Finding Love at Home (The Beiler Sisters) (28 page)

Debbie squeezed her forehead as a stab of pain ran through her. Why was she thinking of her own wedding? Maybe from some ingrained instinct in all women to dream and long for that special day. Well, her hopes on that score had been dashed on Sunday evening. After that initial crying spell on the couch after Alvin left, a faint hope had stirred in Debbie. But when morning arrived, there
had been nothing but a dull ache. She knew.
Yah
, this was the end of the road for them. Should she tell Saloma and Ida? Not if it would spoil their joy over Ida’s wedding. But perhaps she’d spill to Verna today while they cleaned upstairs. She’d weep on Verna’s sympathetic shoulder. But no, that was unlikely. She would rather climb in a hole and never come out again. Any further indulgence of her emotions was a waste of time.

Debbie groaned and pushed open the stair door to step into the living room. It was dark with only a dim light from the kitchen doorway splashing across the floor. When she walked in, Saloma greeted her with a cheery, “
Gut
morning!”

“
Gut
morning,” Debbie managed to return. Saloma had made sure everyone was in bed by ten o’clock last night so everyone would have plenty of sleep. Still Saloma must have noticed the circles around Debbie’s eyes.

“Didn’t sleep well?” Saloma asked.

“No.” Debbie put her hand to her aching head. “But don’t worry about me. I’m good to go.”

“You can help chore this morning,” Saloma offered. “Sometimes the fresh air is just what one needs to clear a headache.”

Debbie glanced up. “You can handle the kitchen by yourself?”

Saloma’s bright smile faded a bit. “We might as well get used to it. The wedding will be soon enough, and then there’s only you and me.”

“That’s true,” Debbie said as she headed to the washroom to pull on her boots and overcoat. Truth be told, she still preferred the barn chores to food preparation.

Debbie pushed open the outer door to take in deep breaths of the cool morning air. It did help, she thought. At least a little. Hopefully it would also clear out thoughts of Alvin, but that was perhaps too optimistic. Alvin wasn’t something she could sweep out the door like the dirt Emery tracked in from the barn. Alvin was a decent human being and would have made a
gut
husband. Why he
thought their love was only a fascination, she had no idea. Wasn’t that how love began at times? She knew that her attraction for him had been pure on those days she used to drive past his place and catch glimpses of him at work in the fields.

Debbie paused for a moment to take in the great sweep of the stars overhead. The early dawn had begun to lighten the eastern sky and sent streaks of red and orange heavenward. She had so much she could be thankful for, she told herself, even in her sorrow. Here she was, a real Amish girl, at home in the bishop’s household. She got to help with the chores and join the family around the breakfast table afterward.

Alvin hadn’t taken any of that away. And he couldn’t. She had accomplished those cherished goals on her own—aims that had been hers since childhood. And Alvin hadn’t been among those goals, not back then. Sure, she had driven past his place all those times and had been drawn to him. But she’d always insisted that Alvin was separate from her desire to join the Amish. And nothing had ever happened to persuade her otherwise. She’d continued that journey while Alvin had spent time in the
Englisha
world in Philadelphia. And she would continue now. It wasn’t some harsh determination of her mind, but a simple walk onward in the life she knew God had for her. If Alvin chose not to accompany her, that was his choice. Life would go on. Was that not the Amish way?

It was, Debbie told herself with one more quick glance up at the twinkling stars. She must not hold this against Alvin. But there she went again. She couldn’t make logical sense out of this. Maybe what she needed was a good meltdown, complete with stomping feet and screams that echoed toward the retreating stars. A smile stole across Debbie’s face. At least she could still laugh at herself. Maybe there was hope that she could heal…in the future. Right now it sure didn’t feel like it. Debbie pushed open the barn door and squinted in the light of the gas lantern.

“I see sleepy-eyes is up,” Emery teased.

Debbie stuck out her tongue at him.

Emery roared with laughter as he rushed off with milk buckets in his hands.

At least she supplied humor for someone, Debbie thought. Emery was a sweet man, that much was for sure. Which was no doubt why Crystal Meyers wanted to sink her claws into him. The woman continued to attend the Sunday services, and she was eyeing Emery in particular—discreetly, of course. No one else seemed to notice. Not that she should think such awful thoughts about another human being, but it was true. She knew her own world. To Crystal, Emery was a dream. He was solid. He worked hard. He was faithful and steady. Emery looked like a vision, especially after Crystal’s breakup with her husband.

Debbie shook her head. She shouldn’t be worrying about Emery. He hadn’t responded to Crystal’s attentions that she knew of, and hopefully things would stay that way. And perhaps there was something she could do. At least, she could watch for chances to influence Emery away from any fascination with Crystal. Maybe Alvin had been right about the way some Amish men felt toward
Englisha
women.

Debbie jumped when Ida came through the barn door and greeted her with a happy “
Gut
morning! What’s up?”

Debbie painted on a bright smile. “
Gut
morning. Your brother’s teasing me.”

Ida laughed. “I do declare that’s one thing I’m going to miss about being home. Emery’s teasing—or rather his teasing you. You seem to bring that side out of him.”

Debbie smiled. “Emery is a
gut
man. Now if we could only persuade him to marry a decent Amish woman. But I’m afraid I’ve been of little help in that area…”
I can’t even keep my love life on the tracks,
almost slipped out
.

Ida stared at the milk-house door for a moment. “It’s not your fault. None of us can do much either.”

“I’m afraid not.” Debbie sighed.

“We must pray,” Ida said with resolve. “Sometimes that’s all one can do.”

With Ida here in front of her and both of them alone, Debbie’s thoughts turned to whether or not she should tell Ida about Alvin. She thought for a moment and then said, “Ida, I need to tell you something…”

Ida glanced at Debbie and, catching the tone, turned pale. “What is it? Not bad news?”

“
Yah
, I suppose it is bad news… in a way. Though someday maybe I’ll think differently about it. On Sunday night, Alvin cut off our relationship. I don’t think he’s coming back, which means…”

Ida stopped her by wrapping her in both arms and whispering in her ear, “Oh, Debbie! You know I didn’t care for Alvin, but I’m still sorry.”

“I know.” Debbie couldn’t pull off a smile.

“Now I know why you’ve been so quiet these past few days. And to think I didn’t ask. I’ve been so wrapped up in the wedding—but that’s no excuse.”

“It’s okay.” Debbie wiped her eyes. “You couldn’t have done anything.”

“Was he nasty to you?” Ida’s look became intense.

Debbie laughed. “No, Ida. He was a perfect gentleman. And that may have been part of the problem. He didn’t want to hurt my feelings, so I think he’s been keeping things hidden inside. The problem now is that I can’t be your witness on your special day. I’m so sorry for letting you down.”

A look of brief anger flashed across Ida’s face. “Don’t be saying that, Debbie. It’s not your fault. Alvin is to blame for this! But still, I’m sorry for you that it didn’t work out. I know your heart was set on the man.”

“I suppose so.” Debbie glanced away. She really didn’t want a long discussion with Ida on the matter. How Ida felt about Alvin was no secret. But as usual her friend was being supportive.

Ida studied her now. “You know, I still want you to be my witness, Debbie.”

Debbie choked. “Not with Paul. Don’t even think about it.”

Before Ida could answer, the milk-house door swung open and Emery burst in. He took in both of them with a quick glance. “Oh
nee
! Is this trouble I see! What’s afoot now?”

“It’s none of your business,” Ida told him.

But Debbie wanted Emery to know, although she wasn’t sure why. The words blurted out. “Alvin terminated our relationship on Sunday night.”

Emery jerked his head around. “Now that was mighty dumb of him. A
gut
-looking woman like you.”

“Thank you!” Debbie gave him a hint of a smile.

Emery grinned. “Did the man find greener pastures?”

“Emery!” Ida shrieked. “Be sensitive to Debbie’s feelings.”

Debbie kept her smile pasted on. “I think that’s probably a good way of saying it, although I’ve wanted to avoid such thoughts. I imagine Mildred Schrock has been working her charms.”

Emery made a face. “Well, take it from me. It’s Alvin’s loss—and a big one at that.”

Now she was going to really cry, Debbie thought as her eyes stung.

Emery seemed to notice her discomfort. He turned, headed toward the back of the barn to bring in the cows. They were being too nice to her, Debbie thought. She didn’t deserve any of this, but God had led her here. He would supply her with what she needed to continue the journey—alone, if necessary.

And she was sure Mildred had much more to do with this than Alvin had wanted to admit. But she mustn’t think ill of Alvin or of
Mildred. A sob caught in her throat. If Alvin chose Mildred over her, she would bear the shame as any decent woman would. She was not the first woman who’d been rejected in favor of another.

Ida touched her arm as the cows pushed in. “We’ll talk later about someone to sit with you on my wedding day.”

Twenty-Eight

D
ebbie stood at the kitchen sink later that morning washing the last of the breakfast dishes. Lois had arrived some ten minutes earlier and was busy at work at the dining room table with Saloma. The two had their heads together with recipe books spread out around them. They were deep in conversation about the menu for Ida’s wedding.

As Debbie glanced out of the window, she caught sight of Verna’s buggy pulling into the driveway. “Verna’s here!” Debbie said as she turned to go out the washroom door.

Lois shouted after her, “Tell Verna
gut
morning for me. I’ll give her a kiss when she comes in.”

Debbie hurried across the lawn. She couldn’t help but find good cheer in Lois’s antics this morning. At least the girl had arrived in a decent dress instead of jeans or a cut-off shirt. Lois had even agreed to Saloma’s requirement that she wear an Amish dress at the wedding.

Thankfully, Ida had said nothing more about who was to sit with her as a witness at the wedding. No doubt Ida meant to give her feelings a rest before the mention of some distant Beiler relative she’d
never seen before. With all that was wrong in her life right now, she could take the consideration with a grateful heart. Hadn’t even the brief glimpse of Verna as she came in the driveway choked her up? If she didn’t watch herself in the next few minutes, she’d go on her long-overdue blubbering breakdown right by Verna’s buggy where the whole Beiler family could see her.

Verna left her horse by the hitching post and turned to greet Debbie with a hug. “It’s so
gut
to see you again!”

Debbie smiled. “And you. I’m thinking little Sarah Mae is all bundled up in that buggy somewhere.”

Verna glowed with joy. “That she is.”

Debbie marched over to peek at the
boppli
wrapped in the quilt Verna had fastened to the buggy seat. Sarah Mae’s face scrunched up in a bright smile. “She knows me!” Debbie cooed. “May I carry her into the house?”

“We’d better unhitch Isaiah first.” Verna wrinkled up her face. “He shouldn’t stand out here all day, especially if it turns cold.”

“Of course!” Debbie rushed to help. “How quickly I forget the routines of Amish life. But I’m learning.”

“You’re doing very well since your baptism,” Verna said. “And long before that, really. You almost grew with us.”

Debbie lowered her head as she unfastened the tugs. “It’s still not quite the same.”