Finding Mr. Right (8 page)

Dear Diary,

I’ve been on 5 dates in the last 2 weeks. Yes, you read that correctly. 5 dates! That’s more than I’ve been on in the last 2 years. Unfortunately, I would very happily go back to the 0 dates in the last 2 years if I could. It’s been a bit of a nightmare, and now I’ve got myself a bit of a stalker. It’s funny, when you are single, you always hope men will want you and woo you. But when it happens and it’s the guys you don’t like or want, that sentiment goes away very, very quickly. In even more surprising news, I’m not the only one who has a crush on Ben.

My Cupidlove account made me cringe. The photos, the poetic prose, the half-lies about my body size, interests, and wants all made me squirm inside. I didn’t feel like I was being dishonest in my profile, but I also didn’t feel like I was being completely honest. I mean, under interests I had written:

I love watching football on Sundays and am never happier than when at a baseball or ice hockey game - Go Lakers!!!
(I hated football, had no interest in baseball or ice hockey, and you couldn’t pay me enough money to watch sports on TV.)

I also enjoy going to dance clubs, and beer is like water to me!!
(I was told that guys love a girl who can dance, and that liking beer over ‘girly drinks’ is like manna from Heaven. They didn’t have to know that I knew the cocktail specials at 5 different bars in LA.)

I love working out and just recently joined a new
(well, it is new to me)
gym, and am training right now for a marathon. This will be my 2nd marathon, and I am super excited about surpassing my first run time!!!
(Hey, in for a penny, in for a pound.)

I would love to climb Mt. Everest one day and love hiking in the Hollywood Hills with my energetic and lovable protector, Lucy, and yes she is my dog. I’m looking for someone who likes to be active
(watch TV and eat chocolate)
and has a keen interest in discussing literature, art, and world politics!!
(Well, one of those is true.)

Now, I knew what I wrote wasn’t exactly accurate, but I was told that I should write my profile in order to get the type of guy I wanted to attract, not the type that would be attracted to me. I mean let’s be honest, what sort of guys were going to respond to:

I like to watch romantic comedies and pretend I am the leading lady kissing the very hot and doable lead man. I have a dog that enjoys sleeping and drooling, and she suits me just fine. My best friend made me join the gym because I’m trying to lose weight so that I can walk/jog in the marathon she signed us up for and which I am dreading. I love to read books and am trying to be a writer (I guess it’s better than actress), and I can’t name the secretary of defense in this cabinet because I stopped caring about politics once I left college. Oh yeah, I’m also kinda of broke and so would prefer dinner dates to coffee because then I know I can get a good and free meal out of it as well.

Let’s just say they weren’t good guys. That wasn’t my exact first profile, but it was close to that. It got offers from older men wanting to ‘take care of me’ and from slobs who asked if I was into RPG and online games. One guy even asked me if I would dress up as his favorite Star Trek character on the first date and if I had any fetishes he could fulfill. Let’s just say that the new profile helped me attract a higher caliber of men; at least they appeared to be of more quality, based on their online profiles.

I called Blake before I agreed to go on my sixth date. I had wanted to talk to Ben about it, but he hadn’t been around the office for a week and hadn’t returned any of my phone calls. Yes, part of the reason I wanted to tell Ben was because I wanted him to get scared that I would meet someone else and then beg me to not join and be his. And yes, obviously that didn’t happen.

Bridget was also really busy with work (she hadn’t even had time to go the gym with me, said she was going through boxes and boxes of discovery for some new case. I wasn’t sure what she was discovering, but it meant she was too busy to work out). It was only then that I decided to call Blake. Gayle had also disappeared on me, said she had just started seeing someone and would call me back, and nothing.

Blake laughed when I told him I was joining an online dating site; asked me if I didn’t have enough admirers already. I wasn’t sure if he was joking, but he did agree to help prep me for my date. I was a bit hesitant about getting help from a guy. I mean, it was just so embarrassing because it was Blake and he was a gorgeous hunk who I thought was hot and who I wanted to go out with as well. But he was also my childhood friend and in a relationship, so I figured it was pointless to feel embarrassed by asking for advice, especially because I really needed it.

“Moo-moo, welcome!” Blake was laughing when he opened the door. I had gone over to his house before my sixth date, to get ready. I’d brought 3 outfits and makeup with me. I figured Blake could tell me which one looked best while he gave me some pointers for conversation. After five miserable dates, I admitted I knew little to nothing about how to flirt or how to read men’s signals.

“Ass.” I’d hit him on the arm as I walked into his house the first time. And then I’d almost gasped out loud, his house was so amazing. Blake lived in Los Feliz, a cool, trendy part of Los Angeles, and his house was gorgeous.

“Wow, this is really nice.” I dropped my bag in the hallway and walked into the living room on the right. There was a large comfy white couch by a beautiful bay window, and across from that was a fireplace. There was a mantle on top of the fireplace with photos. I walked over to look at them.

“Feel free to show yourself the house, Maggie,” Blake called after me.

“I will, thanks, Blakey,” I called back in response. My heart skipped a beat when I looked at the photos. In front and foremost was a photo of me, Blake, and my brother taken at a pool party when I was about 10. I was grinning into the camera with my wet bedraggled hair and a float in my hand. The boys both had their tongues out. I remembered the photo and the day instantly. That was the day I had asked Blake to tell me what a French kiss was. I had heard two friends talking about it the day before at school and had no idea what it meant. Blake had told me it was when 2 people kissed in France. He’d said it was more special because Paris is the city of romance and fireworks go off in your body when you kiss there. Being 10, I had taken him at his word and had daydreamed of going to Paris ever since. It wasn’t until 14 that I found out that French kisses meant using tongues, but the idea of fireworks going off in my stomach in Paris never left my mind, and I vowed that one day I would go to the city of love to see if it would happen.

“I remember this! This is the day you told me about French kisses.” I turned my head to the side to look at Blake. “You know, I believed that story for years.”

“You remember that?” Blake looked at me in amazement.

“Of course, who doesn’t remember their first conversation about love and romance?”

“Love and romance? Didn’t you just ask me about French kisses?”

“Yes, but your answer was so romantic. I talked endlessly with my friends about going to Paris and feeling those fireworks in my belly.”

“So has it ever happened?” Blake looked into my eyes seriously, searching. I wasn’t sure why he was so serious all of a sudden.

“What? A French kiss?” I was a bit taken aback. “Of course I’ve French kissed. I may not have much experience, but I’m not a complete loser you know.” I looked at him with venom.

“Oh, Maggie, I’m not talking about a French kiss, you dope. Of course someone as beautiful as you has been kissed. I mean have you ever felt the fireworks?” He was grinning again now.

My heart had skipped a beat. He had called me beautiful. I couldn’t believe it. I wanted to ask him to repeat it. I wanted to ask him if he meant it or if he was just being nice. Maybe he was just saying that because he saw me as his sister, a member of his family, and family members have to tell you that you are beautiful.

“So, have you?” Blake interrupted my thoughts.

“Oh, no, no I haven’t. Not yet.”

“I’m surprised. A true romantic like you...”

I interrupted him, “Well, I haven’t been to Paris as of yet.”

“True, you do have to be in Paris to feel the fireworks!” He winked at me and then walked to the kitchen. “Want a drink?”

“A glass of red wine if you have it,” I shouted after him, figuring I might as well get a little lightheaded to prepare myself for the date. Nothing like liquid courage and an alcohol-infused personality to get a date going! I was changing into one of the dresses I’d brought when Blake barged into the room humming some rock ‘n roll song.

“Hey, I’m changing here.”

“How was I to know you were some sort of harlot? Who changes in the living room? Except maybe bachelor party strippers.”

I glared at him as I turned around.

“Follow me.”

“Where to?”

“The bedroom,” Blake grinned.

“Excuse me?” My heart skipped a beat. Could I sleep with him behind Bridget’s back?

“Don’t you want to change in privacy?”

“Oh, yeah, yeah.” Thank God I hadn’t ripped off my dress and said “Just take me here and now!” That would have been embarrassing. Plus, did I really want to be with Blake? Yeah, he was cute, but he still called me “Moo-moo,” and that was something I had left behind in my braces-wearing days.

We walked into one of the biggest bedrooms I’d ever seen in my life, and it was only when I looked at the closet that I realized it was his room and not a spare bedroom.

“I’ll leave this here,” Blake placed the wine glass down on a side table next to the bed and started to walk out. “Just call me when you want me to come judge.”

“Well, I guess you don’t have to leave. It won’t take me but a few minutes to change into each outfit. Just close your eyes when I change.”

“Sure thing,” he drawled while laconically winking at me.

“I mean it,” I laughingly said. I hit him on the arm to emphasize my point. His arm was hard and strong and it reminded me of what great shape he was in. I had to get a grip on myself. I had nothing to worry about. There was no way that Blake was interested in peeking at me when he could have any girl in the world with a click of his fingers.

I grabbed the wine glass and took a chug of the pinot noir he had poured for me. “Wow, this is some good wine. I’m guessing it’s not Two Buck Chuck from Trader Joes?” I laughed.

“That is right, not quite Two Buck Chuck,” Blake smiled at me. “Mind if I turn the TV on while you get ready?”

“Sure.”

He got up and sat on his bed and turned the TV on. Football appeared on the screen. I inwardly groaned, was ESPN the only channel that the male species knew existed?

I already had the first dress on so decided to do my hair and makeup before I put on my heels and paraded in each outfit. I wanted to look classy for my date. I was meeting a man named Will. His profile said he was a doctor, and he looked like he was pretty handsome in his photographs. He had a goatee and mustache, which was what initially attracted me to his profile. And well, who didn’t want to date a doctor?

Blake whistled when he saw me all done up. “I don’t even need to see the other dresses, Maggie. This outfit is perfect.” I was about to argue with him and tell him I wanted to try on all 3 dresses when I noticed the time. If I didn’t leave soon, I was going to be late for the date.

Blake was walking me to the door and I was in my black dress (he thought it was the right combination of sexy and sophisticated) when I got a text from Gayle:

Hey, we need to talk. It’s about Ben. I like him too. Call me when you can.

My mouth dropped open, and I could tell Blake was shocked when I showed him the text.

“Go on your date, Maggie. Call Gayle later. Call me later. I’m here for you.” And with that, Blake gave me a hug and pushed me out the door. I knew driving to meet Will that the 6th date wasn’t going to be a winner either.

Dear Diary,

I slept in bed with a man last night, for the first time in years. That’s all that needs to be said. Okay, I really do mean slept and not made love. Just in case you were wondering. And it wasn’t uber romantic, but there were moments where my heart skipped a beat and I had to regulate my breathing. And yes, I felt a spark. A real spark, and it made me a bit scared. Oh yeah, I was married last night...kinda. It’s never a good idea to go on a first date in a bad emotional state, because bad things can ensue. Especially if your name is Maggie Lane.

I called Gayle as soon as I got into my car at Blake’s. I wanted to be calm, cool, and collected and ignore her like she had been doing to me for the last few weeks, but my curiosity couldn’t handle that. What was she talking about? She liked Ben now? What did that even mean? She had never had a good word to say about him when I used to gush on about him. But something in my mind starting ticking as the phone was ringing. I hadn’t thought about it too hard before, but it had struck my subconscious that she always seemed to start off every conversation asking me about Ben. And hadn’t she been even more upset than me when he started dating Jasmine?

“Maggie, hey, thanks for calling me back.” Gayle’s voice was soft. It was never soft.

“You are ruining my date, you know.”

“Omg, you are on a date right now? Sorry, call me back afterwards.”

“Well, I’m not actually on the date yet. I’m on my way,” I grumpily huffed out. There was no way I wanted to wait until after the date to find out what was going on.

“Oh, with whom?”

“A doctor if you must know.”

“Wow, nice.”

I felt a little bad then. The conversation was awkward, and it had never been awkward between us. Not in the whole time we had been friends and she had been bossing me around. Not even when I had done the most disastrous things and embarrassed us both. We’d been mad at each other before, but we’d never been awkward. Whatever she wanted to tell me about Ben must be pretty bad.

“So what’s the deal, Gayle? You like Ben? What does that mean?” I shot out, unable to deal with the silence.

“Maybe we shouldn’t do this over the phone, Maggie.”

“Do what? Just tell me.” I was close to shouting.

“Ben and I are dating.”

“WHAT?”

“We’ve been seeing each other for...”

“WHAT?” I cut her off, “What about Jasmine? How could you do this to her?” It was almost laughable that those were the words to come out of my mouth. I couldn’t care less about Jasmine and had actually hoped that something like this would happen to her, but I’d seen myself as the interloper, not Gayle.

“What is going on here, Gayle? I’m really confused. I didn’t even know you liked him.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t think I liked him. Well, I knew you liked him and didn’t want to like him.”

“You never said anything good about him. You called him a womanizer. You...” I stopped. “I just don’t even understand.”

“I’m sorry, Maggie. We, I, never meant to hurt you. It just happened.” she whispered. I’d never heard Gayle’s voice so soft before.

“What
just happened?” I was exasperated and frankly underwhelmed in my reaction. I didn’t feel any sort of soul-crashing pain racing through my body. No pain, no anger. Just sadness. I realized I was more upset that I hadn’t known that Gayle was even interested in Ben, as opposed to her actually being with Ben. I suppose he was like my Bradley Cooper crush, in a way, a nice dream but never a real possibility in my mind. Plus, he was gross. Who knew if he had an STD even?

“It’s hard to explain.”

“What bloody happened, Gayle? You disappear for 3 weeks, I hear nothing from you. I’ve been on 5 disastrous dates from an online dating service, about to go on my 6th. I’ve been sucking it up in the gym and have a marathon to run in a few months and I can’t even run 2 miles. I have a great chance of being published but can’t concentrate enough to actually write the book. And you want to bumble on and not actually say anything. Just bloody tell me or get off the phone!” I shouted.

There was silence on the line for about ten seconds and then Gayle started laughing. I wondered if she had gone mad. Who would laugh at a time like this?

“I’m sorry, Maggie,” she spewed out between laughter that sounded slightly hysterical. “I’ve just never heard you go off like that, and I...”

I started laughing as well. I guess the stress of the last few months was finally hitting home.

“So, you guys are dating?”

“Yes. I wanted to tell you. I just didn’t know how.”

I understood slightly what she had been going through. Hadn’t I just been telling myself how I needed to find out what was going on in her life?

“Maggie, if I had thought for one moment that you really loved Ben, you know I wouldn’t have ever done anything, right?”

“What do you mean?”

“Maggie, we both know you get these crushes, these infatuations and...”

“I know. It’s okay. I’m not mad. Maybe we can talk about it at lunch tomorrow.”

“Sure, that would be great.”

“Your treat.”

“Of course.”

“Okay then.”

“I’ll pick you up around 1?”

“Yeah, that’s fine.”

“Thanks, Maggie. I’m sorry.”

“I know.” I stared at myself in my rearview mirror as I spoke. I had arrived at the restaurant where I was to meet Will and was just sitting in my car. My face was glittering back at me, shiny and sparkly (thanks to glittery bronzer) and I liked what was looking back. I could see my cheekbones now, well, if I held my face at a certain angle and sucked in my cheeks a bit. But I looked happier and better than I had in years. I had lost some weight and it was starting to show.

“Look, Gayle, I’m not mad. Well, not extremely mad. I’m not going to go scratch up your car tonight and spray paint ‘bitch’ or ‘whore’ on it. But I’m upset.”

“As you have...”

“It’s okay about you and Ben. I’m happy for you even. Well, happy you have someone you like. But it’s Ben, and you never told me, and well, I’m just confused right now and sad that you hid this from me. But it’s fine. I’m going to go on my date with Will, who is a doctor, by the way. And I’m going to have a good time and eat a steak, a nice juicy rib eye, and I’m going to get a dessert, because even though I’m trying to lose weight, I still appreciate free food. And you know what? I’m going to love it.”

“Have fun on the date, Maggie. Try and say no to the dessert.” Maybe I had been too easy on Gayle because it seemed like she was already feeling confident enough to give her unneeded and unwanted advice.

“Well, I’m here and have to go. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I hung up the phone before I said anything else to her. I didn’t want her to convince me to get a healthy side salad with the steak instead of French fries sprinkled with truffles (I’d perused the menu for a good 15 minutes earlier in the day).

“This is going to be fun.” I kept repeating those words to myself as I got out of the car and walked to the restaurant. I wasn’t going to let Gayle’s revelation ruin my date.

***

I should have walked out as soon as I saw Dr. Will. I should have known that the night wasn’t going to go well as soon as I walked out of Blake’s house. I mean, I knew it wouldn’t be great, but I don’t always trust my instincts as I should.

“Maggie, Maggie, over here.”

I glanced over to see who was shouting my name obnoxiously. I saw a short, stout man waving at me excitedly. His hair was receding, and his goatee looked like an unkempt beard with food growing in it. Surely this was not handsome Will? It was in that minute that I should have turned around and fled the restaurant, but I continued walking up to him. Perhaps some other Maggie was here meeting someone and the real Will and I would laugh once I sorted out that this maniac wasn’t him.

It took 30 seconds for me to realize that this
was
the real Will.

“Maggie, so great to meet you.” Will jumped up to hug me and gave me a once-over and whistled. “Mmm, mmm, GOOD.”

I could feel my cheeks flush with embarrassment. Who was this fool?

“Sorry, I should have introduced myself. I’m Doc Will.”

I smiled weakly, “Nice to meet you, doctor.”

“Likewise, wow, we lucked out, huh?”

I looked at him quizzically. “Excuse me?”

“I just meant we both got lucky. I’ve been on some dates from Cupidlove, and some real dogs have shown up looking nothing like their photos, but you are amazing.”

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. He had met some real dogs? I didn’t want to be mean or rude, but I certainly didn’t consider him any sort of prize. It did make me feel good for about 5 seconds that he was obviously so happy with my looks, but who was I fooling? Of course he would be impressed with me. I was looking pretty good. It almost made me want to cry. Was this the only type of guy that would ever appreciate me?

“Have a seat, have a seat.” He patted the seat next to him. Was he crazy? I chose the chair sitting across from him and tried to ignore the pitying glances of the couples on both sides of me.

“I’m so glad you came out tonight, Maggie. When I saw you walking in the restaurant, I thought to myself ‘Yes, that is one fine filly.’”

“Filly?”

“Yeah, like a horse, you know?” he drawled, and my skin felt hot. I don’t know what it was, but I felt a sudden urge to hit him or run as fast as I could out of the restaurant. Or just burst into tears.

“I see.”

“So, Maggie, I have a present for you.” He reached under the table and picked up a medium-sized gift bag that had “Happy Birthday” in glittery gold on the front, and there was a bunch of bright pink tissue paper sticking up out of it. While I wasn’t impressed with the trimmings of the present, it was nice that he thought to bring me something. Aside from the plastic rose that date number 3 had brought me, none of my dates had thought to do that.

“I wasn’t going to give it to you if you were fugly, because I didn’t want to give you the wrong impression. But I like you, so it’s all good.”

I cheered up a little bit at that statement. Maybe he had gotten me a Tiffany bracelet. I could understand him not wanting to give someone he wasn’t attracted to expensive jewelry, but maybe the workouts were paying out in more ways than one now. I mean, I didn’t really respect gold-diggers, but surely I deserved something for coming on this date. And I mean, he was a doctor, he could afford it.

I smiled my first sincere smile of the night. “Why thanks, Will. That was really sweet of you.”

He grinned at me and stroked my hand as I took the bag from him. UGH. “Wine?”

“Yes, please.”
And don’t stop pouring,
I thought to myself. I would need it to get through the night.

I took a big gulp of wine as I went to open the present. To hell with etiquette at this point. I gasped as I looked at the box that was in the bag, then glanced up at Will and saw him leering at me.

“Impressed?” he raised an eyebrow at me.

“Impressed?” I looked at him blankly. In the bag sat a box of condoms. What was there to be impressed with? The fact that he practiced safe sex? That he wanted to practice safe sex with me?

“Yeah, with the size,” he leaned over the table to whisper.

I took another large gulp of wine before looking back in the bag. It was then I noticed the word “Magnum” in bold print on the box. Oh my goodness. This date couldn’t end fast enough.

“So, Will, what type of medicine do you practice?” I changed the subject abruptly, not caring what he thought.

“Medicine?”

“Aren’t you a doctor? Doc Will?”

Will started laughing and slamming his fists on the table, “Doctor? Me? Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.”

“Why do you call yourself ‘Doc Will’ and say in your profile that you are a doctor?” I seethed at him, not caring if he saw how irritated I was.

“I’m Doc Will because I liked the name, and I meant that I am a doctor of love because I am so smooth with the ladies.” And then he winked.

“So what do you do, Will?” I was scared to find out.

“I’m a salesman down in Santa Monica at Al’s Used Car Lot.” He paused. “You don’t need to buy a new car, do you?”

“No, no I don’t.” I didn’t add that if I had needed to, he would be the last person I would buy a car from.

“Excuse me a second.” I stood up. “I just need to go to the ladies room.”

“Oh, honey your makeup is perfect. No need to touch it up just yet.”

“Excuse me?”

“I know you ladies, always wanting to make sure you look good for your man. But honey, you look fine right now, though I suppose a bit more lipstick wouldn’t hurt.” He leaned back and licked his lips.

If I was capable of throwing up on command, I would have done it at that point.

“I’ll be right back.” I walked quickly and purposefully to the bathroom, reaching into my handbag and taking my phone out.

As soon as I walked into the bathroom, I called Blake. He answered within two rings.