Fighting Ever After (Ever After #3) (11 page)

I couldn’t help the
smile that spread across my face. She settled into my lap, and I started
bouncing my knees. She seemed to like that. She seemed to like me. Too young
and innocent to know better, to know to stay away from guys like me. She was so
small and helpless, so full of trust and completely reliant on her parents to take
care of her, keep her safe and love her. I couldn’t imagine what it would be
like to be responsible for another life.
To worry about their
safety every moment of the day.
She could fall down the
stairs,
choke on a penny or any small object she found lying
around. She could get sick. How did parents deal with that? I’d probably want
to lock her away in a tower forever like
Rapunzel
, so
that nothing could happen to her, so that nothing could steal her sweetness,
take that innocence from her eyes. She was just a kid, and someday she would
get sick, she would get hurt, a boy would probably break her heart, because
life happened and you couldn’t stop it, no matter how much you wanted to.
Eventually she would know pain and loss and she wouldn’t be just a kid anymore.
God, Jax had barely been more than a kid when her Mom died.

I imagined that she had
been just like Izzy, so fucking adorable and full of life that people couldn’t
help but smile at her. Then fucking cancer, a worthless dad and an asshole
stalker happened and took her innocence away. Nobody protected her from those
things. I’m sure Bas and Chris tried, but they couldn’t, just like they
couldn’t protect her from me. I had to have her. I had to know what it was like
to hold her in my arms, to see one of those smiles and know it was for me, to
taste her sweetness, because even after everything, she was still so damn sweet
and good and I wanted to touch that, to feel that.

Izzy was still bouncing
happily on my lap and I was less afraid of hurting her, so I lifted her and
then just barely tossed her up, catching her before she could fall.

“Again, again,” she
cried. I tossed her a few more times and then she wanted to climb up on my
head. She was tugging and pulling my hair some more, trying to get herself up
there. I grabbed her and swung her around so that she was sitting on my
shoulders.

“Horsey.
You my horsey.”
I chuckled, but she wasn’t satisfied with
just sitting on my shoulders. “Be horsey!” She cried, and somehow I found
myself unable to tell her no. So I got down on my hands and knees and crawled
around while she bounced up and down on my back, yelling, “Giddy up!” I think
Ace might have actually been crying, he was laughing so hard. Everyone was
enjoying it, and I couldn’t even be pissed off or tell them to fuck off. One,
because I couldn’t say ‘fuck’ in front of the toddler, and two, she was
giggling and having so much fun that I didn’t have it in me to care if I looked
like an idiot. It was in that moment, when I looked up at Jaxyn, that I got my
first real smile from her, and I knew I was fucked just like I had been when
Izzy smiled at me. It was so fucking beautiful that she could probably talk me
into just about anything with that smile.

When I got home that
night, it was only nine, still early for a Saturday night. Chris and Danny had
gone out with Spade and Marcus was probably upstairs building a robot or
inventing a time machine. Ace dropped his keys on the coffee table and plopped
himself down on the couch. “
You going
out tonight?” I
asked him.

“Nah, don’t feel like it
tonight.
You?”

“I don’t think so.” I
wasn’t feeling it tonight either. I dropped down on the couch beside him and
reached for the
Tv
remote.

“So, you schedule a
playdate
with your new girlfriend? We can go to the store
and get juice boxes and animal crackers.” He ducked when I tossed the remote at
his head, then he picked it up off the floor where it landed and turned the
Tv
on.

“I’m
serious,
she seemed pretty taken with you. Who knew that whole thing you’ve got going
worked on the little ones too,” he joked, reaching for one of the x-box
controllers.

I grabbed one as well.
“She’s a cute kid.”

“But you’ve only got
eyes for her aunt, I know, but she’ll be so crushed.” He was a little too
amused by
himself
as he started up the game.

“Would you shut
up.
I haven’t got eyes for anyone.”

“Right, that’s why you
couldn’t keep them off of her.” He sounded just like Chris and I didn’t want to
hear it again. I was trying to pay attention to what was happening on the
screen so I wouldn’t get a bullet to the back of my head, but I shot him a
warning look, so he would know he was starting to piss me off.

“Hey, I get it. She’s
pretty fucking great. I have a hard time not looking at her too.”

“Wait, you like her?” It
was bad enough I had to deal with Spade flirting non-stop, but Ace wanted her
too? I wasn’t worried about Spade, he was more of a
fucktard
than any of us and he was never serious, but Ace for all his whorish ways was
actually a decent guy. He never disrespected women, even if he did enjoy casual
hook-ups as much as the rest of us, and I knew that unlike most of us, he
actually hoped to settle down one day. He wanted to get married and have kids
and
do all that
shit. Fuck, he was practically perfect
for her. He was nice unlike me and girls found him charming, and she probably
did too. She seemed to be the most comfortable around him, aside from Chris and
Bas, and . . . No! No, fucking way. He couldn’t have her. It was one thing to
know that some day she would find her nice guy and get married, but it couldn’t
fucking
be my best friend. I’d kill him.

“Would you relax, and
stop looking at me like you’re plotting all the ways you could murder and
dismember me? Remember I was a damn Marine for eight years and I wouldn’t make
it easy for you.”

“But you like her?” I
narrowed my eyes, watching him carefully.

“I said relax. Yes I
like her, it’s kind of hard not to, but there wouldn’t be any fucking point in
me trying. You’ve obviously staked your claim like a damn caveman, and she
doesn’t even see the rest of us when you’re around.”

“What are you talking
about?” From where I stood, it looked like she saw him just fine, and she
probably liked him a lot more than she liked me.

“You’re the one she
wants numbnuts.”

“I don’t think she can
stand me most of the time,” I argued.

“That’s probably true. I
can’t stand you most of the time, but girls can be banana balls fucking crazy,
and for whatever reason, she looks at you like you’re a giant lollipop she
wants to lick all over.” A tiny bit of disappointment settled in my stomach.
I’d thought he meant something more. I already knew she was attracted to me. I
teased and wound her up just right, but that didn’t mean she actually wanted
me. I could make her body want me just fine, but that was very different.

“Wanting to get naked
with me so I can make her come like a freight train, doesn’t mean she actually
wants me.” It was out of my mouth before I could stop it, and then it was too
late to take it back.

“Since when do you care
about what they want from you, especially if all you want from her is the same
thing?” He looked at me curiously.

That was a good fucking
question.

“That sounds
a lot better man. I think we can call it a day, just keep working on those
chord progressions and keeping time,” I told Bryce, the thirteen year old
student I’d been working with for a few months. He was my last Thursday
afternoon client. The week was quickly wrapping up. “Oh, and I’ve got another
list for you.” I spun around on my stool and reached for the slip of paper I’d
left sitting on one of the amps.

He beamed at
me. “Thanks Ky. Dad says I’m sounding a lot better too. The tips you’ve been
giving me are really helping.” I smiled back and handed him the list of artists
and songs I wanted him to check out. They all had great guitar pieces and
solos. Training your ear to listen is
key
in playing
music; learning to recognize chords, intervals, when someone is strumming or
picking, how the sound and tone changes, the feeling the music carries with it.
All those things are part of becoming more than just a good guitar player.

“It’s all
you Bryce. You’re the one putting in the time and listening to my advice.” His
eyes drifted downward, and he shifted in his seat. I could tell something was
on his mind that was making him uncomfortable. “What’s up Bryce? Is there
something you’re having a hard time with? If there is, we can spend some extra
time on it next week and get whatever it is all worked out.”

“Umm, it’s
not about guitar, but I was wondering if I could ask you something.” His cheeks
were turning red and he was still having a hard time looking at me.

“Shoot man,”
I told him.

“Well, uh, I
can’t really talk to my mom or dad about this, and my friends would tease me,
but um, I thought you could help me because you’ve probably had a lot of
girlfriends.”

Woah, he
wanted girl advice? Shit, I didn’t think I was qualified to help him in that
department. Anything I said would probably result in his mother firing me, but
what could I say to him?
Sorry, no, you can figure it out on your own.
“I’ve
had a few,” I said, “what’s your question?”

“Well, it’s
just that I’ve never kissed a girl before, and there’s this girl – Emily – and
I really like her and I think she likes me. We hang out with the same group of
friends, so I see her all the time. Last weekend, we all went to a movie and we
held hands in the theater,” he looked up at me, and then dropped his head into
his hands. “This is so embarrassing. You probably think I’m so lame,” he
mumbled into his hands.

“Hey, you’re
not lame. I didn’t kiss a girl until I was fourteen.”

“Really?”
He looked up at me again.

“Yes, really.”
I didn’t mention that not long after, I did a
whole lot more than kiss a girl.

“Okay, well
um, tomorrow there’s a movie in the park thing, and I asked her to go with me.
She said yes, but I’m nervous, because last weekend after the movie, I sort of
got the feeling that she wanted me to kiss her goodnight, but I didn’t because
I was too afraid of making a fool out of myself. I’m worried I might be a
terrible kisser, but I really want to kiss her tomorrow at the park.”

“Are you
going to ask her to be your girlfriend?”

“Umm, should
I? What if she doesn’t want to be my girlfriend, what if she just wants to be
like friends who kiss or something?”

“Well, do
you want her to be your girlfriend, or do you just want to be friends who
kiss?” I didn’t even know thirteen year olds did that shit.

“I really
want her to be my girlfriend,” he answered.

“Okay then,
you’ve
got to be confident. If she thinks you’re unsure,
then it will make her unsure or self conscious. You should ask her to be your
girlfriend before you kiss her.”

“That way,
if I suck at kissing, it will be too late, she’ll already have said yes?”

I chuckled,
“No, because when she says yes, the feeling you’ll get will erase some of those
nerves and it will all be instinct. Don’t stress
it,
just let yourself feel it and it will start to come naturally. Your first kiss
might be kind of awkward, but it will be okay. You’ll get it out of the way,
and it will only get better from there.”

“Yeah?”
He asked hopefully.

“Yeah, I
promise.”

“Okay, cool.
Is there anything else I should do or shouldn’t do?”

“Don’t put
too much pressure on yourself. Just relax. The more relaxed you are, the more
relaxed she will be, and make sure you take blankets and if you really want to
impress her, you should make something for you guys.”

“Like pack a
picnic?”

“Something
like
that. Girls like it when a guy cooks or bakes for them.
So even if you just buy some store bought cookie dough and make it, she’ll like
that. Be sure to compliment her, make her feel special, but be honest about it.
Tell her how you really feel. If you’re just feeding her a line to be nice,
she’ll be able to tell. Also, things that aren’t physical, or just about the
way she looks, will mean more to her. So what are your favorite things about
her?”

“Umm, she’s
really funny. I like her laugh a lot too. I always smile when I hear her
laughing. We like a lot of the same things too. She’s into video games and
music, and she’s smart. Way smarter than me, but she doesn’t make me feel dumb.
I’ve had a crush on her since the fourth grade, but was too afraid to tell
her.”

“That’s a
good place to start. I think you’ll do just fine, and she sounds like a cool
girl.”

“Yeah, she
is. Thanks for your help. Would it be okay if I texted you afterward to let you
know how it goes?”

“Sure.”

His phone
vibrated. “Mom’s here,” he said, quickly trying to pack up his guitar and
music. I walked him out and wished him good luck for tomorrow. Ace was just
coming in from work as Bryce and his mom were pulling out. I left the door open
for him and went to the kitchen for some food.

“Hey, how’d
it go with Bryce today?” Ace asked when he came into the kitchen as I was in
the middle of making a sandwich. The guys had all met most of my students at
one point or another.

“Pretty good.
He’s working really hard, and it’s paying off.
He’s sounding really good.”

“That’s
cool.” He walked over to the fridge and pulled out a carton of juice. He didn’t
bother to get a cup. When it was six guys in one house, we all rarely bothered
with
cups,
or dishes in general.
Less
washing that way.

“Yeah, he
also asked me for advice on girls today.”

Ace started
to choke as he swallowed the juice. He set the carton down, wiping his mouth on
his sleeve. “Shit, what’s his number so I can call him and tell not to listen
to anything you said. Please tell me you didn’t give him condoms. He’s like
what, thirteen?”

“Shut up, I
didn’t give him damn condoms.”

“Then what
did you tell him?”

“He’s taking
her on a date, but was really nervous because he’s never kissed a girl before.
I told him to be confident and relaxed or he’d make her nervous too. I also
told him to bake her cookies and make her feel special, and to be honest with
her about how he feels and that he’d be fine if he did that.”

“Well shit,
that actually doesn’t sound like bad advice.”

I’d
surprised myself, but I guess all my experience with girls had given me plenty
of insight into them, even if I didn’t use it. “I do know a thing or two about
women, asshole.”

“Yeah, but
that stuff isn’t appropriate for the ears of a thirteen year old.” He grinned
stupidly.

“Shut up.” I
tossed the knife I’d used in the sink and grabbed a paper towel to use as a
napkin and went into the living room. He came in with a sandwich of his own a
few minutes later and then we turned on the X-Box.

It wasn’t
long before Spade walked in and grabbed a controller too, turning on the second
screen and console. When Chris and Danny got off work, and Marcus came
downstairs – I hadn’t even realized he’d been up there – we were all sitting
around the
Tvs
, with
controllers in hand, swearing into our headsets and passing a bag of Doritos
around while we waited for the pizza we’d ordered. At some point I looked down
at my phone and saw I had a couple texts. One from Kaylie, and one from another
girl I’d hooked up with a few weeks ago. It wasn’t that late and I could have
had either one of them over, or gone to their places, but I just wasn’t in the
mood, so I ignored both.

Even though
we lived together, it’d been a long time since we were all home and just had a
night of eating pizza, playing games and throwing back beers. I told myself
that was the only reason I stayed, and that it had nothing to do with the fact
that the thought of being with any girl but Princess right now, just wasn’t
appealing.

The next
morning I woke with the same anticipation I felt every day we had a show, but I
was looking forward to tonight more than usual and it had everything to do with
the anticipation of seeing Jaxyn after a week spent trying not to think about
her. I didn’t even bother pretending that I wasn’t hoping she would come. My
excitement lasted right up until I checked my phone. I had a reminder from my
mom about some political function she wanted me to attend this afternoon.
 Fuck.
I hated going to those things.

I climbed
out of bed in a much crappier mood than when I woke. Chris was in the kitchen
eating a bowl of cereal.

 “You
have to go to this ass kissing fest for Senator
dickface
today?” I asked him. His stepdad had the
kind of money to throw around needed to be invited to these kinds of things.

“I thought
he went by
Kellan
, but yeah, unfortunately. I
couldn’t think of an excuse fast enough to get out of it when my mom called
since I already had the day off.
You going?”
Michael
Kellan
had been elected for his first term in the senate
the same time as my father. They were both Democrats and they were both up for
re-election this coming November.

“I don’t
know. I might, just so you and Bas don’t get too bored, and if I leave my
piercings in, it will piss my mom off. You know how I love doing that.”

He just
chuckled, but then his phone rang. “What’s up man? . . . Sorry I didn’t warn
you, but if I have to go, so do you . . .
uhhh
,” he
looked up at me, “yeah, I’m sure someone can. I’ll ask and we’ll be there
around noon.”

When he hung
up I already knew what he and Bas had talked about. “I’ll do it,” I volunteered
before he even had the chance to ask one of the other guys.

“Do what?”
he grinned.

“You know
what so drop the smirk. I’d rather hang out with her than you guys and those
stuck up assholes any day.”

“Yeah, I’m
sure that’s all it is.”

“Don’t start
this again,” I warned.

“You’re the
one who started it by being a little too excited about the prospect of spending
the day with her.”

“Are you
going to give me a warning again?”

“Depends, do
you need one?”

“No,” I
replied. I really didn’t want to listen to it again.

“Good,
besides, Izzy’s there today anyway. You’ll have to behave around her.”

The kid had
to nap sometime. I didn’t say that, but I couldn’t deny that I was thinking it.
Even if she didn’t, they would still be better company than my parents’
friends. A few weeks ago, I don’t know which I would have found more
unpleasant, helping babysit a toddler or a room full of superficial douchebags
with agendas.

My mom was
pissed when I called her. “What do you mean you’re not coming?” I could hear
the way she was gritting her teeth. My mom was all about keeping her cool even
when she wanted to flip her shit.

“I mean
exactly that. I’ve got other shit to do today.”

“What could
be more important than supporting your father and presenting a united front for
his campaign? Do you know how it looks when you don’t show up? It’s bad enough
that you dropped out of Harvard and are wasting your time with that silly band,
but you at least need to be here for your father.” I wanted to laugh.

“You mean be
there for him like all those time he was there for me during my childhood, and
all the shows he’s attended to support me?”
Which was zero.

“Don’t turn
this around us. You know your father is a very busy man. His work is important
to this country.”

“Yeah, yeah.
Whatever.
I’m still not
going to be there today.”

“That’s
unacceptable Kyden,” she barked.

“I don’t
really care
Mother
.” I’d learned a long time ago that it was impossible
to please her, so I stopped trying.

I heard her
little “
hmph
” of indignation, but she should have
learned by now that she couldn’t push me. “Will you at least be here for our
Fourth of July Barbecue next week?”