Fighting Ever After (Ever After #3) (28 page)

Jax stood in
the middle of my room, looking at . . . everything. She was the first girl to
ever step foot in here and I wondered what she thought, if it was what she
expected. I kept my room tidy, a habit instilled in me from childhood; my
mother did not tolerate mess. The only personal touches were the few band
posters and the instruments mounted on the wall. My king size bed took up the
most space. It was neatly made with dark blue bedding and faced the flat screen
up on the far wall. Apart from my dresser and a nightstand, I didn’t have much
else in the way of furniture. Jaxyn spent the most time examining my bookshelf,
which housed all of my movies and books. I watched her take in all the titles,
skimming her finger along the spines, before moving on to the DVD’s. I knew if
I didn’t say something soon, I would lose my nerve. The first thing I needed to
do was apologize.

“I’m sorry
Princess.”

Her perusal
came to a halt and she turned to face me, for once giving away nothing with her
expression.
“For?”

“I guess
there’s a lot I should be apologizing for.” I dragged a hand through my hair
while I nervously tried to find the right words. I could spin lyrics that made
girls throw themselves at me, but in the face of this one girl, the right words
were escaping me. I didn’t know how to tell her all the things I wanted to and
make her believe that I meant them. I only knew I had to try, because I
couldn’t let her walk out this room not knowing how I felt. Whatever risk there
was, I could live with. What I couldn’t handle was pretending; I was tired of
that. “I can’t do this anymore,” I confessed.

 “Do
what?” She crossed her arms defensively as she eyed me.

 “Act
like there isn’t anything going on here.
You and me.”

 “We’re
friends, or at least I thought we were” she said it more like a question than a
statement and a bitter laugh escaped me.

 “You
and I are not friends, not even close. In fact, there hasn’t been a single
moment since we met, Princess, that we’ve been friends. If you really believe
otherwise, you’re lying to yourself.” If I’d figured out anything in the last
few weeks, it was that, and I wasn’t okay with lying to myself anymore, even if
she was.

I realized
too late that she’d misinterpreted my meaning and I felt a sudden swell of
panic as she pivoted toward the door and made a run for it. I grabbed her hand
to stop her. “Wait, you don’t understand.”

She froze,
but refused to turn around, and I knew she was just waiting for me to release
her so she could try to escape again. I wasn’t going to let her though. I put
my hands on her shoulders and rotated her body. Our chests were almost touching
as I held her in place. Her mouth was pressed into a tight line, but I still
saw the slight tremble of her lips and the tears on the verge of spilling down
her cheeks. Instead of using words – because they just didn’t seem like enough
– I did the one thing I could do to make her understand.

Slowly I
lowered my mouth, capturing her lips with mine. She tilted her head back just
slightly, accepting the kiss, but not returning it. I lifted my hand to her
cheek, lightly caressing it as my lips caressed hers. I felt her warm breath
against my lips as she exhaled a soft sigh and then she was kissing me back. I
wanted to slide my hand around to the back of her head and tangle it in her
hair, deepening the kiss and invading her mouth, but now that I had her
attention, there was more that I needed to say before words were lost to this
crazy need building inside of me. I pulled back, separating our mouths and
ending the kiss, pleased by the dazed look on her face and the way her chest
heaved as she sucked in breaths like she couldn’t get enough air.

“You don’t
know how long I’ve wanted to do that. I’ve thought about how your lips would
feel and taste a thousand times, and I have to say, that was even better than I
imagined.” She stared up at me almost blankly and I would have let out a soft
chuckle if I wasn’t feeling a little overwhelmed by that kiss
myself
. “Just so you know,” I whispered, leaning in, “I plan
on doing it again,” I lightly feathered my lips over hers “and again,” I spoke
into her mouth, punctuating it with one more kiss that would hardly be the
last. Those lips had been taunting me for so long – too long.

 “But
not right now,” I told her, amused by the frown that tugged at her brow and the
corners of her mouth.

 “Why
not?” she pouted, and it was enough that I almost said to hell with talking and
kissed her again right there. I wasn’t lying when I told her it was even better
than I had imagined it, and I had imagined it a lot. Instead I went and took a
seat on the bed, patting the spot next to me. She still seemed disappointed
that I wasn’t kissing her again, but she sat down beside me anyway.

“As much as I would love to spend the rest of
the night with you in my arms doing that and a whole lot more
, we need to talk.
Believe it or not, that is why I brought you in here. I didn’t intend to kiss you
until after, but I couldn’t help myself when I saw you were about to walk out
of here.”

The reminder
of what she’d been trying to leave before I stopped her with that kiss, made
her stiffen and scoot a few inches in the opposite direction. “What did you
mean when you said we were never friends?”

“I couldn’t
be your friend then and I still can’t, because it’s not enough. It could never
be enough with you. I want everything.” Her lips parted in a soft gasp, but I
didn’t stop. “I want you to be mine and I’m tired of pretending I don’t. I
tried. I tried so hard to do what was right for you and keep my promise, but
there hasn’t been a single second where I didn’t want you. It’s all I’ve been
able to think about since you fell into my lap.” She appeared to be having
trouble accepting it, and I could only guess at her reservations. “And I’m not
just talking about in my bed.”

 “You
said you couldn’t give me what I needed. You told me you didn’t do
relationships.”

“I know
that’s what I said and I know I was an asshole to you. I just didn’t know what
to do. You completely turned my life upside down. I loved the partying, the
girls, all of it. I was content with everything I had, until you showed up.
That all changed the moment I met you. I couldn’t get that crazy hair and sweet
smile of yours out of my head, and your eyes. Those beautiful fucking eyes saw
right through me. You told me day one that my shit wasn’t going to work on you.
I think I was toast then. I just didn’t realize it because I’m a stubborn
jackass.

“At first, I thought all I wanted was to get
you to sleep with me. Prove that you were like all the rest of them. I think I
knew all along it wouldn’t work though, you’re not like anyone I’ve ever met.”
She was the ray of light
shining through my otherwise bleak and meaningless existence. Before her I
hadn’t even known how much my life was lacking, and after meeting her, I’d
tried to go back, but it was pointless. There was no going back, because I
didn’t truly want to. Everything I wanted was right before me. I leaned my
forehead against hers and closed my eyes for a long moment, before pulling away
just slightly.

“When I
found out what you’d been through, I knew I was no good for you. I promised
myself I would back the hell off so I wouldn’t hurt you anymore than you’d
already been hurt. That’s why I told you I only wanted to be friends, but it
was a lie. I tried to push you away so many times, but I can’t keep doing it
when all I really want is to keep you in my arms and protect you. I just want
you to be mine.”

She stared
back at
me,
I could see her mind spinning in circles
as she played my words over in her head. “What happens if you change your mind?
Are you going to throw me out like you just did Kaylie? I don’t want to be just
another name on a long list of girls to be kicked to the curb like yesterday’s
trash.”

I sprang up
from the bed angrily. “I thought I’d made it clear that you’re nothing like the
other girls and I don’t ever want to hear you compare yourself to them. 
They mean nothing to me, Kaylie means nothing to me.”

“Nothing is
clear,
Ky
,” she yelled back at me.
“Everything about you scares me and I have no idea what to truly
believe. Your actions since I’ve met you don’t match up with what you’re
telling me now. One second you’re the sweetest guy in the world, and the next I
want to hate you for being the biggest ass in the world and making me feel like
shit. Yesterday you were sleeping with Kaylie and today she’s nothing. Is that
going to be me?” She dropped her head into her hands.

“Listen to
me carefully.” I leaned down over her, lifting her chin and then dropping my hands
to the mattress on either side of her hips so that my face hovered directly in
front of hers and she had no choice but to look at me. “There’s only one list
that matters and the only name on it is yours. You’re the only
one
who has ever gotten inside me, and you didn’t just take
a piece of me, you’ve got all of me, Princess. You’re the only
one
who’s ever touched that part of me, and for the record,
I wasn’t screwing anyone yesterday or any day since I almost kissed you in your
bedroom.”

 “You
haven’t been with anyone?” She asked doubtfully.

“I don’t
want to lie to you. I’ve been with other girls. I’ve had my hands all over them
and the things I let them do to me . . .” I felt sick to my stomach just
admitting it, but I owed her complete honesty. “I wanted to get you out of my
head, but I didn’t have sex with any of them. I stopped it before it got that
far, because no matter what I tried, you were there. I didn’t see any of those
girls, all I saw was you. All I see is you.”

I watched
her intently, almost afraid to breathe while I waited for her to say something,
anything. Her eyes never once left mine and I saw the resolve in them the
minute she made her decision. She had every reason to tell me no, to tell me it
wasn’t enough. I doubted I could ever be enough for her, but if she did, I was
prepared to drop down on my knees and beg her before just letting her walk out
that door. I couldn’t believe when she finally said the words I’d almost been
to afraid to hope to hear.

 “You’re
all I see too. I think I’ve been yours for a long time.
Even
when I didn’t want to admit it.”

 
“Yeah?”
I asked, giving her one more chance to change her
mind and back out of this, not that I really would have let her. It was too
late for that now.

 “Yes.”
She flashed a brilliant smile. “I think I was done for the minute you called me
Princess and I’ve just been waiting for this moment ever since.” I didn’t know
it was possible to smile any harder than I already was, and the time for words
was over. She knew what was coming and her body shuddered in anticipation.

I wasn’t as
gentle this time as I pushed her back, following her down until she was flat on
the mattress and I was hovering above her. When my mouth touched hers this
time, it was rough and demanding. Her lips immediately yielded to my assault
and when she let out a soft moan, I wasted no time in sweeping my tongue inside
her mouth. This was a claiming kiss. I could use all the words out there to
tell her just how mine she was, but I’ve always been more about action than words,
and I think I was doing a pretty good job of making my point.

I breathed
her in and her tongue darted out to flick the metal ring in my lip; a move that
drove me crazy. I grinned against her mouth and then I bit her lip playfully.
She nipped at me and then I pressed my lips against hers more forcefully,
shoving my tongue back inside her mouth, tangling it with hers. When I finally
broke it off, we were both breathing heavily and I was sure she could hear my
heart about to beat out of my chest.

I raised
myself up on both arms unable to hide my grin, not that I wanted to. I wanted
her to see just how happy she made me. “Thank you.”

 “I
think I’m the one who should be saying thank you,” she said breathlessly. “I
don’t want to feed your ego, but you’re really good at that.”

I chuckled
softly, “I wasn’t talking about the kiss, although, that was fucking fantastic.
I meant thank you for giving me a chance. I know I don’t deserve it, and I
guarantee I’m gonna fuck up at some point. Please be patient with me when I do.
I can’t make you any promises, but I really want to try this.”

 “I
want it too, and I do promise to be patient, but I need to know that when you
get upset, that if things get hard, that you won’t turn on
me
like you did tonight. The way you talked to me, what you said, it hurt. A lot,”
she admitted softly.

“I know,” I
let out a heavy sigh. “These past few weeks have driven me insane. You can’t
possibly imagine what it’s been like, being cooped up with you and not being
able to touch you, or even tell you how I really felt. I know I fucked up
tonight, and I think deep down I knew Kaylie was full of shit, but hearing that
you might be jealous, that maybe you were feeling the same way I was, well I
think I wanted it to be true. I wanted you to lose your shit on her. I’m sorry
for the way I reacted though, I’m sorry for using her against you and I’m sorry
for everything she said to you. It was my fault.” And I was going to do
everything I could from now on to make up for everything before this, and there
was a lot to make up for.