Finding Alana (10 page)

“That’s when you gave Courtney your keys.”

She nods, wiping at her nose with a tissue. “I thought she would catch on that this was not someone I wanted to leave with. But dammit, she’s no good at subtle hints.”

“I know. We went looking for you at the bar, and she told us about you leaving with some guy.”

“God love her, that girl is dense. Anyway…” She sniffles and I give her the whole box of tissue. “So he took me to the house. I apologized for reporting him. Just said that he had scared me and I didn’t know what else to do. The look he gave me was terrifying. Like I was a piece of meat and he was about to devour me, but also there was this meanness I’ve never seen before.”

I’ve seen that look
.

“I told him I needed to tell you not to come home. That I was with someone. He allowed me one phone call. When he gave me the phone, I called Cameron. I was reminded that he’s a former cop, ya know. I figured he was the best person to call. He could actually help. Plus, he’s pretty smart. I knew if I called him and acted like he was you he’d know something was wrong. I was right. I called him and said, ‘Hey Alana. I’m with someone at home tonight, can you stay with Justin?’ He immediately said he was on his way over and not to hang up.”

“All of that sounds like he rescued you. What went haywire?”

“He made it all right, after Kent beat my ass. Girl, he threw me against walls like a ragdoll.”

I closed my eyes and let the fear seep deep into my spirit. “Kate, what’s this guy’s name again?”

“I never told you? His name is Kent. Kent Walsh.”

“Oh. My. God.” I get up from the chair by her bed and run out into the hallway. I blow past Justin and Cameron, headed straight for the stairwell. I don’t have time for an elevator.
He found me. He found me, and he beat my roommate. He’s been harassing her because of me. He. Found. Me.

I make it down three flights of stairs before Justin catches up with me. When he does he blocks me from going down the next flight. I’m out of breath.

“Alana, what’s going on?”

“I have to leave. He found me. He found Kate. He nearly killed her. He’s found me and I have to leave. He’ll kill me for real this time.”

He’s not going to kill you. Cameron and I will take care of this. Please, stop trying to run away. We don’t know for sure that he’s here for you. He could just be a straight-up psychopath. Please, Alana. Let me help.

“Can’t breathe,” I manage, barely audible.

“Come here. You can’t breathe because you’re having a panic attack.” Justin wraps me in his arms and starts coaching me to calm me. He keeps repeating, “You’re okay. You’re safe. In and out. Match my breathing. Listen to my heart.”

Slowly, I start to catch my breath. “What are you going to do? You aren’t a cop. You can’t take him out or something.”

Justin looks stern. “You’re right, but I know the right people. Please let Cam and I help. We can get you both protected.”

Reluctantly, I agree. What choice do I have at this point? “Justin? Don’t be angry with me. I’m terrified.”

“I’m not. I hate that this is happening. Cameron told me who did this in the hall. When he told me, my skin went cold. I knew it would only be a split-second before Kate told you, and this would be your reaction. I should have stopped you upstairs. Girl, you can move!”

I laugh bitterly “Panic can do that to you. How did Cameron find her?”

He shakes his head. “You don’t want to know. It’s bad.”

“I need to know. How bad?”

He thinks it over and decides to answer my question. “He beat her bad. He destroyed the house. Cameron said he thought the guy was going to rape her when he walked in and saw what was happening. She was unconscious. But that chicken-shit asshole ran from the house when Cameron busted the door in.”

“I’m not surprised he’s scum or a chicken-shit. It’s confirmation that we’re talking about the same Kent.”

Justin wraps his arms around me and squeezes. “I promise this asshole will get what’s coming to him. Promise. Come back upstairs and talk to the police. They’ll be here any minute.”

Hours later, the four of us have talked to the police. We discussed everything while waiting for them to arrive, and decided to leave out anything to do with my history with Kent. I faked my death, my son is out there somewhere, and Kent is in the wind waiting to strike again. I don’t want anyone to give away my new life if I can help it at all.

Cameron decided to stay overnight with Kate. They are concerned with some internal bleeding they believe is coming from her kidneys. Thinking about how deadly Kent can be makes my blood boil. Poor, sweet Kate didn’t deserve this. Her mistake was taking my advice, and it made her a target. I encouraged her to report him. How could I have known that the asshole at work was really a psychopath? How could I have known it was Kent? After all this time, he shows up here. Why? He’s been looking for me after all. Is that why he was downtown that day?

My brain feels like a swirling shit storm by the time we reach my house. Justin stands guard at the door like a sentry as I move around the house packing a bag. I grab a few days’ worth of work clothes, some pajamas, and some blue jeans.

It all starts to hit me again as I’m zipping my makeup bag. He’s running me out of my home again. Tears prick my eyes and my hands start to shake. Justin’s hands cover mine, and he takes over closing the bag. Yanking my hands back from him, I cross my arms and close my eyes, trying to regain some composure.

He’s careful when he turns to face me. Slowly and gently he wraps his arms around me. I realize I don’t have regain composure with Justin here. He’s holding me together when it feels like the Earth has dropped out from under me. His voice is soothing as he repeats what I need to hear.
“It’s not your fault. Calm down. Breathe.”
I feel myself leaning into him harder as my body gives up fighting the fear and shame of this whole situation.

How could I have doubted that I wanted to have a real relationship with him? He’s everything to me in this moment and has a way of comforting me like no one else can. I’ve been so self-reliant and terrified for so long that I was scared to let anyone else in. As I look up into his beautiful face, I know we are crossing that line between friends with benefits and something more. How much more, I’m not sure.

“Did you pack everything you need?” he asks.

I nod.

“Let’s get out of here. I’m freaked out. My former sergeant made some calls; he’s assigned a patrol unit to your street. None of us think Kent will come back here. He already had his fun with Kate, and he doesn’t really know about you. Well, not the real you.”

I shake my head.
What if he saw pictures of me while he was here with Kate.
“Justin,” I start, “There are pictures of me in the house.”

“There are pictures of you in the house?” he repeats.

“Yes, there’s one on the fridge, one in the living room on the bookcase, and I think Kate has one of the two of us together in her room.”

Before I can fully finish my sentence, Justin is in motion. “Stay here.” He says it over his shoulder as he bolts from the bedroom. I do as I’m told. I can hear him rummaging around in the remnants of our things. When he comes back to me, his face is ghostly pale, and he’s shaking his head.

“What is it?” I ask as the fear wells up in my throat.

“Your pictures are gone.”

I take a minute to absorb what that means. Kent took the pictures. Kate wouldn’t have done anything with them. He’s seen my face. Do I look differently enough now that he wouldn’t recognize those pictures as being the real me? “Oh, God. He knows. He’ll be back for me.”

“Let’s go,” Justin says dragging my roller bag behind him as he leaves my bedroom, clearing a way for me to follow him.

I drive my car with Justin following in his truck behind me. When we get to Justin’s house, he asks me to stay in the car and lock all the doors. He doesn’t want to take any chances that we’ve been watched recently or that we’ve been followed. I have a cell phone in my hand with 911 dialed, but not yet connected. I hold it for dear life as Justin inspects his house.

While I’m waiting, the thought that Kent might have put it all together is overwhelming. I can’t let him hurt Kate again or even let him get close to Cam and Justin. There are too many people at stake now. What about Ethan? Where is he? Who is watching him? Kent is psychotic. He won’t stop now that he knows I’m alive.

Of course, I’m only assuming, but I’m fairly certain he knows who I am. There’s no way I’m going to let him hurt anyone else in my life. I have to do something, and there’s only one way to stop him for good. A plan starts to form in my mind.

My thoughts have me so distracted that I’m caught off-guard when Justin returns to the car. I unlock the door. He has a gun in his hand, and he’s holding it low, pointed away from us.

I’ve never been around guns much. Hell, the first time I can remember hearing one fired was the night I was shot. The damn things scare me to death. I keep my eye on the gun as I gather my things from the car. Justin notices. “I know how you must feel about this, but it’s a necessary evil.”

I nod. “I just don’t know anything about guns. Do you think it would be worthwhile to teach me how to use one?”

He looks surprised. “I don’t think that’s a good idea with, uh…”

“I’m not sick. I’m not mental,” I defend.

Justin’s face becomes stern. “I don’t think you’re sick or mental. I just know guns and people who are emotionally compromised are not a good mix. I promise I will teach you to use one. We can go to the range one day, but until this business with Kent is settled, you aren’t using any kind of weapon. Come on. We can talk inside.”

He’s probably right. I let it go for now, but I will learn to use that gun.



Justin works to make me a space in his room and is careful to say we don’t have to sleep in the same bed if it makes me uncomfortable. He’s willing to take the couch. I laugh at him. After all the things we’ve been doing and going through lately, that’s the last thought on my mind. “You are crazy. I’ll never get to sleep on my own. I need you with me, but let me have the side away from the door. You’ll need visibility from that side.”

“Agreed,” he answers. “You’re pretty good at this defense strategy. I like it.” He winks as he leaves me to make another security patrol through the house. Repeatedly checking windows, doors, and the door locks.

While he’s doing all of that, I decide to open a bottle of wine. We both need something to help calm our nerves. Kate and Cameron should be here tomorrow. We are going to stay with the boys until something can be done about Kate’s house. Our house.

I take the bottle of wine and some glasses into Justin’s bedroom and leave them on the nightstand. Then I grab my makeup bag and some pajamas and head to the bathroom. What I need right now is a hot shower and some downtime with Justin. Anything to make me forget. As I step into the bathroom, I think I should let him know what I’m doing. “Taking a shower, babe.”

Justin doesn’t answer. So I walk down the hall a little ways, and say, “Justin? I’m taking a shower.”

I’m startled out of my skin when a voice behind me says, “Okay. I’ll be here when you get out.”

Releasing a sigh of relief, I turn to see Justin behind me. “Not cool, man. You scared the shit out of me!”

He laughs. “Sorry. Just needed to provide some comic relief. It’s been way too tense around here tonight.”

He kisses my forehead and steers me back to the bathroom. I turn on the water and then stand in front of the mirror. All I can do is stare into my own eyes. I stare so long that the image begins to blur.

Appropriate when I consider how this week has been nothing but a clusterfuck. I’ve done things I knew better than to do because Irma thought it was a good idea. Now look at the mess I’ve created. I know I’m not fully to blame, but there’s no one else to explain how all of this could turn to shit so fast. I made this mess, and I’m the only one that can clean it up.

I stare at myself so long that the view gets obscured by the steam from the shower. I know that it’s hot enough now. Stepping in, I lean against the wall as I let the heat sink into my skin and warm me from my toes to the top of my head.

I focus on my mantras and breathing to let go of all of the blame and guilt for what’s happening all around me. I want to trust Justin and Cameron, and their police connections, to handle this whole thing. It’s beyond that now.

When I’ve finished cleaning up and trying to let go of the day, I step into Justin’s bedroom. He’s kicked back on the bed. It looks like he was sitting up watching TV, waiting for me to get out, but the lack of sleep recently is evident as he is passed out cold. I pour myself a glass of wine and sit on the bed next to him. I have my cell phone in-hand so I can check on Kate.

I text Cameron, who responds that she’s been sleeping a lot. We agree it’s likely the Valium they’re giving her to relax. She’s not in a terrible amount of pain, so she’s been refusing pain killers. The Valium is to help her mind calm. I start to feel sappy when I answer his last text.
“Thanks for looking out for her, Cam. You didn’t have to do this.”

His answer melts my heart,
“Yes, I did. She’s a great girl. No one deserves to go through anything like this. No one. I’m happy to be here with her.”

When I turn to put my phone away, Justin says something in his sleep. It startles me. I reach over and stroke the unruly hair from his forehead. With him asleep and vulnerable, I can imagine him as a little boy. As I’m basking in his sweet, restful face, he starts to speak again. This time I still and listen.

“I can take care of you. Let me help you,” he pleads with someone. “I love you. Stay with me,” he finishes, and my heart breaks.