Finding Home (5 page)

She’s helped me with my family drama, and I hugged her while she cried over her love life … or lack thereof. When her brother’s fiancée, Beth, died, I held her while we watched old black and white movies until she fell asleep. She’s like a sister to me. She’s the one person I can count on; she’s my family. My own parents don’t count. I can only imagine what graduation next week will be like with them both present in the same room. God, I can feel the headache already. There are not enough shots of tequila to prepare me for the drama.

Our apartment is beginning to feel lonely and sad. Our crap is being packed into boxes, and we have piles set aside for donation. My leap into adulthood includes me renting my very own apartment, all by myself. It feels strange to think of living all alone, but it’s time to break out.

Walking over to the freezer, I open it and smile. It’s always stocked with our favorite ice creams. Ben and Jerry’s Chocolate Chunk is calling my name so I grab the pint and a spoon and pull off the top. My somber mood requires immediate medicating with the yummy goodness.

Last night, Jenny crafted plans for me to visit her over Christmas break. California at Christmas time sounds like heaven. Spending a holiday away from my family drama is fine by me. Plus I get to see where she grew up. The Fosters own Moon Dance Winery in Napa Valley. In all of the years I’ve known Jenny, I’ve have never been to visit. However, I do get to enjoy the delicious wine she brings back for us to drink on our movie nights—always paired with savory dark chocolate.

The one time we actually had a trip organized, it got cancelled because of Beth’s death. Even though it was spring break, the timing was too much for her family. I understood completely, and since then we could never get our schedules in sync to plan another visit.

My attempt to self-medicate via sugar is futile. Things change, and there isn’t much I can do to stop it. Digging my spoon in deeper to find the chunkiest part, I try to stay positive and look on the bright side. I have a job that I love, and I’m going to have my own apartment in Boston. My life has a new path to follow.

While taking the last bite, and not caring that I ate the whole pint, I hear the familiar ring of my phone. Frantically, I search for where the sound is coming from. Answering without sounding too irritated, my school principal identifies himself, and immediately my gut tells me he’s not calling for a friendly chat. The nausea that rolls in doesn’t help with the chocolate chunk sitting in my stomach.

At the first sign of an impending disaster, I break out my supplies—chocolate, wine, favorite flicks—and get lost in the peace they bring me. When you see all of them in front of me, you know the situation is dire. While I’m sipping on red wine, Jenny walks in and quickly takes stock of the situation. I can tell by the look on her face that she knows I’m in bad shape. She walks over to the kitchen and grabs a spoon and glass then sits next to me on the couch. When her hand touches the remote to pause the movie, the guttural growl that comes out is something out of the show,
When Animals Attack
.

“Okay, girl, spill it now. I know it’s bad when you’ve broken out all the comforts … and you’re watching
Say Anything
.” Her hand touches mine, forcing me to look at her. “What gives, Sam?”

I try to speak, but nothing comes out. I barely manage lifting my hand to gesture that I need a minute. My favorite part is on so I press play to finish watching. John Cusack is holding the boom box over his head, Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes” is serenading through his girl’s bedroom window. The love he feels for her is so beautifully expressed in that scene and there’s no dialogue. It’s in the song and in his face. He’s determined to make her his again and to love her. God, I love this movie. I can only dream of that kind of grand romantic gesture.

My mind drifts off to the first time I saw this movie that has become my favorite. I was with my mom. My parents had been divorced for a while, and she had been in one of her rare caring moods. She planned a movie night and rented it. It’s one of the few nice memories I have of her. “Sam, you will know a man truly loves you when he’s willing to give up everything to be with you. When he wants to do whatever it takes to make you happy. When he gives you his heart completely—his heart for your heart.”

With my favorite scene complete, I stop the movie and turn toward Jenny. It’s time to talk. My chocolate-induced coma is wearing off.

With a look of deep concern in her eyes, Jenny touches my hand. “You only watch this movie when you’re down. Shit, Sam. What the hell happened?” When I glance up at her, she must notice the faint redness on my face from crying. “Oh my God, you’ve been crying! Did Nathan come by again? I swear to God, I’ll hang him by his balls. I’ll ...” I cut Jenny off from saying anymore.

“It’s not Nathan. It’s just been an incredibly shitty day! My principal called, and apparently my job is slashed from the budget.” I rub my hands across my face, trying to get relief from my sudden headache. “So, no job means no money for my apartment. Suddenly I’m moving backward instead of forward.” My hand reaches for hers and grips it tightly as defeat sets in.

“No shit! For real?” She takes her spoon and steals a bite of my ice cream. I fight the urge not to smack her hand away. “Wow, that sucks, but hey, it gave you a good excuse to break into the ice cream stash!” Jenny’s smile is contagious, and I find myself grinning back at her. “Don’t worry about it. We’ll figure out something, we always do!” She takes another scoop, and this time I give her the death glare. “Hey now, give me some of that. I can’t help you on an empty stomach!” She winks while I reluctantly move the pint toward her.

“You can always talk to your parents to see if they’ll help out? You know, maybe some great miracle occurred and they turn into normal people.” We both break out into hysterics as we devour the rest of the carton.

Sitting out on my patio, eating breakfast, I feel pretty pleased with myself. Last weekend was eye-opening on so many levels. Talking with my dad about the winery changes went better than expected. He thought we should bring Jenny into the discussion so I felt optimistic about the prospect of expanding the business. Jenny’s on the same page as me and had some great ideas of her own. She’s coming home this week, and I’m anxious to start and get my mind lost in the project.

The sound of the doorbell disrupts my productive thoughts. I look at the clock and realize that it’s Jack coming by to pick me up. We have a rugby tournament this weekend and we need to get to the pitch.

Rugby. I love playing. It’s helped me get through the past two years. The sport and the guys I play with. The bell stops just as the knocking begins.

“Jesus Christ, Jack, I’m coming!” Sounds of him thumping while making lewd sounds greet me as I open the door.

“You were coming? Rubbing one out again, Ben? That’s a quick one,” Jack jokes.

“Fuck off, man. Jerking off before a game is more your style.” I step aside to let him in.

“You ready to go, man? You got your kit?” Jack asks as he makes his way into the kitchen to grab some food.

“Yeah, I just need to call Jenny real quick. She’s graduating today, and I told her I would call. I still feel like an ass for missing it.”

“How’s Jenny doing? I can’t believe she’s done with school. That’s just crazy.” Jack stops to take bite out of his bagel. “It seems like yesterday I was terrorizing and teasing her!” We chuckle at the memories.

“When she coming home?” Jack asks with his mouth full.

I slide my finger across the phone and press down to dial her number. “She comes home next week.” Jack starts to ask me something else, but I put my hand up to stop him. “Hey Bean, how’s the big time college graduate? I wish I could be there with you to celebrate.” My eyes betray my cool demeanor. “I miss you Bean, and I can’t wait to see you next week.” Jack whacks me on the back of my head. “Dude, what the hell!”

Jack looks at me with pride before yelling to Jenny, “Congrats Bean Pole, your pussy of a brother is getting a little misty-eyed.”

“Fuck off!” I grumble back while returning to our conversation. I wish her luck and tell her that I will call after the tournament to let her know how we did.

“I won’t be holding my breath waiting for your call, dear brother. If you win, I’m pretty sure the beers will be flowing all night, and you’ll be right there with them!” I can only laugh when she hangs up. She’s not wrong.

We play friggin’ brilliantly and win the championship round. Now it’s time to party. I’m hanging out with all my mates and members from the other rugby teams. In rugby, when the match is done, everyone drinks together. The drinking and camaraderie are some of the best parts of the sport. To have a drink with the guy on the other team who knocked you down to the ground and threw a few punches at you is a big part of the game—you shake hands and raise a pint with each other.

I feel pretty high from the win and my brain is getting fuzzy from the multitude of drinks I’ve had. Jack brings me over another one. “Hey dickhead, you need to call Bean Stalk!” Jack turns to our teammate Dave. “This should be good. He’s feeling the brew tonight—should make for an interesting conversation.” Grumbling at them, I make my way out of the pub. Looking at the time on my phone, I try to mentally calculate what time it is in Boston. Pressing send, I hope she’s still up. As it rings, I try to compose my slightly inebriated self.

What I didn’t expect is hearing a different voice on the other end, a beautiful voice that lifts me up instantly.

“Hello, this is Sam speaking.” It’s been awhile since I last spoke to her. She would answer Jenny’s phone occasionally, and we would briefly talk, but I never really listened before. My mind was always too wrapped up in my grief, so I guess my attention was off.

I’m taken aback at how amazing her voice sounds. She sounds soft, sweet, but sultry.
Sultry … where did that come from?
It takes me a moment to get myself together and respond. “Hi Sam. It’s Ben.” It’s all I can manage to say without sounding like an idiot. I haven’t experienced a reaction like this in a long time, and it scares me shitless.

“Ben? You still there?”

Shit, snap out of it!
“Ah … yeah, hi Sam. Sorry, you caught me off guard. I thought Jenny would answer.”

Sam lets out a chuckle combined with a snort. “Yeah… well your sister took the whole bar hopping for grad night a little too seriously. Pairing shots of tequila with beer at each bar we stopped at is not one of her better ideas.” Her laughing sounds so light and fresh. “She’s passed out at the moment. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s praying to the porcelain gods sometime real soon.”

I have to laugh. This is so very Jenny. “Well, okay then. Should I be worried?”

“You do remember who you’re talking to, right? She’s my girl! Everything will be fine. She’ll have one hell of a hangover in the morning, but some ibuprofen and a greasy breakfast should cure that.” Laughter ripples through me, but I notice that I’m the only one. I hear Sam’s breathing change while she let out a long sigh.