Fighting Ever After (Ever After #3) (13 page)

 I
couldn’t give her any of that though. We both knew it, but she was still
waiting for me to admit it. Maybe saying it aloud would make it easier to
accept, but I couldn’t look her in the eye as I said it, afraid I might do
something stupid like tell her I wanted to try instead.

“I can’t
give you that. I don’t do relationships, I’m not that guy. I’ll never be that
guy.” It was a joke to even consider it. “I wouldn’t even know how if I wanted
to.” So there was no point in wanting it.

“I know.”
Was that disappointment I heard, or was I just projecting my own? “That’s why I
think it would be better if we didn’t blur any boundaries. We need to figure
out how to be friends and that’s it.” She was seriously giving me the ‘just
friends’ talk. I don’t know why I thought it would have gone differently.

“Wow, I
don’t think I’ve ever been on the receiving end of a blow off speech before.”

She rolled
her eyes, amused. “It wasn’t a blow off, but we’ve established that it would
never work between us, and considering you’re friends and roommates with
someone who is family to me, we’re gonna be stuck with each other. We shouldn’t
cross any lines that are going to make things awkward in the group, which means
you have to back off.” She might have been right, but that didn’t mean it was
going to work.

“Friends huh?”

“You do know
how to be just friends with a female, without trying to get in to her pants
right?”

 
“Of course.”
Lie. I
didn’t do friends with girls, that
was
like having a
relationship without the sex. What was the point in that? Lissa and
Vi
were probably the closest I had to female friends and I
hardly even spoke to them. Mostly I just tolerated them because Bas cared about
them. “But just so we’re clear, this means you have to stop checking me out all
the time, Princess,” I teased her.

“You’ve
really got to get over yourself.”

 “I
make no promises.” I winked and turned to head back into the living room. I realized
this could actually be kind of fun. Friends spent time together, often a lot of
time.

I sat down
on the couch and propped my feet on the coffee table. Jax was right behind me,
so I patted the seat next to me, but she chose the recliner.

“Oh come on,
I’m not going to bite you, we’re friends.”

“Since we’re
friends officially friends now, tell me how a senator’s son ends up playing
rock star in dive bars?” I changed my
mind,
this
wasn’t going to be fun.

“The same
way anyone else does,” I answered.

“I’m sorry
if I offended you, but you have to admit it’s a little . . . abnormal.”

“Yeah, well
I never really fit the image my parents wanted for me. At birth my whole life
was planned out for me, but it wasn’t what I wanted. I’m twenty five and
they’re still hoping that the band is just a phase I’m going
through,
and that eventually I’ll come around and go to law school, marry some spoiled
bitch and give them two point five grandkids.”

“Your
parents have met you right?” It was sad that she could see what they
couldn’t,
that what they wanted for me would never be what I
wanted.

“Yeah, but
they only see what they want.”

“So you aren’t
close with them?”

“No.
Honestly, I think the only reason they had a kid was to create a better image
for my dad’s career aspirations.”

“So, no siblings?”

“Nope, one
was enough for my parents. What about you? It’s your turn to spill your life
story.” I might as well get something out of this
friends
thing too.

“That hardly
counts as spilling, but you already know my mom died and I lived with my dad.” Avoiding
and deflecting were things she did well.

“But there’s still a lot I don’t
know, like the truth about why Bas hated your brother, and why you tense up
when your dad is mentioned, and the real story with that asshole, Connor, or
why you really left town. So how about you pick one of those and start there.”

She sighed, frustrated or irritated, I didn’t really care. I just
wanted some answers.
“Before my mom died, it was just me and her.
Her only brother died in a car crash when he was sixteen, and she never talked
about her parents, only said that they had passed away when I was a baby. After
she died, I met my dad’s side of the family. I never got along with any of
them.”

 “Is
Shane your only brother?”

 “I
have another brother, Ryan, and a sister Cathryn. They’re younger than me, but
not by much. We all share a father, not that he’s much of one. My siblings and
I never got along. Until a few months ago that included Shane, but he’s changed
a lot.” That was a start, but I noticed she had still avoided a lot of my
questions, choosing only to give me little bits of the whole story.

“I know
there’s a lot you’re leaving out.”

 “There
are some things I don’t want to share. My dad isn’t a good man and I don’t like
to talk about him. Connor’s dad works with mine so he grew up with Shane. I
couldn’t stand him the first time I met him. He’s not good with rejection.
After high school, I just needed a change so I moved away. When I found out I
had a niece, I wanted to come back, and it was time. That’s it.”

“I seriously
doubt that’s it, Princess.”        

“I’m not the
only one holding back. You didn’t exactly open up to me either.” I couldn’t
argue with her, as much as I wanted to. There were some things I wasn’t willing
to talk about either, but it didn’t make me any less curious or frustrated. The
difference was that I was getting mixed up in her shit. It affected Bas and
Chris, so it affected all of us. My shit had nothing to do with her.

What would
she think if I let her inside my head? Let her see how many ways my parents and
Elaina had screwed me up and turned me into this guy. Would she feel sorry for
me? Would she feel disgusted? Would she think I needed to be fixed or helped?
It didn’t really matter because I didn’t want any of that from her or anyone
else. It makes no difference why I am the way I am. This is me, and nobody’s
going to change that.

Neither one
of us was in the mood to speak again, until Izzy woke from her nap and it was
time for Jaxyn to keep her promise. I had no idea how many times in a row a kid
could go down the same slide before growing tired of it. An hour later, I still
didn’t know, because when we finally had to drag her from the park, she was
still begging for just one more time. It was a good thing Jax put her foot down
and said we had to go back to the house, because I wasn’t sure I was capable of
saying no when she looked at me with sad puppy dog eyes and said, “
Pwease
Ky, Ky.”

She was sad
when we got back and it was time to pack her stuff up so Jax could take her
back to her parents. The only thing that made her feel better was the promise
that she could come back for another sleepover, which Jax assured her she could
as she buckled her into her
carseat
.

 “Am I
invited to the next sleep over?” I asked, poking my head over
Jax’s
shoulder and smiling at Izzy.

“Yes, yes!”
She clapped her little hands and tried to climb out of the seat to get to me. I
pressed closer to Jax and leaned down to Kiss Izzy’s cheek, earning an even
bigger grin. When I pulled back, I caught the way Jaxyn was smiling at us too.
She finished securing her in her seat, and shut the door, not realizing that I
was still standing directly behind her. When she turned, she ran smack into my
chest. I may have done it intentionally.

“Woah there,
I said you had to cut that out Princess.” She was about to point out that it
was my fault, and as much fun as it was to rile her up, we did need to get
going. “I’ll follow you to your brother’s and then you can follow me to the
bar.”

Her brow
pulled into a frown. “Really I can just meet you all at the bar. I don’t need
an escort the whole way.”

“Wrong, Princess.
Don’t
argue,
just get
your cute ass in the car and drive.” I tapped my finger on the tip of her nose,
much to her irritation, and turned to climb on my bike.

“Hey,” she
hollered as I was strapping on my helmet. I lifted my eyes to look over at her.
“Friends don’t say things about friends’ butts.”

I shook my
head and laughed. There were a lot of things I could say about her ass, but
they would all get me in trouble, so instead I shouted back, “I’ll make a note
of it,” and then started up the bike.

Something
inside of me was more than a little disappointed that the day was coming to an
end. I could tell myself it was just because she’d turned me down and I wanted
more time to change her mind, but the reality of it, and what worried me, was
that it was one of the best days I’d had in a long time and I hadn’t even
gotten what I wanted.

Fuck me.

I was going
to be in serious trouble if I wasn’t careful, but for some reason, I couldn’t
find it in myself to be more upset about that.

“How was
babysitting duty?” Ace asked when I walked up to the stage where the guys were
finishing setting up. I looked over my shoulder to see that Jax had joined Bas
at a table in the far corner.

“Fine,” I answered
him, hopping up on the stage.

“Just fine?”

“Yeah.”
I walked over to my amp and made sure it was hooked up
properly.

“Okay,” Ace
replied to the back of my head, but I could hear in his voice that he wasn’t
buying my short, clipped answers. He didn’t say anything about it the rest of
the night, but several times I would look over and see him smirking because
he’d caught me with my eyes riveted on
Jax’s
out in
the audience. To everyone else, it would have been hard to tell who I was
looking at and singing to, but Ace was in the perfect position to follow my
line of sight, and I was pretty sure Bas could see it too. If I were smart, I
would have tried to ignore the pull I felt tugging me toward her. If I were
smart, I would have pretended she didn’t even exist, and found some hot piece
of ass in the audience and serenaded her. My chances of scoring with a girl
like that were exponentially higher, and that should have been enough to keep
my eyes away from the intense grey orbs that gazed up at the stage. Let’s face
it though, of all the things people might accuse me of being, smart wasn’t
usually one of them, and my eyes found hers every chance they could. Lately,
every performance felt like it was for her, just her, and when I was singing to
her, it was one of the few times she let her guard down enough for me to see
that she was feeling the same way I was. She couldn’t help it anymore than I
could, but one of us needed to.

As we were
finishing up one song, I sided up next to Ace, away from the mic, and told him
I wanted to make a change in the set list. He nodded and stepped back to pass
it on. The guys transitioned into the Imagine Dragons cover, effortlessly, like
it had been the plan all along. I don’t know why I chose this song, except that
maybe I felt like I could warn her with the words. I wanted her. I wouldn’t be
able to stop until I had her, but part of me hoped that she would keep saying
no, so that my darkness could never touch her.

     
“When you feel my heat

     
Look into my eyes

     
It’s where my demons hide

     
It’s where my demons hide

     
Don’t get too close

     
It’s
dark inside

     
It’s where my demons hide

     
It’s where my demons hide”

I made sure
that her eyes never left mine during the chorus and that she didn’t just hear
each word, but felt what I couldn’t say any other way. Then, like the biggest
asshole in the world, when our set was over, I jumped off the stage and
straight into the waiting crowd, and the arms of the first hot girl I saw. I
didn’t even hesitate before smashing my lips onto hers. Everything about it
felt wrong and like a mistake, but I needed to get rid of this feeling. I
needed Jaxyn to really see just how much of a dick I could be. That way, no
matter what, she wouldn’t be able to say that she wasn’t warned. This kiss, and
the ones that followed as I made my way through a line of girls waiting for
their piece of me, were my warning to her. She better take it and fucking run,
or I was going to ruin her.

I felt one
girl slide her hand over the front of my pants, while she whispered in my ear
the things she wanted to do to me. Another night, that might have been enough
for me to take her hand and get the hell out of there, but tonight, it didn’t
even stir the slightest bit of interest in me.

“Sorry, not
tonight,” I told her. I’d done what I needed to do, and Jaxyn had watched me do
it. I’d made sure of that, but now I just wanted to get out of here. I started
to shove my way through the crowd, and as I looked up, I witnessed Ace lean
forward and press his lips to my
girl’s
fucking mouth.
Instantly, anger like I hadn’t felt in so long, rose up in my chest and
demanded that I go over and tear him off of her. Only she wasn’t my girl, and
not even two minutes ago I’d had my lips all over half a dozen other girls.
Ace’s eyes met mine as he pulled away from her, and all that anger turned
inward as I realized he was simply making a fucking point. The bastard knew I
was watching
,
knew how it would make me feel when even
I couldn’t have predicted how violent my reaction to seeing that would be. From
the smug look he wore as he cupped
Jax’s
cheek and
said something to her, he knew he’d achieved what he meant to. I hated him for
knowing he was right, but mostly I just hated that he was right.

Pissed off,
I stalked toward the opposite side of the bar. Half way there, my eyes acquired
a target. My mood was black, and there wasn’t a girl out there who deserved to
deal with that tonight, but there was one that would anyway, and she was
grinning at me with a dark gaze like she already knew exactly what I was
thinking. I strode toward her, my mood growing darker with each step in her
direction. While my head demanded that it needed to be done, everything else in
me was protesting what I was about to do.

“Hey, you
look like you need to get out of here,” she purred and placed her hand on my
arm. I nodded and let Kaylie press her body in close.

There would
be nothing sweet about what would happen tonight. I was pissed off, and she
would be the one to pay for it. It would be rough and passionless and Kaylie
would take it, and then stupidly beg me for more, because that was the kind of
girl she was. I knew she had to be almost as screwed up on the inside as I was to
take my shit. I just didn’t know why, or care to. That I was going to do this
with her
anyway,
sickened me. Even I wasn’t usually
this much of an asshole, but I needed this. I needed to fuck this anger and
confusion away. Jaxyn was twisting me up and turning me into a raging lunatic.
One minute I felt like if I didn’t touch
her my
body
was going to combust, and the next I couldn’t push her away fast enough. What
the hell was she doing to me? This was her fucking fault. It had to be some
game she was playing. She was just another – the thought stopped when I caught
her movement out of the corner of my eye as she tried to slip past me. She was
searching for someone. Was it Ace? Fuck him. He was only screwing with me, but
what if she didn’t know that? He had no right to mess with her head just to get
at me. I laughed inwardly – what a joke. He had no right? I had no right to
give a shit either way. What I was doing was so much worse, but still I
couldn’t stand the idea of her searching him out, her going to him instead of
me.

 “If
you’re looking for Ace, Princess, you won’t find him.”
What the fuck are you
doing dumbass? Let her go.
 

But I
couldn’t and my words came out clipped and angry.

“Why not?”
She asked.

“He and
Danny just split,” I informed her. I’d seen them head out the back with the
last of our equipment not five seconds ago. I didn’t know if they were coming
back in or not, but I didn’t bother to let her know that.

“Damn it,”
she muttered under her breath.

“Babe, come
on, let’s get out of here.” The suggestive tone in Kaylie’s voice wasn’t lost
on Jax. I could see the disgust on her face when Kaylie pressed her tits up
against me in a calculated move.

“Just a sec.”
I shrugged her off. “What do you need Ace for
Princess, you planning on throwing yourself at him next?”
Damn.
I was an
asshole for that comment and the look Jaxyn gave me said that she thought so
too.

“No,” she
snapped. “I just . . .” her eyes darted around, no doubt looking for an escape
to get away from me.

“Just what, Princess?”

She let out
a heavy sigh, “Bas is really drunk, too drunk to go back to my place.”

Realization
sunk in. “You need someone to stay with you?”
Don’t do it. It’s not your
fucking problem. Just leave with Kaylie and let someone else deal with this.

“Yeah, but
don’t worry about it. I’ll find someone else to-”

 “No
you won’t. I’ll stay.”
Damn it you idiot.

It was
official,
I was certifiable and had lost all sense of
self-control.

“What the
hell?” Kaylie grabbed my arm. “You said we were gonna-”

“Yeah, well
now we’re not,” I interrupted, pulling my arm out of her grasp. Princess might
know what Kaylie and I had been going off to do, but for some reason I didn’t
want her to have to hear it.

She turned
on Jaxyn. “Why don’t you grow the fuck up and get your own man. It’s pathetic
that you have to play the poor, helpless little girl to get a guy to go home
with you,” she sneered.

“Kaylie,
shut up,” I growled. This possessive shit she was pulling lately had to stop,
and no way was I letting her lash out at Princess because I was an asshole.
“You can spread your legs for someone else tonight; it won’t be anything new
for you.”

Her eyes
widened and her jaw dropped open. I almost expected her to hit me, but it
wasn’t like what I said wasn’t true. I knew on the nights that she wasn’t with
me, she wasn’t alone and that suited me just fine, because it was supposed to
prevent this sort of bullshit.

“Why? You
think that little girl will be better? You know she’s not as good as me.” She
didn’t want to go there, and she definitely didn’t want to hear my answer to
that question.

“Doesn’t
fucking matter. I’m not screwing her. Unlike you, she doesn’t have to get me
off for me to want to spend time with her.”

“Fuck you,
asshole,” she shrieked.

“I already
said not tonight.” Honestly, I don’t even know what I’d been thinking in the
first place, other than I’d been too pissed off to think straight. Now that
Princess was standing in front of me, Kaylie might as well just disappear, and
she did. She stomped off in a fit and I wasn’t sorry to see her go.

“Did you
have to be so harsh?” Jaxyn was actually feeling sympathy for her.
Un-fucking-believable.

“Why do you
care? She’s a bitch.”

“So, you two
are still . . . well whatever you are, and no girl deserves to be treated like
that, no matter how wretched I think she is.”

“There
really is no winning with you, is there?”

“Are you
trying to say you did that for me?” She asked skeptically.

“I wasn’t just
going to let her take her anger out on you.”

 “It’s
not that I don’t appreciate your intentions, but I can stick up for myself. I
really don’t care what she says. All you did was
make
her hate me more. Next time you should probably just work on not being such a
jerk.”

Only Jaxyn
would care that I mistreated someone who was a bitch to her. I rolled my eyes
and groaned because I could already see where this was going.
“Is this the part where, because we’re friends now, you try to
make me a better person?”

“We both
know I can’t make you do anything,” I was beginning to doubt that. Already she
was making me do all sorts of shit that I wouldn’t have before I met her. “But,
I’ve seen you be kind so I know you’re capable of it, and somewhere inside of
you is a partially decent guy. I think.”

Hopefully
she wouldn’t be too disappointed when she realized she was wrong.

“Fuck, this
friendship thing isn’t going to be as much fun as I thought. You sure we can’t
just have sex and then you can hate me or whatever? That seems simpler.”

“Do you
really want me to hate you?”
Yes . . . and fuck no.
It would probably be
simpler if she did, but every time she looked past my behavior, every chance
she gave me, made me not want to blow it more and more. The only problem was
that she had more faith in me than I did. I was pretty sure that I wasn’t
capable of not blowing it.
Fuck.
That didn’t even make sense to me. I
blew out a deep breath and grabbed her hand, pulling her along behind me
through the crowd.

 “That’s
what I thought.” She was feeling awfully smug as evident by the pleased tone in
her voice.

“Come on,
before I change my mind.” I couldn’t help but notice how drastically my moods
had shifted since I climbed off that stage. She drove me crazy, or maybe I was
just making myself crazy, but the one thing I knew for sure, was that nothing
felt wrong about having her hand in mine. Knowing that I was going to be the
one taking her home, even if it wasn’t for the reason I wanted, erased all
traces of that anger and desperation I’d felt that had pushed me into Kaylie’s
arms. Well almost all of it. I stopped and she collided into my back. I spun
around and faced her so that I could make one thing very clear.

 “No
Ace, Princess.”

“What?” She
was looking at me like I was a crazy person, but I already knew that I was.