Few Things Left Unsaid (28 page)

“I think you people are not interested in engineering. It’s ok. Now do one thing. Bring your parents and then do your submission. Else you won’t be allowed to do submissions.”

He warned us to bring our parents. If I tell them about this I would be killed. I thought of arranging parents from some where. This was the first time. I was not aware of all these things. I asked one of my classmate about this. He said he knew someone could pretend to be my dad without taking any money. This was the last option. I thought of convincing h.o.d  first. I went to him again.

“I am sorry sir. I won’t repeat it. I will attend lectures regularly next year. I was not well for a few days that is why my attendance is low. Please forgive me sir.” I tried to convince him.

“I don’t want to hear anything. You just need excuses for not attending lectures. I won’t entertain your submission until you bring your parents. Now you can leave. Bring your parents.”

“Sir my parents are busy. Can I make you talk with them on phone? Please sir.” I again tried to convince her.

“No. Don’t give me all that crap. Each and every parent has time for his child. So bring them. Else don’t do submission this year. Take leave for 1 year and then come back.” He shouted at me.

I left. There was no option left. I decided to bring that uncle as my dad. It involved a lot of risk. If the staff realised that, I could be detained and not allowed to sit for exams this year. Still I took the risk.

I met that uncle. I explained him everything about my dad’s work and about me. He rehearsed in front of me. I also asked Sameer to come as my elder brother. No one in the staff knew him as he had dropped. Moreover, he was in the civil department. I explained the situation to him. He was ready for it. After preparing everything we reached college. I was scared. Still I gathered courage and went to the cabin of the head of department. Everyone was standing there.  I went in as my turn came.

“Sir my dad and my elder brother.” they were told to sit. I was standing. My heart was pumping rapidly.

“Do you know why you have been called here” hod asked my dad.

“Yes. Attendance problem. Actually he was medically unfit for few days. So his attendance might be low.” My ‘dad’ explained.

“I understand. But they had been warned earlier. This is the final defaulter list. He had been warned last month also.”

My so called dad looked at me and my so called brother also.

“Sir, he will study hard and won’t repeat it. I know he should have attended the lectures. Even I am doing engineering. I am in final year. Vivekanand College of engineering. I.T department.” Sameer said.

Why did he have to say I.T. department? It again flashed all my memories in my mind. I was scared.

“What project are you doing? What is your percentage?” The hod asked my so-called brother Sameer.

“I am doing project on mobile technology. GPRS. And my overall percentage is 58%” Sameer said.

I controlled my laughter somehow. It was difficult Still I controlled. Sameer getting 58% could be possible but Vivekanand College and mobile technology. This was funny.

“Learn something from your brother. You need to learn a lot. I am forgiving you this time. I don’t want you to repeat this mistake again. Write an undertaking and leave.”

I left. I went to Shinde sir because of whom my submission was delayed. He was not ready to accept my submission.

“Go and do submission of other subjects. I won’t take your submission this year. Get out.” He shouted.

I did not leave his cabin. I was standing there along with Sameer and that uncle.

“Sir, sorry. Please forgive me. It won’t happen again. Please sir.”

He took my file and wrote fail on it and threw it away. He warned me to get out of the cabin. No one could say anything. We went outside.

“Aadi, don’t worry. He will give you at least 10 marks. Minimum marks required. He won’t fail you. He is just scaring you. Don’t worry let’s leave. Hod has given permission. Shinde sir can’t do anything now.” Sameer said.

I accepted whatever he said. We left college. I ignored whatever happened. I smoked a cigarette and had a beer.

“Even if he fails he will give me kt in 1 subject. Who cares? Let him do what he wants.” I said

“I know. But you still study seriously. Exams are a few weeks away and you have vivas and practical this week.” Sameer said.

I thanked uncle for coming. Sameer dropped him near his house. I went home and tried studying. I was not interested at all.

Vivas were not that good. Good enough to get passing marks. The same with practical. I had to give 9 theory papers. I was not aware of of the syllabus. I wanted to clear 5 subjects at least to avoid dropping a year. I started studying.

Beer in 1 hand and books in other. Cigarette in one hand and books in other. It helped me to concentrate leaving my past behind. It was difficult but still I tried hard. I gave my exams and was sure of clearing minimum subjects. That raised a can of beer again. I enjoyed the entire vacations with beer. There was no other activity left in my life.

RESULTS DECLARED AFTER 2 WEEKS.

I went to college to see my results. I checked the result of the 3rd semester.

Electrical networks    45       passed.

Maths 3                      53       passed.

Ecad 1                        28       failed.

I came to know this must have done purposely. I was expecting to pass in ecad 1. But I somewhere knew Shinde sir would take revenge. I checked out marks of the 4
^th
semester results.

Maths 4                     40                 passed

CSE                          28                 failed

Microprocessor         25                failed

 pcom                        40                passed

Ecad 2                       25                failed

Dd2                           44                passed

I got 4 kt. Saved from a drop….

I took a look at viva and practical and termwork marks.

I was passed except…..

Ecad 2 viva                8         failed.

Ecad 2  pracs              9        failed

Ecad 2 termwork        7         failed

4 kt in theory and 3 internal kt. 7 kt….

I was shocked. I would have to drop a year. I tried whatever I could. I cleared 5 theory subjects. However, Shinde sir had done it purposely. I could not say a word. It was all over.

My mind said…

Experience the first drop in engineering. Congrats. I told you to attend lectures and not mess with Shinde sir. Now enjoy yourself.

What can be worse than this? First, you land up doing engineering and then you get your love. Later you lose your love and now lose a year. Everyone was going away. I needed some one who could take care of me. If I tell this result at home I would be screwed. I went near I.T section. Their result had been displayed 2 days ago. I looked for Riya’s result. She had 3  kt. But the important thing was she was eligible for third year. Neha had passed. All clear again.

I told Sameer about the result. He shouted at me as he had told me earlier to study.

I wanted Swapnil and Anup near me. I broke the friendship with them just to avoid Riya. Today I needed them but I didn’t have them with me. I had lost my best friend, why? God help me

It’s been almost 6 months   since we spoke to each other. We did everything together...laughed and cried together. I didn't mean to be mean to them, things got out of control. I didn't want to say bye and I didn't even get the chance to. It’s hard to admit the fact that they were gone and I was afraid to talk to them again. Maybe my ego stopped me.

I wished to see them right now. I wanted to apologise and have them back in my life.They had already moved on with their life, they had passed with good marks to get eligible to third year. If Riya had been with me today she would have told me to be strong and not worry. But she was not there.

How could one walk away from someone they loved? It had been more than 7 months now; still her memories were fresh in my mind. Still each and every moment between us was  fresh in my mind.

I wanted to reroute the path I had taken. And start all over once again. I didn’t want to forget her memories. I still remembered the time we had loved each other and the time when she left me. My life was at a standstill. She never looked back; I was still waiting for her.

My heart said she would come back but I should trust my mind. I remembered the times we shared all our happiness and tears. Sometimes we can’t turn back to heal our wounds. We have to accept it and move ahead. Still I was at a standstill.

Today I prayed to God to give her all happiness but somewhere I felt she should realise that the life had been best with me.

Today the cigarette was my only friend and girlfriend. I could kiss her anytime I wanted. I could feel her anytime I wanted. I could sleep without kissing her. She didn’t complain. Ashtrays were full during the nights. And the glass remained full during days.

“Sameer I am not going to tell my result at home so early. They will kill me.” I said to Sameer sipping a beer.

“I think you should tell the result at home Aadi. Date of declaration of result is printed on mark sheet. They will get hurt if you hide it from them.” Sameer said

“I can’t tell so early. Infact I tried telling the result at home. But I was not able to. Even mom asked me twice. I ignored  her question saying results were late.I don’t have courage to face them.” I replied.

All expectations and dreams were buried in the sand. I had the dream of getting placed in a good company and earning lots of money. Now that dream couldn’t be realized.I wanted my parents to be happy. That dream had also vanished... No son wants his parents to cry in front of him just because of a girl. But I could not forget her. She was more than a girl for me. I was guilty of deceiving my parents. I had the dream of scoring good marks in second year and convince my mom that Riya was the best for me. But that dream was saltered.

                       
HOPES IN VEIN

                                           I
still can’t understand how one can forget true love. I was trying hard to forget it. But couldn’t.

Today I think If I had not liked you, I would not have loved you. If I would not have loved you, I would not have missed you. But I did, I do and I will. I don’t run from you, I walk away slowly, and it kills me because you don’t care enough to stop me…I can’t talk to you anymore, it’s not that I am mad for you, it’s just that when I talk to you I realise how much I love you and when I realise how much I love you, I realise I can’t have you and that makes me love you even more. I am not supposed to love you, I am not supposed to care, and I am not supposed to live my life wishing you were there. I am not supposed to wonder where you are or what you are doing, but I cannot help it, because I am in love with you. There is this place in me where your finger tips still rest… your kisses still linger and your whispers echo softly … It is the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me.

I was getting  over all these thoughts slowly. I was trying to get over this relationship slowly. I could not cry all my life. I had to move on. I wanted to prove to everyone I couldn’t be a loser. I couldn’t fool myself and spoil my life rather I wanted to achieve something. I wanted to prove to myself that I still had the confidence that I used to have earlier.It was not easy for me. It involved lots of hard work. But I had the confidence.