Feel the Heat: A Contemporary Romance Anthology (8 page)

Until it didn’t.

Now, as those two seemingly harmless words echoed between us, I wanted to curl up in a ball and die.

S
couts fucking honor
.

Wow, was I the worst kind of asshole.

I stared down at Melissa’s stunned face, wishing like hell I hadn't said it, but there was no taking it back.

And it had slipped out so easily…

How could a person be without another person for so long and still feel like no time had passed? Everything fell exactly into place from the second I'd seen her on the beach earlier that day. Like I'd been in a dark room and someone had turned the light on. Even now, her body molded exactly right against mine.

I hadn't been a saint in the time that we'd been apart. In fact, there had been a year there where I'd gone buck wild. In hindsight it was easy to see the reason behind it. Every girl I slept with had been a pathetic attempt to recreate what I'd had with Melissa. And every one had failed. I hadn't broken hearts. Tried to keep it real and let my partners know what I wanted and made sure they wanted the same. A night of good, healthy sex. But in the end, I'd always walked away long before daybreak feeling a little more hollowed out, like a pumpkin on Halloween.

Beth had been too tall, so her breasts didn't hit me right in the abs, and her arms didn't curl around my waist when we hugged.

Karla had been too loud in bed. Instead of the soft, sweet moans that I loved wringing from Melissa, she was much more vocal.

Hannah's skin hadn't been as soft, Theresa's lips hadn't felt like two pillows against mine. Every one of them had been just perfect...for some other guy.

But none of them was Melissa.

And the fact was, she was all I wanted. So I'd let go of the subconscious quest to find a replacement and had settled into a nice little routine of having a few friends with benefits when the nights got too lonely.

I shifted, getting a better grip on her as we walked, gritting my teeth the way I did every time the follow-up to that thought wormed its way into my brain.

What did Melissa do when the nights got too lonely?

I shut it down ruthlessly and reminded myself that I had no right to ask. We were long over, dead in the water, done.

So why did it feel so good? It would be all too easy to slip right back into the space we'd been in four years before. Except for the fact that the wedge between us was still there. Oh, and the fact that she hated me.

I risked a glance down at her to find her still glaring up at me. She had every right to do it. I'd overstepped big time. There was no way in hell I was going to let some Spring Break asshole out for a piece of tail take advantage of her obvious drunkenness, but I should’ve drawn the line at making references to our history together while she was in my arms like this.

Major breach.

I blew out a sigh and tried to talk myself down. I was still pissed just thinking about that guy’s hands on her, and now, to compound it, I was feeling guilty.

"I'm sorry. I don’t know why I said that. It just slipped out. I won't let it happen again."

Her bottom lip started to shake and my stomach dropped to the floor. Jesus, I hated it when she cried. It felt like my whole world was crumbling when she cried and there wasn't anything I wouldn't do to fix it.

"Lissa, I swear. If you just let me get you to your room, I'll walk away and you'll never have to see me again. Please don't cry. I can't stand when you cry." I slowed my steps as we approached the hotel elevator and peered down at her. "Give me your floor number."

She jerked her chin away, eyes still glassy with tears as I pushed the Up button. The elevator doors slid open and I walked in.

"Come on, we’ve come this far. Just press the button."

For a second, I was sure she was going to defy me, but she reached out a finger and punched the number eight. We rode up in silence, and it felt like the longest elevator ride in history. She was dying to get away from me. I could feel the tension in her body, like a coil ready to spring, and it was killing me.

The fight was only a few days away, and I knew I was supposed to be dry for the week, but the second I dropped her off I was heading back to my own room and cracking open the mini-bar. Maybe that would stop the memories that were still coming in waves.

The door slid open and I stepped out, pausing for her to give me directions.

She jerked a thumb wordlessly to the right. I got down three doors before she stopped me.

"This is it."

I wrestled with my conscience. Should I leave her there? How could I when she was clearly still drunk? I made an executive decision and set her down, keeping a steadying hand on her arm as she dug through the pockets of her shorts to fish out her room key card. She slid it into the slot and the lights blinked green.

I shoved the door wide open with my foot and helped her into the room, kicking it closed behind me.

This was a bad idea. I knew it in my gut. Even seeing her on the beach had been tough, but now, after having her in my arms again, smelling her lemony scent that had haunted my dreams and now being in an empty hotel with her, it was even harder. I would never take advantage, but, damn, the urge to be close to her was almost overwhelming.

I asked which way her bedroom was and she pointed me in the direction. By the time we got to her bed, she was already kicking off her sandals, but even as she lowered herself onto the mattress, she said, "I think I'm okay, and should just go back to the club.” The tears that had been in her eyes were gone, thank god, but now she seemed sleepy and a little confused. “I forgot to tell Ash I was leaving and she'll be worried. Besides, I wanted to get my groove on."

Melissa loved to dance, and I had always loved to watch her. Not that she was any good at it, but she did it in typical Melissa style.

With total abandon.

A grin tugged at my lips just thinking about it.

"Not going to happen tonight. You can dance tomorrow night, maybe. Where's your phone? We can text Ash and let her know you're home safe, okay?"

She let out a hiccup and her head lolled back in what I took to be a nod as she snuggled into her pillow. "Yeah, yeah, okay, Dad." Her words were slurred, and there was no bite behind the attempted sarcasm as she yanked her phone out and handed it to me trustingly.

If she was drunk enough to forget how furious she was with me, she was too drunk to leave until I made sure she was going to stay put.

I scrolled through her contacts, steadfastly ignoring any guys’ names, until I got to Ash's name. Then I popped off a quick text as if I was Melissa.

Feeling tired, am home safe and in bed. Have fun.

I set Melissa’s phone down and faced her. She was staring up at me with the strangest expression on her face.

"Are you real this time, or are you a dream again?" she asked softly, scrunching her face up as she lifted a hand toward me.

The emotional weight of her words hit me like a battering ram.

Jesus, how many times had I asked myself that very same question, only to wake up in the middle of the night surrounded by darkness? Those were the worst of times, when some part of my subconscious forgot that she wasn't in my life anymore and I woke up feeling so full of hope and happiness only to remember the truth.

So many times, I wished I had it to do over again. At eighteen, young and stupid, I hadn't just broken up with her. I'd burned that shit down to the ground, leaving behind nothing but a pile of bitter ashes. And now, when I was finally old enough to get it, there was no way to undo the pain I'd caused.

"I'm real. And I'm here."

"Kiss me," she whispered, leaning up from the bed and taking my hand in hers. "Just one last time, okay, Robbie? Kiss me."

My brain exploded as she tugged me toward her. Those green eyes were so full of desperation, it left me gutted, and I couldn't seem to pull away.

Her warm breath feathered my lips and a moment later, we were kissing. I didn't dare touch her. Kept my hands balled at my sides as her pillowy soft lips pressed against mine. I could taste the saltiness of her tears and it made the bittersweet moment almost too much to bear.

When her tongue swept over my mouth, God help me, I let her in. Her arms looped around my neck and pulled me closer and I let her do it. Let her drag me down Memory Lane like the ghost of Christmas past. Sweet summer kisses in the lake after a day of fishing. Desperate, late night kisses that left us both panting and aching. Sad, comforting kisses when her mom passed away. And now this…the kiss goodbye we'd never had.

Suddenly, the ache in my throat was choking me and I lifted my hands to gently pull her arms away.

"You need to get some rest," I muttered, pressing her back to the pillow. "I'll get you some water."

"But can you stay, though. I-I don't want to be alone." Her eyes were already drifting closed and her breathing had already gone soft and even.

"Sure,” I whispered back. “I can stay.”

Ashlynn would rip me a new asshole if she found me here, but I was willing to risk it. Maybe I was taking advantage because sober Melissa would've set me on fire before inviting me to stay, but now, faced with the knowledge that, once I left, I'd be back on my regiment of never ever seeing her again?

I'd take sitting on a chair and watching her sleep and living with the guilt.

I stepped out of the room and poured her a glass of water to keep next to the bed. Then I sat in the armchair beside her and got comfortable. For another hour or more, I just stared at her face in the moonlight, committing her features to memory as I listened to the waves lapping against the shore. Then, my own eyes drifted closed as I fell asleep.

And dreamt of Melissa.

M
y head felt
like someone had been using it for a punching bag and when I opened my eyes, I bit my lip hard at the dull throbbing the move caused.

How much had I drank? Snippets of the night before flickered through my mind and I counted four Long Island iced teas before my memory got shoddy. But it was the sound of light snoring that had me even more concerned. I turned my head, praying under my breath that I wouldn't see the face of a stranger lying next to me.

But what I found was a billion times worse.

Robbie Stevens. Sound asleep in the chair beside my bed.

Jesus Christ, what had I done?

"Kiss me."

"I don't want to be alone."

My face lit in total mortification as the blanks began to fill themselves in with humiliating clarity. In the course of the eighteen hours that had passed since seeing Robbie for the first time in four years, I'd managed to let him see me get smashed in the face with a volleyball, had him witness me getting drunk as a skunk at a bar that he had to carry me out of, and then went from screaming at him in the hallway to begging him for a kiss.

He must think I'm a lunatic.

And he would be right.

Maybe the kissing part had been a dream. I'd had so many of them since we'd split. But as I pressed my fingers to my lips, my heart knew the truth. I'd kissed him and it had been like coming home. Sweet, and soft, and full of longing and love. On my part at least. Which made it all the worse.

I swung my still shorts-clad legs over the side of the bed and stood, holding on to the mattress for support. Hot shower, first order of business. Maybe I'd get lucky and he'd wake up and sneak out before I came back. If not, I'd at least have a few minutes to get myself together and come up with some sort of plan.

But twenty minutes later, the only viable solution to my problem seemed to be climbing out the bathroom window and scaling the wall of the hotel down to the ground level and then swimming back to New England.

I rinsed the conditioner from my hair knowing the time for stalling had passed. It was already after eight AM and Ashlynn woke at nine every morning, on the dot. Bottom line was that, whether I appreciated it or not, Robbie had done me a solid by getting me out of a potentially bad situation. Then he went over and above by staying because I'd asked him to. He didn't deserve to face Ashlynn's wrath.

And there would be wrath.

Soooo much wrath.

I blasted my face with a spray of icy cold water and then turned off the shower. Then I brushed my teeth and donned a fluffy, white hotel robe and peered at myself in the mirror and winced. It wasn't great. My eyes were still puffy from tears and lack of quality sleep and my facial expression was that of a prisoner walking the green mile, but there was nothing to be done about it. The quicker I got him out of my room, the quicker I could get back on the "forgetting Robbie ever existed" wagon.

Something told me this egregious slip was going to cost me months of pain, and I'd do well to keep that in mind if I ran into him again over the next few days.

I sucked in a deep breath and swung the door open. Robbie was standing there not a foot away, fist extended to rap on the door.

"Shit, sorry," he muttered, lowering his hand. "I was going to just knock and tell you I was going. I have to meet my trainer in twenty minutes."

I stared up at his face, knowing I should shoot back with something smart to protect myself, but all I could do was stare. Lord, he was gorgeous. That firm mouth that had touched mine last night had travelled every inch of my body at one point or another, I couldn't stop looking at it now.

His strong throat worked and suddenly, the awkward tension became a whole other animal. I could hear the change in his breathing, could see the pulse in his neck start to thud. And when I raised my gaze to meet his, I watched his dark eyes go black with a need that was achingly familiar.

"Melissa, I--"

"Rise and shine, asshole," Ashlynn called through the bedroom door before swinging it open and glaring at him. "Time to go. We've got plans for the day."

I clutched the robe more tightly around me, silently thanking the gods and my bestie for saving me from myself. I had to get away from him and stay away, because if not, I was doomed. As much as I'd lied and told myself I was over him, this chance meeting had proven me wrong. The only way to deal with my Robbie problem was cold turkey.

Ashlynn slipped out of the room and closed the door behind her with a snap that spoke a thousand words.

"I guess I should go."

"Yeah. And, um, thanks for...you know, looking out for me last night. I do appreciate it."

He nodded and moved to turn away before stopping short. "Look, no big deal, and I'm sure you don't want to but I know you used to love the fights. There'll be a pair of tickets at the will-call if you want them. You can bring...whoever you want." He shifted from foot to foot and then raked a hand through his dark hair. "Anyway, if not, I'll see you around."

He turned and bent to grab his shoes. Then, he headed out of the room without a backward glance.

* * *

I shouldn’t have invited her. I don’t know why I had. It could only drag this mess out if she showed up. I was still kicking myself when I made my way down the hall and found Ashlynn banging pots and pans around in the kitchen.

She didn't bother to hide her disgust as she looked up when I entered the room. "Why are you here?"

"She's not feeling well, so you should go check on her in a little while."

Concern clouded her face and she backed up a little. "What do you mean, not feeling well?"

"She drank too much, she was about to go home with some guy and I didn't want her doing something she might regret. If you can just check in on her and make sure she eats, that would be good."

She nodded hesitantly and gnawed on her lip before responding. "Look, I know I seem like a bitch, but I’d appreciate it if you could do your best to steer clear, Robbie. When I say you have no idea what a mess you left behind the first time, I mean it. She was in a bad way. It got to the point that I wondered if she'd ever be happy again. She's happy now.” She shrugged and waved a dismissive hand. “Maybe not happy, but content at least. She loves school, she's excited about med school and being around you is only going to take her to a dark place again. So if you have some fantasy of a nice, like, fling or some reunion fuck for old times’ sake, try to remember that she's a soft heart and what might be nothing to you could send her into a tailspin, okay?"

There was a hint of a warning in her dark eyes and I didn't blame her, but that didn't stop the irrational rage that coursed through me. At least Melissa had Ashlynn when we broke up.

I had been completely and totally alone. There had been no one to call when things got bad. There had been no one to force me to get out of the house, or to eat right, or to stop playing old videos of the two of us together over and over. I'd come as close to alcoholism as it gets, and it had taken a serious scare where I'd fallen in the shower and hit my head to make me quit. The idea that Ashlynn and Melissa clearly thought it had been a walk in the park for me made me want to howl with the injustice of it all because it had been anything but.

And still, if I had to do it all over again to spare Melissa the pain I’d caused, I would have.

But at the end of the day, there was no turning back the hands of time, and Ashlynn was right. It was better for Melissa if we never saw each other again.

No matter how much it tore me up inside…

* * *

"
D
ude
." I lurched over to the couch and slumped onto it in a heap right as the dizziness overtook me again.

Ashlynn made a comforting sound before peeking out from the kitchen. "I know, buddy. I know. I'm making my special hangover breakfast and you'll be right and tight in just a few, okay?"

I nodded weakly and held a hand to my aching temples. How much had I drank? Usually, I was pretty careful. I think I could count the times I'd been truly drunk on one hand. My state of mind was always naturally pretty positive, so it only took me a couple drinks before I was in party time mode. Drinking more than that only stripped away the layer of scar tissue I managed to build around the hole Robbie had left in my heart. The few times I did get sloshed, I always wound up wrestling with Ashlynn over the computer mouse as I tried to stalk his Instagram page or look up stats on his latest fight.

Now, though, the unimaginable had happened and I'd been forced to see him face to face. I couldn't deny, it had thrown me for a serious loop.

"Bacon, eggs, toast and a side of home fries with a giant Coke with lots of ice."

I stared at the food she had set in front of me and my stomach lurched. We'd been down this road before and I knew if I could get it down, I'd feel much better in the long run, though.

I sat up and closed my eyes to keep the room from spinning, then I squared up in front of my plate.

"So you feel like telling me what happened last night or want to wait until you're done eating?" Ash asked, perching her lean body on the edge of an armchair across from me. "I heard buttface's short version of things, but I'd like to hear it from you."

I had just bitten into a slice of rye toast with jelly and swallowed hard to choke it down. "You talked to him?" I asked, reaching for the Coke and taking a long, soothing swig.

She nodded and examined her fingernails as if her response was oh-so casual. "Yep."

I shoveled in a mouthful of eggs to buy some time.

How much did I want to tell her? On the one hand, she was my bestie and we had no secrets between us. On the other, I had already spent my morning beating myself up about the things I'd said to Robbie and I didn't necessarily want to lay bare my humiliation so soon after the fact. Not when I was still hurting. This trip was supposed to be about having fun and getting Ashlynn out of her funk, not about me and some high school drama that I should've been long over by now. Better to keep it short and sweet, then move along.

"I’d had a lot to drink and was chatting with a guy. He asked if I wanted to go back to his bungalow. Apparently, Robbie was at the bar and watching us talk. He came over and intervened. Then, we…walked me back to the room. That's all there is to tell." I could feel the heat creeping up my cheeks and cursed my terrible poker face.

Ashlynn narrowed her eyes at me and gave me the death stare. "Do I look like an idiot to you? He looked like he'd just been cold-cocked with a baseball bat and your eyes are all puffy. You both look wrecked, so obviously that's not all that happened."

I set down my fork and shoved the plate away, my flopping stomach putting a moratorium on any more food. With a groan, I flopped back against the couch cushion and yanked a throw blanket over me to hide my face. "I said…stuff. Sooo much stuff, Ash."

It was quiet for a few seconds and then gentle hands were tugging the blanket away from my face. She lowered herself onto the couch next to me and patted my shoulder, before nabbing a piece of my toast.

"Okay, so give it to me straight. How bad was it?"

I shook my head in disbelief and threw up a hand in defeat. "Bad," I admitted, my face burning at the memory. So much for the best revenge and living well. Whenever I'd imagined the two of us seeing each other again--and I did, often--it was always me with a big fat wedding ring on my finger, and once I'd landed my own medical practice. I'd smile at him fondly and thank him for dumping me because I managed to find my true soul mate, Detrick (or sometimes Todd, or Eric…or Michael, depending on the day). Robbie would be overweight, with a beer belly hanging over his belt and a receding hairline. He'd shake his head in sad regret that he hadn't locked this up when he had the chance and I'd walk away feeling renewed.

Rejuvenated.

Reborn.

Instead, none of that had happened, and seeing him had made me feel exactly like Ash had said I looked.