Fertility: A Novel (36 page)

“Take a whiff and all doubt will be erased. This angelic little baby has welcomed you with a substantially dirty diaper. Fine way for her to say hello to her mother’s best friend, don’t you think?” Sarah said, smiling radiantly.

“Oh, give her to me. Baby poop can’t scare me off. Let me hold her. Please,” Devorah begged.

“Don’t say I didn’t give you fair warning.”

Eva took in the scene of normal banter between the two friends — another sign that Sarah was slowly coming back to herself.

“I can take care of that diaper before you hold Anna if you’d like,” Eva offered.

“No way! It’s not every day I get to clean the
tushie
of my best friend’s baby. I consider it a privilege, and as an expert in public health, sanitation is one of my specialties. Just show me where the diapers and wipes are and let me go to work.”

Devorah was impressed by the volume of poop so tiny a baby could produce. Her Ph.D. notwithstanding, it took her ten minutes to clean, diaper and re-dress Anna. Then she swaddled the baby in a blanket just as Joseph arrived from work. After a round of welcome hugs, Devorah made a suggestion.

“Joseph, I think Eva has earned a dinner date with her husband. Why don’t you two take the night off? I can help Sarah with Anna.”

“I think that’s a great idea,” Sarah said. “You deserve a night out. Please go and enjoy. We’ll be fine,” Sarah assured.

“The girls are right, Eva,” Joseph said. “Let me take you out tonight.”

Eva could see the friends wanted some time alone. And truth be told, a break from the hospital and takeout dinners held great appeal.

“It would be a pleasure, Joe. Just let me get my coat.”

* * *

The moment Sarah’s parents left, Devorah embraced her friend.

“I am so glad to see you. I was so scared after reading about the accident. I called your cell I don’t know how many times. I called your parents’ house. I was sick with worry.”

“I’m lucky to be seeing anyone — but especially you. It’s probably good you didn’t come until now. I was quite a mess. But I’m doing a little better.”

“You look good, Sarah,” Devorah said, stretching the truth.

“Well, I’m getting there. For a while I was headed off in a downward spiral. But a couple of things have helped me. One was my grandmother.”

“Bubbe Rivka? I love your grandma.”

“I know. She’s an amazing woman, and it’s as though she gave me an infusion of courage. After listening to her talk about what she and my zadda had to do to survive the war, I figure I can do what has to be done to get through my
tsoures
, as she calls it.”

“She had never talked about it to you before?”

“No. None of my grandparents would talk about the war, at least not with me. But she said now it might do some good. And she was right.”

“You’re going to get through this, Sarah. I know you. I know how strong you are, what you’re capable of. Just look at how you picked yourself up after the Alex debacle. A lot of women would have curled up into the fetal position and given up after what he did to you. But you didn’t. You picked yourself up and carried on with your life.”

Sarah started to well up. “Well, I’m not quite the same person I was before all this. But I am going to fight to get well. And don’t mind my tears. I think I’ve cried more in the last days than I have in my whole life.”

“It’s cathartic. Cry all you want. Blame it on your hormones.”

“That’s a good excuse. I’ll try to remember to use it.”

“Hey, you said there were a couple of things that helped you. What else besides your grandma?”

“You’re not going to believe what else.”

“Try me.”

“Rick’s come back.”

“No way! Impossible!”

“Well, I was pretty stunned myself when he reappeared at my bedside. I had no idea what to make of it. But he’s been visiting me every night. We’re sort of getting to know one another in a different way than before. There’s a side of him that I never knew, like a kinder, gentler version of Rick. I hope you get the chance to meet him.”

“I’d better meet the guy who made this beautiful infant possible,” Devorah said, gazing at the baby in her arms. “You know, Sarah, she’s a double miracle — a miracle of conception
and
survival.”

“I’m so lucky to have her. Rick says he wants to be a father to her.”

“Whoa. We’ll have to change that boy’s rating on the male-o-meter.”

That made Sarah smile. “I guess we will. He says he’s changed a lot since we split. He’s even willing to meet my parents.”

“The male-o-meter continues its upward rise,” Devorah said, her eyes flashing.

“Well, in terms of the male-o-meter’s accuracy, I guess only time will tell.”

* * *

When visiting hours were over and Sarah was alone, she looked forward to the capstone of her day — a visit from Rick. But by ten o’clock, she succumbed to her exhaustion.

Rick had been held up by his newest patient, a nine-year-old girl who had gone into kidney failure. Her grotesquely swollen face and body were misdiagnosed by her local doctor as an allergy and treated with an antihistamine. By the time she arrived by ambulance in the ER that afternoon, her condition was critical. It wasn’t until eleven that he was willing to leave, having finally gotten her stabilized.

When he arrived at Sarah’s room, he was disappointed to find her sound asleep. He couldn’t blame her. It was late, and she was no doubt beat. He wrote her a note and then sat down and watched her sleep. He couldn’t believe how bad he had it for this woman. He would come back tomorrow and meet her mother and hold his daughter. He knew it had to be love that was propelling him forward, directing him to do things he had never imagined. He was willing to go wherever it led.

* * *

To Sarah, rehab made training for a marathon seem like a walk in the park. If the therapists on the ortho floor were toughies, those in rehab were drill sergeants. They pushed their freshly traumatized patients to their limits and then they pushed some more. The breaks were infrequent and short. Pity, either for oneself or another patient, was snuffed out as soon as it reared its useless head. Everyone had to get moving, working toward the goal of becoming as independent as possible: learning to bathe, dress and feed themselves despite the impairment that had landed them in the unit. The stakes were high. Those who couldn’t cut it would be transferred to a long-term care facility rather than being sent home. Sarah had to tell herself repeatedly that she came from a family of survivors and, if need be, she’d claw her way back to mobility and autonomy.

The rehab regime left little time for Eva, Devorah and the baby to visit during the day. Sarah had an hour break for lunch from eleven to twelve and an hour off from two to three. Of course, by the time the breaks were granted, Sarah and her rehab cohort had all they could do to stay awake long enough to eat a meal or chat with their visitors. Sarah got a roommate, a young woman who had fallen down a flight of stairs. During late-afternoon visiting hours, a bevy of well-wishers surrounded her bed.

It was into this scene that a nervous Rick entered around five. He was about to meet Sarah’s mother. Apparently, he’d also be meeting her friend, a woman Jeff had raved about at breakfast — someone from Chicago whom he’d run into the day before. And then there was Anna, the child he would publicly claim as his own. The crowded room was a plus. The presence of strangers would help keep everyone on their best behavior.

Sarah had been on the lookout for him. His note had said he’d try to drop by in the late afternoon. When they saw one another, they locked eyes and smiled like co-conspirators.

“Oh, Rick,” she said, in a voice that carried above the room’s chatter. “I’m so glad you could visit while my mother and Devorah are here.” The discussion Eva and Devorah were having about paper versus cloth diapers stopped in its tracks. They both looked up to see a tall young doctor in green scrubs and sneakers. His dark hair and eyes and intelligent good looks impressed them both.

“Mom, Devorah, this is Rick Smith,” Sarah said.

There was nothing in any parenting manual that provided Eva advice on how to meet the man who’d impregnated her daughter. She decided to go with simple good manners. She got up and extended her hand.

“How do you do? I’m so pleased to meet you. I can’t say Sarah’s told me a whole lot about you, but what she has said has been unfailingly complimentary.”

“Well, I’m happy to hear that,” Rick said, looking directly at Sarah. “Your daughter can be inscrutable at times.”

“Oh, you think so?” Eva asked. “So glad I’m not the only one who finds her so.”

Sarah defended herself. “What’s this? Time to beat up on the patient?”

“Not at all, sweetheart. It’s just that you’re a very private person,” Eva said sweetly.

“Enough about me,” Sarah said, eager to change the subject. “Rick came here to meet you — and to spend some time with Anna.” Then turning to Rick, she added, “And we have a special bonus for you: my best friend Devorah, who’s here from Chicago.”

Now was his chance to do a small favor for Jeff, who had taken a lot of crap from him over the last months. “Nice to meet you. My good buddy, Jeff, mentioned you were here. I must tell you that you made quite an impression on him, and he’s not easily impressed,” Rick said, slathering on the flattery.

“So glad I impressed a man with such high standards,” Devorah replied without hesitation, though her cheeks colored a bit.

“No mean feat and I’m not just saying that,” Rick said.

Just then, two more visitors came in to see the room’s other occupant. Sarah proposed they relocate to the patient lounge. Now wearing rehab’s obligatory “street clothes,” she struggled to get off the bed without help. She nixed the idea of using a wheelchair to get to the lounge. Watching her work so hard to produce forward motion with the walker brought Devorah to tears, and a lump to Rick’s throat. Eva, Devorah and the baby followed slowly behind as Rick walked with Sarah, taking tiny steps to match hers one for one. It took them five minutes to walk the fifty feet to the lounge, but when they arrived it was clear Sarah felt victorious.

“They tell us we have to push ourselves,” Sarah said as she gingerly lowered herself into a chair in the unoccupied lounge. “Please,” she panted, “everyone sit down.”

“That was amazing,” Rick raved, taking the chair next to hers.

“I don’t feel amazing, but the therapists say I will feel a little less crappy every day.”

“Oh, really?” Eva asked, a bit miffed the staff couldn’t think of a more articulate way to express themselves.

“Well, they use more professional terms, but that’s the gist of it. Phew. I’m glad we’re out of that room. This is a little better for Rick’s visit with Anna. Devorah, can you do the honors?”

“It will be my pleasure.” Devorah got up and placed Anna in her father’s arms. “Isn’t she a beautiful baby?”

Although he’d held her once before, this time he was ready to be Anna’s father. He stared at her for at least a minute and no one spoke. Both Eva and Devorah felt as though they were intruding on an intimate moment.

“Maybe Devorah and I should give the three of you a few minutes by yourselves,” Eva offered.

“Would you mind very much, Mom?” Sarah asked.

“Not at all. This is a special time for you. We’ll come back in a little while,” Eva said as she and Devorah headed for the hallway.

Once they were alone, Sarah watched Rick stare into Anna’s eyes and play with her fingers. The sweetness of the moment was tinged with melancholy, and all the willpower in the world couldn’t keep her from tearing up.

When he looked up to see her crying, he was baffled. “Hey, what’s with the tears?”

“I’m crying because you came so close to missing out on Anna — and she you.”

“Hey, we’re going forward now, remember? There’s no profit in looking back. We have this beautiful little girl and we’re going to do right by her. That’s the game plan now,” Rick said.

“You’re right. Of course, you’re right. Just keep talking to me.”

“Ah! I knew you would come to see my value.” He took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“Yes, I am coming to see your value, as you put it,” Sarah said, wiping the tears from her face with the back of her hand.

“Glad to know I’m growing on you,” he laughed. “Okay if I take off her hat?”

“You’re the pediatrician. They gave her to me with a hat, and we’ve been keeping her head covered. Do we have to?” she sniffed, interested in Rick’s professional opinion.

“It helps her regulate her body temperature. But it’s not necessary every minute of the day.” He pulled off the knit cap, revealing her thick, platinum hair.

“You’ve got to be kidding!” he exclaimed. “She’s a blond?”

“I guess it comes from my mother and grandmother. They were blonds in their younger days. She obviously didn’t get it from either of us,” Sarah said, blushing at the thought that their mingled genes had created Anna.

“We can credit all the grandmothers. My mother is…well, was a blond, too. Her whole family has that Nordic look, you know, the blue eyes, light complexion and hair.”

Just then Devorah came into the lounge, camera in hand.

“I’m just here to document the moment. I’ll be out of here in no time.”

Rick reached across Sarah’s chair to put his arm around her while he held Anna on his chest facing the camera. Rick grinned at Sarah. Sarah’s elusive dimples made an appearance as she looked at Rick holding their daughter. Two delighted parents and their new baby: a moment savored by people from every corner of the earth across the millennia — and saved for posterity by Sarah’s clever friend.

* * *

When Joseph arrived at the hospital, he headed directly to the lounge, as per Eva’s directions. There he found his family — and the man who’d fathered Anna. Like his wife, he was uncertain about how to handle himself. On the one hand, he was pleased that the man had apparently agreed to take responsibility for his child. But on the other hand, the fact that he’d walked out on Sarah still set Joseph’s teeth on edge.