Finding My Forever (33 page)

“Jimmy!” The both of us yell. He looks at us, shocked.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“Waiting for you,” he exclaims.

“Why are you smoking?” I demand.

He pulls it away from his lips and looks at it. “It’s not lit, innit?”

I brow beat him until he sets it down. “You’re going to kill yourself.”

“I wasn’t going to light it. Come on, Sweet Lips, let’s go have a baby.” Instead of walking to the car, Jimmy picks me up and carries me. He shouldn’t be doing this, but I feel so much better being in his arms. He sets me in the car and even puts on my seatbelt. Brigette climbs in the back as Jimmy gets behind the wheel.

“I need to call my mom.”

“Already taken care of, I called her when I was getting your clothes. She’ll be on the next flight out,” Brigette says. She starts rubbing my shoulders, easing away some of the tension building. I close my eyes and try to relax and breathe through my contractions.

“We’re here,” Jimmy says, slamming the car into park.

“Take her in Jimmy and I’ll park the car.”

Before I know what’s happening my door is open and I’m in his arms. “Put me down, you’re going to hurt yourself.”

“Bollocks, I don’t want the baby to fall out.”

Only my husband would think that.

“Hi Mrs. Davis, ready to have your baby, I see.”

“Yep, she’s like a burst pipe, she’s leaking so much,” Jimmy blurts out.

“That’s normal. Follow me.”

Still in Jimmy’s arms, we walk down the hall into a room that is decorated in passion pink. Jimmy groans and I want to bleach my eyes. Who, in their right mind, decorates like this? Do they think all women are the same and just want to stare at pink flowers while pushing out a watermelon?

“This room looks like a bottle of Pepto threw up.”

The nurse looks at me and smiles. Jimmy sets me down on the bed and stares at my feet. “You’re not wearing any shoes.”

I look down, he’s right. “Imagine that. Guess I would’ve known had I walked to the car.”

The nurse laughs. “Put this on and get comfortable. I’ll be back.”

Famous last words.

“O
H
my God it hurts so much,” I whine to anyone who’ll listen. I’m uncomfortable and tired. I’ve been walking up and down the hall dozens of times. I’ve sat in every position ever created. I’ve rocked on a ball through my contractions and nothing… nothing is making them go away.

“It’s almost over, babe.”

“How the hell do you know, Jimmy? Do you have some magic spidey sense telling you that the baby is almost here?”

“No, I just thought —”

“Stop thinking.”

“Okay.”

“Okay? Nothing is okay. I’m in pain and your daughter is stretching me as far as the Grand Canyon. How is this okay?”

Jimmy closes his eyes and rests his head next to mine. I want to push him away, but he gives me the coveted ice chips that are like crack. I know he’s holding them hostage and waiting for me to say nice things to him, but that’s not going to happen. I’m angry with him right now.

“I love you, Jimmy.”

“Love you too, Sweet Lips.”

My body tightens as a contraction works its way through my abdomen. “It hurts,” I whine. Tears or maybe just sweat, roll down my face.

“I’m sorry.”

“You should be. It’s your demon sperm that did this to me.”

“Jenna —”

“Don’t
Jenna
me. I let you stick that thing in me and now look at me.”

“You’re having a baby,” he says as if he’s trying to sweeten me up.

“Babies aren’t this evil.” I try to turn away from him, but he holds onto me. It should piss me off, but it doesn’t.

“I need to go to the bathroom,” I say as the pressure increases.

“I’ll call the doctor.” Jimmy stands but I pull him back to me.

“You can’t leave me,” I cry out.

“I’m not going to, don’t worry.” He reaches over and presses the call button. The door bangs open, causing me to jump.

“How are you feeling, Jenna?” the nurse asks.

“I need to go to the bathroom.”

“Let me have a look.” Say what? The nurse lifts my blanket and puts my feet into the stir-ups. How in the hell is she going to check and see if I have to go to the bathroom? Is there some monitor I’m not aware of? “Looks like we’re ready to start pushing.”

What’s this
we
shit? Is she pushing too?

The nurse leaves me with my legs wide open on this joke of a bed only to return with the doctor. He sits down and smiles.

Creepy.

“Jimmy, do you remember what they taught you in Lamaze?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Well, it’s time. Okay, Jenna, on the count of three I want you to push.”

“How the hell do I do that?”

“I thought you said you had to go to the bathroom?” he asks.

“I do, but you won’t let me up,” I beg.

“Jenna, it’s your body’s way of telling you it’s time to push. Push out your little girl so you can meet her.”

Easier said than done in my opinion, but it’s clear no one cares what I think.

Jimmy helps me sit up. He holds my hand as I bear down.

“It burns.”

“Again, Jenna.”

I do this again and again. Over and over. Each one is more taxing than the one before. Jimmy feeds me ice chips in between the contractions and pushing. He also wipes my forehead for me and moves my hair away from my face. He’s doting when all I want to do right now is punch him in the junk. I never want to do this again.

“I can’t do this anymore,” I say, out of breath.

“Yes, you can, Sweet Lips. Just one more time.”

“Oh, what do you know? You’re never touching me again with that evil penis of yours. It’s bad news.”

“Okay.”

“Okay? What, am I not sexy enough to have sex with now? Is it my fault my vagina is going to be as wide as the Atlantic?”

“With proper exercises you can decrease the stretching,” the nurse by my head says. Jimmy and I both look at her. He shakes his head and mutters, “not cool.”

“Jimmy it hurts.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“Okay, Jenna, she’s almost here. Take a look,” the doctor says.

Jimmy and the nurse lean me forward and I can see the top of her head. She has dark hair – it’s slimy now but I bet it’s beautiful.

“Look, that’s our baby.”

“She’s going to be gorgeous like her mum,” he says, kissing me on the lips. “One more push, Sweet Lips, and you’ll get to hold her.”

I nod and bear down again. I scream, hoping that the exertion will move her along. I cry when the pressure releases and fall back against my bed. Jimmy stands there looking at the doctor as he’s handed a pair of scissors. Wailing starts immediately and while I should be concerned that he’s cut our child, I’m not. I’m falling in love with someone I haven’t even seen yet.

Little One is set on my chest while the nursing staff and doctors finish up with me. Jimmy sits down beside us. He takes my hand in his and brings it to his lips.

“I’m afraid to touch her,” I say.

“I know, me too. We might break her.”

Little One opens her eyes briefly before closing them again.

“You should hold her,” the nurse says.

I run my finger down her nose and over her cheek. She reacts by moving her head to where my finger is going. I try not to giggle, but I can’t help it.

“She’s fucking beautiful, Jenna. Thank you so much.” Jimmy stands and kisses me before kissing Little One.

“She is, isn’t she?”

The nurse takes her from us to run all the necessary tests to make sure she’s okay. To me, she looks perfect, but I’m her mom; I’m going to be biased.

I hold Jimmy against my chest, my tears wetting his hair. “I’m sorry for being so mean.”

He shakes his head and pulls away. His eyes are filled with tears, and one is definitely bruised giving him the bad boy vibe. “I love you so much, Jenna. As long as you never tell me to leave you, I don’t care what you say to me.”

I
’M
left in the “Pepto” room (as Jenna calls it) with just a few nurses, while another one takes Jenna to the bathroom. I watch them as they weigh and measure Little One, whose arms are waving around like crazy. She looks like a little boxer and has a set of windpipes that can go on for days. I’m not sure how on earth I’m going to get used to this crying. It just means I’ll have to find a way to appease her. To make her happy because hearing her scream her little lungs off like this makes me want to take her in my arms and hold her tightly so I can take away her worries. Worries that she shouldn’t have because her daddy is going to make everything better.

Daddy.

Daddy.

The word falls off my tongue like it’s a foreign word. Even though I’ve said it many times when Jenna was pregnant it didn’t have the meaning that it has now. I’m her daddy. I’m going to be the person she’ll go to until some bloke comes along and tries to take my place. I’m responsible for this little creature and will be until she tells me that she’s old enough to take care of herself. I can never see that happening. I’m going to make sure she always needs her daddy.

Jenna comes out of the bathroom looking as beautiful as ever. Her smile lights up her face and makes her eyes sparkle. She just accomplished a feat so glorious I’m not sure I can love her anymore. She brought my daughter —
our
daughter — into this world and has made our family complete.

The nurse guides her to the bed, and helps her get comfortable. How Jenna can walk after giving birth astounds me — she is frikking amazing. After what I just witnessed her body go through, I’d be bloody knackered. I’d probably want to curl up in a ball and beg for my mum to come in and make it all go away. I can admit I’m chicken shit when it comes to pain. That thought alone makes me grateful that I don’t remember being shot. I’ve experienced enough of the horror story from Liam and Harrison to know it was a fucking nightmare. I’m perfectly fine remaining ignorant and not remembering all the pain I was in.

I don’t know what to do. Go to Jenna or continue to watch the nurses fuss over Little One? They’re gushing — as they should be — at how beautiful she is. She looks like Jenna, but with dark hair. Not gonna lie, I was hoping she’d have dark red hair, a mixture of mine and Jenna’s, but I’ll take her just the way she is because she’s ours.

Little One is wrapped up in a blanket and carried to Jenna. The nurse bypasses me as if I’m not even in the room. I get that she’s the mother, but what am I? Do women really just consider the man the “demon sperm donor” and nothing else?

I follow the nurse like a lost puppy dog as she hands Little One to Jenna. She’s sitting up, smiling. When I look at her, I see nothing but pure elation. It dawns on me that she was going to have Little One whether I was in the picture or not. I should feel good about that, but a part of me wonders where I’d be right now if I wasn’t here. Nowhere, that’s where. I’d be lost and still trudging through mud trying to find a purpose in life. I’d be half the man I am now and knowing that, I wouldn’t change what I’ve got now for anything.

Jenna looks at me after Little One is placed in her arms. The nurse leaves the room, giving us time to bond with our daughter. Jenna pats the side of her bed, beckoning me to sit next to her. I can’t deny her. I’ll never be able to deny her of anything she wants from me. I climb onto the bed slowly and with caution. I know she’s sore, but she’s not showing any signs of being in pain. It’s easy for me to remember how gentle she was with me when I was in a bed like this. Her touch was as light as a feather and she left me begging for more. I wanted to hold her then and I want to hold her now.

My arm rests on her shoulder allowing my fingers to touch the top of Little One’s head. She’s wearing an offensive pink hat – the sure-fire sign that she’s a girl – because all babies look the same; except my daughter is beauty personified. Jenna runs her finger along Little One’s cheek and she raises it in a little smile.

Jenna reaches up to her shoulder and unsnaps her gown. Her glorious boob appears magically and while I shouldn’t be turned on, I am. I know I’m going to hell thinking that my wife, who has just given birth, is ready for sex, but I can’t help it. I watch in awe as she brings Little One to her chest to feed her. We learned about this in Lamaze class and if I hadn’t just witnessed this moment I wouldn’t believe it. Little One knows exactly what to do.

“Amazing” I say quietly.

“She is, isn’t she?”

“Her mum is too.” I kiss Jenna on the forehead as she feeds our daughter. Every so often she runs her finger over Little One’s cheek causing her to start sucking again.

“Does it hurt?”

“A little. The nurse said my nipples wouldn’t be used to the sucking.”

“Bollocks, I suck on them all the time.”

Jenna rolls her eyes. “It’s different.”

“Want me to suck on the other one to get it ready?”

Jenna gives me a dirty look, but I burst out laughing. “No, Jimmy. You have to be patient.”

“How patient?” I’m afraid to know the answer.

“At least six weeks.”

“Six weeks? But I just got you back yesterday.”

She shakes her head and pulls Little One away from one of my favourite parts of her body.