Few Things Left Unsaid (29 page)

 Today on 9
^th
September , it has almost been a year, since I knew where Riya was. I never tried to contact her. She never did too. But things changed a bit today. Today from my own earnings I have bought a bike for myself. Hero Honda Karizma. I was proud of myself that I did something productive. When I was taking the delivery of the bike  I was missing Riya a lot… I wanted to tell her about this. I wanted to tell her that I had bought a new bike. I wanted her to be the first person to sit on my bike. I wanted her beside me on this occasion. But it was impossible. I was missing the most special person of my life on this very special occasion in my life. My happiness would have doubled if Riya would have been with me. I sat on my bike along with my dad and went for the first ride. He was happy for obvious reason that his son had earned a bike. He had tears in his eyes. Even mom’s eyes were wet. I felt proud at that moment. But somewhere I knew I was hiding the worst possible thing from them. Very soon I would have to tell them that I had dropped out. My dad hugged me.

     It was an emotional moment. I would have been in seventh heaven if Riya had been beside me. For the first time in the last few months I was missing her very much. I thought the chapter of Riya was closed. I had forgotten her. However, everything flashed in front of my eyes today. I still loved her as before. I still remembered each and every moment with her. I wanted her back in my life. I couldn’t live like this. Now that I had money, my parents were proud of me, I wanted her back. There was no problem of attending lectures too as I had a drop. I went to Aerol on my bike with Sameer. I was waiting near her building for two  hours. Still I could not see her.

“Let it be Aadi, lets leave.” Sameer said.

“I wanted to show her the bike. I am really missing her a lot. I cannot forget her. I want her back. I want to give a last chance to our relationship. I hope it works.” We left.

I decided to bring her back in my life.

We came back to our place and went to a bar. I was frustrated. Again the same thoughts were coming to my mind. After a long time I was again thinking of Riya. I ordered 2 beers.

“What happened to you again. You were out of it I thought. Why are you rewinding your life.” Sameer asked.

“I don’t know Sameer. But today during the delivery of the bike I really missed her. I missed her a lot. Even I thought it was all over, but I can’t forget her.” I sipped a beer.

“She is not going to come back to you. She must be happy with Amit. Why you are spoiling your life again. Exams are coming near. Why do you want her now. She is history.” Sameer reminded me.

“Please Sameer. I can’t erase her from my mind. Even this alcohol can’t. Let me give one chance again to my relationship. If I fail then I will never think of her again. Please Sameer. Just one chance. Let me try to bring her back to me.” I was almost 2 beers down.

I ordered one more can of beer. Sameer tried to stop me from drinking. But I did not listen to him.

“Aadi, do you know what is happening in her life? Is she with Amit or not? “ Sameer asked.

“I don’t know what’s happening and I don’t care. I am going to give it a try. I will call her tomorrow. Her birthday is approaching.” I said

We left. Alcohol was running all through my body. We went to our smoking zone. There was a small bench. I sat on it. I was not in my senses.

“Why do you drink so much beer. Don’t you have any responsibility towards your family, friends, and Riya.” Sameer said

“Forget it. No one can stop me. I am not hurting anyone.”

“Why are you so stubborn, don’t you understand, you are heading towards a dead end.” Sameer said

Things were turning sour as his voice was raised “If you just want to do what even you know is bloody insane, then get lost,I am leaving.”

“Ok sorry” I replied “I understand it’s not right but I just don’t want to face the real world. Not anymore.”

He gave me some water and the arguments continued.

If I think it practically I was really taking my life to that end of the road, which was much darker than what it appeared to be.

No, I don’t care, I don’t love her. No, I don’t want her back. I am happy, I am enjoying my life. Who says my heart is broken? Am I falling for her? Who says?

I will sleep with all the girls and why I should think of just one girl when she just does not care. In fact she gives a damn….

Nevertheless, the fact was that I was just fooling myself by saying all this, as I always loved her, cared for her and will do it forever.

However, I still wonder why did I let her go…

Why does someone love one person so much even if that person has betrayed him? I gave it a thought. Still could not find an answer. It is an unsolved mystery.

              
THOUGHTS ….back to present

                                           T
oday more than a year has passed.  Today when I am thinking each and ever incident of my past I just could not believe I could remember every small thing. I never knew true love was so strong. Exactly after a year  on her birthday when I went to meet her she was not ready to talk to me. Last year also it was not a great birthday with her. She ignored all my gifts and my letters. This year also she was not ready to take any gift from me. I don’t know today if Amit and Riya were together. But I think they were still together from the way Riya behaved. I was so excited to meet her. I  thought she would atleast talk properly to me. I didn’t expect anything more. But even that did not happen.

She did change her number after that. I tried calling her later. Each day passed thinking of her. I knew I had to concentrate on the studies. But I could not.

I wanted her back right now, nothing would ever be right without her in my life again, and that was never going to happen. Why the hell she had to change her number again?

Whoever said it was better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all had obviously never felt this kind of love and the pain and destruction of life that it’s loss leaves behind.. I could never see her now I knew that. It was the last chance on her birthday. But It was all over for sure now. I thought of giving one chance to my relation but it was over. Riya as per my knowledge had overcom this relation. But I still had vivid dreams of her.

I somehow gave my exams. I wanted to forget everything but could not. Again all my memories became sharp in my mind on 31st dec when I met MR BANARJEE. He said some things and I thought of living all the moments again after going home. I was in deep thought. Each picture was crystal clear in front of me.
LOVE CAN NEVER BE WRONG BUT A GIRL CAN BE
. I thought he was right. I made the mistake of loving her. Or atleast I should not think of her now. I needed to move on.

I don’t say I am still in deep pain as I was last year when I tried to bring her back in any possible way. I tried everything which I could.

Those were the worst days of my life.Time has made the wounds better, but it could never take away the desire to want , to care for her, cherish and love her. However, those moments I had with Riya  were gone. Life moved on.

She is and will always be my first love, there is still a part of my heart that wonders whether she really loved me.

After thinking a lot I really thought I needed to move on. I needed to move on with my studies. I needed to move on with my life. Maybe Mr Banarjee was right. Love is  never  wrong, but a girl can be wrong. Maybe I needed to accept the fact and move on. Life could not be stopped. It had to move.

I needed to forget all the best moments from my life. I had to erase them from my memory. Today I recollected all those moments. Today I realized what life was. Every person played his or her role and went away. Riya had played her role. She had left and I needed to take life seriously. I had to realise Riya would not came back to me again. She was happy with her life. She didn’t need me anymore.

I forgave her for loving him. I forgave her for  kissing him. I forgave her for sleeping with him. I forgave her for lying. All this did not hurt me more. What hurt me more was that you allowed him to touch you. You chose to go away from me. I have realized time can’t be brought back. Was it my decision which forced you to go or your heart, did not matter today. Today I realised true love hurts. I realised why people opted for one night stands or temperory relationships. Love hurt. It hurt badly.

I gathered courage and strength and decided to forget everything. It was difficult, almost impossible. But I decided to do it. One thing that I would always think of is why did I let you go.

Exams were over. Finally the result was displayed. Only 1 kt was cleared. CSE. I still had one attempt in May to clear the subjects and get eligible to go up to third year. Shinde sir gave all kt’s again. I decided to study hard this time and clear all my kt. I wanted to move on. I called Sameer and met him. I wanted to tell him I was taking life seriously. He was the one who always forced me to do so.

“Sameer, I want to move on. I want to forget everything. I really thought about it. And I have made this decision.” I said

“That’s nice. I am glad to hear this. I was tired of explaining all this to you. Thank God you realised. I must thank Mr Banarjee.” Sameer said.

“I don’t know what made me think about this. But I think he was the face of God. He knew everything about me. I know it’s a common story of all couples but still he had that charm in his eyes.” I said

“Oh shut up. He was a normal human being. You were drunk. He was drunk. So stop thinking foolishly. Now you can concentrate on the things you do.”

“I wanted to tell you one more thing. I hope you believe it.”

“What is that now? Don’t tell me you are in love again.” He gave me a strange look.

“No, nothing like that.. but I have decided to leave beer. I won’t drink from now on. And I am serious. I will smoke but not too much.” Sameer started laughing loudly. He could not control his tears. He was laughing wholeheartedly. I looked at him, trying to convince him that I was serious.

“ Let us see how many days you can keep it up. I will be happy if you quit.” He somehow controlled  himself and stopped laughing.

I had decided it seriously. Aditya won’t drink and smoke too much henceforth.

                  
STRANGE INCIDENTS

                                               I
was in my bedroom and thinking of telling my parents about my academics. They were thinking that their son would be in 6th semester now. But this wasn’t the case. I did not have guts to face them after telling the truth. I was thinking about possible solutions. I looked at my cell. 1 message. I opened it.

It was an unknown number.

Good evening sir. I hope you have received a mail regarding your request. Thanks for contacting us.

It seemed to be some important message to the person whom it was meant to be for.

I replied.

Hey, I think you have messaged on a wrong number. What are you talking about?

1 message recived.

Is it Mr Suresh? This is Harsha  here. You had contacted me in the morning regarding a job.

I  replied again.

You are mistaken. This is Aditya here. I did not contact you. I don’t have a job. I am doing engineering and also earning part time.