Finding My Way (30 page)

“So c’mon
spill.  You didn’t mention you were seeing anyone.  Who is
she?”  Mum asks with a mouth chockfull of pizza.  I swear I don’t
know how I managed to come away from this household with any manners
whatsoever.

“Just
someone at work.”
  I shrug
casually,
try
to hide my true feelings on the subject.

“Her name’s
Emma.  She’s very pretty, and she’s funny.  She’s a mean pool
player.  And Seth is totally obsessing about her I can tell,”
Tahlia
teases me, her eyes full of mischief.  I give
her a nudge with my knee.

“And you work with
her?”  Mum asks curiously.

“She’s the
receptionist at work, yes.”

“Have you been seeing
her long?”  Mum continues.

“No yesterday was our
first date.”

“And you brought her
to your parent’s house?  
Must be serious!”
 
Dad jokes.

“Only ‘
cause
you weren’t here!”  I counter.

After a moment I find
a good reason for change of subject and tell them about my car troubles. 
Dad offers to drive me home after dinner, and the conversation fortunately
steers onto other things after that.  The last thing I need is pressure from
my parents.  They mean well but whenever I have been remotely interested
in a girl they always seem to get way too invested.

Before we head home I
manage to get Mum alone as she’s unpacking her bags in her bedroom.

“Mum,” I say as I
enter the room, “I’m worried about
Tahlia
.”  She
stops what she’s doing and looks up at me.

“Did she have another
nightmare when we were gone?”  I can see her relaxed face morph into a
worried one as she asks that question.

“Yeah, I thought you
said she wasn’t having them anymore.”

“She wasn’t… and then
last week they started again.  She’s only had a couple and I’ve been
trying to convince her to speak to someone about it, a counsellor or something,
but she won’t have a bar of it.”

“She was beside
herself when she woke up last night.  She was screaming, crying, shaking…
it was frightening.   I know you said she was having bad dreams but I
had no idea just how bad.  I tried to talk to her about a few times today
but she kept shutting down or changing the subject.”

“Yep that’s my
girl.”  I can see my Mum’s eyes starting to water.  “Oh Seth I feel
so bad for her.  You can see now why I can never leave her on her own in
this house.  Not even for a little while.” She starts sobbing then and I
put my arm around her shoulders.  “She actually has panic attacks too.”

Seeing my Mum so
upset and remembering that frightened look on my sister’s face the night before
makes me so angry.

“It was nearly a year
ago now, and I just don’t know if she will ever heal,” she mumbles into my
shoulder.

It’s then that I
notice
Tahlia
in the doorway.  She looks hurt
and upset, ready to cry.  She turns and storms away.  I go to follow
her but Mum holds me back.

“It’s no use
honey.  She doesn’t want to talk right now.”  I then hear
Tahlia’s
bedroom door slam shut.

“It’s probably a good
thing she heard us talking about her.  Maybe she will see just how worried
we are,” I say trying to console Mum.

“I hope you’re
right.”

“What are you
thinking
?” 
I yell at Dan as he forces me backwards up the stairs, on the end of a very
heavy piece of furniture.

“You’ll understand
one day.  Keep moving
,
this thing weighs a
tonne.”

“No kidding!”  I
grumble as I lift the solid timber chest of drawers up another couple of
steps.  “I just don’t understand, explain it to me.”  I shake my head
at him.

“Jo will be spending
a lot more time here and-”

“So she
is
moving in!”  I interrupt.

“Not quite… I’m just
giving her some space for her stuff.  A few drawers, some of the wardrobe,
some room in the bathroom…”  He grins at me as we reach his apartment
door.

“But you guys haven’t
even been together that long.”

“I know it’s only
been two months, but…”

“Two months? 
Really?
  I didn’t know you’d been seeing her
that
long.”  
How did that happen?
  He just laughs at me then
instead of responding.

We drag the heavy
drawers into place in Dan’s bedroom and he starts busying himself with moving
clothing from one place to another.  I take a seat on the end of his bed.

“Are you sure about
this Dan?  I mean, have you really thought it through?  You know that
this is the first step to her moving in don’t you?”

“I sure hope
so.”  He stops what he’s doing and I have to admit I don’t think that I
have ever seen him beaming like that.  I guess this is what it looks like
to be in love.

After a few minutes
of watching Dan, the lovesick-former-best-friend and player-turned-traitor,
rearrange his life for his new
girlfriend
, he glances at his watch then
turns to me.

“Thanks for helping
me with that man.  I thought you would have been here earlier, we could
have grabbed a couple of drinks or something,” he says as he edges towards
his bedroom door.  “But now I’m
gonna
have to
ask you to leave.”

“
Fuck the what?
” 
I ask as I stand and follow him out of the room.

“I’m sorry but Jo’s
gonna
be here any minute and I wanted to surprise her with
the new furniture… you know, grand gesture and all…” he trails off as he
reaches the kitchen.  Grabbing a couple of candles, he heads back to the
bedroom. 
Candles, really?

“Man, you’ve got it
bad!  Before you know it you’ll be wearing that ball and chain while
driving a minivan full of kids to soccer practice or something!”

Dan faces me as he
continues to walk backwards to his bedroom.  He gives me a shrug and a
smile.  He’s a goner.

Jo’s car pulls in the
driveway as I’m backing my car out.  She gives me a toot and a wave as we
pass one another.  She has a broad smile on her face and looks just as
love struck as Dan.  It’s a good thing I left his apartment before I had
to witness them mauling one another again.

Another one bites the
dust.  Who’d have thought Dan would be the next guy to get sucked into a
relationship?  Not me!  And he reckons I’ll “understand one
day.”
 
Maybe he’s right, one day… in the
very,
very
distant future.

What is the appeal to
only being with one person anyway?  You can have so much more fun when
you’re not tied down.  I just hope I can convince
Em
of that.  She obviously does the relationship
thing,
I just hope she’s willing to try the whole casual thing with me too.

Unfortunately I will
be car-less for a couple more days so I have to catch the train to work Monday
morning.  I find myself searching the station and the trains for
Emma. 
Which is ridiculous!
  I don’t even
know where exactly she lives to know which direction she comes from let alone
which train she catches.  What are the odds that I would just happen to
catch the exact same train?  It’s highly unlikely!

When I get to work at
five past nine, I’m instantly disappointed not to see Emma’s smiling face at
the front desk.  Not long after taking a seat at my desk Sophie is at the
doorway.

“You stood me
up!”  She sounds angry.

“Huh?”  I swivel
in my chair to face her.

“You didn’t even
call!”  Her angry face breaks into a smile.  “I thought we had a
date, or you were supposed to get back to me at least.”  When I don’t
respond, it becomes apparent to her that I have no clue what she is talking
about, so she explains, “A bunch of my friends went clubbing on Saturday night,
I invited you,
you
were going to get back to me. 
Ring any bells?”

“Oh right, sorry.”

“Don’t look so
serious, I’m only teasing!  So what did you do on the weekend that was
better than hanging out with me huh?”

“Well, I-”

“Don’t answer. 
I can tell by the look on your face… something to do with a girl… perhaps a
certain girl beginning with the letter E…” She wiggles her eyebrows with a
wicked grin on her face.

“Wow you’re
good.  You should join like a circus or something!”  I chuckle.

“No your face is just
very easy to read.  So am I right?  You had a date with Emma? 
Yes?”  When I nod she continues, “And by the smile on your face I guess it
went really well.”

“I think so… well I
hope so anyway.”

There is something
about Sophie that makes me open up to her.  She has a way to make you feel
comfortable to tell her exactly how you are feeling. So I do exactly
that.  I tell her everything from staying at my parents for the weekend,
to Emma being hit by a football.  I tell her that I haven’t stopped
thinking about Emma since she left me on Saturday night.  Of course,
Sophie says that she can see that on my face too.

I jolt awake quickly
glancing at my phone.  Shit!  Almost nine!  I must have hit the
off button instead of sleep the last time my alarm went off!  I jump out
of bed and quickly scrounge through my clothes.
 
Grabbing a pair of black pants and a cream coloured blouse, I slip on
some flat shoes and run a brush through my hair.  Ponytail it is today, I
don’t have time for anything else.  I pull up G & C on my contacts
list and put a quick call through to Julia letting her know I’ve slept in but
I’m on my way.

I make my way to the
train station in record time, just as a train is pulling in.  I quickly
glance over to Nick’s kiosk but he is busy with customers and I don’t think he
sees me when I wave.  I swiftly jump in the first available carriage and
take a seat.

By the time I get to
the office it’s just gone ten.  I’m surprised that I made it to work so
quickly and even more surprised to find Sophie at my desk.

“Big
weekend?” she asks smiling at me brightly.

“Slept
in.”

“Well it happens
occasionally.
 
I covered the phones for
you.”  She stands from my chair.

“Oh okay, thanks for
that.”  There’s something odd about the way Sophie is looking at me.

“Anytime,” she replies
sweetly and heads off in the direction of her office.

I dump my bag on my
desk and run into Julia’s office.

“Morning
Julia.
  So sorry I’m late.”

“No worries sweetie,”
she replies distractedly her eyes not leaving her computer screen.  The
phone at receptions starts to ring.  “Don’t forget our appointment.”

“I won’t,” I
answer as I go back to my desk to answer it.

Before I know it,
it’s half past ten.  I go to Julia’s office door again, for our meeting.

“Take a seat.” 
I shut the door and sit on the chair opposite Julia’s desk.  She makes a
quick call to Sophie asking her back to reception to cover for me for the
“second time” today.  I have no idea if she is mad at me for being late or
not.  In fact, I still don’t even know why we are having this meeting. 
But I’m suddenly nervous.

“Do you like working
here Emma?” 
Uh-oh.
  I
am
in
trouble.  I’m about to get an official warning or something.

“Uh Yes… I do.” 
I manage to reply.

“But are you content
at reception?  Or would you rather try something else?”  Am I about
to get the sack?

“I love working here
Julia-” I begin pleading my case but she cuts me off.

“That wasn’t my
question.”
 
She pauses and I start to
hyperventilate.  “I want to know what your goals are.  Do you see
yourself working as a receptionist long term?”

“I, uh…”

“Relax Emma, don’t
look so serious.  I see potential in you.  I think that you could do
better than reception.”  I start to relax a little as she opens a manila
folder in front of her.  “I see here on your resume that you studied graphic
design and art in high school.  Is that something you are still interested
in?”

“Yes definitely,” I
reply, nodding, surprised by the turn in conversation.  “I don’t know if I
am any good, but I would like to try working in design at some stage.”

“Since I took over
here, I have been reviewing all the personnel files, making sure that we are
using all our employees to their best potential and I was surprised by what I
found in your file.  Why are you in your current position?  What made
you take a position as a receptionist?”

“I uh, I took on the
position for experience.  I figured it was a good foot in the door. 
I do have a strong interest in graphics though.”  Am I really saying
this?  I wonder what else is in my personnel file.  “And I wanted
some office
experience,
I guess more to fall back on
than anything.”

“And
your goals?”

“I would like to see
a project from start to finish I guess.  But ultimately I would like to
work in the graphics department?”  I say more like a question, I’m not
sure why.

“That’s what I
thought…” she trails off.  Leaning back in her chair, she crosses her arms
and places a hand against her mouth.  She glares at the bookshelf that
lines the wall to the side of her desk.  I am just about jumping from my
seat in anticipation.  When she finally speaks I do exactly that. 
“Here’s what I propose,” she says turning back to me sitting up
straighter.  “I am going to advertise for a new receptionist.  You
can train your replacement and then I would like you to shadow me for a few
weeks.  I would like to take you out to client meetings so you can see how
the process begins.  Work with me in here,” she says motioning to the room
we are in, her office, “and then I would like you to spend some time working
with the design team.  How do you feel about that?”