met anyone like him before in my life.

But when I had a dream about him that night—a full HD, surround-sound scene in which not an article of clothing was ever spotted, I was a little unsettled. I didn’t like the notion that my sub-conscious was getting ideas of its own.

Nor did I know what to think of the fact that it was the most intense sex dream I had ever had.

I tried to tell myself that it was just part of the wonderfully weird experience of adolescence and to not read anything into it. But it made me uncomfortable around Liam, when I went over to his house the next day. It was totally insane, but I was scared he might somehow realize I’d been thinking those things.

“I’ve got some stuff to show you,” he said after we got back from walking Sully.

“Yeah?”

Liam nodded, leading me to his room. While his computer booted up, he rolled himself a joint. I didn’t even blink an eye anymore. Weed was just one of his quirks—like the extremely embarrassing questions he liked to ask.

Instead, I started going through his stuff. He had just about every DVD ever made, it seemed. A few of the cases looked more worn than others, hinting those were the movies he liked best.

“Oh, a Harry Potter fan,” I teased.

Liam flipped me off. “Harry is the fucking man, okay?”

I snickered. “If you say so. I gave up after the first one.”

Liam’s face scrunched up. “Wait, you’ve never seen the movies or read the books?”

“I watched the first movie and I was bored.”

“Okay, well, we’ll fix that later.”

I moved onto his bookshelf. One whole bookcase was dedicated to horror. I’d never been a fan of horror books. The broken spines on the paperbacks told me they had been read several times. I was about to ask him which was his favorite when he excused himself to go to the bathroom.

The next bookshelf was dedicated to photography books. He had books devoted to single artists like Ansel Adams and Annie Liebovitz. He had books dedicated to places, like various state parks, the rain forests, as well as the tropics of Hawaii, the mountains of Washington and the deserts of New Mexico.

“Those are places I want to go to,” he told me when he got back. “Especially Hawaii. It’s supposed to be one of the most gorgeous places on Earth.”

I thumbed through the pages of one of the Hawaii books. “Sounds fantastic.”

“It will be. Come on, let me show you this so we can watch movies.”

He was bouncing on his heels, waving me over to his computer. I took a seat and he brought up a really cool photo of a scene I recognized. It was the swim team, and they were laughing. Jimmy wasn’t in the picture though. So it just looked like boys having a good time. He had rendered it in black and white, so it looked really classy.

“You took pictures of us?”

“Is that okay?”

I shrugged, not really seeing a problem unless I was in any of them. With luck, his artistic eye would edit me out if that happened. I clicked through to the next photo and then the next, completely fascinated by what I was seeing. He had taken practice, which had been too terrifying to me to be interesting, and made it into art. Each frozen moment was like a tiny story all on its own.

“I call the next one ‘Fearless.’”

I stared at it. I couldn’t even believe what I was seeing. He had caught me in mid-flight, leaping through the air towards the water. My face was serene. My body formed a perfect arc. It was me, but it wasn’t me. It was, I realized, how Liam saw me.

“Wow.” I couldn’t stop staring.

“It’s okay?”

I gaped at him. “Dude, you should work at a magazine or something. Anyone who can make me look good is a miracle worker.”

“Hardly.” Liam beamed at me. “But I’m glad you like it.”

“It’s amazing.”

Now Liam was blushing under the praise. “Well, it’s okay. I messed up the crop and the angle—”

“Shut up,” I told him. “It’s great.”

“Okay.” He squirmed. “Now, it’s time for you to meet my man Harry.”

I groaned, only I didn’t really mind. It wasn’t the Bond marathon, but it was almost better. Liam was so into the movies, watching his reactions was actually the best part. He would pause the movie every few minutes to explain something to me from the books or just to remark on something cool in the scene.

After the fourth movie, I was exhausted and had to go home. But we agreed to pick up on Sunday, so he could finish my “education.”

Chapter 10

M
Y PREFERRED LOCALE FOR LUNCH
was away from the busy quad where most everyone ate. It was located between two of the buildings, which made it nice and quiet. It had taken me a while to scope it out and determine that it was the best place for privacy and security. I could curl up with my book and my bologna sandwich and not worry about being bothered.

So it was kind of a big deal that I had invited Liam to share it with me. I wasn’t sure if he got it, and I know it would have seemed weird if I had tried to explain it. Some things only really make sense in my head.

“How was diving?”

“Terrifying,” Liam said, eating his hummus and tomato sandwich without enthusiasm.

“Yeah?”

“Seriously. You get up there and you look down and the pool looks so small and it seems like if you jump too far, you’ll splatter all over the pavement.”

“I probably would.”

Liam elbowed me. “Shut up.”

I shrugged. “Sorry.”

“Luis lost his suit, though, so that was funny.”

“At least for everyone but Luis.”

“Actually, he was laughing the hardest. He was getting ready to throw his suit in first on his next dive, but the coach told him he’d send him to the principal if he did that.”

What a gift that would be, to be able to laugh at your own embarrassing moments. I was seriously jealous. “If that had happened to me, I would have transferred schools.”

“Then who would I have to talk to?”

I thought it was weird that he would think he would have a hard time making friends. He was the most likable guy I had ever met. I didn’t think anyone could resist his charms.

“My mom thinks I’m making you up.”

“What now?” he asked, forcing down the last bite of his sandwich.

The next thing out of his bag was a pack of trail mix. He looked positively forlorn, like he couldn’t imagine why his mother would do that to him. He eyed my Cheetos so covetously that I had to offer him a few.

“She wants to meet you.”

“Oh, that’s cool.”

“Uh, well, maybe not. My mom’s great, but she’s not exactly open-minded.”

“Okay.”

“So, you couldn't, you know....”

Liam laughed. “Dude, I’m not going to toke up in your house!”

It was weird to me that I felt bad about having to ask him to conceal his pot habit. It shouldn’t be strange to ask your friend to refrain from using illegal substances at your house. But I guess I didn’t want to put him out or something.

“I know you need it, for, you know, Lou.”

“I’m not always high, you know. I can go an afternoon without a date with Mary Jane.”

Now I felt bad for making him think I still saw him as a stoner. “No, dude, no, I know. I just don’t want you to need it and not be able to have it.”

“I’ll be fine, but thanks for worrying.”

“Worrying comes naturally.”

“I’ve noticed.” He gave me a sidelong look. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

 “Do your parents know?”

“Know what?”

“That you’re gay.”

“Oh,
hell
no.” I shuddered. “I’d know if they knew, because I’d be dead and buried and this doesn’t look like the afterlife.”

Liam frowned. “Doesn’t that kind of suck? Not being honest with them?”

“I prefer to think of it more as protecting them from things they can’t handle.”

“You sure they can’t handle it?”

I nodded. “Very. My dad’s a big, immature kid. He loves to make really horrible jokes about gays. And my mom voted for that thing to ban gay marriage. If they found out their son is a homo? They’d freak.”

“That sucks,” he agreed. “But maybe they’d change their minds about it all if they knew you were gay.”

“Not a gamble I want to take. My mom and I have a relationship built on a solid foundation of lies of omission. I see no reason to change that.”

“Your call,” he conceded.

“I appreciate—”

My words stopped flowing as I caught sight of Zach. He seemed to be coming from the parking lot, so I guessed he’d been off campus for lunch. He was alone, walking along with an easy, confident stride. He had his ear-buds in, and I could see his lips moving a little as he murmured the words to the song he was listening to.

Liam turned to see what I was looking at. “Oh, it’s Mr. Stud Ranger.”

“Shut up,” I replied.
Stud Ranger
?

“You should ask him out.”

“We had this conversation.”

“Yes, and I won,” Liam argued.

“That’s not how I remember it.”

Liam threw me a grin that, mixed with the sparkle in his eye, told me I was in trouble. “Okay, Chicken Boy, time for your wing man to fly into action.”

I had no idea what he meant and he was gone before I had the slightest clue what he was talking about. I watched in helpless horror as he walked right up to Zach and started talking to him. I couldn’t hear the words, which was maddening. Was Liam telling Zach I was into him? Was he outing me? What was going on?

I couldn’t do anything, though. Much as a part of me wanted to drag Liam back by the scruff and make him promise to never do anything like this ever again, there was no way to do that without making the situation even more awkward. So all I could do was sit and watch and chew on my ragged thumb nail and panic.

Liam strolled on back to me, smirking in that adorable way of his, but I was too pissed to be distracted by his cuteness. I was going to kill him!