Finding Carson Lee (Oh Captan, My Captain #3) (14 page)

“
I appreciate the story, Mr. Wright, but despite what you may think, I
am
happy with how my life is right now.” I am. No doubt about that.

“
Son, if you’re happy like this, then great, but don’t do it because you don’t think there’s nothing better. Don’t do it because you think you’ll be like your parents. My parents were the worst, but I swore when I became a dad I wouldn’t be that way, and I’m not. But I see a lot more in you than what you’re showing.”

Ignoring the last part, I tell him, “I’m not doing it because I think I’ll be like my parents. It took me a long time to accept that I could stay happy with this life. I pay a lot of money to keep my private life hidden, so the other well-known stuff can stay in the public.”

“
Just remember: if they’re hidden, that doesn’t mean they won’t be made public. No matter how much money you put into people’s mouths.”

Yeah, we’ll see. “What is it that you think you see in me anyway?” I ask once I don’t have to look directly at him.

“
A good man who’s hiding behind women and booze because he hasn’t found real happiness yet.”

What the hell is real happiness anyway, if it’s not what I already have? Even I know that’s a joke, though. “A good man.” I laugh. “Funny how your daughter thinks I’m the furthest thing from that. It’s a bit ironic to me.”

“
Kinley sees the good in people all the time. Trust me, she knows you’re a good man.”

Kinley

I look over myself in the mirror. I have listened to my mother gripe all day, and I’m not really looking forward to dinner. Well, that’s somewhat of lie. I do get to spend it with Dad and maybe Mama will have gotten all her bitching out. I tuck the one crazy piece of hair behind my ear and make sure my black dress hasn’t gathered any lint. Dad told me that he’s taking us somewhere fancy, so I knew to dress up.

The knock on my door tells me that it’s time to go. I grab my purse and phone and open the door. I’m expecting my father, but instead I see Carson Lee.

“
What the hell do you want?”

“
You really need to work on your greetings.” He gives me that smirk. “Are you ready to go?”

“
Go? Go where?” I ask puzzled.

“
To dinner? With your parents?” He acts like I should know this already.

“
How the hell did you get invited to dinner with my parents?” I cross my arms.

“
Your mother insisted.” His smirk deepens.

“
Of course it’s my mama.” I throw my hands up. “Fine, there’s no reason to argue at this point. Come on.”

Carson follows me out to the lobby, and I hail a cab. We both slide in, and I tell the driver where to go. We don’t say anything because it’s not that long of a drive and there isn’t much to say.

The restaurant is not well lit, but it makes the white tablecloths shine brightly. There is an old wax candle in the middle of the table. I see my parents right away and head to them. There are greetings, hugs, and handshakes. I’m glad there’s a bottle of wine on the table. We make small talk until Mama begins in on Carson first.

“
Carson, how did you enjoy golfing with my husband today? He told me you whipped him into shape.”

“
More like the other way around. I only play here and there, so he schooled me.” There’s something in the way he said ‘schooled’ that makes me think there’s more to it, but I let it go.

“
Well, he tends to play a little bit more since he’s retired. Do you have plans after you finish your hockey games?”

I roll my eyes and shake my head. “Mama, it’s his
hockey career
, not just games.”

Carson ignores my correction of Mama’s mistake. “I’m hoping to play for a while still. Once the time gets closer, then I’ll think about what’s next.”

Mama puts on her sad smile. “I’m hoping Kinley decides to quit her
silly
career soon.” My stomach twists at her words. It’s not silly at all. It’s my life.

“
Carson, would you marry someone with a full time job?” Mama questions him.

I slightly gasp. “Mama, I’m sure Carson doesn’t need to answer such a silly question. And if I remember correctly, you’ve held down jobs too.”

Mama narrows her eyes at me, and I know it’s about to get bad. “Yes, but then I got married and had a child, and I did what I was supposed to do. Unlike you.”

This time, Dad is the one that jumps in before I can. “Ruby, I think we’ve had enough of this talk.”

“
No,” Mama raises her voice a little. “She’s wasting her life with all this clothes business. She travels, she’s always tired, and I’ve hardly seen her since March. I mean we had to travel to her to have a family vacation.”

“
I’m not playing dress up and quit acting like I am.” My voice raises too, and my feelings are hurt. “I’m not like you. I’m don’t want to be married and tied down with kids.”

“
Obviously not since you couldn’t keep your first marriage together. I’m surprised Elliott stuck around as long as he did with you.”

My mouth falls in shock. Never has my mama ever said anything so harsh to me. I feel like she stuck a knife into my soul. I can’t stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks. Mama goes to say something, but I jump up and race out of the restaurant. I hear someone behind me, and I know that Carson is following me.

I don’t hail a cab. I walk all the way back to the hotel, and the tears keep coming. Carson keeps up with my pace, not saying anything, only walking close to me.

When I get off the elevator on our floor, I fumble in my purse for my cardkey, but he grabs my upper arm and drags me into his room.

“
Carson, leave me alone, please,” I beg him as I sniff.

“
Sweetheart, that’s not happening.” His voice is low. He guides me to his bed, and I sit down. “Will you let me be helpful for once?”

“
Do you even know how?” I snap at him.

“
Not really.” He chuckles, sitting next to me. “But it can’t be that hard.”

I giggle at him, even though I don’t feel like it. “It’s very hard because as you heard at dinner, I’m a bit of a bitch.” I wipe the tears from my face. “I guess it’s not a big shock to you. Maybe I should send it in an email?”

“
Please, no more emails.” He shakes his head. “You’re not a bitch. Just focused on what you want.”

“
Carson Lee, you may not realize this, but I failed in my mama’s eyes.” I push my hair back and behind my ears. “I’m not Betty Homemaker. What I want, isn’t what she thinks I need. I want this to be my career. Yes, it’s stressful, and I sometimes have to yell at pro athletes who are extremely hardheaded, but I love it. I feel like I’ve accomplished something at the end of the day when I see those photos of my ideas on the laptop.” I pour my heart out to Carson Lee, and I’m not sure why I am.

“
I’m going to ignore the hardheaded comment for your sake.” He bumps my shoulder. “You should feel like you’ve accomplished something because you have. She will eventually come around. Eventually. Want to know how I know?”

“
How?”

“
Because she’s your mom and she obviously loves you. That means more than you might think.” His voice is low but serious.

I nod, knowing what he’s saying, but it’s hard to hear it right now. “Is your mom this way with you because you’re not married or popping out grandkids for her?”

“
I’m not married because I don’t want to be.” His voice sounds hard and stern. “That’s enough of an explanation. Plus, have you met me?”

“
I think you would make an outstanding father, Carson Lee. I mean, I can see you with your sons out on the ice, teaching them hockey, and being tough. I can even see you scaring the shit out of your daughter’s boyfriends. Yep, you’d make a good dad.” I don’t say anything for a moment, and then try to break up the seriousness. “Or maybe, I’m a little crazy,” I tease back. “But there’s a lot of good in you. I can see it.”

“
Seems to be the running theme today.” Carson laughs.

“
What do you mean?” I can’t figure out what is so funny.

“
Nothing.” He drops the subject, and we sit there for a second in silence. “Are you avoiding the marriage and kids because you know your mom is going to want you to stay home or because you don’t want that at all?”

Carson’s question makes me stop. It hits close to home, and I don’t want to say the words out loud that are running through my head.

“
If I tell you the truth, you’ll laugh, so I’m not going to tell you.”

“
Maybe I will laugh.” He shrugs. “But it won’t be in a mean sort of way, sweetheart. Promise.”

I roll my eyes at him. “Fine. I don’t like to fail, and I’m scared that if I get into another serious relationship, it will end with me feeling like I let everyone down again. That’s why I haven’t got into another relationship.” I feel like a whole brick load of stress leaves my chest with those words.

“
For what it’s worth, I don’t think you failed the first time.”

“
Ha, well you didn’t see the disappointment from my family and friends. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done.” I feel my tears coming back.

“
It was the right thing for you, though, right? That’s the most important part.”

I nod at his question. “It was the right thing. I wish other people would understand that. I don’t know how to get them to understand it.”

“
Maybe you shouldn’t worry about it so much. If you haven’t done it so far, then they won’t understand if you keep trying. Maybe, you should think more about yourself and what you want.” Carson leans in closer to me.

My mouth goes dry from his words and how near he is to me. I have to leave before I do something. Not that I would regret it, but I can’t do it now. “I’m not sure what I want at this moment, but I’m getting tired, Carson Lee. Thank you for the talk, but I think I need to leave.” I turn away from him and go back to my room.

Carson

The conversation from the day of the dinner has been running through my mind for days. Kinley seemed more human afterwards and I felt so bad for her. She bounced back pretty well though. Or, it appears as if she has. I can’t believe some of what happened, especially Kinley trying to tell me that she could see me with kids. There’s still a part of me that thinks she had to be drunk or high. I’m ready for this trip to be over, if only so I can get away from talk like that. Between her and her dad, I’ve had enough of listening to the shit they think they know.

I’ve put that on the back burner, though. We’re breaking for lunch and I’ve convinced Cassie and Kinley to come with me for ice cream. I saw a commercial for some last night and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since. Holding the door open, the girls walk in first. Their chatting falls away as we study the menu.

“
Mmm,” Kinley hums. “I want that double chocolate cherry one.”

“
Cherry, eeww.” Cassie shakes her head in disgust.

I smile. “I’m with Kinley on this one. Cherries are always a good choice.”

Kinley rolls her eyes. “I’m sure you’ve said that to more than one girl in your life.”

“
You’re probably right. Anything dessert related is pretty much good in my book. Although, I don’t understand pistachio ice cream.” There’s a pause as we order and then move to a table. I look at Kinley, assessing her. “You can’t tell me you’ve never thought about the bonus features that comes with desserts.”

“
Bonus features?” Kinley manages to sound like she doesn’t have a clue as to what I’m talking about.

I lean in closer and lower my voice. “Hot chocolate drizzled over your skin only to be licked off, whipped cream, melting ice cream, the works.”