Finding Never (14 page)

Ty
will know that I'm trying to choose between him and Noah, and he
won't be happy about it. Not one little bit.

19

Noah
Scott walks in the front door dressed in black jeans and a skintight
white tee that is deliciously see-through. He doesn't knock, just
comes in with a smile on his face and a dog at his heels.

“
Never!”
Lettie shouts, giving me the distinct impression that she's met the
dog-me before. My sisters, including little Darla and Maple,
scramble over and throw themselves on the dog who, despite Noah's
testimony to the contrary, does not bite. She just sits down and
looks resigned to her fate. She's a pretty dog, mind you, but I'm
still in the market for that alley tramp.

“
Good
morning,” he says, nodding at Beth, India, me … pausing
on Ty, freezing on Ty,
panicking
at Ty. “Um?”
This word slips out of his mouth and just sits there above the table
written in bloody ink. Crap.

“
Good
morning,” I say, but Ty beats me to the punch.

“
Hey
there,” he says, setting his plate down on the table and
extending his hand, his ringed hand, out to Noah to shake. “Ty
McCabe. You must be the infamous Noah Scott.”

“
Oh,
I don't know about the infamous part, but yeah, I'm Noah.” The
two men shake hands, and I swear to God, I will testify to this, that
there is a spark in that kitchen. Heat explodes from the two of
them and hits me right in the chest. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. “Um,
sorry,” Noah continues as he withdraws his hand and tries to
catch my eyes. I look away purposely. “I'm sorry. I didn't
know Never had brought a … ” Everyone waits anxiously
for me to fill in the missing word. It's like the world's most
horrible game of Mad Libs, one where nobody wins.

“
I
have no family, so Never offered to let me come with her for the
holidays,” Ty says, reminding me that in less than three weeks,
it will be Christmas. This house has no lights, no tree, no
presents. I make a promise to myself that I'll ask Beth about it
later. He also leaves his position in my life purposely vague, but
why? Ty says that I'm his, that I belong to him, so why is he just
laying by the wayside and letting me fumble through this? If our
positions were switched, I'd be clawing Noah Scott's eyes outs.
So
just pick Ty already,
my damaged heart commands me. I ignore it
which is probably stupid, and try to smile. It sort of hurts my
face. I haven't smiled, really truly smiled, in a good long while.
Except, of course, when you're with Ty. Idiot.

“
So,
big family trip to the river?” I say and honestly, it sort of
sounds like hell. “I'm gonna go have a cigarette.” I
touch my back pockets but can't find anything.

“
I've
got what you're looking for, baby,” Ty says, and I think I
actually pass out standing up. I come to quick and keep my eyes off
of Noah's face.

“
Yeah,
alright,” I say as I grab Ty's hand and drag him outside and
around the back of the barn. When Lettie and Lorri try to follow, I
tell them I don't want to see them dead from second hand smoke and
buy myself a small slice of alone time with Ty. It's going to be a
long day. I don't wait for Ty to hand me a cig and reach my hand
down his back pocket to grab the box. Admittedly his ass feels damn
good, nice and firm and fucking sexy as hell. He raises his eyebrows
at me, but doesn't say a thing.

“
Got
a light?” I ask as I stick a Marlboro Red between my lips and
pass the box back to him. Ty puts one in his mouth and leans
forward so that the cigarettes are touching before he lights us up
together. I watch his dark eyes the whole time, certain that he's
going to say something about Noah. He doesn't.

“
I
have to say,” he tells me with a wicked grin. “That I
fucking love this tractor.”

“
Ty
McCabe,” I snap and then sigh, blowing smoke out between my
lips. “Well?” He looks at me like he doesn't know what
I'm talking about and continues to smoke, one hand in his front
pocket, nice and casual like. “Noah,” I say finally.
“Noah Scott. What do you think?” Ty looks at me like
I'm the world's biggest idiot and throws his cigarette to the ground
before he starts to walk away. I stamp on it to put it out,
convinced that Ty better get used to putting them out on his own.
It's not damp here like it is back … home. Cigarettes cause
fires real fast here. I stumble after Ty and grab his arm. He spins
to face me with a pinched mouth. “What did I do?” I ask,
and Ty rolls his eyes before going for another cigarette, a Djarum
Black this time.

“
Never,
seriously?” he says as he follows me back towards the tractor.
I lean against the tire and remember the tears I shed last night, the
things I said to him. I'm such a fucking idiot; I hate myself
sometimes.

“
What?”

“
You
asked me what I think about Noah Scott?” Ty laughs. “Oh,
yeah,” he says around his cig. “Your boyfriend's real
fuckin' nice. What a cutie. I heart the fuck out of him. What a
catch.” I take the cigarette from my mouth and throw it at Ty.
It doesn't come even close to hitting him. He snuffs it out with
his boot. “Honestly? I want to smash his face in. Is that
what you want to hear?” I cross my arms over my chest.

“
I
don't know, Ty. Jesus Christ, I wasn't asking you for dating
advice.”

“
What
were you asking me then?” he says and then sighs. I watch as
Ty wraps this awesome self-control around himself. It's almost a
physical change, very impressive, something I could never do. “Look,
it doesn't matter. I'm mildly okay with this, alright? I mean, if
you choose me because I tie you up in the bedroom and forbid you to
see him, what good does that do me?” Ty pauses. “Though
I'm not opposed to doing that if you're interested.”

“
Ty,”
I say, leveling a look on him. If he's going to freak out and run
off, fuck some bitch behind my back, I want to know now.

“
I
want you to choose me for me,” Ty says and my heart turns to
slush in my chest. “I want you to say fuck Noah Scott and mean
it. When you can do that, really do that, come tell me. It'll
happen, I know it will.”

“
I
want to ask you a question,” I say, and I can't help but move
forward and put my arms around Ty's waist. He's so fucking dark and
beautiful and twisted and perfect. I can't keep my hands off of him.
He is also officially now the only man I have had sex with more than
once which I think is pretty cool but which I keep to myself.

“
Ask
away,” he says and then smiles meanly when I look up at him.
“But I may choose to take the fifth.”

“
Are
you going to spook?” I ask him, heart fluttering like a
butterfly.
Trapped, trapped, she's trapped until you let her go.
If she comes back, only then can you be convinced of her love.
“Are
you going to … ” I choke on my heart and have to
swallow her back down. “Are you going to run off and fuck
somebody?” Ty grabs my chin roughly, maybe a little too
roughly, but his pain is so evident in his fingertips that I forgive
him.

“
I
will never, ever hurt you like that again,” he says fiercely.
“We promised to be honest with each other, so let's be honest.
I won't touch another woman, maybe as long as I live. I can't stop
thinking about you, hurting for you.” Ty kisses me hard with
his teeth and pulls back, smoke drifting from his mouth into my own
as I breathe. “Now tell me, are you going to fuck Noah Scott?”
I shake my head and then pause.

“
Not
without telling you first,” I whisper, and I hate myself for
saying that. Why can't I just run off with Ty McCabe and live
happily ever after? I know why, though. I know that if I do that,
I'll have what-ifs following me forever. I have to banish them, all
of them. I have to reconnect with my sisters, save Jade, snip my
mother from my soul, and I have to find Luis and confront him. I
have to do all of this to move on, and I have to understand my
feelings for Noah.

“
Thanks
for telling me the truth,” Ty whispers and in his eyes I see
that he's glad, truly, even if the words are not what he wants to
hear. “Now, let's go get some quality time in with your
boyfriend.”

20

“
So,
Ty, um, is that short for Tyler?” Noah asks during
the
most
uncomfortable drive of my entire life. We're sitting in Noah's car,
and by we I mean me, Ty, Noah, and India. It's kind of …
shitty.

“
Nope,”
Ty says and rolls his window down to smoke. Noah cringes, but Ty
either doesn't notice or doesn't give a shit. I'm going with the
latter. “Tyson.” He pauses. “If you call me that
though, I'm gonna get kinda pissed off.” I think about jumping
out the window and dying on the highway. Maybe that would be better
than this? Maybe not.

“
Tyson
McCabe,” India repeats and Ty laughs. He's not about to get
pissed off at pretty, little India. “That's a nice name. You
don't like it?”

“
I
like Ty better,” he says, and that's it. The conversation dies
before it even really gets started. I stroke Never's fur gently and
try not to think about that poetry class where the professor likened
petting a dog to stroking a woman's vagina.
I wish I were a
lesbian. Men suck.

“
So,
Noah,” Ty says, sounding kind of … bitchy. I reach up
from around the back of his seat and tug on his eyebrow ring. He
grabs my wrist and presses a nasty kiss to the back of my hand that
everyone
notices. “This is a really nice car. You must
have a great job.” Noah scratches the back of his head and
isn't sure what to say.

“
His
dad got it for him,” I insert, trying to distract them both.
India's been staring at me like I'm a ghost for the last ten minutes,
so I try to steer the conversation over to her, so we can get to know
each other better. After all, that's what I'm here for. These …
boys? men? … whatever are taking over my everything, and I
don't know how to react to it. A few months back, I was so alone in
the world, I might've ended my own life had things not changed. And
then I met Ty in a bar and so now everything is different, and I just
owe him the fucking world … Why can't I just tell Noah Scott
to fuck off? “So, India,” I begin, putting my hands on
my knees and a fake smile on my face. “How's school going?”
India shrugs and licks the side of her mouth, a nervous gesture I
remember well. I've always had that, at least, a good memory.
Without memories, I'd be nothing but ash.

“
It's
okay,” she says with a sigh, and I can tell there's something
bothering her, something that she wants to tell me but not Noah or
Ty. I reach out and touch her hand, let her wrap her fingers around
mine and let it go for now. Sometime later, I'll find the time to
talk privately with her, with them all. I'll say my 'sorry's and
hopefully hear some of theirs; I'll see who they've become and who
they want to be. Maybe everything really will be alright in the end?
“I kind of want to drop out,” India blurts suddenly.

“
No.”
I say it quickly and calmly, but firmly. She stares at me like I'm
a crazy person, like she thought I was the last person in the world
that would tell her
no.

“
Listen,”
Ty says as he turns around and smiles back at my sister with his best
bad boy smile. It works and I can see that she is riveted on
anything he might say. For better or worse, Ty McCabe has India
Regali's full, undivided attention. “You don't have to go to
school. If you don't want to be there, then it's pointless, a waste
of fucking time, but,” he says before either Noah or I can jump
down his throat. “You better have a backup plan, something
airtight, otherwise you'll end up on the street corner giving ten
dollar blow jobs.” India stares back at him with big, wide
eyes and Noah coughs to clear his throat.

“
I
don't think – ” Noah begins.

Ty
cuts him off with a wave of his ringed hand. The jingling bangles
stop Noah mid-sentence. “Quiet blondie, I've been there, done
that, so I know what I'm talking about.” Ty pauses, and I
avoid Noah's eyes in the rearview mirror. He wants to know who Ty
is, obviously, but what can I say now? I'll have to try to get a
moment alone with him at the river. On second thought … I
see that Ty is staring straight at me, burning me up with his gaze,
the curve of his lips. My chest relaxes and I have to fight the urge
to sigh. Me. Sigh. Over a guy. Fucking weird. “Tell me,
India, what do you do? What makes you, you?”

She
answers without hesitation. “Music.”

Ty
winks at her and turns back around, lacing his fingers behind his
head.

“
Then
you're set,” he says and pauses. “Provided you can
actually play … ”