Fight or Flight (8 page)

Useless!
He was completely useless. With a frustrated shout, he hurled the carton across the room until it collided with the wall and spilled onto the floor.
Great.
Just one more thing to take care of later. Em looked shaken by his outburst and that just made everything worse.

Dropping his head back against the wall, he closed his eyes and groaned. “What are you doing here, Em? What the hell could be so bad that
this
is better?”

Jay knew better than to ask. No one on the street asked anyone else why they were there. It wasn’t something anyone wanted to talk about.
Himself included. He just couldn’t help it. He couldn’t figure this girl out.

She was such a disaster. Despite his efforts, none of this was easy on her, and she was obviously terrified.
So why? Why was she still here? Why hadn’t she given up already?

“I couldn’t stay where I was. And I can’t go back. I
won’t
.” Fear, and sadness, and determination were written all over Em’s face. It was an intoxicating combination.

“That’s not much of an answer, Em.”
He knew he was pushing her limits, but her non-answer only served to make it clear to him just how badly he wanted to know the real one. The real
her
. Evidently, he’d pushed too far.

“Why don’t
you
answer some questions, Jay?” The snap in her voice surprised him. “Why are
you
here? Why are you doing any of this? Why bring me here? Why let me stay? Obviously, I can’t contribute anything.” She’d most definitely gone on the defensive. Not that he could blame her. With the interrogation turning back around on him, he was quickly getting there himself.

“I don’t know.” It was the truth. He didn’t have a single rational explanation for a damn thing he’d done since she’d shown up.

“What do you want from me?”

Jay’s jaw clenched so tightly his teeth ached. It wasn’t so much the question that had spiked his temper, but the fear in her eyes when she asked it. What the hell did she think of him?

“Have I asked you for a damn thing?”  Jay ground out.

“No, but—”

“That’s because I don’t want
anything
from you.”

Though his frustration may have leaked out, he’d been trying to reassure her. Convince her that he wasn’t the god-awful monster she clearly thought he was. But when the fear in her eyes was replaced with hurt, he was at a complete loss. Nothing he did ever
seemed to be right with this girl.

“Please don’t make me leave. I have nowhere else to go.” Em’s voice cracked, and though she remained silent after that, he could see the way her shoulders shook as she dissolved into tears behind a veil of hair.

Dammit
. He couldn’t stand seeing her cry. Especially, knowing he’d been at least partially responsible for the tears. His fingers itched to touch her—comfort her in some way. So he did, covering her small hand with his own. She flinched, but this time she didn’t pull away. Whatever had happened to her, whatever she’d been through, it really was worse than this. And that pained him to think about.

“Hey. It’s okay. It’s all right, Em. Come here.” She didn’t like being touched—and maybe that had to do with more than just him—but she didn’t fight as he pulled her into his arms, rocking her gently. “Shh. It’s okay. You’re not going anywhere. You’re all right.”’

Jay could feel her tears soaking through the front of his shirt as he held her, feeling utterly inadequate. He wished he knew what to do to make it better, but he didn’t even know what
it
was. Just that
it
was bad. Bad enough she didn’t want to talk about it. Bad enough that life here with him was preferable. Just
bad
.

Eventually, Em cried herself to sleep and, knowing he’d have to get some rest himself if he was going to be any good to either of them tomorrow, he reluctantly laid her down across
her bed of newspapers. More than anything he wanted to lie down beside her and continue to hold her close. The feel of her in his arms could easily become an addiction for him, but he knew that it probably wasn’t a good idea.

He’d chipped away at her walls tonight, but after what had just happened, he knew they’d be back and fortified with a damn moat by the time she woke. It didn’t matter. He’d keep trying. Sooner or later, he’d break through to her. Doing the respectable thing, he slid into his own makeshift bed, and lay there, watching her sleep from across the room until the early hours of the morning.

***

She was still sleeping when he woke again at first light. He couldn’t blame her; it was early and she’d had a rough night. She had a lot of those. He’d heard her thrashing around and crying out softly at least twice.
Nightmares. Both times he’d called her name quietly—not wanting to make them worse by touching her—and eventually she’d settled down and drifted back to sleep.

He debated letting her rest, but his mind was already made up. He was done trying to keep her
hidden away until she gave up and went home. She couldn’t go back there. That was all she’d told him, but it wasn’t a statement made on inexperience. It was a fact. Whatever waited for her there, she couldn’t go back to it. And a sinking feeling in the pit of Jay’s stomach told him he didn’t want her to. That meant teaching her how to survive out here. It wasn’t much, but it was the best he could do for her.

“Em.
Em, wake up.” He couldn’t help smiling when she rolled over with an annoyed groan and buried her head in her arms. Not a morning person then. “Em, come on. We gotta go if you want breakfast.”

“Breakfast?”
Jay laughed. Apparently, food trumped sleep in her book. “What’s so funny?”

“You are. Now get up if you want to come with me.”

“What time is it?” Her gaze drifted to the dim light filtering through the window.

“Just after dawn, and if we don’t hurry there won’t be anything left. Now, come on.”

“You’re taking me with you?” She blinked away some residual sleep as her head seemed clear.

“Do you want to come?”

“Yes.” She smiled at him and he knew, without a doubt, that no matter what the day brought, he’d made the right decision.

Outside, t
he morning air was brisk. Em was still wearing her sweater from the day before. The only shirt of her own she had left, and by far the warmest thing in either of their wardrobes. Still, Jay noticed the way she shivered and wrapped her arms more tightly around herself. They were going to have to do more than just get breakfast today.

Chapter Fourteen

Em

At the end of the block, a good fifteen minutes later, Em spotted a small shop with a hand painted wooden sign hanging over the door. It had a smiling cupcake on it and ‘Cathy’s Cakes’ scrawled in pretty handwriting. It was
old and faded, but in a warm, welcoming sort of way. 

Em found herself drawn to the shop, though that may have had something to do with the unbelievable scents wafting out the door each time it opened, something it seemed to be doing a lot. Lots of people coming and going, and most
of them, Em noted, looked as disheveled as her and Jay. These weren’t customers. These were street kids.

“Here we are.” Jay pulled open the door and waited for Em to step past him. The first thing that hit her—besides the wonderful smell of the place—was the warmth. The whole place was sweltering. Behind the counter, the ovens were all cranking and it felt great.

A deep laugh floated over the continuous ringing of the bell tied to the door handle and Em’s gaze drifted to a large, potbellied man with a friendly smile standing behind a folding table near the rear wall.

“That’s the owner, Sam.” Jay
’s breath stirred the fine hairs near her ear.

If Sam was the owner, then . . . “Who’s Cathy?”

“Cathy was his wife. They used to run this place together, but she died a few years ago. At least that’s what I’ve heard. Apparently she started this whole outreach program, but Sam kept it going after she died. He’s good people, Em.”

Laid
out before Sam was an array of pastries. Bagels, croissants, donuts, and muffins covered most of the table top, and her stomach chose that moment to declare how delicious they all looked to the entire shop. Embarrassed and ashamed of her greedy body, Em ducked her head, allowing her hair to shield her face.

“Ah, Jay.
How are you doing this morning?”

“Fine, Sam. Thanks. How are you?” Em followed quietly as he moved across the shop toward the man behind the table.

“I’m doing just fine, thank you. And this must be the little friend who’s been staying with you for the past week.”

Em peeked out from behind her hair and caught Sam smiling widely at her. Surprised—and a little annoyed—that Jay would tell someone about her, she shot him a look.

“Don’t worry, Sweetheart. Jay didn’t say a word. I just noticed he’s been helping himself to a double portion lately and he’s not the type to take more than his fair share.” Sam smiled at her again and, this time, she managed to return it. She didn’t know why, but she liked that this man had such a high opinion of Jay.

“I’m Sam.” He offered his hand and left it up to her whether or not to give her name in return. She liked that, too.

“I’m Em.” His hand felt warm against her cold one and she fought the urge to flinch, only partially succeeding.

“Help yourself, Sweetheart.
Whatever you’d like.” He waved his hand over the vast spread that Em was barely keeping herself from drooling on.

She picked up a blueberry muffin that smelled like heaven and stepped aside to wait for Jay. After relishing in the scent for as long as she could stand, she took a big bite of sweet deliciousness. A groan she couldn’t suppress slipped out Just as Jay rejoined her.

“That good, huh?”

She felt her cheeks flame at Jay’s teasing, but chose to ignore him. The muffin was too good to be distracted from enjoying every last bite. Whatever Sam’s recipe was, this was the best muffin she’d ever had in her life and she told him so.

“I’m glad you enjoyed it.” The way his belly shook when he laughed reminded her of Santa Claus. A Santa Claus who brought hungry kids pastries. She couldn’t think of a better kind. “You come back and see me again tomorrow, Sweetheart.”

With a quick nod, Em reluctantly followed Jay out of the warmth of the bakery and back onto the chilled street.

“He must like you.” Em glanced at Jay as he chuckled. “He never tells me to come back. Then again, I’ve never groaned over his baking before, either.”

Em smiled and Jay grinned back at her for a moment before the expression slipped into something more serious.

“Em, listen. Sam’s a good guy. You can trust him. If you ever . . . If there’s ever a time you need something and I’m not around, you can go to him, okay?”

Not around? Why wouldn’t he be around? Was this it?
His way of saying goodbye? He was too nice to just dump her, so he’d brought her with him and introduced her to Sam to help soften the blow?

“W-Why won’t you be around?”

She could feel the panic rising up and Jay must have seen it, too. She’d never had much of a poker face.

“No. Em, I will be. I’m not going anywhere, okay?”

His fingers flexed like he wanted to touch her, and she couldn’t decide if she wanted him to or not. Last night things had been different. She’d been a complete mess, and his touch had been comforting—nice, even. But here, in the harsh light of day, on a public street, the thought sent waves of anxiety coursing through her.

When Jay tucked his hands in his pockets, leaning back a bit to give her some more space, she breathed a sigh of relief. Crisis averted, she was able to concentrate again.

“But, then . . . Why did you say—?”

“Just in case of emergency, okay? That’s all. You can’t always be sure of things out here, and it’s good to have a backup plan.”

Backup plan. That made sense. And he wasn’t leaving her. That was fine. Good. It was a little scary to realize just how dependent she’d become on him, but she’d worry about that later.

“Hey, I’ve got an idea.” Em glanced nervously at Jay, wondering why that statement sounded more like a challenge. And he was grinning again. Oh boy.
“You up for an adventure?”

“An adventure?”
Her nerves cranked up another notch. “What kind of adventure?”

“The kind you’ll be glad we went on tomorrow.”

That sounded . . .
ominous
. But what could she really say? She’d been asking him to take her out with him for a week. She’d finally gotten what she’d wanted; she couldn’t turn back now.

“Okay.”

***

Never in a million years did Em think their ‘adventure’ would include an airport, but that’s right where Jay led them.