Feels Like Home: A Southerland Family Contemporary Romance Book 1 (15 page)

She’d started to count on his visits. On the
way home from work, she picked up ice cream to go with whatever he
brought for dinner, a giant bone for Max and on a wave of optimism,
a case of Yuengling. If they kept going like this, that would give
them almost two more weeks’ worth. She gave a push with her bare
toes against the peeling porch boards, sending the glider
swinging.

She was starting to trust him. In her head,
she’d known all along he was trustworthy. He was so steady. But her
heart finally caught up. He wouldn’t be careless or hurt her on
purpose and he’d been clear; he wanted a relationship with her.

She wasn’t ready to say she loved him, just
the thought felt huge. But it didn’t seem impossible anymore and if
he asked her again if she would let him in, she could say yes.

The Jag pulled up in front of her house. The
passenger door opened and a gigantic black Newfoundland sprang from
the front seat and barreled toward the porch.

“
Max! Knock it off.” Jude
climbed out of the driver’s side carrying a bent bucket of chicken
and looking frazzled. “I mean it, you filthy beast. Lay
down.”

Max reached the porch and rested his huge
black head on Autumn’s lap. He looked at her with woeful eyes which
begged her to intercede on his behalf.

“
Oh poor baby.” She stroked
his head and crumbs fell onto her lap. “Whatever he did couldn’t be
that bad.”

Jude stomped up the steps and Max cuddled
closer to her. She knew it was all show. The dog loved Jude and the
feeling was mutual. She played along, wrapping her arm around his
massive head and pretending to shield him with her body.

“
Ask him what he did to the
chicken. Go on ask him.”

Autumn looked at Jude like he was touched in
the head but she turned her attention to the lovable furry face.
“Max, what did you do with the chicken?”

The dog laid his huge paw across his black
nose, hiding his eyes, and she burst out laughing.

“
That’s right. You should
be ashamed.” Jude scolded the dog, shaking his finger and towering
over both of them. “Look at this.” His fingers swiped at the crumbs
on her skirt. “We walked to Hawk’s to get chicken for dinner, but
one of us thought it was a good idea to knock the bucket out of the
other one’s hands. And then gobble up the chicken when it fell to
the sidewalk.” He turned his head in disgust.

“
Is he okay? Chicken bones
aren’t good for dogs, are they?”

“
He’s fine.” He glared at
the dog who snuggled in closer to Autumn. “We had to wait for them
to make more. By then we were too late to walk here so we had to go
back for the car.” He collapsed on the glider next to her, and Max
lay down, resting his head on his paws.

“
You didn’t have to hurry.”
He looked so frustrated, clutching the bucket. She reached out to
touch his face.

“
I didn’t want to wait. I
wanted to be with you.”

She heard the honest desire in his words and
her heart melted. She leaned in to kiss his cheek, but he turned to
meet her. Her lips brushed his, and she stroked his face, letting
her fingers run over his five-o’clock shadow.

“
I’m glad you’re here,” she
said a little breathless.

“
Me, too.” He caught her
hand and kissed her fingertips, the simple touch sending heat
through her body. “But he ate the biscuits in the car, box and
all.”

Laughing, she squeezed his hand. “It’s okay.
I got ice cream and extra beer.” She rose to go get the beer and he
started to get up to help. “I got it; stay with Max.”

He scowled at the dog and leaned back in the
glider.

When she came back carrying napkins, paper
plates, and two bottles of beer, his eyes were closed and his head
tipped back. The bucket of chicken sat untouched on the seat beside
him and the dog’s head rested on his feet. He looked tired. He
worked so hard during the day and then spent every evening with
her, usually walking the whole way home afterwards.

Balancing the plates and beer in one hand,
she reached out to brush a stray lock of hair off his forehead. He
opened his eyes and gave her a sleepy smile.

“
We can go inside. You
could stretch out on the couch. Or if you’re too tired, we could
try this another time.” She was surprised at the disappointment she
felt at the thought of him going home early. She really had gotten
used to their nights together.

“
No.” He struggled to sit
up straighter on the glider, nudging Max out of the way. “I wait
all day for this.”

“
Good,” she said,
ridiculously happy. “Me, too.”

He grinned at her and she handed him a beer.
She sat, picked up the bucket, and pried off the cardboard circle
keeping the chicken in place. The bucket looked a little worse for
wear, but Max hadn’t gotten to the chicken.

“
Leg or breast.” She
watched his eyes grow dark, the hazel turning almost brown. He
licked his lips and heat shot straight to her core.

“
Both.” His voice sounded
ragged and she could tell he wasn’t thinking about chicken
anymore.

She fished out a breast and drumstick and put
the chicken on his plate. He watched her lick the grease from her
fingers and she fought to keep her hands from shaking.

“
God, this smells good.”
She snagged her own piece of chicken. “I forgot how good Hawk’s
chicken was.” She took a bite of crunchy skin and juicy chicken,
closing her eyes with pleasure. When she opened them again, Jude
was looking at her with naked hunger in his eyes.

“
Nothing,” he said, shaking
his head.

“
What?”

“
Didn’t you ask me what was
wrong?” His forehead creased and she fought the urge to smooth it
with her fingertip.

“
No.”

“
Oh, well nothing’s
wrong.”

“
Good to know.” She smiled
at him. This was crazy. She didn’t want to stop at just a kiss
tonight. She wanted everything. All of him. And if his answering
questions she hadn’t asked was any indicator, he wanted more, too.
She couldn’t tell him she loved him, although she was afraid it was
becoming more true with each day. But she trusted him enough to let
him in at least a little.

They ate the chicken and drank their beer.
Max slept at their feet and the sun started to fade. When there was
nothing left but crumbs she shoved the paper plates and empty
bottle into the bucket.

“
Do you want ice
cream?”

“
In a little bit.” He
stretched his arm across the back of the glider and she settled in
closer to him, enjoying the warmth of his body and the simple
pleasure of rocking on the porch with Jude.

“
You know; we’re going to
have to stop eating like this. You’re a doctor. A vegetable never
came near that meal tonight.” She felt his chest move in an almost
laugh.

“
Next time I’ll bring
butter beans, too. They’re a vegetable, right?”

“
Barely.” Butter beans were
big lima beans with fat back or, in a pinch, a piece of salt pork
cooked until they were soft as butter. Not exactly health food but
so good.

They rocked and she snuggled closer, tucking
her feet up under her skirt. She hadn’t bothered to change when she
got home. She liked the way the fifties inspired dress with its
cherry print, wide belt, and full skirt made her feel. And she’d
caught Jude staring at her cleavage more than once during the
day.

She shifted her shoulders, giving him a clear
view of the tops of her breasts showcased in the squared off
sweetheart neckline. If he looked down maybe it would help convince
him to take their relationship further.

She wanted to take their relationship – she
could admit to herself that’s what it was – further. Before they
did, though, she needed to tell him about work and the
investigations and why she probably wouldn’t ever be able to work
as an accountant in a big firm again. God, the last thing she
wanted to do was tell clean-cut, pillar of the community Jude
Southerland that she’d been involved in something the FTC
investigated. Even though it hadn’t been her fault and she’d done
everything she could think of to stay in the lines and play by the
rules.

It wasn’t fair. All she’d ever done was try
to fix the mess her mother left behind and play by the rules. She’d
never gotten in trouble – never even gotten detention in school,
and she still had to explain to him why her past was less than
respectable.

“
Are you leaving? Are you
going back?” He said the words into the silence, and she heard the
emotion in his voice as he waited for her answer.

“
No, what made you
ask?”

“
You seemed quiet, like you
were thinking about something. I was afraid you were trying to
figure out how to tell me.” He wrapped his arm tighter around her
shoulder. “I’m glad you’re staying. Really glad. Not that I had any
intention of letting you go.”

She laughed but it got caught in her throat.
Tears stung her eyes and she blinked furiously to keep them from
falling.

“
I can’t go back. There
isn’t anything waiting for me.” Her voice trembled on the words and
she fought hard for calm. She needed to tell him the truth, but now
that she’d let herself start to believe that it didn’t matter she
was a Maddox and he was a Southerland, she was afraid of how he
would react. Easy money said there had never been a Southerland
involved in anything even remotely unethical.

“
What about your job?
Marion used to brag about how you were one of the youngest women
ever to make junior accountant at…where was it?”

“
Chase and
Maxwell.”

She heard his breath catch when she said the
name and knew he was a least familiar with the scandals which had
rocked the company.

“
I’ve been out of work for
months.”

She expected him to ask her about work and
the scandal. How much she’d had to do with the company’s failure.
She hadn’t expected the question which ripped at her heart.

“
Marion was dying. Why
didn’t you come home?”

She didn’t know how to explain it in a way
he’d understand. Every story he’d told about his family showed how
much he loved them. He’d do anything for them. All the reasons
she’d stayed away – she didn’t want to worry her Gran, she couldn't
come back to the town she’d fled as a failure – they all seemed so
selfish.

“
I didn’t want her to worry
about me when she was dealing with her own problems.” God, it
sounded lame and so inadequate. She wasn’t surprised when he pulled
away from her.

“
She loved you. She would
have wanted to see you.” He sat up, pulling his arm from behind
her, and faced her. “God, Autumn, you were practically all she
talked about.”

“
You don’t understand,” she
said, her heart breaking all over again.

“
Help me to. I’ve seen you
with Summer and Abby. I know how much you love them. You’d do
anything for them. I know you loved Marion, too. Help me understand
why you didn’t come home.” He was pleading with her, begging her to
make sense of something which was so foreign to the life of the
golden son of one of the founding families.

She sat and let the unshed tears burn her
eyes. As much as she hated pointing out how different their
families were, how different their lives had been growing up, she
needed him to understand why she hadn’t come home when Gran got
sick. She drew a shaky breath.

“
Momma was always a mess.”
She remembered her recent thoughts about Emory and stopped. “Maybe
that’s not fair. I don’t know what she was like before she married
her first husband. They were a family, for a while at least, long
enough for Emory, Lindsey, and Colin to know what it was like to
live with both their mother and father.”

Her cheeks burned, but she was done being
embarrassed by things her mother had done. Trying to overcome her
mother’s past had already cost her precious time with her gran. She
wouldn’t let it take anything else from her.

“
None of the rest of us had
that. I never knew my father’s name and Summer and Matty’s father
left when Matty was just little.”

Jude took her hand in his, silently urging
her to continue.

“
When Matty and Emory died
she turned into a drunk. She drank herself to death.” Her voice
sounded small in the growing twilight but now that she started, she
wasn’t going to stop until she told him everything. His thumb
stroked gentle circles on the inside of her wrist, reassuring
without demanding anything.

“
I’m so sorry.” She heard
him pause at the place where most people would say ‘I can’t imagine
what that must have been like.’ But he didn’t say it and she loved
him more because of it.

“
She was a mess before the
accident,” she said, shrugging her shoulders. “She had more
boyfriends than I could count. She’d pick up a new guy and we’d end
up with another live-in uncle for as long as it lasted. She never
abused us – not really – she’d just forget we were there. Emory and
Lindsey and Colin ended up doing their own thing. For a little
while they even spent time with their dad.”

“
Summer and I took care of
each other and Matty.” As she said the words, the memories of she
and Summer looking through empty cupboards trying to find something
to feed their little brother came flooding back and angry tears
threatened. She took a deep breath, willing them back. “Gran tried
to help, but Mom wouldn’t let her. They used to fight.” Looking
back, those arguments in the tiny trailer they lived in were the
only times she’d heard her gran raise her voice.