Finding Me Again (3 page)

Seven

Hadley

“Wow, when we decided to take a little trip down memory lane this morning that was not what I was expecting.” Paige
places a pair of sunglasses over her eyes as we leave the coffee shop.

“Me either.” I blow out a shaky breath. It takes all my willpower to hold my cup of coffee steady in my hand. I’m lucky I haven’t dropped it yet.

“You okay?” Paige asks as we step down from the curb and start walking toward her car.

“I’m not sure. I think I’m still in shock,” I answer honestly. Then I glance at both Paige and Colt. “Did Tripp seem different to you?”

“Well, yeah, but it’s been three years,” Paige says.

“I’m sure we’ve all changed.” Colt shrugs.

I study him. He still wears the same kind of clothes he always has – torn jeans, black t-shirt. And he still wears his hair disheveled, and still has all his piercings and tattoos.  Paige still likes dressing funky and she still dyes her hair a different color every month. Peering down at my jeans and t-shirt, I realize that I haven’t really changed much either. And really Tripp hadn’t traded out his old style for another. That wasn’t what I meant. “The only thing that’s changed is that we’ve gotten older. We all pretty much look the same.” When we reach Paige’s car, I fling open the back door and hop in. Once Paige and Colt join me, I continue, “But with Tripp there was something else. Like he seemed more thin and frail or something.”

“Now that you mention it, I did kind of notice that.” Colt whips hi
s head in my direction. “And when I shook his hand he didn’t have the same firm grip. He seemed almost weak.”

“Maybe that was just his reaction to seeing Hadley again. Made him all weak in the knees,” P
aige teases from the front seat. She glances back at me, taking the wheel with her and almost hitting a parked car.

“Whoa there.” Colt holds out a steadying hand and sh
e swivels the wheel until we are at a safe distance from other vehicles.

After exhaling,
I reach out and whack her softly in the shoulder. “Shut up. There was more to it than that. I’m sure of it.”

“Well, why don’t we turn around and you can go back inside and ask him?” Paige offers, using a sarcastic tone.

“No. It was hard enough talking to him for the few minutes we were in there.” I run my fingers along the lid of my coffee cup. My stomach sours.

“It
was
pretty awkward,” Paige agrees. She turns a corner and my body sways with the motion.

Staring down at my coffee I’m not sure I can drink it now. My inside is all in knots. It was so
weird seeing Tripp again. At first it was like no time had passed at all. But then I got a good look at him and realized that he was a stranger to me now. That the man standing before me wasn’t the Tripp I loved, the Tripp I kissed and held. He had aged and changed.

“
Hads, you okay back there?” Paige calls out.

I jerk my head up and realize that we are parked in front of Paige’s house. Colt is already outside. Feeling like an idiot, I get out of the car holding tightly to my cup.

Paige drapes her arm over my shoulders. “Seeing Tripp really rocked you, huh?”

“It just brought everything back. And it made me wonder again what really happened. I know I don’t have the whole story
, and seeing him today just solidified that for me.”

“Maybe you should talk to him again then,” Paige suggests as we head up to the house, Colt trailing behind us.

“I don’t know.” I shrug. “It might be too painful.”

“I could talk to him.” Paige smiles devilishly. We reach her front door and she unlocks it.

“Yeah, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I tease her as I step inside the house. The scent of something baking beckons me, and cool air feathers over my skin.

“Smells like Mom’s up,” Paige says, sniffing the air. Colt grabs her hand, threading his fingers through hers.

I suppress the jealousy that rises up in me. Memories of our high school days hanging out at Paige’s house, eating her mom’s baked goods with Tripp, Colt and Paige surface, making me sad.  Following behind Colt and Paige, I allow them to lead me into the kitchen. Sure enough, Paige’s Mom is standing over a muffin tin, an apron tied around her waist.

“Hey, guys. You’re just in time to try my latest creation.” She smiles.

“We just came back from Bud’s.” Paige rubs her belly. “After my pastry and mocha I couldn’t eat another bite.”

“I could eat,” Colt says with a smile.

Paige giggles. “Why am I not surprised?”

Colt reaches for a cupcake. I squirm uncomfortably, taking in the scene. It’s like they’re one big happy family and suddenly I’m the outsider.
When did that happen?

Eight

Tripp

The knock on the door surprises me. Since we’ve moved here no one has come to visit. In fact, no one even knows we’re here. Mom is at the store, so I pry myself from the couch where I was watching TV, and I walk unsteadily to the door. There’s no peephole, and I don’t want to act like a scared little kid and look out the window. So I just throw caution to the wind, and fling the door open.

“Colt?” I’m shocked that he’s standing on my front porch. “How’d you know where to find me?”

“I have connections.” Colt shoves his fingers down in the pocket of his jeans.

I fumble around with what to say next, and then realize I’m acting like an idiot. Colt was my friend. “Well, come in.” Moving out of the way I allow him to enter. His black boots leave large imprints on the carpet as he steps in. After closing the door, I guide him to the couch. Embarrassed by the daytime television, I quickly quiet the TV. He probably thinks I’m a total loser who sits at home all day and watches judge shows. Then again, I guess he’d be correct.

“So, how’d you like my hometown?” Colt asks as he plops down on the couch.

“Oh, that’s right. You were from San Francisco.” I arrange the pillows behind my back in an attempt to get comfortable. “It was pretty cool. Have you been back?”

“Nah. I have nothing but bad memories there. I’m sure you weren’t anywhere near my old neighborhood.” Colt gives me a sheepish grin. “Folsom’s the only place for me.”

I chuckle. “Man, I never thought I’d hear you say that. When you first got here I didn’t think you’d last a month.”

“You and me both. At first I couldn’t stand this plastic town with all its plastic people.”

“Interesting way to describe it,” I say.

“But then I met Paige and she changed everything.”

“You two are definitely perfect for each other,” I tell him. “Before you came along, I remember Hadley wondering if Paige would ever meet a guy who would interest her.”

“Yeah, well, she was just waiting for the most interesting guy in the world to come along.” Colt shrugs arrogantly.

I laugh. “Well, I know you didn’t track me down just to talk about San Francisco or you and Paige. So what’s up?”

“I’m hurt.” Colt puts a hand to his heart. “We were friends, Tripp. Maybe I just came by to hang out.”

“Is that all this is?” I raise a brow. “You went to all this trouble just to hang out with me? The friend pool must be pretty little around here, huh?”

“You got that right. I have nothing in common with all the preppy guys or muscle heads around here. You were the only guy I could stand in high school.” He gives me a pointed look, cocking the eyebrow that’s pierced. “And then you just left with no warning. It was
kinda weird, dude.”

And there it is.
I swallow hard. “It’s complicated.”

“Look, I get it. I know all about complicated.” He holds out his palms. “My family was royally screwed up. And I know yours was no picnic either.”

He clearly has no idea what’s going on with me, but I let him continue. Let him think this has to do with my family. That’s easier anyway.

“And you don’t have to tell me shit. I mean, it’s not my business.” He pauses, studying me with his dark brown eyes. “But I think you should probably tell Hadley why you did it.”

My stomach drops. “I did. Hadley’s the only person I talked to before I left.”

“But all you told her was that you wanted to break up; that you’d changed.”

“I had.”

Colt gives me an exasperated look. “I was just with you two a couple of days before and you were all over each other. There’s no way your feelings for her changed that quick. You loved her, man.”

“I did. That’s true.”

“Then how could you just leave her the way you did?”

“We were growing apart. We weren’t going to be together forever. I needed to break things off so she could meet someone else.”

“Well, she hasn’t.”

I freeze. “What do you mean? I saw Hadley. She looks hot. I’m sure she’s got every guy at that art school after her.”

“Yeah, she does, but she’s not interested in any of ‘
em.”

“So, she’s never had another boyfriend?” The thought both sickens and satisfies me at the same time.

Colt shakes his head, running his fingers through his crazy black hair. “Paige thinks it’s because of the way you broke things off. Like the fact that you did it so suddenly with no real explanation kept her kind of tied to you.”

My heart lurches. “That’s not what I meant to do.” I bite my lip, staring at my hands. “I really thought I was helping her.”

“Dude, you still have it bad.”

My head snaps up at his words. “I do not.”

“Yeah, you do. I can tell.”

“It doesn’t matter anyway.”

Colt shrugs. “You never know unless you try, man. I never thought I had a chance in hell with Paige, but I showed up at that damn coffee shop anyway. When you want something that badly you have to go for it.”

I nod. “Thanks, man.”

“Well, I should get going. I’m supposed to help Paige at the cupcake shop today.”

“Yeah. That’s still going good, huh?”

Colt smiles. “It’s one of the most popular places in town. You should come by tonight. I know Hadley’s going to stop by.”

“Maybe,” I say just to appease him.

“Okay.” Colt stands. “Good to see you again.”

“You too.” I push myself up, but my arms and legs shake and then buckle. My body slumps back down on the couch.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” I force a nonchalant attitude. “I pulled a muscle in my back when we were moving. You know how that is.”

“Okay. Well, take it easy then. I’ll see myself out.”

Pressing my lips together, I nod. Mortified, I stay seated until he leaves thinking that this is exactly the reason I need to stay out of Hadley’s life. I would just make everything worse.

Nine

Hadley

Ainsley gets a head start on Adam, pumping her legs as fast as she can. Her body glides over the cement and then she hurtles it into the pool. When she lands, water splashes out all over the edge. Adam follows her lead, doing a flip and landing on his back with a loud smack. I cringe from where I sit on a lounge chair in my bathing suit. Through the lenses of my sunglasses I watch my stepsiblings splashing each other and squealing.

They don’t bother me nearly as much as when my mom first married Rob. Of course they are considerably older now. At seven and nine they aren’t nearly as high maintenance as when they were toddlers. Besides, we’ve become somewhat close over the years. They enjoy my visits. In fact, Ainsley has even taken an interest in art too. Sometimes she sends me her drawings, and when I come to town I teach her little tips I’ve learned.

Closing my eyes, I rest my head against the lounge chair and enjoy the sun on my face. I try to block out all thoughts of Tripp and my past, but it’s a losing battle. Even this backyard reminds me of him. Once the pool was put in, Tripp and I spent hours out here swimming and laying out by the pool. I’m sure we even made out on this very lounge chair a few times. With my eyes still closed, I conjure up the feel of his lips on mine, of his fingers in my hair, of his hands gripping my waist.

Buzzing interrupts my daydream. Reaching down, I feel around my towel until I locate my cell phone. I press talk and then lift the phone to my ear.

“Hello,” I say.

“Hey,
Hads. You coming?” Paige asks.

“Is it that late? I’ve been laying out by the pool
, and I guess I lost track of time.”

“Ah, the life,” Paige jokes. “Must be nice.”

“I’ll be there soon.” I click off and then sit up.

“You leaving?” Ainsley hollers as I stand up.

“Just for a little bit, but I’ll bring you guys some cupcakes.”

“Chocolate for me!” Adam yells before plunging back under water.

“I like lemon,” Ainsley says.

“I remember.” I reach for my towel and wrap it around my waist. “Okay, see you soon.” The house is cool when I step inside and it causes
goosebumps to rise on my arms. I rub them with my hands as I make my way down the hallway.

“Hadley?” Mom steps into my path. Her hair is tucked behind her ears and she wears a pair of jean shorts and a black top. “You’re all done by the pool?”

“Yeah. I’m just going to change and then meet Paige for cupcakes.”

“Yum. Bring some back for us.”

“I already promised the kids I would.”

Mom touches my hair. “I’m glad you’re home. It just feels right.”

I nod. “Yeah, it’s nice.” Moving around her, I head to my room. After changing into a sundress and sandals, and running the brush through my hair a couple of times, I head outside. I can still hear Ainsley and Adam playing in the pool. Their shrieks can be heard all the way into the front yard. With my purse over my shoulder, I scurry across the driveway toward my car parked along the curb. My sandals click on the pavement with each step. Lifting my head, my heart stops.

Tripp slowly drives past my house in his mom’s Honda. For one moment, it’s like no time has passed at all. It’s as if we are in high school and he’s coming to pick me up for a date. I lift my hand and wave frantically while running toward his car. The brake lights splash red
, and the car stops. The windows are open, so I lean into the passenger side. Tripp’s dark eyes crinkle as he gives me a smile.

“Wow, it’s just like old times, huh?” I say.

“I thought you were going to be at the cupcake shop tonight.” He furrows his brows.

I recoil from his words as if he’s slapped me. My stomach drops. “Who told you that?”

“Oh, um.  I saw Colt today. He said you guys were meeting up tonight.”

“So that’s why you thought it was safe to come here? Because you thought I’d be gone?” The words sting like a million tiny needles pricking my flesh.

“No.” Tripp turns off the ignition, steps out of his car and moves toward me. “I didn’t mean it like that.” He pauses. “Can we start over? I feel like this conversation hasn’t gone at all like it should.”

I smile, taking
a deep breath. Clearly this is awkward for the both of us. I can give him a little grace. “Sure.”

“Great.” A broad smile sweeps his face, reminding me of the boy I used to love. “I was actually just supposed to be running an errand
, but I ended up here.” His eyes flicker toward his old house and darken. “I guess I was just curious about my old neighborhood.”

“Is it hard to be back here?”

He glances at the house again. “It’s weird that the new owners haven’t really changed anything. It’s almost like everything has stayed the same.” He locks eyes with me. “Only I know that it hasn’t.”

I know he’s thinking about his dad.
“He can’t hurt you anymore.” Without thinking, I lift my hand and touch his face.

Tripp sucks in a breath, and I drop my hand, horrified by my action. “I know,” he says. “He can’t hurt anyone.”

We stand in silence for a minute, and I think about how many times Tripp and I walked along this sidewalk together. “I feel like we should be taking a walk,” I blurt out. “We’re just missing Bruiser.”

Tripp lowers his gaze. “Bruiser passed away last year.”

My hand flies to my mouth. “Oh, my god. I’m so sorry.”

“He was old. It was his time.”

“Still. That must’ve been terrible for you. You loved that dog so much.”

A sad smile passes over Tripp’s mouth. “Yeah, but there was nothing we could do.”

“I really am sorry, Tripp. I wish I could’ve been there to help you or something.” The minute the words are out I wish I could shove them back in. He broke up with me. He doesn’t want me around. Why do I keep forgetting that? “Um…” I scramble to fix it. “Well, I’ll let you get back to your errands. I need to go meet Paige.” Without looking at Tripp, I whirl around.

“You look really pretty.”

I stiffen at his words, my heart cracking. I want nothing more than to turn around and grab onto Tripp. No guy I’ve seen in the last three years have made me feel even one ounce of what I’m feeling right now in this moment with Tripp. How does he have this kind of power over me?

“Thanks,” I mumble without turning around. With my head down
, I hurry toward my car.

“Hey,” he calls after me. “I can take you if you want. I mean, I’
m already here, and a cupcake sounds pretty good.”

My heart stutters in my chest. I want to go with him, but I don’t know if I can do it. How can I be in his car, be that close to him and keep my emotions in check? “That’s okay. You don’t have to,” I mumble, the words literally hurting as they push past my throat.

Tripp comes up beside me. I notice his movements are jerkier than before. “I want to. In fact, now that it’s in my mind, I’m definitely going to pick up a cupcake. Either you can come with me or I’ll just see you there. It just makes sense to ride with me.”

I think about how pushy Tripp was when we first became friends. A lot seems to have changed about him, but it’s kind of nice to know that this one thing is the same. I bite my lip and glance over at him. The minute my gaze lands on his familiar face I know I will say yes. I’ve never been able to say no to Tripp.