Finding Home (6 page)

“Are you okay, Sam?

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Well, that long sigh makes me think there’s something bothering you. I know it’s been awhile since we talked, but if you need someone to listen, I’m here.”

My mind drifts back to another time Sam answered Jenny’s phone. It had been about six months after Beth’s death, and she told me that she was sorry. She said that I could just talk and she’d listen. I remember thinking then that she was the only one who didn’t give me advice. She only wanted to listen, and that was refreshing.

“Thanks Ben, but there’s almost too much to say. You’d need at least a day to hear it all. I’ll be fine, though, thanks for the offer.” There’s some rustling in the background and a loud moan. “Guess who is up and running for the bathroom? I should go and check on her. I’ll tell her you called.”

“Okay, thanks.” The sudden pang in my chest tells me not to hang up yet. “Hey are you still meeting my parents for dinner tomorrow?”

“Absolutely! I wouldn’t miss dinner with them. They treat me better than my own parents. Yuck, there goes the puking. This will go down as a memorable night in our books.” I hear her laugh again and it warms me. God, she sounds wonderful. I want to keep talking to her just so I can hear her voice. As I’m trying to understand my feelings, her voice interrupts my thoughts. “Oh hey, how are things going with you?” That one question throws me off kilter. It’s a simple question, but not so simple an answer. Suddenly, Beth’s face comes into view, and I lose my mental balance. I panic and mumble some benign answer about being fine and winning and abruptly hang up.

“Fuck, real smooth, Ben!” I stand there for a moment trying to comprehend what happened. She’s the first girl that’s stirring my insides up—making me feel something. It’s been a long time, and I cautiously welcome it. Then I remember how I ended the call. I’m a complete moron. And to top it off, I hang up on her. It’s a good thing she’s in Boston, and I’m here. Chances of ever meeting her or talking to her again are slim. As I walk back into the pub, I try to suppress the disappointment that our call ended so quickly. And I’m the reason for it.
Pussy
.

Standing in my living room, I take a moment to collect myself. I look over at the picture of Ben that sits on our side table. He’s in his rugby uniform and looks spectacular. It’s almost cruel how good he looks. I faintly hear Jenny dry heaving in the bathroom, and I know that I should check on her.

I’ve talked to Ben before, and no one can deny his hotness, but this feels different. There’s something in his voice. It draws me in, and it’s a total turn on. Who am I kidding? I can think and fantasize all I want, but the chances of us hooking up are slim to none. For one thing, he’s Jenny’s brother, and second, he lives in California. And let’s not forget he’s still hung up on his dead fiancé. But still, I can’t deny his call has me thinking more.

The darkness of night fills up my room. My eyes feel heavy as I replay the day in my mind. Besides graduation, the one bright spot is Ben. I could take and leave my parents, but Ben—he’s a whole other story. My body feels lighter as I let my mind drift off. His voice, as always, is low, smooth as silk, but with an edge to it. It’s like one minute he can soothe you to sleep, and the next minute drive you to a mind-blowing orgasm, complete with moans, torture, and ecstasy. The all too familiar tingles make an appearance down below.

I’ve been touching myself to Ben’s image and voice for a while now.
How could I not? He’s hot!
It’s easy to do because I’ve never met him. There’s no relationship history there, just his voice and picture. Simply stated, he never talks back to me or makes crazy demands. He’s never made me feel bad about myself.

Nathan did get one thing right about me: I’m a hellcat. I love sex. But it’s been a while since I’ve let anyone in. I’m focusing on making the best choices for my battered heart and me.

“Sam. Sam, I need you.” My dirty thoughts are interrupted by Jenny’s cries.

“I’ll be right there.” Time to go deal with her drunken ass.

Finally, I’m able to get some rest. Jenny’s passed out in bed with a glass of water and ibuprofen on the table next to her. Surviving graduation with my parents in the same room together went better than expected.

Dinner with my dad and Megan was as I thought it would be. He acted like he cared and nodded his head when appropriate in the conversation. Megan had her hands all over my dad through most of the meal. She’s a giggler also.
What’s up with that?
No wonder I need to set up boundaries.

When I tell him about my job, I’m not surprised by his reaction. “That’s what happens when you go into a field like that. You make no money and they never have enough funds.” Explaining to him that teaching is not about the money, but a passion to educate minds, is futile.

At the end of dinner I finally get the nerve to ask him about moving home. I shouldn’t have been shocked by his answer, but for some reason, I was. He and Megan look at each other, and she actually winces in front of me.
Bitch
! She whispered something in his ear and put her hands under the table. He jumps slightly and chuckles.
Ah gross, I so did not need to witness that.
“Munchkin, I’m sorry, but Megan and I need time to be newlyweds. You living at home would not work out.” And then he did what most divorced parents do—he deflected to the other parent. “Go ask your mother.”

Taking a deep breath I move forward to the end of the evening—and Ben.

I recall our conversation. Imagining him ignites shivers through my entire body. It feels strange yet exciting. Smiling, I think about how he abruptly hung up. He mumbled something that sounded like ‘
I’m fine and we won and scored a try.
’ It came out as one elongated word. He seemed pretty rushed to get off the phone.

Taking a moment, I concentrate on his voice again. The tingles that have been festering from earlier tonight come back with a vengeance.

I close my eyes and hear his sexy voice. I imagine his perfect body and face. My senses are heightened as I visualize his thick, dark brown hair, smoky gray eyes, and suck-able lips. I picture him in his rugby uniform, all sweaty and dirty from playing. That’s all I need. I give into the visual pleasure and let it take me higher.

The familiar ache begins in my belly and starts its descent downward. Slowly my fingers tickle my breasts and move to my belly. I repeat this sensual tracing several times.

Reaching for my side table, I pull out my “BOB – battery operated boyfriend” vibrator and turn it on. The familiar hum reminds me of what’s to come. Starting at my nipples, I gently rub it over one, while I pull and tug on the other. My legs naturally come together, applying pressure to my clit.

The butterflies increase, and my breath turns into a pant. Slowly, I brush my fingers across my belly and back up to my breast creating a torturous yet sensual pattern. The sensation feels incredible. Slipping my fingers in my mouth first, I move lower and gently circle them around my swollen nub. Slow at first, then increasing in speed. Slipping one finger inside, then two, I begin to pump in and out.

Ben’s image takes me to the edge. Placing my vibrator against my clit, I turn my head into my pillow to quiet my moans. Within moments I explode, screaming his name. Wave after wave of tortured pleasure washes over me. It’s effortless. Gradually, my body comes down. Smiling, I still only think of that one person.
Ben
. My body is sated and relaxed; sleep comes without difficulty.

The sound of my phone ringing startles me awake. I glance at the clock and notice it’s only 8:30. Checking the caller ID, I answer as cheerfully as possible. “Hello, Mother. How are you this morning?” I try to stifle my yawn, so she won’t know I just woke up.

“Oh darling, you sound dreadful. Did you just wake up? You know that we have reservations at the Four Seasons for brunch at ten o’clock?” I pull the phone away from my ear, but unfortunately, I can still hear her. “I’m glad I called then. I had a feeling you would not be up. You need to get ready.”

“Yes, I know, Mother. I won’t be late. I’m about to get in the shower.” I can hear her place her morning teacup on the saucer.

“Yes, well you better get moving. You know I hate to be late.” Running my fingers through my hair and rubbing the sleepies out of my eyes, I tell her good-bye and head for the shower.

Standing under the spray, I pray the hot water will reduce the tension headache forming at the base of my neck. As the shower beats down, I practice how I’m going to ask my mother if I can move home. “Fuck!” I yell to no one.

I arrive at the restaurant with a few minutes to spare. I pace back and forth trying to figure out the best way to ask her. Not knowing how she’ll answer worries me.

“Sam, really, you want to move home? That’s not possible. Brian and I decided to move into the Florida condo, and I’m thinking of selling the house. Now is not a good time.” She lifts her napkin and pats her lips with elegance. “I have to get it ready to go on the market. Having someone living there could interfere with the work.”
Nice
.

“I’m not someone, Mother, I’m your daughter.” I try to hold back the bite in my voice. “Then what am I going to do? I can’t afford an apartment with no job. I need a place to live.”

Sighing, her face almost looks concerned, but it’s brief. “Well, why don’t you ask your father?” And there goes the deflection again.

“Mom, Dad said no. Can I please stay at the house until I find a job? I could even supervise the work being done.”

My mom pauses, and I’m hopeful she’ll say yes.

“I’ll think about it. Now let’s order, I’m famished!”