Fight or Flight (6 page)

After Jay was gone, Em kept herself occupied with building a small newspaper nest. She followed Jay’s advice keeping it small—just big enough for her to curl up in—and thick. When she finished, she tested it out. The papers didn’t provide much in the way of padding, but she was surprised to find how much warmer it was than lying dir
ectly on the wood floor. For a while she just laid there, trying not to think. Trying not to worry. She’d been doing a pretty damn good job of it so far. But eventually, her mind got the better of her.

Her thoughts wandered back home.
Back to
him
. To his face. To the rage she could almost
see
brewing in his eyes.
He’d
know by now. Without a doubt,
he’d
know what she’d done. She’d never disobeyed before. Not ever.

What was
he
doing? Was
he
looking for her? Was
he
close? Would
he
find her? What would
he
do to her if he did?
The further her imagination ran, the worse the scenarios got. 
He’d
never beaten her. Hurt her. Not like that. But she knew what
he
was capable of.

Determined not to torture herself any further, Em shifted her thoughts to Jay. Why was he doing all of this? What did he expect from her? He’d rescued her, given her a place to stay, food to eat . . . So far, he hadn’t asked for anything in return, but it was only a matter of time. She couldn’t stick around that long. But for now . . . For now, she had to take her chances because without him—he was right—she’d never make it on her own. How long, though? How long before he—

“Comfy?”

Em scooted back, taking half the bed with her in the process. From the way Jay was leaning up against the doorframe, Em guessed he’d been there for a while. She hadn’t even heard him come in.
So much for not torturing herself.

“Hey.” Jay looked startled by her reaction and took a step closer, before thinking better of it and stepping back again. “It’s just me.”

She planted her back against the wall, but forced herself to stay seated. If she got to her feet, there was no guarantee they wouldn’t run for the door.

“I brought something to eat.” He lifted a silver tin tray out in front of him like a peace offering, and took a cautious step closer. When she didn’t flee, he took another. And then another, until he was standing right beside her and the smell of whatever was in that tin squashed her flight instincts completely.

“Where did you get that?”

Jay slid down the wall until he was seated beside her, bringing with him the amazing aroma of warm meat. When he popped off the plastic lid, Em couldn’t believe her eyes.
Turkey and stuffing. Cupping her hand beneath the fork Jay handed her already loaded with a large chunk of turkey to keep any of the gravy from being lost, she savored both the taste and the warmth the food provided.

“From this little diner a few blocks from here.”

“
How
did you get it?”

“I
bought
it.” He seemed insulted by the idea that he would have gotten it any other way.

Jay sighed deeply, dragging Em’s attention away from the food long enough to take her first good look at him. He looked exhausted.
Completely worn out. Whatever he’d been doing all day, this food had definitely cost him. She passed the fork back to him, which he reloaded with another bite and handed back to her again.

“How did you buy it?”

“With money.”

Em glanced at the fork Jay was holding out to her again and realized she’d yet to see him eat a bite. “Aren’t you going to eat any?”

“I’ll have some. Just eat.”

Em kept her hands planted firmly by her sides, despite her stomach raging at her to take the fork Jay was still shoving in her direction. Scowling, Jay popped the bit in his own mouth and chewed slowly, passing her another.

“Where did you get money?” If there was a way to make money out here then maybe things weren’t as hopeless as she thought. If she could just save a little up, maybe she could—

“I worked for it.”

Em’s shoulders slumped in defeat.
Jay was clearly in his usual chatty mood. Getting information out of him was like pulling teeth. On a lion.

Temporarily thwarted
, she popped another bite in her mouth. Jay scraped the bottom of the tin clean with the plastic fork and passed it back to her again. She considered telling him to eat it, but the look on his face shut that thought right up. Swallowing the last of their meal, she watched Jay silently dispose of the trash.

“There’s this place I go.” He spoke with his back to her. “I pick up odd jobs for some cash
when I can. I’m gonna try and find a longer job tomorrow, so I may not be back until late. Will you be all right without lunch again?”

He still hadn’t turned to face her as he straightened the blanket on his bed.

“I’ll be fine.”

“I gotta get some sleep. Good night, Em.”

Em sat quietly in the darkening room until she realized Jay was asleep. And she’d been watching him. Because that’s not creepy or anything. Listening to the sounds of Ace and Skunk heading out for the night, she curled up in her own bed. Might as well get a good night’s sleep. Tomorrow would be another busy day of doing absolutely nothing, she was sure.

Chapter Eleven

Jay

Everything was twice as hard with her there. It felt like every minute of every day was spent focused on his goal of keeping them both from starving. There was no time to sit back, take a break, or really think things through. If he had, maybe things would have turned out differently. But even at his break-neck pace he was still falling short.

It wasn’t easy, but he still hated the idea of her out there on the streets. Even worse was the thought that she may grow so bored waiting on
him that she’d venture out on her own. That nagging fear was enough to make him want to stop back in just to check on her about a dozen times a day. Unfortunately, there wasn’t time for that. Instead, he found himself racing home with a pounding heart every night, and not being able to breathe easy until he saw her there safely cocooned in her nest of newspapers.

It wasn’t fair to her. It wasn’t fair to him. He knew all of that. He was running himself ragged, and he knew that, too. Jay leaned his head back against the wall and his whole body seemed to deflate
under one long sigh.

“Can’t I help you?”

“No.” He didn’t even bother opening his eyes to answer her. They’d already had this argument more than once, and he was just too damn tired to rehash it again now.

“Why not?
You could obviously use some help.”

“Because.”

“I’m not a child, Jay. You’re gonna need a better reason than that.”

“Because you won’t make it here.”

“Why not? You live here.”

“That’s what you’re not getting, Em. No one lives here. You either survive here, or you die here. But no one
lives
here. So, why don’t you just go on back home?”

“I’d rather die here.”

She said it without hesitation, and with so much conviction that it stole his breath away. It was the truth. She’d meant what she said, and for a moment he paused to consider the possibility. Was what she was leaving behind really worse than what lay ahead?

No, she’d meant her words only because she didn’t know any better. She still hadn’t fully grasped what life was like out here. Mostly, that was his fault. But when she did, she’d see her mistake and then she’d be gone.

Chapter Twelve

Em

Four-hundred-thirty-six.
That’s how many cracks there were in the plaster of the walls. Two-hundred-eighty-seven in the roof. Needless to say, Em was bored. Out. Of. Her. Freaking. Mind.

The room seemed to grow smaller and smaller with each passing day until she felt like a caged animal. She paced the small space for hours just to occupy herself. She hummed
songs, recalled books she’d read in as much detail as possible, and even gathered enough courage to strike up a few conversations with Ace when he was around. The massive amount of drugs he was obviously using hadn’t done his brain cells any favors, but he was a nice enough guy.

At first she’d kept track of things like the date, but she hadn’t even made it a week before giving up.
Thursday? Friday? Who cared what day it was when every day was exactly the same? All she knew for sure was that if she didn’t find
something
to do today she was going to completely lose it.

Em sat in the corner, running her fingers through her hair, trying to arrange it into some semblance of order. The length and thickness had always been a headache. Every morning for as long as she could remember, she’d have to condition and then brush it forever just to get the knots out from sleeping on it.
But out here? It was a lost cause. Her brush—like everything else—was gone, and conditioner sounded like something from a dream. She was almost glad they had no mirror. She could only imagine the rat’s nest that must be sitting on her head these days. And considering where they were, she couldn’t be entirely sure it was uninhabited.

Ugh!
Just the thought sent shivers through her. She was being a priss. She’d never been a priss a day in her life. Never tried to look attractive. She got more than enough attention without trying, but things felt different here.

Maybe it was because Jay managed to look so damn put together all the time despite their circumstances. She envied him. Sure, his hair was longish—not having been cut since who knows when—and mussed up from the same lack of brush predicament she was currently facing, but somehow he made it work for him. She’d known guys back at school that had intentionally done their hair that way, but it had never looked quite as good on them. Maybe that’s because his was authentic.
A disheveled appearance from a hard day’s work. A hard day’s work taking care of her.

Sometimes he’d stop in throughout the day, bringing her things to eat. Other times, he’d be gone before she woke and she wouldn’t see him again until after dark. Those were the days he she knew he’d found work somewhere. He always came home with som
ething warm to eat on those days, but the way he looked at the end of each of them—dead on his feet—was hardly worth it.

Em returned to the problem at hand—literally—when her fingers stuck in one particularly ruthless knot and she had to rip them out. Admitting defeat, she collapsed back against the wall. It wasn’t the first round of this particular war her hair had beaten her in, either.

Pathetic
. She was truly pathetic, sitting there on her butt while Jay was wearing himself out for the both of them. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, she was capable of more than that. And he needed her help.

Maybe if she could just show him—prove to him—that she wasn’t completely useless, maybe then he’d lay off the whole house arrest thing and actually give her a chance. Of course, she wasn’t going to prove a damn thing just sitting there.

Jay wasn’t going to like it, but so what? He barely spoke to her anyway, except for when he felt the need to remind her that she should go home, that she couldn’t survive here. He had no idea how wrong he was on both counts. And she was going to prove it to him.

Changing out of Jay’s baggy sweats, she put on the only outfit she had that actually fit her, the
one she’d been wearing when she arrived. So far, she’d purposely avoided wearing them in order to keep them clean and it paid off. Back in her own clothes, she felt better. 

Em rummaged through Jay’s belongings and pulled out a rubber band she’d noticed the day before. Tying her hair up in a high pony tail covered most of the knots and the rest would just have to be chalked up to some kind of new messy hairstyle . . . she hoped. Her boots didn’t exactly match, and they were still covered in mud from running through the rain, but they’d have to do.

***

She hadn’t been outside—except to use the bathroom—in a while.
Certainly not this far from the squat. Whenever the cabin fever had gotten to be too much, she’d taken short walks, but always stayed close. Now, she was almost five blocks away and starting to have second thoughts. It couldn’t be much further. There had to be one around there somewhere. Another block and a half and she spotted what she’d been looking for. A large white sign with a red shopping cart on it. Food Zone.

The front door swung open with a quiet hiss, and when the guy behind the register turned to face her, she froze like a deer in headlights. Way to be obvious, stupid. Em chastised herself and took a deep breath. She was there and she wouldn’t back down now. She wasn’t a
useless coward
anymore.