Finding Home (23 page)

“What else are you afraid of? You’re not telling me something.”

Leave it to Cody to get down to the heart of the matter. “What if Blaze shows up? Landon told Adam he was sorry for what happened, but Adam is obviously still affected by this guy. What if I’m not enough for Adam, and he runs back to him? I can’t deal with that.”

Cody shook his head in frustration. “Do you not know Adam at all?”

“I do. It’s just…”

“It’s just nothing. He loves you. End of story.”

“I don’t think I can do it,” Dillon whispered, clutching Parker again.

“Okay, what does this guy look like?” Cody asked.

“I have no idea.”

“So look him up on Facebook.”

Dillon laughed sarcastically. “I don’t have social media, Cody. I barely have any friends.”

“Then we’ll look him up on my account. Can’t be too many people with that name around here.” Cody pushed some buttons on his phone. “Okay, I found Landon on Adam’s profile and searched for friends named Blaze. This is the only name that popped up.” Cody flipped his phone around so that Dillon could see.

On the screen was a blond-haired, blue-eyed freaking model. Seriously. He was only wearing a pair of tight briefs and his face was beautiful. There was no other way to describe it. His face carried an air of innocence with a promise of debauchery behind it. That did not help curb Dillon’s worries at all.

“Well, now I see why Adam was so enamored with him.”

“And now he loves you, Dillon.”

Dillon got quiet and turned on the television. He couldn’t get that image of Blaze out of his head though. Finally, after about thirty minutes of silence, Dillon made a decision. “I’m going to that party.”

“Finally!” Cody cried, throwing his hands in the air. “Took you long enough, you stubborn asshole.”

Dillon got up. “I’m going to go change.”

Once he finished getting ready, he texted Matt and asked him the address, but told him not to tell Adam he was coming. He wanted it to be a surprise.

*****

When Adam arrived at the party, he was still fucking disappointed that Dillon wasn
’t with him. It made him feel like Dillon didn’t want to try. Yes, he understood that Dillon had issues, but how was he supposed to get over them if he didn’t face them? However, he didn’t want to seem like an insensitive bastard, so he tried to pretend like he was okay with it. He was pretty sure he failed miserably in that task.
Hello Pot. Meet Kettle. Isn’t that what you’re doing to Dillon with this whole bottoming thing? You won’t face that and that’s hurting him.

Well didn’t that realization just make Adam feel like a million bucks?

Landon greeted him first and brought him out of his introspection. “Hey, dude! Good to see you!” He was already drunk, Adam could tell by the slight slur to his words. He looked around, peeking behind Adam. “Where’s Dillon?”

“He couldn’t make it. Too much going on with his knee and anxiety,” Adam answered shortly. “Where’s the beer?”

“In the kitchen, my man.”

“Lead the way.” Adam followed Landon. There were at least twenty people in the kitchen and adjoining living room. Landon had his iPod hooked up to the stereo system, and a lot of people were dancing.

Adam spotted Matt and Sid, who walked over to him, both carrying cups of beer. “Well, if it isn’t the birthday boy, himself!” Matt announced loudly as they approached Adam and hugged him.

“Hey, guys. What’s up?”

“Just celebrating the birth of some random dude,” Sid joked, taking another drink.

Brian and Justin walked up at that moment. “Birthday dude! Birthday dude!” Brian chanted.

Yeah, his friends were already buzzed.

Justin leaned in. “Happy birthday, man!”

“Thanks, bud.” Adam turned to the group. “Okay, who’s getting the birthday boy a beer? Looks like I have some catching up to do.”

Sid grabbed a cup off the counter and handed it to Adam, who chugged it down in two swallows.  Justin was waiting with a second cup and Adam downed that quickly too. “SHOTS!” Landon shouted over the music and the guys cheered. “Time to do it up right!”

Landon pulled down a bunch of shot glasses and a hidden bottle of tequila, then lined them up and filled them to the brim. Each man grabbed a shot and lifted it in the air. “Cheers to the birthday boy!” Matt hollered. They clinked their glasses together and poured them down their throats.

“Round two! Round two!” Brian chanted again. Landon set them up, and they threw them back.

Adam was sufficiently buzzed for having been at the party for only twenty minutes or so. He noticed Matt on his phone. “Put that damn thing away! This is a party!”

“Of course it’s a party,” Adam heard a strangely familiar voice purr into his ear. He looked over into the gorgeous face of Blaze. “Happy birthday, Adam.”

Just because Adam hated him, didn’t mean he wasn’t affected by his beauty. Blaze still took his breath away for a moment. “What the fuck are you doing here?” Landon boomed from the other side of the counter. “I’m going to kick your ass!” He started toward Blaze, who backed away slowly, but Adam stopped him.

“I’ll take care of this,” Adam assured Landon.

“Can I talk to you?” Blaze asked him. He leaned closer to Adam’s ear and whispered, “Alone?”

Adam had just enough alcohol in his system to relax him. He rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”

Blaze grabbed Adam’s wrist to lead him up the stairs. Adam shook off his grip and followed on his own.

*****

“Do you want me to come in with you?” Cody asked as they pulled up to a large house in a somewhat preppy neighborhood.

Dillon took a deep breath and steeled his nerves. “No, I think I have to do this by myself.”

“Okay, tiger. Go get your man!” Cody busted out laughing.

“God, you’re such an asshole!” Dillon retorted. “A good friend, but a damn asshole!”

“Like I said, it comes with the territory. Now, get out of my car!”

Dillon did, but turned back about half-way to the door. “Seriously, go!” Cody called from the street, giving him two thumbs up.

Dillon turned back around and hobbled up the steps with his crutch, then entered the house. It was loud and the lighting was dim, but he spotted Matt right away and waved him over.

“Hey! Have you seen Adam?” he asked, looking around but not seeing him.

Matt looked super guilty. “Ugh, yeah. Bathroom I think. Want to come meet the other guys?”

“Not until I find Adam,” Dillon declined. “Where’s the bathroom?”

“Upstairs. You could just wait for him down here so you don’t have to climb the stairs with your knee.”

By this point, Dillon was suspicious about why Matt was trying to keep him downstairs. He climbed the steps as quickly as he could, which was still pretty slow. He saw two bodies talking heatedly by the door to one of the rooms. He got a little closer before he realized that the one facing him had to be Blaze. It didn’t matter that he’d just seen the one picture, he would recognize that face anywhere. He would also recognize his boyfriend anywhere, even from behind. His heart started to pound in his chest when Blaze reached for the doorknob and pulled Adam into the room. Adam didn’t fight it, and Blaze fucking winked at Dillon before he closed the door.

Tears were falling down Dillon’s face as he turned and made his way back down the stairs. He didn’t want to know what was going on in that room. He found Matt in the kitchen with a bunch of other guys. “I need to go back to the house,” he told Matt. “I need to get out of here.”

“Dillon, it’s not what you think,” Matt protested.

“Get. Me. Out. Of. Here. NOW!” Dillon demanded through gritted teeth and instantly felt bad for talking to Matt that way.

Landon tried to stop Dillon, who turned on him with a sneer so full of disdain that Landon recoiled. “Don’t fucking touch me,” he hissed. “If you hadn’t gotten involved with Adam’s ex, my boyfriend wouldn’t be upstairs alone with him right now.” Landon at least had the decency to look guilty.

“Please, Matt!” Dillon begged desperately. He was already heading toward the door. He remembered what Matt’s car looked like, so he got inside and waited, hoping Matt would come out.

He did after a few minutes. “I probably shouldn’t be driving,” he told Dillon. In all actuality, the last few minutes had done wonders to sober Matt up. It was a total buzzkill watching that go down, but he was trying to keep Dillon there.

Dillon wasn’t listening to reason. “I just need to go.”

Matt started the car and pulled away. He started to try to reason with Dillon. “Don’t…” Dillon cut him off with a contained sob. Tears were streaming down his face and his heart was breaking in two.

Matt didn’t try to say another word. The silence was deafening.

It was hell on Dillon trying to pack all his shit when his hands were shaking so much he couldn
’t stand it. Dillon was beyond pissed, to the point where he was becoming numb. He grabbed his duffel bag and his backpack from the closet in what used to be his bedroom. He threw everything that was rightly his into the bags. His legs were threatening to buckle under the pressure of the pain shooting through his chest.

He was sobbing as he zipped the duffel up. Parker was whining at his feet, he knew something was wrong. Dillon picked him up and held him close. “I’m going to miss you so much Parky.” He kissed the top of Parker’s head and put him back down.

He’d known this day was coming, but he hadn’t known it was going to end like this. He knew he could never be enough for Adam long-term, but things had been going so well that he’d begun to believe that it might just be perfect. Too good to be true, as it turned out.

Dillon only had one place that he knew he could go, but he needed time to clear his head, so he didn’t call for a ride. He didn’t want Cody trying to talk him out of it. It was just better if he left now before things really got ugly.

He looked around the house one last time before closing the door and locking it. He stuck his key under the mat. He didn’t need a reason to have to come back. His knee was throbbing due to all of the activity from the night, but he just leaned more on his crutch and kept going. It was only a mile and a half.

I can do this.

And then it started raining.

*****

When Blaze got to the top of the stairs, he walked down the hallway before stopping in front of an empty room. “What do you want, Blaze?” Adam was getting more annoyed by the second.

“I just wanted to talk to you. I’ve
missed
you.” Blaze’s voice was filled with innuendo, so much so that it made Adam want to puke.

“I don’t particularly want to talk to you, Blaze. Tell me what you want to tell me, so I can go get drunk,” Adam demanded. “It hasn’t been the best day.”

Blaze took that as his cue. “Tell me what’s wrong, love.” He took a step toward Adam.

Adam shot him a glare that would have sliced right through anyone else, but it didn’t faze Blaze at all. “Don’t you ever call me that again. You have no right to say things like that to me after what you did.”

Blaze sighed. “Look, I’m sorry about that, Adam. I was young and stupid. But I loved you and I want you to give me another shot.”

Adam was just pissed off now. “Are you fucking kidding me?” he shouted. “You don’t cheat on someone you
love
. I loved and trusted you with my whole heart, and you shattered it. I would never be able to trust you again. I’m not a fucking idiot! Plus, you just slept with another one of my friends to try and get to me. God, what kind of person are you?” He was vibrating with anger.

Blaze saw someone coming up the stairs and took his opening. “Quick, someone’s coming,” he told Adam. He opened the door and pulled Adam into the room, winking at whoever was coming up the stairs.

Adam was so caught off guard by the move that he didn’t have time to react until they were alone in the bedroom. “What in the hell?” Adam yelled, throwing his hands in the air in frustration.

“Sorry, didn’t want someone to see you talking to me. Might get you in trouble with your new little boytoy. I hear he’s a young one.” Blaze’s eyes were predatory as he stalked closer to Adam. He licked his lips in anticipation. “Don’t you want to be with someone more your age? Someone who can give you all the things you deserve?”

Adam backed away until he was up against the door. “Dillon might be younger, but he’s a thousand times better person than you can ever hope to be. He loves me for who I am, and gives me everything I need emotionally. I would never intentionally do anything to hurt him. You can take your fake fucking apology and shove it up your ass, Blaze. I’m going downstairs.” Adam stormed out of the room and made a beeline for the kitchen.

He couldn’t find the guys anywhere, so he lined up three shots of tequila and downed them back-to-back-to-back, enjoying the soothing burn as they warmed his entire body. Landon came stumbling up behind him. “Dude! We need to talk!”

Brian, Justin, and Sid were following Landon, and they all converged around Adam. Landon noticed the shot glasses. “Did you drink those just now?” he asked, concern dripping from his voice.

“Yeah. I can’t believe I went up there with him,” Adam chastised himself. “God, I’m so stupid. Dillon is going to be so disappointed when I tell him what happened.”

“Well…” Landon began nervously. “That’s sort of what we need to talk about. Why did you go into that bedroom with him?”

Adam was confused. “Wait! What are you talking about? How did you know that?”

Landon put his hand on Adam’s shoulder. “Dillon showed up looking for you, but Matt tried to cover for you. He climbed the stairs looking for you anyway and saw you go into the bedroom with him. He made Matt take him home.”

It took a minute for Adam’s brain to catch up with what Landon was saying. “Oh fuck!” he muttered before a harrowing realization hit him. “Hold on. Matt’s been drinking. Why would he get in a car and drive my boyfriend home?”

“Dillon was pretty upset. He screamed at Landon. I don’t think either one of them was thinking clearly. We tried to talk Matt out of it, but he didn’t want Dillon trying something stupid. So he left,” Sid explained.

“I’ve got to get home,” Adam said frantically. He took a step and swayed. “I can’t fucking drive!” He looked around at the others. “Are any of you sober enough to drive?”

They all looked at the ground and shook their heads no. “FUCK!” he shouted again. He pulled out his phone and called his sister. “Amy? I need you to come pick me up. I did something stupid, and I’ve got to fix it.”

Adam went outside to wait for his sister.

*****

Dillon showed up at Cody’s apartment, unannounced and soaked from the pouring rain outside. He’d gotten lucky and someone was coming out the front door as he got there and let him in. Cody’s face lit up with surprise when he saw his friend. “Dillon? What are you doing here?”

The cool temperature inside the building mixed with the rain finally hit Dillon once he’d stopped walking, and he was suddenly freezing. He started shivering, and his teeth were chattering as he answered Cody’s question. “I need a place to stay.”

“What happened? Where’s Adam?” he asked, looking behind Dillon like he was expecting Adam to come walking up behind them at any moment, before he ushered Dillon inside. Dillon dropped his bags on the floor next to his feet.

He whispered, “I don’t want to talk about it.” His hands were trembling, but he was almost positive that it was more from the tsunami of emotions bubbling up inside of him than from actually being cold. “Please, can I stay for a couple of days?” Dillon’s voice quivered and he knew Cody had heard it. “My knee is killing me.” Dillon was positive that he looked as pathetic as he sounded.

“Yes, of course. God, I’m an idiot! We’ve got to get you out of those clothes and into something dry.” He looked down at Dillon’s drenched bags and shook his head. “We’re not going to find anything dry in there. C’mon,” he ordered.

Dillon followed him over to the small hallway, feeling like a zombie and paused outside of his bedroom. He wasn’t about to go in there, not after what had just happened back at Landon’s. He heard the tell-tale squeak of drawers opening and shutting and Cody was back quickly, shoving dry clothes into Dillon’s arms and ushering him toward the bathroom. Cody opened the linen closet across the hall and handed Dillon two dry towels. Dillon just stared at him, still sort of in a daze. “Strip out of those soaked clothes as soon as you get in there and hand them to me,” he instructed. “Then you need to get in the shower to warm up, and put on the dry clothes as soon as you’re done. There’s soap and shampoo in the shower caddy. I’ll start laundry while you’re showering, and I’ll be waiting in the living room when you finish.”

It was easier to follow his instructions than to think for himself at that point, so Dillon did exactly as he was told. Cody’s shower didn’t have a tub ledge so it was easy for him to get in and out. He just had to lean up against the wall for support. He popped a painkiller as soon as he was out of the shower, and twenty minutes later, Dillon was curled up in a ball under a blanket on Cody’s loveseat. He was still shaking but it definitely wasn’t from the cold any longer. The shock of everything that had happened was finally wearing off and the hurt, anger, frustration, and confusion were finally bubbling through to the surface, breaking his heart even more in the process. Seeing Adam disappear into that room with his ex-boyfriend kept playing over and over in his head.

Oh God.

The tears began to flow silently and Cody didn’t say anything, he just sat on the edge of the loveseat and slowly rubbed comforting circles on Dillon’s back. Dillon tried to concentrate only on the pattern he was creating and slowing his breathing enough to calm his racing heart. Apparently he succeeded, and, at some point, he tumbled into dark oblivion.

*****

Amy showed up in front of Landon’s house twenty minutes after Adam called her. “Someone need a ride?” she hollered out her passenger window. Adam, who had sobered up remarkably in the wake of everything that had happened, fled down the porch and into her car.

“Okay, baby brother, talk,” she commanded and he did. He told her everything on their way back to his house. He kept his eyes peeled for signs of a wreck or flashing lights but there was nothing by the time they got there and Adam’s entire body flooded with relief. He hated drunk drivers, and he was going to kill Matt for getting into a car with his boyfriend drunk.

“Thanks for the ride, sis,” Adam said as he was getting ready to exit her vehicle.

“Anytime, bro,” she replied. Then she put her hand on his arm to stop him for a second. “Just find him and explain the situation. I know he’s upset and hurt right now, but he loves you. He’ll see that you didn’t do anything to hurt him on purpose. You’ve just got to try to fix it.”

Adam sighed. “I know. It’s just so hard knowing he’s mad. I hate fighting with him.”

Amy nodded, and Adam thanked her again, then got out of the car and raced to the door. It was locked, which made Adam’s heart sink. Dillon wouldn’t have locked the door if he was home. He quickly unlocked it and checked every room in the house. “Dillon?” he called out several times but got no answer. He was nowhere to be found, and his last hope was that he was in their bedroom. He opened the door slowly and looked around, that’s when he noticed that the closet was open and all of Dillon’s clothes were missing.

“FUCK!” Adam shouted, kicking the closet door shut with a loud bang. Parker was cowering in the corner. “He fucking left!”

Adam sat down on the bed and called Dillon. It went to voicemail, so he sent him several texts that also remained unanswered. Then Adam called Matt.

“Hello?” Matt answered tentatively.

“Where is Dillon?” Adam asked angrily. “He’s not here.”

“What? I dropped him off like forty-five minutes ago. That’s the last I’ve seen of him,” Matt explained to Adam. “Where would he go?”

Adam thought for a minute. “He probably went to Cody’s, but I don’t have Cody’s number or any idea where he lives.”

“Can you call Target and find out?” Matt suggested.

“I’ll try that.” Then Adam remembered why he was really mad at Matt. “And what in the hell were you thinking driving my boyfriend around when you were drunk? Fuck, Matt! You know what happened to my parents! Are you crazy?”

“I’m sorry, Adam, but I didn’t want Dillon doing something crazy, like trying to hitch a ride with a stranger. He was getting out of here one way or another, and I figured at least I could make sure he got home safe. After everything that went down, I was quite sober. I tried to tell him I was drunk to get him to stay, but he didn’t care. Besides, I wasn’t that drunk to begin with. I only had one beer and two shots,” Matt told him, justifying his reasoning.