Finding My Way (8 page)

Seth’s office is at
the opposite end to mine.  He only joined the company about a month
ago.  He took over when Bob retired.  Bob was the go-to guy. 
Any problems you had with computers, printers, photocopiers, in the office, he
could fix,
he
was quite a guru.  Seth worked
closely with him for a week before he left.  I don’t actually know exactly
what Seth does with his time, but his job must keep him busy because he barely
leaves his office most days.

My thoughts keep
coming back to something he said, ‘Definitely the
right
side of the bed’. 
It gives me goose bumps.  I don’t know if it is the way that he emphasized
the word
right
or the fact that he said
bed
. 
Ooh bed,
with Seth…
  Or maybe it’s just because I am not exactly sure what he
meant by that?  Obviously his comment referred to my happy mood, but I
have a feeling there was something else, a hidden meaning.  Whatever it
was, I liked it, and thinking of our interesting encounter earlier today brings
a smile to my face, and tingles everywhere else.

Five o’clock comes
around and I shut down my computer, tidy my desk and switch the phones to night
mode.  I take my time packing my bag, hoping to catch a glimpse of Seth as
he leaves, or maybe even another elevator ride together.  At ten past five
there is still no sign of him.  So I head to the kitchen, biding my time
as I have an overwhelming urge to see him.  As I slowly rinse my coffee
cup in the sink I see Seth walk past the kitchen window.  He has his
satchel on and continues down the corridor rather briskly.  I don’t think
he notices me at all.  Bugger, I didn’t time that too well!  Feeling
deflated I dry my cup and head back to my desk to collect my bag.

As I am stepping into
the elevator I hear him coming out of Julia’s office, I thought he had left
already.

“See you
tomorrow.”  He says to Julia.  I turn around and spot him as he heads
for the elevator, glancing at my desk as he passes.  He looks in my
direction just as the elevator doors start to close.  His pace quickens
but he’s too late, the doors close just as our eyes meet and I quickly mouth
the word ‘sorry’.

Crap!  I realise
after the elevator starts to move, that I could have pressed the button to stop
the doors from closing in his face.  Shit! 
Why didn’t I press the
damn button?
 
Too late now.
  Ugh! 
So frustrating and embarrassing, I feel like an idiot. 

When the elevator
reaches the ground floor I make a hasty exit.  I don’t want him to have
the chance to catch up with me because I feel so embarrassed.  I exit the
building and head off towards the train station.  As I move quickly I
notice that my left leg is a bit stiff, but I don’t let it slow me down. 
When I make it to the station there is a train already waiting so I jump
straight on and find a seat.  Popping in my ear phones of my iPhone I
realise I am out of breath.  What a rush!  I feel so flustered. 
How am I supposed to face Seth tomorrow?  He must think I am such a
dunce.  Press a button, how hard is
that
?

I lean my head back
against the window and close my eyes.  I take a few deep breaths to calm
myself down.  I’m overreacting aren’t I?  Yes, I’m sure that he
probably hasn’t given me a second thought.  Opening my eyes again I look
around the crowded train, yes better, back to reality.  I am sure Seth
doesn’t care that I didn’t hold the damn elevator.

The music on my
iPhone changes and a familiar song comes on and for once I don’t press the skip
button.  It’s a song from one of my favourite bands, Editors.  I used
to listen to them so much, too much after Josh and I broke up.  It got to
a point where I couldn’t listen to them anymore because the memories associated
with their music made me too sad.

The Editors are a
band that Josh and I saw in concert together.  As I hear the words to
their song ‘Lights’ I brace myself for the tears to come, but this time they
don’t.  I let the song play out and then take the music off shuffle and
press play on their ‘An End Has a Start’ album.  The apparent significance
of the album title is not lost on me at all.  I close my eyes and let
their music fill me.  I find that I’m appreciating their music in a whole
different way, a new way, a therapeutic way.  I feel like they are helping
to release that hold that Josh had on me.  Is that crazy?

When the train
arrives at Caulfield station I note that the booth where Nick works is already
shut.  I’m kind of grateful that it is.  I don’t think I could have
faced more embarrassment today.

By midday I am full
of life and I decide to burn off some excess energy at the gym.

Rachel is at the
front desk when I arrive.

“Hey Nick, how you
goin
’?” she purrs at me, leaning over the desk, her skimpy
little red workout bra thingy giving me more than an eyeful.  She
purposefully crosses her arms in front of her and leans across the bench, which
only squeezes her breasts closer to my face as I lean in.

“Good
Rach
, how are you?”  I ask as I stare at her
breasts.  “You
still seeing
that douchebag?” I
lean closer across the bench towards her.  I eventually look up to hold
her gaze and give her a flirty grin.

“Until I get a better
offer,” she says battering her eyelashes at me.  Not likely!  She is
pretty hot and I wouldn’t mind
tappin
’ that, but no,
not going there again!  Last time I went out with one of Tony’s girls I
nearly got my head punched in.

“Dude,
you
hittin
’ on my girl?”
  Tony booms out
as he comes out of the back office.

“Nah man, she’s
hitting on me!”  I say giving Rachel a wink and turning my attentions to
him, “How’s it
goin
’ Tony?”

“Yeah
not bad, mate, not bad.”
  He replies as he swats Rachel on the
butt.  She just rolls her eyes and takes a seat back on the stool behind
the desk.  “
You
headin
’
to the weights room?”

“Yeah I thought I’d
lift a few,” I reply as I move in that direction.  “Hey you and
Rach
wanna
head out to Club Vibe
tonight?”  I ask turning back to him.

“Yeah, maybe, might
catchya
there hey?”  He then turns his attention to a
guy who walks in.

Tony is a regular at
that nightclub so he probably will turn up.  He goes so often that people
actually move from his booth in the corner when he arrives.  Girls flock
to him so it’s always good to be his mate and get in on the action.  I
dunno what it is about him that gets the girls though, because he really is a
douchebag.  He treats them like crap and yet they always come back and
hang off him.  Maybe because of the way he carries himself, self-assured,
arrogant, and well, he is loaded.  He comes from a wealthy family and his
gym does well too.  I snicker when I wonder if Dad would think of Tony as
successful
.

Being lunch time the weight
room is relatively empty when I get there so I have the pick of the
benches.  After about thirty minutes one of the trainers come over and
spots me for a bit.  I am really working up a sweat when out of the corner
of my eye I spot glorious long brown curls.  I sit up suddenly to get a
better look, my heart pounding at the thought of who it is.  But I’m
bitterly disappointed when the girl turns around and
looks
absolutely nothing like my new friend
Em
.  The
trainer looks oddly at me when I curse.  Why did I want it to be her so
badly?  Why would I even think it was her?  It’s not like she’s ever
been to this gym plus I know she’s still at work because it’s the middle of the
day.  What was I thinking?

I leave the gym not
long after that.  When I get home I head straight for bed for a couple of
hours rest in preparation for hitting the club tonight.

After a quick shower
at my apartment I hop in my car and drive to my parents’ house for
dinner.  I usually eat at their place on Tuesday nights.  They live
in Bentleigh, just a ten minute drive from my house.

As I make my way up
my old street I pass Kat’s family home, always referred to as ‘the
Greenes
’ place’ by our family.  She doesn’t live there
anymore she lives with Luke in Elsternwick now.  But her parents still
do.  I notice Kat’s older brother Jake is walking up their driveway as I
make my way past.  I give him a quick toot and wave and he waves
back.  He doesn’t live there anymore either, but he might as well, he
seems to be there all the time.

The house I grew up
in hasn’t changed that much since I was a kid.  The most noticeable
difference would be the garden.  Since Mum retired, she spends a lot of
time working in the garden.  It is landscaped to the extreme.  It’s
immaculate, front and back.  I think she got a lot of inspiration from
Josh.  Josh is a landscape gardener, by trade, and he has taught her a lot
over the years.  I must admit she has done a great job and it really suits
our old Victorian weatherboard home.  Dad repainted the house a crisp
clean white earlier this year and I think that it looks prettier than it ever
has before.

I pull into the
driveway and park my car behind Ethan’s
ute
. 
When I get in the front door I hear Dad yelling, “Anna, give us a hand will
ya
?”

“Just a sec Brian I’m
in the middle of something!” Mum yells back.

“Hey Mum! 
Hey Dad!”
 I yell as I head for the kitchen.

Mum’s in the kitchen
leaning over the oven.  “Hello
darling,
how was
your day?” she says as she shuts the oven door.

“Interesting,” I say
as I slump down at the kitchen table.  The chairs are hard and I wince.

“What’s wrong with
you?” she asks noticing.

“I dunno, my thigh is
a little sore,” I say rubbing it.

“Let me take a look,”
she says coming over and tugging on my tracksuit pants.

“Mum!  No go away!” 
I giggle and push her hands away.  She gives me a smile.  She will
never change, she still thinks of me as a little child.  I know she just
wants to help, but sometimes it’s not appropriate.

“Anna!” Dad yells
again from somewhere in the house.

“I better go see what
he wants!” she yells back so that he can hear her.  One thing you can say
for my parents is that they are never quiet.  They love to bicker but they
love each other unconditionally too.  I am really grateful to have parents
that, even after thirty or so years of marriage, are still so happy together.

I take the
opportunity while the kitchen is empty to quickly pull down my tracksuit pants
to see why my thigh is so tender.  I vaguely remember that it was hurting
earlier when I was rushing to the train station.  There is a huge purple
and blue bruise on my left thigh.  I must have got that when it knocked on
my chair at work this morning.  Why didn’t I notice that when I had a
shower?  Oh I know, because I was preoccupied with thoughts of Seth… brown
eyes… his hands… lips –

“What the fuck,
Em
?” Ethan says as he enters the kitchen, fresh from his
shower.

Shit!  I quickly
pull my pants back up.  “It’s nothing you haven’t seen before!  And
mind your language!”  I snap.

“Make me!”  He
smiles as he strides towards me, stops and purposely flicks me with his shaggy
wet hair.

“Ugh, you need a
haircut!”  I tease, giving him a shove.  Ethan has wavy brown hair a
shade or two darker than mine, and he really does need a haircut.  It is
untidy, uneven and getting rather long.

My brother and I have
a good
relationship,
we always have gotten along
well.  Even as kids we rarely fought.  I think because we have
similar personalities and because we are close in age, he is only three years
younger than me. 

Ethan walks over to
the fridge, opens the door and examines its contents.  “So how’d you get
the bruise?” he asks with his back to me.

“What bruise?” Mum
asks as she comes back into the room.  “Ethan close the fridge, dinner’s
almost ready!”

He slams the fridge
door, saunters to the dining room table and sits on the chair beside me.

“So what
ya
do?” he speaks in a patronising way as he nudges me with
his knee.

“I fell off my chair
at work,” I say trying, and failing, not to smile.

“You idiot!” he
laughs and I join in.  Mum rolls her eyes and shakes her head.

“Hello baby girl,”
Dad says as he enters the kitchen.  He leans over and gives me a quick
peck on the cheek.  He’s carrying a large cardboard box which he places in
front of Ethan on the dining room table.  “Here we go Ethan.”

“What’s this?” Ethan
asks.

“Photos,” Dad
replies.  “I thought after dinner we could make a start on your photo
board for your party.”

“Oh Dad, my party
isn’t for weeks.  Plus I was going to play a couple of games of pool with
Jake after dinner.”

“See, I told you
there was plenty of time Brian.  But do you listen?” Mum says, winking at
me.

“I just like to be
organised, our boy is going to be twenty-one.  That only happens once you
know.  Besides it’s less than four weeks away so we have to be
prepared.”  Dad loves a party.  He also loves to methodically plan
everything!  He has always been that way.  When it came to family
holidays growing up, he was an absolute nightmare.  He has an obsession
with checklists.  “Now Ethan you still haven’t told me what colour you
want for the decorations.”

“I dunno Dad,
whatever.”

“No Ethan, not
whatever
,
if
whatever
is what you want, I will make everything pink!” he jokes.