Fertility: A Novel (35 page)

Joseph was quick with a rejoinder. “The same man who was dead set against children? Well, I’m glad you suggested we take a seat, Sarah.”

Eva was dumbfounded. “How, how? How did you two get in touch with one another?”

“Actually, he got in touch with me. He and Dr. Gotbaum are friends. He’s been visiting me after work,” Sarah explained.

Eva flashed back on their talk with Dr. Gotbaum after the surgery, when he mentioned Sarah was a “friend of a friend.”

“Where does he work, Sarah?” Joseph asked

“He works here. He’s a doctor, Dad, a pediatric intensivist. In fact, he saw Anna in the NICU right after she was born.”

“Not Dr. Feinberg?” Eva asked, aghast.

Sarah held onto her abdominal incision and laughed. “No, not Dr. Feinberg. He could be
my
father. Anna’s father is Rick Smith, Dr. Rick Smith.”

“Well, I guess that’s good news, isn’t it, Joe?” Eva asked. Her husband simply raised his eyebrows and nodded. Then, turning to her daughter, Eva asked delicately, “Do
you
feel it’s good news, honey?”

“I didn’t know at first, but last night we had a long talk. He apologized for leaving and explained why he did. He says he wants to be with me and Anna. And I believe him,” Sarah said, surprising herself.

“Well, I think we ought to meet Anna’s father, don’t you, Sarah?” Joseph asked.

“He’s said he wants me to meet his mother. I’ll discuss getting you all together. Actually, I’ll suggest it.”

“That’s fair,” Joseph said. “I’m pleasantly surprised that he’s decided to do the right thing. Anna will thank you both someday. She deserves to know her father.”

It gave Sarah pause to think about Rick’s childhood, devoid of a father — that Anna could have shared that fate. “Of course you’re right, Dad. A child needs its father. Rick knows that, better than most people. He has no father in his life and he seems determined to be a father to Anna.”

Joseph picked up the baby from the stroller. “You see, little one, you are not a fatherless child after all. And your father is a doctor, no less. Not bad, sweetheart, not bad.”

“Joe, what are you saying?” Eva asked, looking dubiously at her husband.

“All I’m saying is, at the very least, we know the man will be able to send her to a nice college when the time comes.”

“You’re too much, Joe. She’s not out of newborn-size clothes yet and you’re worried about college?”

“Eva, it’s never too soon to start saving.”

* * *

More good news was shared during dinner. Apparently, Sarah’s college friends had found out about the accident from the article in the
Times
. When Joseph stopped by the house after work to take in the mail, he found more than a dozen messages on the answering machine. He called Devorah back and asked her to be the clearinghouse of information for their friends. Devorah not only agreed, but said she would be in New York as soon as she could book a flight.

News of Devorah’s imminent arrival further buoyed Sarah’s spirits. She couldn’t wait to share Anna with her dearest friend.

* * *

That night, after her parents took Anna home, Sarah found herself looking forward to Rick’s visit. She put some lotion on her dry, chapped hands and scrunched up her curls.

He arrived after visiting hours to find her out of bed. He pulled a chair close to hers. “Hey,” he said gently, remembering how delicate she had been the night before. “I hope you had another blah day. No complications, no infections, no new excitements.”

“It was anything but a blah day, I’m pleased to say,” she said, smiling.

He did a double take. “Really? What kind of day was it then?”

“It was my best day since the accident. I had an exceptional visit with my grandmother, Bubbe Rivka. I wish you could meet her. She’s so brave. She’s a survivor of the Holocaust. Did I ever tell you about her?”

“No. No, I’m afraid we didn’t share much personal information when we were together. Probably too busy having sex.”

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he wished he could call them back. Sarah blushed, as did he.

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that,” he said.

“No, no,” Sarah protested. “You’re right. I think all we did was have sex. Good sex, too, if I remember correctly, though it’s hard for me to imagine, given the state I’m in.”

Rick was encouraged. “Your recollection is correct. Very good sex. As for your state, that will pass and you’ll be good to go again in no time.”

“Good to go again?” Sarah asked, feigning shock. “What am I, a car under repair?”

“Exactly,” Rick said. “And you’ll be good for the autobahn before you know it.”

“What a relief. That makes me feel so much better,” Sarah said, keeping up with the double entendre.

“Me, too.”

“Well, I guess we’ll have to see how things go from now until then,” Sarah said, adding a note of caution.

“I just want you to know I am in no rush. No rush at all. I had, at one time, considered the priesthood, so celibacy is nothing for me.”

“I didn’t know that. You’re full of surprises, Rick.”

“Hah! Gotcha!” he said as he took her hand in his. “Somehow the priesthood never made it to my top-ten list of smart career moves. First, I was raised Unitarian. Second, and more importantly, my libido would have disqualified me even if I’d been a Catholic.”

“You should have mercy on an invalid.”

“I promise to be nice to you.” He bent forward and kissed her lightly. Just then an unfamiliar aide came in, pushing a blood pressure machine.

“Sorry to interrupt,” she said, though it was clear she was not the least bit sorry.

“Well,” Rick warned, “you’d better wait a few minutes or you’ll get an elevated heart rate and BP — which will confound this patient’s physician.”

“I’m not going to fall for that twaddle, Doctor. Move out of the way and let me take care of my patient.”

“I’m not kidding. If you take this woman’s vitals now you’re going to get false readings. I think you should come back later.”

“Move it,” the aide said as she sandwiched her blood pressure machine between the patient and her visitor.

“Well, I guess you got an A in assertiveness training,” Rick said.

“Never needed training. I was born pushy. At least that’s what my mother tells me,” the aide said, wrapping the cuff around Sarah’s upper arm.

“Apparently so. Well, I have to commend you for your efficiency,” Rick said.

“Got no time to be any other way. One of the other girls is running late because of car trouble and I’ve got her load as well as my own,” she said as she marked down Sarah’s temperature, blood oxygen level, blood pressure and heart rate. “There, that wasn’t so bad. You two can go back to doing what comes naturally.” She left the room, pushing the machine in front of her, a woman in a hurry.

“Did you hear that, Sarah? Even that battleaxe can tell we were doing what comes naturally,” Rick said.

“Well, we never had a problem of desire,” Sarah said as she thought back to their time together.

“No problem at all.” He kissed her gently again. “But this time, Sarah, I’m here for the long haul. It’s not
just
sex that I’m after, though I admit that is a draw,” he said, smiling boyishly. “A big draw,” he said as he kissed her again. “I want to be your go-to guy for the whole nine yards.”

Sarah put her finger on his lips and studied his face. “I can’t get over you. You’re so different now.”

“Different better or different worse?”

“Different better.”

“That’s a relief. The way I see it, we’ve got a chance to do things right this time, Sarah. I want us to be friends as well as lovers. Now that Anna’s on the scene, I want us to be good parents to that perfect little baby. To that end, I was thinking that I should start contributing for Anna’s care.”

“Oh, I didn’t even think of that,” she said, remembering her father’s comment about saving for Anna’s college education.

“Well, I did. I mean to do the right thing. So maybe you can give some thought to, you know, where I’d deposit the money, how much.”

“Oh, I’m not sure. Let me think about it,” Sarah said.

“Whatever you think is fair. I’m an attending now, so I’m no longer broke. I can help with the bills, no problem.”

“Thank you, Rick. I never in my wildest dreams thought you would be so open to sharing responsibility for Anna.”

“Well, see, that’s what love will do. It’s a great motivator for all sorts of irrational behavior,” he said, only half in jest.

They both were quiet for a moment. She marveled at Rick’s willingness to put his feelings out on the table. It was probably time for some sort of a response. “I’m so flattered, Rick — more than flattered — by your affection for me. We never said anything about love when we were together.”

“No, I think we actively avoided the word. I know I did. But I’ve tried to outrun it for the last seven months and I couldn’t. I’m yours whether you want me or not,” he said. “But I have to say I am hoping you do — or at least you’ll consider it.”

“The truth is, I don’t know what I feel. I’d like to see how things develop between us. I’m learning that you’re more thoughtful and kinder than I knew. I want to get to know you better. Would that be okay?”

“Explore all you want,” he said, grinning.

“There’s one thing that came up today that I want to share with you.”

“Shoot away.”

“I told my parents about you. I’d kept your anonymity because I thought you were out of my life. They were very happy when I told them that you wanted to be a father to Anna.”

“Oh.”

“Just ‘oh’?”

“Well, I imagine your parents might not be thinking too kindly about the guy who got their daughter pregnant and then took off.”

“I explained we had a deal and that I had willingly assumed all responsibility for the baby,” Sarah said, purposely leaving out Joseph’s rage upon learning the father was out of the picture.

“Still, there might be some lingering animus, as the shrinks say.”

“They seem anxious to meet you. I mean, they said as much. I know a lot has happened in the last few days. Maybe you’d prefer we wait a while.”

“Yeah, I could wait to meet them, but they have Anna, don’t they?”

“What does that have to do with meeting them?” Sarah asked.

“Well, if I’m going to see my daughter — which I’d very much like to do — I guess I’m going to meet your parents.”

That brought Sarah to the brink of tears. “I can’t believe I didn’t think of that. Forgive me. What a numbskull I am.”

“If you’re a numbskull, I don’t know what that says about the rest of us. All I’m saying is that I’d like to see Anna.”

“I’m so happy you want to get to know her.”

“Well, if I’ll be paying good money for the little thing, at least I can get to spend a little time with her.”

“I guess we have a deal then,” Sarah said, revealing her dimples. “Why don’t we start with my mother. She and Anna are in the hospital all day, every day. If you want to see your daughter, you can meet her grandmother, too.”

“Like a two-for-one sale.”

“Exactly,” Sarah laughed.

“Okay. I’m in.”

“I’ll tell my mother to be on her best behavior.”

“Hey, don’t give it another thought. Mothers love me — or at least they used to when I was in high school. I’ve studiously avoided meeting them since then.”

“Well, I guess your dry spell is about to end.”

* * *

Before leaving, Rick helped Sarah back into bed. She fell asleep almost instantly and was soon lost in a dream so intense she felt as though she were still awake. She was standing on the corner looking up at the crane. An elderly man took her by the arm, saying, “Dis vay, dis vay.”

Sarah turned to see her Zadda Sam in the wool herringbone topcoat and gray felt fedora he had worn every winter of her childhood. “Why, Zadda?” she asked. “I want to stay and see this crane. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

“No,
mein kint
. Come vit me. Come dis vay. Only if you come dis vay vill you have a chance.”

“A chance for what, Zadda?” she asked her grandfather.

“A chance to live,
mein shana maidel
, a chance to live. For you and for your liddle vun, come vit me.” Suddenly the ground opened up, revealing an earthen tunnel. “Come, come vit me,” he said as he led her by the arm into the darkened passageway. “Here you vill be safe.”

Sarah followed her elderly grandfather, marveling at his agility in crouching down and crawling on his hands and knees through the narrow tunnel. Then, as soon as her thick, pregnant body was deep inside the passageway, Zadda Sam vanished, leaving her within the earth’s protection.

When she awoke she felt the sweetness of being with her zadda again. He’d saved her life and Anna’s life, just as he had saved Bubbe Rivka during the war. She wouldn’t squander the chance she’d been given. It was on that thought that she fell back into a sound, dreamless sleep for the rest of the night.

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

“Eva, Eva,” the attractive blond called as she stepped out of the elevator.

Even before she turned around, Eva knew it was Devorah.

“Darling girl. Thanks so much for coming. It means so much to all of us. I know Sarah can’t wait to see you,” she said as she hugged her daughter’s friend. “I was just stretching my legs a little by taking a walk around the floor. Sitting in a hospital room all day can make a person antsy.”

“I can only imagine,” Devorah said, following Eva’s lead down the corridor. “How is she?”

“I won’t lie to you, Devorah. She’s had a pretty rough ride. But thank God, she’s showing signs of coming around. I know your visit will do her good.”

“I hope so,” Devorah said as Eva opened the door to Sarah’s room. As soon as she saw Sarah with Anna in her arms, she dropped her bag and ran to them both. She hadn’t known what to expect. Now she could see how much the accident had altered her friend. She knelt down beside Sarah’s chair.

“Girlfriend, you are a sight for sore eyes,” she said, patting Sarah’s arm. And the baby…I can’t believe she’s really here.”