Finding My Forever (37 page)

And one more thing while I’m thinking about over and under, top and bottom.

If and when I decide to ‘get over’ my sexy, cheating ex, I will most definitely be on top.

***

Weeks later, I’m eating my Trader Joe’s Pasadena Salad in my classroom. Alone. Mel refuses to eat with me. She’s so damn stubborn. I know she wants to, but she keeps telling me, “It’s the principality.” Principality—that’s not even a word. Not in the way she’s using it. And she’s an English teacher. Go figure.

The door opens slowly as I stuff my mouth with a forkful of lettuce, almonds, and chicken. I almost choke when I see who it is. In fact, I knew who it was the moment I caught a whiff of the air wafting in with him. Chase has been wearing Eternity for Men since we were in high school. I’m surprised Ms. Blingyshirts hasn’t changed his scent too. At any rate, his timing couldn’t be worse. My mouth is overflowing and I can barely chew. Time plays in slow motion as he makes his way to my desk. How anyone can look so sexy just merely walking is beyond me. There are no words to describe it. I blink hard and fast to snap myself out of his trance. Spitting back a wad of half-chewed salad in its container, I sneer, “What the hell do you want?”

Like my strategy? In an effort to not break down and cry hysterically every time I’m alone with this asshole, I have to be mean. I can’t bring myself to be civil because every time I do, I end up asking him what went wrong and how I can fix it. As if I’m the one who needs fixing. Okay, maybe the fact that my innards are blubbering fools right now is evidence of that, but I can’t let him get to me. So instead, I just act like a bitch. It’s the only way to survive this stupid-ass breakup.

I’m snarling at him, yet he smiles.

If my heels weren’t digging in the floor, I’d slide off my seat leaving snail trails behind. This man can make me ache down there with just an effing smile. It’s a wonder how he can still do that with our long history together. For most people, doesn’t that sort of thing fizzle out after a few years?

He doesn’t say anything right away, so I utter again, “Well. What is it?”

He ignores my question and says as nonchalant as can be, “Hey, hon, how you been?”

Hon? Really? Un-frickin’-believable.

Raising my right brow, I give him the most disapproving look I can muster. “Just great, Dear,” I sneer with a snap of my neck.

“I haven’t seen you during lunch in a while,” his voice softens.

“It’s too crowded in the staff lounge.” Translation: I don’t want to see you and your nasty ass girlfriend.

“Aw, come on. You should come down.” Translation: making you feel like shit is so much more fun in public.

“I’ve got a lot of grading to do.” Looking down at my desk, I notice just one small stack of papers. Shit. That’s what I get for having nothing better to do than grade papers night after night.

He sits on my nearly empty desk. “Well, I hear everybody misses you.” He plumps out his bottom lip in a pout. I think my heart just stopped. Is he trying to kill me? Could he be prosecuted for murder? Cause of death: broken heart. Murder weapon: words laced with bullshit. It’s me who should be thrown in jail for eating up every one of those words. But, I can’t help myself.

Okay, Shel, relax. Keep it cool. Back to bitch mode.

I summon the courage to shout at him, “Shut the hell up and get the fuck out of my room. And don’t come back unless it’s about work. Even then, don’t bother. Just send me an email.”

“Shel Belle, don’t be that way. I still wanna be friends.” Oh no he didn’t just pull out the friend card. He needs to shove that crap back from wherever he yanked it from. He’s so full of shit, no wonder his skin is so tan.

“Friends, my ass. We’ve been friends since the second grade, since I kissed you on the cheek on Space Mountain when you were so scared you wanted to cry. I should have just let you piss your pants and never talked to you again and I wouldn’t be in this mess.” I glare at him with as much pissiness as I can exude. “Fuck friends. I have enough friends. I don’t need any more. And I sure as hell don’t need you. So get to steppin’, Chase.” Tears threaten to bubble over the edge of my eyelids but I will them back. I swear to God, if I cry in his presence, I’ll kick my own ass.

Chase’s chocolate brown eyes glare at me, his nose flares, and I can see the muscles in his jaw twitch, but I don’t say another word and my tears don’t fall. But his do. He gets up and walks out my door. Before it slams, my heart fails me and tears start streaming down my heated face like a flash flood.

He has no right getting teary-eyed on me. He did this. I didn’t break up with him. He can’t toss me aside, put me in the junk drawer and come find me when he needs me.

I can't still be his friend. It doesn't work like that. How can we possibly be buddies? Am I supposed to chat with him about the good old days, or go out to dinner with him and what’s her face? I don’t know how we can go from long-term relationship to friends with everything just peachy. That’s bullshit.

The bell rings. Son of a mother lover. I grab for the box of tissues near my computer and blot my already puffy eyes. There’s no way I can camouflage this. I just hope my class doesn’t say anything. I’ll probably cry more.

“Ms. Gelson, are you okay?” Meg, my student aide, asks.

Trying to muffle my sniffling noises, I force myself to respond. “Oh, I’m fine honey. Nothing some chocolate and a little makeup can’t fix.” I open the bottom drawer to my desk to reveal a rather large bag of Dove dark chocolates. Too bad I can’t rig a keg of beer in my desk. Or maybe squeeze a twelve pack in my mini-fridge. I wish. For some reason, I don’t think chocolate is going to cure this one.

“I saw Mr. Marino leaving and he looked like crap. Don’t worry. It’s not gonna last, ya know. My best friend, Keesha, is his aide this year and she says she's rallying for you. She wants him to dump that big assed beeyotch soon. She's so fake with her caked-on makeup and hooker heels. She reminds me of my ex-best friend. You have class, something Ms. McG doesn't. Marino will figure it out.” I look at her all wide-eyed, and she says, “Oh, sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I forget you’re my teacher.”

I can remember comforting her when she was a freshman and found out her best friend was doing the deed with her boyfriend. Can you imagine having to deal with that level of drama when you're fourteen? I wish I could tell her it gets better. But what I want to do is hug her, and say thank you. I knew there was a reason I liked her. I should buy her lunch.

My students fill their desks and immediately get started on the bell-ringer—the assignment I posted on the board. I sense the whispers, but I don’t look up. I take attendance, all the while thinking about Chase. I wonder if Ms. McGallian knows about his little lunchtime visit. I doubt she’s included in the masses of people who miss me at lunch. If she doesn’t know he stopped by, she will by the end of the period. If there’s anything I know about my school and my students, it’s that information spreads like the plague. Right now, Meg is on her cell texting, and I’d bet a hundred bucks she’s telling her friends. I wish I could see Ms. Fiancé-Stealer’s face when she finds out her man left my room all weepy.

Let the games begin, bitches!

Against The Wall is the first book in the Against The Wall series. The ebook version is free at all book retailer sites. Visit Julie’s
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Copyright © 2013 by Heidi McLaughlin

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Table of Contents

Title Page

Other Books by Heidi McLaughlin

Dedication

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty-Five

Chapter Twenty-Six

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Chapter Thirty

Chapter Thirty-One

Chapter Thirty-Two

Chapter Thirty-Three

Chapter Thirty-Four

Chapter Thirty-Five

Chapter Thirty-Six

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Chapter Forty

Chapter Forty-One

Chapter Forty-Two

Chapter Forty-Three

Chapter Forty-Four

Chapter Forty-Five

Additional Books

Acknowledgements

About the Author

Against The Wall

About the Book Designer

Copyright Notice