Fighting to Stay (Fighting Madly Book 2) (28 page)

That plane couldn’t land soon enough. Fucking Hadley took her ass to fucking Ohio on a quest for answers about her birth mother—her damn mother—and never said anything. I had to bribe Mark with tickets to a fucking boxing match, had to pull that shit from him with a damn gift, motherfucker. But at least he told me instead of making me sit on my hands, worrying and waiting for her ass to come back to me.

I sit on a stiff-as-hell hotel bed. Some stupid damn replay of a crime show does shit for distraction. She’s out there and I let her have her break from me, her damn space, to fight this battle on her own. Well, if you call stalking her the same thing as space, along with flying up to our hometown and demanding entry into her room to wait for her to come back, then that’s what I will call it.

My plans, the dream I’m building now, have been calling me away, causing me to be absent in our relationship. I didn’t want to spill the beans. I wanted it wrapped up in a pretty fucking package for my girl, but it might have to come out now before the thing is ready to be unwrapped.

But my plans, the things I want to spend my time and power doing, mean a lot, mean probably too much. It’s my own rebound. My passion for fighting, for my greater good, is bled into it, and when we get back, if Hads wants to know what takes my time, what’s been calling to me, she will.

A keycard slides through the door. I jump to my feet, steadfast to get in her view. Hads…the loyal-to-a-fault, love of my life. If it didn’t go as planned for her, it could crush her, trigger shit that she’s fought to overcome. The insecurities still planted inside her might come out.

But maybe not. She’s fucking strong now, grew a pair of balls the last few years, and can kick anything in her way.

She strolls in her room, her head low, arms loaded down with shit, and pays not a single fucking mind to me. Hads lays her purse down, doesn’t give two fucks where it lands. She turns around and her eyebrows rise so high, it could rip her forehead. She drops the rest of her stuff on the floor.

“Shit, Reed, why did you just sneak up on me? Didn’t anyone teach you to never scare a pregnant lady? And not to mention, you just made me drop my Tim Hortons coffee and food all over.” She thrusts out her lip.

“You owe me tickets for a boxing match.”

Hads cocks her head to the side. “Oh, well, you owe me more food. Tell me why I owe tickets?”

I bend down, picking up the mess on the floor. “I had to give mine to your damn brother for your info, babe.”

“Well, you could have just waited since I’m scheduled to land and be back home by noon.”

“I couldn’t, no fucking way. I wasn’t going to interrupt the shit, but you can’t leave me like that and not expect me not to follow. So, did you meet her?”

“I did.” She holds onto our son, something I’ve noticed she’s done since the belly popped out. But since the night in the hospital, it’s been a more constant, nurturing thing of hers.

“Annnndddd… Hads, you’re killing me not letting me know.”

“She doesn’t want her family to know about her past and the problems in it, with me being one of
those
problems.”

I stare at her face, looking for signs of her losing it, like the things I saw the night of her breakdown. But she’s calm. Has everything under control. “Babe, you got it on lock, don’t you? You good?”

“I am. I’m not going to lie, it stung for a second. And when I walked out, I was sorry for myself, doing the pity dance in my head but then I felt him kick. I mean, not the little flying movements but a
real
kick for the first time. I had a surge of love, the unconditional kind. It beat through me. And, Reed, that’s what this is about—this life, ours and this baby—is to show each other that, and to give the same to our son. My daddy and my mom showed me that my whole life, no questions about it. The shame Andrea had on her face when her husband was on his way home, she literally kicked me out, isn’t love. I’m done with this past shit. Because that’s what it is—the past. I can’t bring the old, dirty drama into this new, pure life. That’s why you need to get your shit together.”

I reach for her hands and gather her into the circle of my arms. The fucking smell of her hits me. I’ve been too gone, too lost for too long. “Hads, tomorrow when that plane lands, I’m taking you where I’ve been. That shit you said at the hospital hit close. I’ve been lost in my head for too long. But what you said about fear leading to a second chance, it hit me and I’ve been working on something, something that could change people’s lives. I wanted all the shit lined up just in case it didn’t happen.”

“Nothing bad?”

I take a strand of her hair between my fingers. Fucking silk. “Not bad at all. Now what did the doctor say about sex?”

“Aw, did my wittle Reedyboo want to have sex now that his thumb isn’t up in his ass?”

“Well, speaking with you here and your ass on my lap, is making my dick really happy.”

“Sorry, buster, no sex in the champagne room for another two weeks.”

“Well, anything wrong with your mouth?”

I wince, readying myself for the smackdown, but all Hads does is take my hand and place it on her belly. “Is that…was…holy shit.” I lift Hads up, my arms on each side of her stomach, my mouth right where he just kicked. “You, son, stop beating up your mom.” I glance up at Hads and tears are streaming down her cheeks. “We need a name for him. Son, it, or baby shit isn’t working anymore.”

“Oh, really? What would you like to name him?”

“Not fucking Reed Junior, that’s for sure. That killed me in school. ‘Hey, Reed, did you read today?’ ‘Reed, what book are reading?’ ‘Reed, can you really read?’ Stupidest shit ever. Not doing that to my kid, that’s for damn sure.”

“Let’s think about it. But first, I really need to get some Tim Hortons.”

“Well, let’s get you food, baby mama.”

I rise to my feet and pull Hads into me, and hold her in my arms. She’s grown, changed, and matured, and all for the damn best.

I’m a fucking lucky-ass man.

“Hey, Hads?”

“Hey, Reed?”

“What did your mom say about the faith thing?”

“To never lose faith. You know, in love and life. Why?”

I pull out my phone. “Google is a great resource. I have the name. Fucking epic shit I’m talking.”

“Oh, epic?”

“Fireworks and shit.”

Who would think that a blindfold would be placed on my face by Reed, and not in a sex way, either? The bumps in the road as we drive are making our son dance in my belly. “How much longer? For real, when I said I needed to pee twenty minutes ago, I wasn’t kidding.”

“Babe, no, it wasn’t twenty minutes. More like two.”

“
You
say that when a human is on your bladder beating it like a punching bag.”

A hand that better be Reed’s comes over on my leg. “Cross your legs because I just got my seats cleaned.”

“What is up with everyone in my life wanting to be a comedian?”

“It’s skills, mad skills, Hads. Anyway, we are here.”

I lift my hands to pull off the blindfold, but Reed just slaps them away. “Babe, chill for a second. Let me pull you out and shit. I have a whole thing planned and that blindfold comes off when I say it does, all right?”

“Yes, sir, Mr. Bossy Pants.”

A door closes. A few seconds later, mine opens, and Reed’s rough hands pull me out of the SUV. My feet hit the ground. Hard rocks are under my feet as I hold tight to Reed’s elbow.

“You ready, Hadley?”

“Born ready for this.”

He pulls the tie from the back of my head and it falls to the ground. Reed stands here right in front of me, so damn proud of himself. Giant trees line the background behind him.

“Reed, please, tell me you didn’t find another place to build that house, because the land we had was perfect, and the foundation was poured months ago.”

“Oh, my hot-as-shit Hadley, no, this isn’t that. Take a look around, walk some, and see if you recognize it.”

He leads me up the path and into a clearing where the chapel sits, full of its beautiful glory. “Reed, you did this? You did all this for me?”

He laces his fingers through mine, and as we approach, I see a sign he placed on the side. This is a real one, a company one.

Sparrow and Star’s Haven

“What is this?”

Reed drops his hold on my hand and shuffles his feet. “That day when I found out the news about it really being done for good—my career, I mean. I got in the car, and the damn picture of this place was tucked in my visor.”

“I put it there when you left to get the other test. A hint of sorts, and totally forgot about it. I’m glad my subtle hint led you to this. But what is it exactly?”

“Not so subtle, but that’s really about this. Did you know the land is over forty acres? That’s not a lot, but enough for what I have planned.”

“And what is it that you have planned?”

“A place where kids can come and be kids, a place where, if their dad is a jackass, they can come and get a break. A place where, if their mother is dying, they can come and let loose. A place where kids in this crazy world can fucking be kids for just a little bit longer.”

“Why, Reed, why would you do this?”

“Imagine this, Hads. I don’t know what happened. I always knew I wouldn’t fight forever. I mean, could you imagine me fifty fucking years old flipping over fuckers on the mat? Yep, that wasn’t going to happen. But I wanted to go out on my terms,
my own terms
. Not by some injury beating the shit out of me, an injury that was some fluke fucking accident.

“But the thing is, it wouldn’t have felt like my whole world was shifting if I saw the bigger picture, if I knew there was a bigger one out there. And this, Hads, is the big-ass, mother-fucking picture. Kids will come here, know their worth from the beginning. I’ll get Kenny and Lance to teach some boxing and wrestling classes once the gym is built. Laura, who don’t kill me, knew about this, is on board to help kids with some art classes, since she is some closet artist. I found a chef that will do some cooking classes. Bash said he will help the computer guys, and that guy Xavier from your group shit said at our engagement party that he wanted to settle down and teach music. Maybe he could do that here?”

“You have been busy as hell. But what’s the chapel going to be used for?”

“Well, first order of this chapel once raised from the dead, is to get us hitched. So my family has the same last name. After that, it will be used for groups. Any groups… I remember you telling me yours meets in the basement, and it’s a breeding ground for spiders. And this gives a killer view to look out to when talking about fucked-up, emotional shit.”

Reed surprises me all the time, but this takes everything he’s ever done and raises it by a hundred. I wrap my arms around him. My belly prevents me from seeking the closeness I really need, to show him how I appreciate all of this hard work he’s done. “You’re kind of scaring me. This new outlook. What happened to my Riker?”

“Babe, I will always have that shit inside me, needing to get out. He’s my demon, but now I’ll have to battle him a new way. I can’t fight it out anymore, but I’ll find a way to.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? I mean, it was like I didn’t exist to you for months.”

“If you got your hopes up and I couldn’t do this, if I fucking failed… Well, it would be another lose for me. And it wasn’t my intention to hold you at arm’s length. I was fucking pre-occupied and honestly fucking in a lot more physical pain than I let on, and well, I’m a jackass and I made a mistake.”

“Reed, a mistake is one thing, but if you make the same mistakes over and over, it becomes a decision. A judgment call. You made the decision to do all those things. I can’t handle it anymore. I can’t teeter totter on this in any way. You are all in. From now on. You, Reed Collins, understand that?”

Reed places his hands around my neck, his eyes locked on mine. “Don’t keep a record of my wrongs, because that list will be fucking miles long. Hads, you are who I want to be with. We will never be perfect for each other. A fact we fucking proved tenfold. It’s you though,
you
, I want to look over at when shit turns sour, and you that stands next to me. You that I want watching my tattoos get that old-skin look. Babe, our love is fucking it.”

“I love you, but I’m not going to even try to lie. For the last couple of months, I didn’t really like you very much. Didn’t like you at all. I’m talking most of the time, I had the urge to stab you with a spoon, so you know it wouldn’t do a lot of damage but still hurt. All except when you got me food. I like food
all
the time. Now that’s some type of love.”

“I know you do. Your ass shows it now.” He presses his hands on the curve, cupping it and pushes me closer into him.

I roll my eyes and the corner of my mouth quirks up. “Your love for my ass and tits knows no bounds.”

“It sure doesn’t.” Reed cocks his head to the side, his voice deep and full of bragging.

“This plan of yours is mad.”

“Mad, babe. Everything about us is mad. Mad about you, mad about me, mad about this fucking life. But with you, who would know we would not only break all the rules, but crash that shit up.”

“Hurricanes can’t stop our sparrows.”

“Dork, Hads, pure dorkiness.”

I stand up on my tiptoes and press my lips onto his. “And yet you still love me.”

“Fucking madly, babe. Forever.”

“Pinky?”

“Fucking pinky.”

Forty weeks.

Forty
long
weeks.

And twenty of those weeks were me lost, and another twenty making up for lost time from the fuck-ups.

You know, the normal shit I always do. Because I fuck up, it’s what I do, who I am. Yet, she loves me for all of it, accepts me for it all. Made just for me and me for her.

My poor girl can’t tie her shoes, can’t sleep longer than twenty minutes at a time even with twelve pillows to support that monster child of mine, and of course, our baby would be a stubborn ass and be stuck in there. And so now Hads, after a day in the hospital with drugs pumping through her with no damn luck getting my boy out of her, has these words flying out of her mouth that make my face flush. I’m dressed in blue scrubs, watching my girl getting prepped to get her stomach cut open.

Hads’s damn blue eyes well over as her arms are strapped to a table. “Reed, I don’t know… I wanted to hold him right away, and I can’t if I do it this way. Maybe I should have waited just a little longer. Labor wasn’t that bad.” Her voice is hollow, her fucking chin shakes as she talks, and her face drains of all that natural color I fucking love to see.

Labor not bad, yeah right. My fucking bruised-ass hand begs to differ, and I would switch spots with her in a heartbeat, but that’s one thing I can’t do for her. “Babe, you got this. You didn’t carry him this long to down and out. I know you wanted to hold him, but look, I got my camera and I’m ready for his debut with all the guts and bloody mess.” Yes, I’m now one of those guys that’s going to have a big-ass camera around his neck and click a picture when their kid fucking shits.

“Don’t get the cutting-open stuff, that’s gross. But once he’s out, get that finger ready. You pinky?” she pleads, her voice unusually strained from her nerves. The nerves that she isn’t even trying to bottle up.

“I pinky that shit. Focus on me, okay, not Dr. Lewis. Not anyone else but me and this kick-ass mask I’m wearing.”

She grits her teeth. I peer up at Dr. Lewis as he looks down, his whole damn body covered by the sheet separating us from him. He’s cutting my babe up, hurting her. I tighten my hands into balls and have to remind my fists that there’s a good fucking reason for it, but fuck, if I don’t want to hit his ass for causing her pain.

“Are you sure about his name?” I ask, my solution at getting her mind off all of this.

“Reed, we’ve gone through months of discussions over this. You can pick fun at all the names. Mine was ‘Have you had Hads yet?’ It happens to the best of us. So you will just have to teach him to fight, for when the picking turns to bullying.”

“You’re going to let him fight?” Since this moment, Hadley’s mind was set she wasn’t going to let him.

“If that’s what he wants, I will.”

“Nope, don’t believe you.”

“Will do. Oh, shit, that’s a lot of pressure going on down there.”

Yep still not believing her, must be the drugs they gave her.

“I’m sure, but focus on this stud of a fiancé’s eyes. The house should be ready soon. What place do you want to christen first?”

“We can’t have sex for six weeks, Reed.”

“Say what?” Six weeks? No one told me that shit.