Finding Me Again (4 page)

Ten

Tripp

I really thought she was going to turn me down again. Her demeanor made it clear that she was uncomfortable with the idea of going with me. And honestly, I should’ve just let her go alone. I never should’ve forced myself on her like that. I don’t know what came over me. Once I was alone with her for a few minutes, all my old feelings surfaced and I just wanted more time with her.

As I drive to the cupcake shop, it takes all my willpower not to reach out and hold her hand. It lies there limply in her lap, all slender and pale. I just want to run my fingertips over her skin, to feel her fingers meld with mine. I long for her touch, for the intimacy we once shared. It’s been so long
, and the more I drive with both hands on the wheel, the lonelier I become.

When we arrive at the cupcake shop I realize I haven’t really thought this through. I hadn’t thought about how awkward it would be to show up here with Hadley. What will Paige and Colt think? And won’t it be awkward to hang out with all of them like old times? Not that I can
leave now. That would be even more awkward.

Hadley and I haven’t spoken a word the entire car ride. In fact, she’s been practically plastered to the window. I don’t know why I thought we could just slip back into
our old roles. Clearly I’ve hurt her more than I realized. My heart squeezes. I really thought I was protecting her when I broke things off. Now I wonder if I made a huge mistake.

After I park the car, Hadley opens the passenger door and hops out.
Worried that she’s going to walk inside without me, I fumble to pull the keys out of the ignition and then hurry out of the car behind her.

“I haven’t had a cupcake in forever,” I say to her as I fight to keep up.

She turns to me, her lips curling up in a halfway smile. “They’ve even gotten better if you can believe it. I swear Mrs. McAllistor is a witch. Her pastries are magical.”

Without thinking, I reach out and grab Hadley’s hand. She stiffens
, and I catch my error. It’s just that for one minute I went back in time. We used to come here together often, and when Hadley made that joke, I just kind of reacted. Sighing, I drop her hand.

“Sorry,” I mumble
, and reach for the glass door. It dings as I push it open. When I look back up at Hadley she’s wearing a perplexed expression. This night is turning into a nightmare. The minute Hadley and I enter, Paige’s eyebrows shoot up from where she stands behind the counter wearing a pink apron around her waist. It matches the pink streak down her hair. Colt is sitting on a barstool at the counter, and he swivels in our direction.

In an effort to break through the tension, I step forward. “Hey, Colt.”

Colt takes my cue by jumping down from the barstool and slapping my hand. “Hey, man. Glad you could make it.”

I’m so grateful to Colt right now I could hug him. But I don’t. No need to make anything weirder. “Yeah, thanks for inviting me.”

Paige shoots Colt a confused look. Hadley walks to the display case and peers inside. Her reflection appears on the glass, and her beauty renders me speechless. I stare and wonder again how I survived all these years without her. And then I know this was a bad idea. If I spend too much time with her I won’t be able to give her up a second time. It will kill me.

“I need to pick up a chocolate cupcake for Adam and a lemon one for Ainsley,” Hadley says to Paige.

“Already have them ready.” Paige winks.

When Hadley gives
Paige a surprised look, she shrugs. “They’re creatures of habit. They always get the same thing.”

“How is that possible? I like to try something new every time.” Hadley rubs her palms together, still studying the array of colorful cupcakes behind the glass.

“I guess they’re not as adventurous as you.” By the tone of Paige’s voice I can tell she’s being sarcastic. Besides, I know Hadley, and unless she’s changed a lot, she’s not the adventurous type.

“Yeah, poor kids,” Hadley jokes back, a slight chuckle under her words. “I want to try this birthday cake one.”

“Good choice.” Paige reaches inside and pulls out a white cupcake smothered in pink frosting and sprinkles.

My stomach rumbles, and I move toward the case. “I’ll try the same one.”

“Okay.” Paige picks one out for me too. Then she looks up at Hadley. “Anything else?”

“I should get something for my mom and Rob.”

“I know what they like.” Paige grabs out a cupcake with orange frosting and a chocolate one with checkered frosting.

“And I’ll take a double chocolate one for my mom.” I point in the direction of it.

“Your mom always did have a weakness for chocolate.” Hadley smiles. “How is she doing?”

“She’s really good, actually.”

While Paige boxes up the cupcakes, Hadley leans her back against the glass case. “What about your brother?”

“He just got married. That’s actually why we moved back.”

“Wow, that’s really cool.” Hadley grins
, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes, and it makes me feel bad. I know what she’s thinking. My brother didn’t even have a girlfriend back when we were together. I think everyone assumed I would get married before him. I know that my family was pretty shocked when I ended things with Hadley. Mom took it almost as hard as I did. She really thought Hadley would one day be her daughter-in-law.

“Are you planning to clean that?” Paige indicates the glass that Hadley is pressed against.

Hadley giggles. “Not unless you’re paying me.” Then she pushes herself up.

“I am.” Paige thrusts a pink box at her friend. “With cupcakes.” Then she throws a rag in our direction. “So wipe it up.”

I catch the rag before Hadley can. “I’ll do it. You go sit down and have your cupcake.”

Hadley nods with appreciation,
but Paige looks at me suspiciously. Not that I blame her. She’s always been so protective of Hadley. I’m actually really glad that Hadley has her in her life. It comforts me to know someone is looking out for her.

Colt slaps a hand on my shoulder. “Sorry. My girlfriend can be a little bossy.”

I laugh but don’t dare look in Paige’s direction.

“But it’s okay, baby,” He croons, making his way to the counter. “I love it.”

I hear them kiss, but again I don’t look. It makes me miss what I used to have with Hadley. My gaze travels to her, sitting on a barstool hunched over her cupcake. Frosting paints her nose when she takes a bite, and she discreetly wipes it with her hand. I swirl the rag over the glass until the smudges are gone. Then I hand the rag back to Paige before heading over to Hadley. I take the seat next to her, and then reach into the box, plucking out my cupcake. Lifting it to my lips, I take a bite. It’s creamy and buttery, and melts in my mouth.

“Wow, you weren’t kidding. I didn’t think these could get any better
, but I was wrong.”

Hadley looks at me and starts giggling.

“What?” My face flames.

She reaches out her hand and run
s a finger over my cheek. “You’re covered in frosting.”

Her touch feels so good that I stay completely still, afraid to mess up the moment. S
he doesn’t pull her finger away, just continues to wipe off the frosting. When I can tell she’s finished, I panic and grab her hand to hold it in place. Her eyes lock with mine and grow serious. We stay that way for a minute, just staring into each other’s eyes. Then loud throat clearing behind us breaks through the moment. Hadley yanks her hand out of my grasp, a guilty look cloaking her face. I could seriously kill Paige right now.

Hadley swings off of the barstool and stands up. “I really need to get home.” She keeps her gaze trained on her shoes.

“Okay. I’ll take you.” I stand up too.

“It’s okay. I can get a ride with Colt.”

“No, Hadley. I brought you here. I’ll take you home,” I insist.

“Yeah,” Colt says. “Besides, I’m going to stay a little longer.” 

I flash Colt a grateful look, while Paige shoots daggers at him with her eyes. As Hadley and I leave, I don’t envy Colt. I’m sure Paige is going to give him hell for not taking Hadley home. But I’m thankful. I definitely owe the guy.

Eleven

Hadley

I’ve got to get away from Tripp
.

As we drive down the street, I find it difficult to breathe. His proximity is making me feel things I shouldn’t. And why the hell did I wipe frosting from his face? What was I thinking? We’re not together anymore. I need to remember that.
Something about being around Tripp makes me feel like I’ve gone back in time. It just all feels too familiar.

“Hadley,” he says my name and it causes a chill to run up my spine. I always loved the way he said my name, like it was something precious to him.

I force myself to look at him, and then I wish I hadn’t. His face is so familiar and perfect. It’s this face that I’ve missed so much I could hardly stand it. Looking at it now makes it all so real. Tripp is here now, and I can’t be with him. Not like I want to. It’s been hard enough to daydream about him, but this is just too much.

“I’m sorry if coming with you tonight made you uncomfortable. It’s just that once I saw you again I couldn’t help myself. I wanted more time with you.” He faces forward again and continues driving.

I swallow hard. His words catch me off guard. Why would he want more time with me? Isn’t he the one who ended things? “No, it was nice actually,” I finally say.

“Yeah, it kind of was, huh?”

“It was like old times.”

“Except for the awkwardness.”

“True.” I laugh lightly, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear. “Things between us were never awkward.”

“No. It was always as easy as breathing with you, Hadley.”

Moisture pricks at my eye, and I blink it back. He seems like the same Tripp as before, and then not the same Tripp all at once. I choke back the lump in my throat and stare outside at the houses as we pass them.

“Remember that time we ate an entire box of cupcakes sitting in your front yard?” Tripp asks.

“How could I forget? I was sick for days.”

“But you were so cute with your hand and face covered in frosting.”

“That was just because you kept smearing it on me,” I point out, the memory clear as day in my mind. After eating the cupcakes, I remember him kissing the frosting off my mouth too. What I wouldn’t give for a repeat performance of that right now. Forcing the thought away, I lean my head against the window. My house comes into view, and I let out a relieved sigh.

After Tripp parks along the curb, I reach for the door handle. But before I can open it, his hand lands on my thigh. I freeze.

“Hadley.” His tone is more insistent this time, and I pivot slowly. “I’ve missed you.”

I inhale sharply as his hand cups my
cheek. Forcefully, he draws my face forward. His head tilts toward me, his face nearing mine. My heart picks up speed, my breath coming out labored and shallow. I should push him away, but I don’t. His lips brush over mine, gently at first. Then he presses down more firmly, his tongue parting my lips. I reach for him, desperate for more. His tongue swirls in my mouth as his fingers tangle in my hair. I kiss him back with passion. More passionately than I’ve kissed anyone in three years. Tripp is the only guy who has ever kissed me like this. My head spins, and I feel lightheaded and giddy. His hands move through my hair until they are framing my face, and he kisses me with vigor. I hold him tightly, raking my hands up his back. When he pulls back my lips feel swollen, and I take in deep, steadying breaths. His eyes meet mine and I see the same longing I feel inside. It confuses and angers me. I shove him backwards.

Brushing the hair from my face, I sit up. “What the hell?”

“Sorry.” Tripp sits back in his seat. “I shouldn’t have done that, but I couldn’t stop myself.”

“Why?”

He rolls his head to face me. “What do you mean?”

“Why couldn’t you control yourself? Why did you insist on going with me tonight? And why did you kiss me? I don’t understand.”

He furrows his brows. “It’s
you
, Hadley. That’s why.”

Irritation bubbles inside of me. “God, Tripp, what does that even mean?”

“It means that I can’t control myself around you. I never have been able to. You do something to me.”

I shake my head. “I don’t know what game you’re playing
, but I want no part in it.”

“Game? This isn’t a game,” he says. “
You sound just like when we first became friends. Remember how you thought I was trying to pull a prank on you or something? But I wasn’t playing a game then, and I’m not now. I thought you knew me better than that.”

“I don’t know you at all anymore. You broke up with me, remember? And now suddenly three years later you show up and you expect me to act like the past several years didn’t even happen.” My lips quiver. “You didn’t even tell me why. You just left me. And I never heard from you. Not even one time, Tripp. Do you have any idea how hard that was for me?” Tears fill my eyes
, and I turn away.

“Hey, don’t cry. Please.” Tripp reaches for me.

“No. Stop.” I swat his hand away. “Just leave me alone. Please.” I fumble for the doorknob until it finally opens. Then I stumble out of the car and race up the driveway. Not until I’m safely inside do I allow myself to break down and really cry.