Finding Mr. Right (5 page)

Dear Diary,

I’m not a flaky kind of person, and I never usually have more than one crush at a time. For God’s sake, I’m 27. I shouldn’t even be having crushes, but something about Blake makes me all happy inside. I feel almost guilty about it, as if I am cheating on Ben. I know, I know, there is nothing between Ben and me, and it is time for me to move on with my life. It’s just that I’ve entertained the thought of Ben and me being together for so long, that it’s almost like I believe we are fated to be together. Gayle has done her best to tell me to move on with my life and start dating, and, well, I’ve wanted to but never knew where to start. And I was never quite ready to accept that Ben and I would never be. I think I’m ready now. I don’t know if it is because he now has a girlfriend or because Blake is in my life again. Oh, Blake! But I’m ready for the dreams to become reality.

“Shit,” I muttered to myself as I tried to find a parking spot for my car. I was late. Again. I don’t want Blake to think I am disrespectful of his time, but it just seems as if I can never be on time when meeting him. I ran into the restaurant, looking around for him, hoping he wasn’t mad. I almost stopped dead when I saw him, beaming at me from the table.

I was struck once again by his good looks and boyish smile. He is a man with a boy’s charm and his friendly look put me at ease right away.

“Maggie, over here,” he called out to me and waved. I walked over, trying to look graceful but feeling like a gangly teenager once again. Blake got up and gave me a hug as I approached the table. His body was warm, and I wanted to melt right into him.

“What, no kiss today?” he teased me as I sat down.

“Maybe when I leave, if you’re lucky,” I shot back. I was actually quite stunned inside. I’ve never been able to flirt with guys I find attractive. I usually get all tongue-tied and googly-eyed. But with Blake it’s easy, maybe because I’ve known him since I was a child; I mean, he has already seen me at my most immature.

“So how is the revision coming along?” He smiled at me as he leaned back in his chair. I didn’t know what to think. Was he testing me? Did he realize that there was no revision going on because the book wasn’t done? Not even a third of the way written.

“It’s coming okay. You know how it is.”

“So, tell me about it. I’m all eager and excited.” A huge grin spread upon his face. It was a private joke. When we were younger, I’d always gotten mad at him for not paying attention to me when I told my stories. I’d tell him I wanted a more eager audience, and that I wanted to see that he cared about what I was talking about. He had never changed his expression and always seemed as if he wanted to be anywhere but there when I was talking to him, but he had listened to me more than Chad had. In fact, Chad would leave the two of us in his room while he went to go and play video games and ride his bike. He’d shout up to Blake to just leave me and come on downstairs. But Blake had always stayed. Hmm, I’d never really thought about that before. It had to be annoying to him to listen to me talk about Anna and Sue (my two best friends at the time), and then complain about the latest boy who wasn’t calling me.

“Hey, quick question, Blake.”

“Sure, shoot.”

“Why did you listen to me babble on so much when we were younger? I must have been a teen drama queen personified, always going on about different guys and different hair-brained schemes to get their attention. Why did you put up with it?”

He laughed. “You know, Maggie Moo, there were a million times that I wanted to throttle you or tell you to shut-up, but I enjoyed you trusting me enough to open up like that to me. You always made me feel like I was your big brother.”

“I did?” I didn’t quite understand how that was.

“Yeah, no one who was concerned about manners or etiquette would ever put their business out there like that and babble on and on and on. You didn’t care. You treated me just like you did Chad. It made me feel like I was truly part of the family.”

“But I was so rude and snotty to you.”

“But that’s how you were to Chad. That’s the dynamic brothers and sisters have. And I liked it. It was hard growing up as an only child, but you made me feel like I was surrounded by siblings. Because frankly, one of you equaled at least 3 sisters in normal families, I’m sure.”

I couldn’t help but join him in his laughter. I was indeed the queen of drama and could have been the main character in at least 3 different soaps. It wasn’t in just one area of my life that there was commotion; it seemed to invade my whole being, from friends, to boyfriends, to school, to family, to the families I dog-walked for, to the local grocery stores I bought products from, there was always something going on.

“You know, I missed you more than Chad when I moved.” Blake looked at me seriously. “I missed my little sister. Chad was my best friend, and, well, I missed my best friend, but with you? With you, it was like leaving family behind.”

“Oh wow, I didn’t know that.” I felt a little guilty. While I had missed Blake, it had been more because I missed my sounding board and the only person who ever listened to me garble on for hours without their eyes glazing over or trying to then bore me with their problems as well. Yes, I had also been the quintessential bad friend in that regard. I really loved to talk about my own problems but never really listened. I grew out of that phase, thank God, or I’m sure I wouldn’t have any friends anymore.

“Hey, let’s not get all sappy. I’m glad we’ve reconnected. Tell me about your book and anything else that is going on with your life. I’m all ears, and I’m sure you haven’t changed that much, Moo-moo.”

I swatted his shoulder at the Moo-moo, but felt a warmness inside me. Chad had moved to Germany about six years ago when he met a German girl while traveling through Europe, and there were times that I really missed having my big brother around. I was a bit disappointed that Blake saw me as a little sister; it seemed as if my daydreams of kissing him all night were a bit inappropriate now, but really, who’s to say that those visions are wrong? I mean, it’s not as if we are blood-related or anything.

“So ... the book is going okay,” I began. I mean even though we have this newly-developed closeness, there was no way that I was going to tell him that the book was not even nearly done.

“What’s it about?” I could tell that Blake was genuinely interested. Oh, why couldn’t he have been one of those people who asks you a question and then continues on talking about themselves? Normally, I can’t stand that, but in this instance it would have been ideal.

“So the book is about, um, this girl called Jenny and she uh, well, she has the ability to become a butterfly during the summer months.”

“A butterfly?”

“Yes, she becomes a monarch butterfly. It has to do with her metamorphosis from a caterpillar. You have to read it to really understand,” I say, a little indignantly.

“Oh, I see, interesting. And what does she do with this ability?”

“Well, she flies around and, um...”

“Are there other people with this ability in the book?” Blake interrupted me, genuinely interested in learning more about these butterfly-human beings. I wanted to smack him across the head. Really? A girl who turns into a butterfly? How awful was that plot? Who would really be interested in reading that drivel? Maybe I’d tell him that her turning into a butterfly was a metaphor for her starving herself and only eating lettuce. That the book was a scrutiny of life as a teenage girl and how they are similar to butterflies: pretty, flighty, and in danger of having their wings torn off by horrible boys.

“Well, there are only girls who have this ability. They turn into butterflies as a way to camouflage themselves in awkward situations.” I was talking very animatedly and knowledgeably for someone who was making up the plot on the spot. I went into my handbag to grab a pen and paper. I was actually really beginning to like the premise. I wanted to make sure that I didn’t forget the ideas that I was spewing out now.

“What are you writing?”

“Oh, just some additional thoughts to include in the book in the second draft. Review and renew, that’s what I call this stage.”

Blake watched me as I furiously scribbled every last word I had just said, or as I remembered it. I wasn’t sure how I was going to incorporate everything, but I liked the idea of a teenage girl being like a butterfly. I had a big grin on my face by the time I was done. I finally had an idea to start working with. That was always my biggest problem, and I was anxious to go home and get started.

“So what happens next?” Blake asked.

“Oh, oh, you don’t want to hear more about my book right now,” I babbled. “Why don’t you tell me all about your job and love life? I’ve been dying to hear more.”

“Well, there is no love life worth talking about right now.”

“What? I find that hard to believe!” My insides were screaming with happiness and excitement at his words. Oh my, I was going to go to Hell. How could I be this happy about my pseudo-brother being single?

“Believe it, Maggie Moo, there is no one but you,” he laughed. “I’m a poet and I don’t even know it.”

I swatted his arm again. It was firm beneath my touch. “Blake, if those are the lines you are approaching women with, then there is no wonder why you’re single!” I didn’t add that I was joking and that a million of those lines wouldn’t detract a female within a hundred miles of him. His handsome good looks and incorrigible laugh and smile more than made up for some corny poems.

“So what about you? Are we marrying you off anytime soon?”

“Nope.”

“What, not at all? I’m shocked. The boy-crazy Maggie I knew would no way be without some sort of man or crush in her life.”

“Well, I didn’t say I didn’t have any interests in anyone,” I grinned back at him. “Remember Ben?”

“The spy?”

“Yes, the spy.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Well, you know. I have a slight thing for him.”

“What sort of thing?”

My cell phone started ringing at that point. I groaned when I saw Gayle’s face blinking on the screen. I excused myself quickly and took the phone call. Gayle and I were meant to hit up the indoor track at the gym for a run, and she was calling to make sure that I had remembered.

“Hey, sorry about that,” I said as I sat back down in my seat. “That was Gayle. We’re going for a run this afternoon, and she was just reminding me.” I pulled a face.

“No worries. What are you running for?”

“She convinced me to run a marathon with her in a few months, and, well, let’s just say that I am not prepared at all.”

“A marathon, huh? How far can you run now?”

“About 1 minute,” I mumble the last part.

“One mile?”

“One minute.”

“One minute?” Blake tried to hide his smile.

“I know, I know, I suck.”

“Oh, Maggie,” and with that he erupted into laughter.

Dear Diary,

Most people want their friends to become friends with their other friends. But I don’t. Especially not when they gang up on me. It was a mistake telling Blake about my upcoming run, because he decided that he would join Gayle and me. He said it was perfect timing and he could help work as my ‘personal trainer’ for free. I wasn’t amused by his joke. The last thing I needed was someone else on my back, trying to encourage me into working out and running more. But of course Gayle thought it was a fabulous idea and invited him to join us this Saturday. And to make matters worse, the run has been moved to early morning to accommodate my lunch date with Ben and Jasmine. Does this sound like the work of two friends coming together for my good? I think not!

My alarm clock went off at 5:15 a.m. Saturday morning, and I groaned. I was pretty sure this was going to go down as the worst Saturday in my life. I was also extremely worried that I would embarrass myself in front of both Gayle and Blake. Many people wondered why I was best friends with Gayle. They couldn’t understand what we could have in common. She was into fashion, health foods, and was an assertive editor at a top fashion magazine. She didn’t take crap and had little time for idle chat, gossip, and people with excuses. I was the antithesis of basically everything she valued in human beings, and yet, quite oddly, our friendship worked.

Gayle and I met on the first day of college. We both got lost trying to locate our rooms, and I was marching up and down the hallway looking like a mad dog in heat. Gayle took me to the side and calmly told me that I should wait with her for the resident assistant, who would take us to our rooms. It all worked out pretty easily from there. We hadn’t been able to find our rooms because we were actually located on a different floor where we essentially ended up being next door neighbors. This turned out to be better than being actual roommates because I’m messy and she’s clean and it just wouldn’t have worked out if we had lived together.

However, for a friendship, my lightness was what she needed to have some fun in life and her worrywart tendencies helped me to focus and concentrate on my studies when it was needed. Over time, she became a mother figure, but that’s because she feels her maternal clock ticking and I have the perfect laid-back type of personality that allows her to exercise her bossiness without feeling any sort of retribution.

“Maggie, we’re here!” Gayle and Blake strode into my apartment looking like the morning people they both are. I brushed the sleep out of my eyes and gathered my curly hair back in a bobble. I was totally not up for this run, not at all. I glared at Gayle as much as I could while still being half-asleep and then turned to Blake. He gave me a huge smile and ruffled the top of my head.

“Ready to go, Moo-moo?” he grinned.

I hit him in the chest at his comment and gave him the harshest glare I could.

“Gimme a sec, folks. I’m nearly ready.”

I saw Lucy glance up at all the activity going on in the room, but she quickly tucked her head back down and closed her eyes. Even though Lucy seemed to love running now, even she wasn’t foolish or eager enough to want to wake up early to do it. Traitor.

I quickly ran into the bathroom and brushed my teeth and washed my face and came back out to see Blake staring at some of my family photographs and Gayle grabbing water bottles from the fridge.

“Okay, folks, I’m ready.”

Blake turned around with a sparkle in his eyes and looked me up and down. I wanted to slap him again but couldn’t be bothered to move over to the other side of the room. I was also scared that I would experience another warm rush of something through my body if I touched him again.

***

It was beautiful watching the sun rise. Surprisingly, the run up the hill wasn’t so bad today. Maybe because my body is getting used to activity and maybe because I didn’t have Lucy charging ahead like a horse at the races. Blake ran alongside me while Gayle went ahead, calling back for us to increase our pace. Eventually she grew tired of stopping and waiting on us and just went on ahead.

“So, how’s the book coming?”

“It’s coming,” I huffed. The morning was too pure and beautiful for me to ruin it with any lies. “But enough about me, tell me about you, Blake. How goes your job? Do you love being a top-shot lawyer?”

We reached the top of the hill then, and when Blake plopped down on the grass for a rest, I could have kissed him on the lips. I truly didn’t think my body would hold up for much longer.

“You know, it’s funny. I always wanted to be a lawyer. I thought I’d be able to help people and make a difference in the world. That people would come up to me and thank me and that I’d be that person they would never forget in helping them turn their lives around. But...”

“But you are making a difference. Aren’t you, like, the youngest partner in your firm?”

“That’s not the difference I wanted to make, you know. Yes, I help rich people and corporations, and yes, CEOs thank me for finding tax shelters and interpreting code that is beneficial for them, but it’s not the same.”

“I can understand that.” I looked into Blake’s eyes, and they were engaged, staring into mine as if he was trying to let me see into his soul. I squeezed his hand. “Can’t you do something else, then?”

“It’s not that easy. I’m the head of the department, and ...” he trailed off. “Whoa, this is some powerful talk for an early Saturday morning. Let’s go catch up with Gayle.” He jumped up and pulled me up with him.

“If you ever want to talk, Blake, I’m here.”

“I know.” He reached over and gave me a kiss on the cheek then. And it was all I could do to tell my heart to behave.

“Race ya!” And with that, he was off.

I started off after him, laughing. It was a game we’d always played as kids. Mainly it was used as a way for Blake to run away from me when I was too annoying. Chad would tell me that we were playing hide-and-seek and then Blake would challenge me to a race. Needless to say, that would be the last I’d see of them for the remainder of the day.

I stopped running after a few minutes and only quickened my gait when I saw Blake and Gayle heading back down toward me. They seemed to be laughing about something, and it made me a little jealous, but only because I hoped it wasn’t at my expense. I had a feeling that Blake and Gayle had more in common than just being my friends, and I wasn’t really ready or eager to see the two of them together in any sort of romantic way. Not because I would be upset, but because of the consequences if anything went wrong. I mean, of course I would support my best friend dating the man I thought I was beginning to have feelings for. My real problem would be how to choose between the two if they broke up. Gayle’s words broke into the dilemma I was solving in my mind.

“So you’re meeting Jasmine today, huh?” Gayle grimaced at me. She knew I was not happy about the meeting and was likely hoping that I would finally get over Ben. It was weird because Gayle and Ben got along brilliantly, yet Gayle didn’t think Ben was good enough for me, and she always got really upset when I told her about the new girl he was dating. Somehow, it never seemed as if she was sad for me but rather for herself.

“Yeah, another one of his bimbos. I don’t know how much more of this I can take,” I mumbled, annoyed. “I don’t know what his deal is.”

“Whose deal?” Blake came up from behind us and joined in the conversation.

“No one’s,” I said at the same time as Gayle said, “Ben’s.”

“Ben No-one?” Blake smiled. “I’ve never met him, have I?”

“We are talking about Ben,” I sighed, “You know, my coworker.”

“Oh, your true love? The one I was used to make jealous?” Blake grinned. I knew he would never let me forget that brunch.

“Yes, him.” I scowled at him.

“So what’s the big deal with him now? He hasn’t given you the engagement ring you want?”

“Something like that.”

“So am I invited to the wedding?” Blake looked at me. “As one of your oldest friends, I expect I’ll have a large role to play.”

“Blake, you are the most incorrigible, irritating ...” I couldn’t continue because Blake’s laughs were drowning out my words. Before I knew it, both Gayle and I had joined in the laughter. It was quite pathetic, really.

“Maggie’s going to lunch with Ben and his new girlfriend Jasmine today.” Gayle decided to impart Blake with the knowledge that I had been holding back.

“Oh.”

“Yes, oh. So as you can see, there will be no wedding for Maggie any time soon.”