Finding Never (10 page)

“
Sure,”
I say before I can question myself. There are a lot of factors to
consider here, least of which has a nose ring and a wicked smile. My
sisters won't want me to go; I won't want to leave them. But I'm
going to do it anyway because my questions about Noah Scott have not
been answered. He's still a big, fat question mark. “What's
her name?” I ask him. “Your dog?” Noah laughs and
shakes his head like he can't believe he's about to say this.

“
It's
Never,” he says. “Her name is Never.”

14

When
I get back to my mother's house, Ty is sitting on the front steps
with a cigarette between his sexy lips. His eyes are closed, and
he's leaning back with his elbows on the faded wood of the porch. He
doesn't move when he hears me pull the truck back up to the barn,
doesn't look at me when I climb out and crunch across the ground
towards him. I pause with my tennis shoes inches from Ty's boots and
wait.

I
smile then I worry that Ty will think the expression is for Noah and
frown.

“
Have
a good time?” he asks softly, voice low and dangerous, like he
could explode into motion at the drop of a hat. His muscles are so
tense that they're making mine cramp in sympathy. Ty cracks his eyes
and glances up at me as a bit of ash falls on his chest. He's not
even smoking the damn cig. I meet his gaze and sigh.

“
Kind
of,” I say, feeling bad for being so late. I didn't mean to
stay out so long. It's just … being with Noah was kind of
magical, like I was a different person in a different world with a
different life. I didn't expect that. And after the reception I'd
gotten from my mother, I didn't expect him to be so damn happy to see
me. “We went out to this lake that we used to go to as kids
and just talked, caught up, you know?”

“
Yeah?”
Ty asks, and I can tell that he's fucking terrified that I'm going to
run away with Noah Scott, make little blonde babies, and move into
that horribly ostentatious McMansion that Noah's parents built. I
kick the bottom of his shoe.

“
Sorry,”
I tell him as I wrinkle my nose. I'm not a complete idiot. I
realize that leaving my new pseudo-boyfriend/sex addict sponsor/best
friend/pain in the ass at the home of my family who I haven't seen in
years was a bit of a strange thing to do. I
had
to see Noah
though, and I think Ty understands that. What he won't understand
and what I don't know how to explain is that I have a … thing …
with Noah tomorrow. A date? No, it isn't a date, but what is it? I
also didn't tell Noah about Ty, so I imagine that tomorrow, when he
comes to pick me up, that there will be trouble. Especially when I
tell him that Ty is coming with us.

Fuck
me.

“
Lacey
texted me,” Ty says mildly. I can tell he wants to ask more
questions about Noah but doesn't know how. “She wants you to
know that she and Trini are like, totally official now.” I
snort at Ty's imitation of Lacey's voice. He finally inhales and
pulls the cigarette out of his mouth so he can speak properly.
“Never … ”

“
I
didn't sleep with him,” I promise and Ty pauses, bracelets
jingling as he drops the cigarette to the dirt. “All we did
was hug.” Ty nods and pushes himself to his feet with a grunt.
I watch him stretch his arms above his head, bangle bracelets
sliding down his arms towards his elbow as he lifts his hands and tangles his fingers together.

“
I'm
glad, Never,” he says as he drops his arms and steps forward,
takes my chin in his fingers and kisses me, lips like a butterfly's
wings, ever so soft against my own. I sigh into him and lean forward
so that my head is cradled in the nook of Ty's neck. He squeezes me
tight and runs his ringed fingers through my hair. Miraculously,
they never get caught. “I am so fucking glad.”

“
Ty,”
I say as he holds me ever so tightly. “Thanks for putting up
with me.” At this I get a laugh, a real genuine, knock your
socks off kind of a laugh. Ty pulls back and pokes me in the
forehead with a ringed finger.

“
Don't
be stupid,” he says as he cocks his head to the side. “You're
not a girl that any guy could just put up with. You're a fucking
whirlwind, Never.” I don't know if this is a compliment or
not, but I do remember that Ty told me he loved me. I'm guessing
those feelings haven't disappeared in the last few days, so I smile
and pull out a cigarette and a lighter. If my mom's still the same
hypocritical bitch that she's always been, then if I smoke in the
house, she'll have a fit. Weird for a chain smoker. I'd always
thought that. Now that I'm one, too, I can't understand it. It's
like she's ashamed to admit her faults, like she doesn't want anyone
to know that she smokes. I want everyone to know. If they want to
hate me for it, good for them.

India
opens the screen door and smiles warmly at us. I can tell that she's
been waiting anxiously for me, and I feel guilty about how much time
I spent with Noah.

“
Everyone's
asleep, but I thought I should tell you that Mom unlocked your room.”

“
Unlocked
my room?” I ask, completely and utterly baffled. India nods
and scoops some copper hair behind her ear. She's got this gorgeous
purple eyeshadow around her eyes that make them sparkle like
diamonds. Tomorrow, before I go out with Noah, I'm going to ask her
how she puts it on.

“
Yeah,
um … ” she nibbles her lip while Ty steals my cigarette
and finishes it. India shrugs like she isn't sure how to say what
she wants to say and motions us inside. “Just … come
in.” I look at Ty who shrugs and follow her into the warm
house. India locks the door behind us and flicks off the living room
lights before leading us up the stairs to the second floor. From
what I've seen thus far, the house is virtually the same. There are
family portraits on the wall above the stairs that Ty stares at as we
walk past. I glance at them, but they're the same ones I saw a
thousand times as a kid. If asked, I could replicate them all in
perfect detail with just a pen and paper. The memories are that
clear.

India
turns right and stops at the first door. It's white with a big,
black scrawl that supposedly says
Never.
I wrote it with
Sharpie in a teenage rage, so it's barely legible. Beneath it,
crayon drawings galore wash the wood with color.

“
Maple,”
India explains and I feel myself brighten at the thought of my niece
and my new baby sister, Darla. They're young enough that I could
still have a relationship with them if I tried. Things aren't all
bad. Angelica Regali may be a lost cause, and after the way she
treated me I kind of hope she gets torn apart by wild dogs, but there
is still life here to be salvaged. I can smell it. India pushes the
door open, flicks the light on, and steps back.

What
I see takes my breath away. My room is
unchanged.
And not
just in the way that the furniture is the same or the posters or the
carpet … I mean
everything
has been left exactly the
same as the day I left. I even see my hot pink sweatshirt with the
hole in the armpit, the one that Noah Scott gently slipped over my
head before he kissed the living daylights out of me and made love to
me in the very same bed that I'm now staring at. I left him lying
there naked and although the bed is now made, the blankets, the
pillows, the sheets are all the same. I stumble back and Ty catches
me under the arms before I fall to my knees. My head is spinning
like crazy and I feel sick.

“
I
don't … understand,” I say as I try to wrap my mind
around this. “But … there are only seven bedrooms …
” I trail off and wait for India to explain. She looks
nervous, like this whole thing is weird for her, too.

“
The
day you left, Noah came downstairs and told Mom that you'd run away.
At first, she was pissed off, but later … ” India trails
off, and I suddenly feel so bad for her that I can't breathe. I hurt
her so bad without even realizing I was doing it. She had nothing to
do with the problems that chased me away, and I don't know how I'm
ever going to be able to ask for her forgiveness. “Later, she
got weird. One day she just came up here, made your bed, and closed
the door. She locked it and that was that. Never,” India says
tentatively as she glances at Ty and tries to judge exactly what he
is to me. Whatever she sees there gives her confidence, and I vow to
remember the look on my sister's face.
Relaxed.
She likes
Ty. Good. “Nobody's been in here since except maybe Mom. She
never unlocked it, not once.”

“
So
… ” I struggle to understand why my room has been left
to collect dust while my sisters continue to share. India rushes to
explain, gesturing with her thin fingers and pale hands like she
can't talk fast enough to get the information out, like maybe she
could sign it if she wanted.

“
Beth
and Maple share a room, and Lettie took Zella's room when she moved
out. Lorri and Darla share. It's not so bad, Never. We were glad
to leave it. As long as it was here, it was like you could come back
somehow, like if we waited long enough, you'd appear here in your
baggy sweatshirts and your butterfly clips.” India starts to
cry as Ty sets me up straight and gives me a gentle nudge in the
direction of my little sister. I take her in my arms and try not to
let too many tears fall into her pretty hair.

“
I'm
sorry, India,” I tell her. “I'm so sorry.” She
shakes her head and pulls back, wiping her arm across her face with a
sniffle. She might be sixteen, but she's a young sixteen. I vow
then and there to protect India from the hell I went through. I
don't want her to understand what I did or why. I want her
to grow up happy and blissfully fucking ignorant. I want her to
dream of cherry blossoms and puppies and love at first sight.

“
I
know,” she whispers. “I know why you left.” I
open my mouth to explain, but India raises both hands and backs away.
When she looks up, she's smiling.

“
You
don't have to explain, Never. I know all about Luis.” I
cringe when I hear that man's name. He doesn't deserve a name,
d
oesn't even deserve a life,
but he has one and my daddy doesn't. That's a problem, a real big
one. Before I leave this town of secrets and betrayal, I have to
find Luis, preferably with Ty by my side. Maybe he can punch him out
the way he did the robber in the convenience store. That, at least,
would be satisfying to watch.

“
Do
you know where he is?” I ask India, convinced that she's the
only one who would be willing to tell me. She bites her lip again
and nods.

“
In
town. I don't know where specifically, but I usually see his truck
outside Broken Glass.” I glance over at Ty.

“
The
watering hole for stupid ass, drunk fucks,” I explain and India
laughs.

“
Why?
You're not thinking of – ” The door at the end of the
hallway swings open and Beth pokes her head out. Her hair is wrapped
up in a blue handkerchief with flowers on it, making her look a
million years older than she really is.

“
Never,”
she says. “I love you like a doll and tomorrow, I'm going to
pick your brain, but unless you want to get to know your new niece by
staying up with her all night, I suggest you guys keep it down and go
to bed.” Beth starts to retreat back into her room and pauses.
“You'll still be here?” She takes a big breath. “In
the morning, I mean. You're not leaving anytime soon, are you?”

“
I'm
here as long as I want to be here,” I say and then add, “As
long as it doesn't interfere with school.” Beth smiles at me.
She might be annoying and tactless, and she might not have believed
me about Luis, but she's glad I'm here. I can see that.

“
Good
girl,” she says. “I always knew you were smart.”
And then she closes her door softly. India smiles at me, at Ty.

“
I
guess I'll see you tomorrow?” she asks tentatively. I nod and
touch the side of her face, glad to be back, glad that I can share
this simple, quiet moment with my sister. “Good. Because I
want to hear how the two of you met.” India spins on her heel
and moves down the hallway with practiced steps, quiet as a mouse.
How we met,
I
think, remembering the little incident at the bar and the big
incident at the convenience store. Somehow, someway, that quick fuck
I was looking for turned into this incredible soul with a sultry
smile and rough, calloused hands that feel as soft as feathers in the
bedroom.

“
Come
on,” I say to Ty as I grab his hand and pull him back in time.
“Come meet Never Regali.”

15

My
room might have remained unaltered, but it was not left untouched.
There's not a speck of dust to be found anywhere. It puts some coins
in my mother's bank and buys her another chance, one more chance to
care about me because she must if she took the time to maintain this
warp in time.