FIFTY SHADES OF FAT (9 page)

We spoke. I introduced myself. She was so pretty and her name was Rebecca.

We took a walk on the beach.

As she leaned
her
face towards the fading sun I
realized
how beautiful she was, far
sexier
than the girl of my dreams.

I
wondered what
it would be like to make love to her. I
ask
ed her out. My heart knew that she was my
perfect match.

I glanced at Rebecca and
caught
the sight of her
dream
y sea blue eyes. I
imagined looking deep into her eyes and
kissing her.

It would be pure ecstasy. We
w
ould be the perfect couple.

We
liked all the sa
me things, would spend all our
time together and be pe
rfectly happy. All the things I hated about
m
y
self would no l
onger matter.

She would love me no matter what.

Just as I
was summoning the courage and frantically trying t
o think of how to ask her about her vampire blood
, she stood up and walked over to greet a dark haired girl at th
e other end of the beach.

Yet I was not worried. With unusual certainty I
believed she would come back. I
was her soul mate; she had to feel that.

Then somet
hing happened that shattered my
perfect future.

The girl raised her lips
and kissed Rebecca. I cursed myself for my
innocence
, my
untruthful
hopes.

How could I be foolish enough to lose her heart to a stranger?

I
reflected that love at first sight was not a
s wonderful as I imagined
it out to be and returned
to battling my own
loneliness and self-hatred.
I was still fat and lonely again.

Shortly t
hereafter from going from place to place, I met
a mistress
vampire
.

I was straight forward in what I wanted. It was blood. The mistress accepted in exchange for mine.

Her blood was extremely potent, and was able to last for months, not like that cheap vampire blood I encountered before.

I was keeping small tubes of her blood to last me for months, and I was on my way to life success, with a big fucking smile on my face.

I was on my way to reaching my goal.
A few days later I was down to 15 pounds and had a lot more fat to shed.

I was going out to raves and drinking heavily.

Guys started to notice me. They were men and not vampires.

I had drop
ped 45 pounds! I still had tubes
of the
mistress’s
blood
which was
enough to last
me for
months and
I
was joyful about it.

But there was one
vampire there that I met
called Jensen at a rave one night.
He was married but
h
e was truly a god, he was that beautiful.
Men just didn’t cut it for me anymore, I wanted a vampire.

He was
fl
awless. We went to the washroom at the rave and we were
going to
do it there. He knew how to
lure
me in
. He was
excit
ing.

His
voice is one that you would
hear in the pulse in your throat, feel in the blood of your limbs, know and keep in the deepest
vacations
of your mind.
His voice can seduce you and make you wet
, and
calm
you into a sense of
sanc
tuary
.

He smelled like an
erotic mixture of life, and
passion, and was very mysterious
for extra
appetite
.

His touch could make every part of you
, soaking into your pores and entering into your very blood.

I thought to myself that vampires didn’t care about looks just blood. I was getting thin for myself, for peace of mind.
How can I compete
with other thin women?
Did I need to?
Was
I flawless? No. Perfect? Almost
I thought
.

I was losing weight fast.
I could
tally
my faults but I
didn't want to. I was a woman who's was far
from being perfect.

Cou
ld I
have been as exciting as him?
I could
have
change
d
my appearance. I could
have
cut my hair, or perm
ed
it, or dye
d it, and wore
a different outfit every day, but in the end
it was still me.

I
always
wanted to be more exciting. I knew that I could not measure up to
. I could never measure up
to Jensen.

I just went
on,
and took
my share of him
. After all, in some ways I had
more. I wanted to bare his children.

I felt like the roller coaster
ride
Jensen
d
ecided to take, and that he said
he wouldn't want to get off even if he could.

But still, it will be just a
matter of time before he returned to h
is wife
again.

W
here was my pride? Where was
my
dignity?
I imagined Jensen as his
mistress in
the Oceans
, and
I
would
alwa
ys have a large part of him in my heart.

I would be in his blood, as the Oceans were in the blood of all people who were sailed.
Jensen was
powerful
.

I wasn’t
his touch stone, his love for something solid and
fashionable.

I wasn’t the one he shared the morning
with, and the
dinners
with candle lights
.

I was more like his side show skinny whore.

I wasn’t the one who smelled of roses
and far of
f wild flowers
.

One night I was to meet Jensen in the forest for another secret encounter.

The rays of the fading
sun filtering through the branches
penetrated
the darkness that was swallowin
g the forest. I walked
along the soft, damp moss of th
e forest grounds
.

The tree's
lenient
murmur
against the breeze was like a
serenade
, soothing and seductive
.
Jensen had cabin in the forest.

The forest p
ath divided into two, one leading thro
ugh the forest back to Jensen’s cabin
and the ot
her ending, opening up to a pond. I
turned right, toward the path
leading to the pond
.

I
t was almost
night and
the
air was still warm.

Nights here usually brought the cool air.
My
heart
was
full of gladness
and started beating very fast when Jensen’s
dancing
eyes met me at the pond
.

Jensen glared into my eyes and he was able to manipulate my surroundings, and not many vampires had this power.

As he was
getting closer to greet me, h
is li
ght smooth steps turned to manly, rugged steps toward me.

I
could no longer hear the tree's movements wi
th the
breeze;
I could hear the beats of my
heart
pounding.