Finding Refuge (10 page)

She started when she felt a touch on her shoulder.

Travis stood beside her. “Sorry about that. Are you ready to
go?”

She nodded and walked with him out to the truck. She brushed
her fingers along his as they walked. She couldn’t help it. He took her hand,
wove his fingers between hers, breaking the connection only to help her into
the truck.

She didn’t want to touch his stress with the proverbial
ten-foot pole, but she had to ask. “Everything okay?”

He smiled, the closed doors behind his eyes shielding the
place where he stored the hurt. “Yeah. Let’s go have a look at those
apartments.”

At the second complex he showed her, she fell in love with a
quiet second-floor end unit. It wouldn’t be ready for her to move in for a
couple of weeks, but she didn’t mind waiting. The location was ideal, she could
have a pet, and the list of amenities thrilled her.

They went out for burgers and then drove back to Rachel’s
house. Rachel had left a note after waterskiing, reminding her that she’d gone
to see a musical at the Capitol Theatre. With Ian out of town, Andri had the
house to herself. She held out a hand to Travis when he walked her to the front
door. “Want to come in for a bit?”

“Sure.” He took her hand and followed her inside. He
accepted her offer of soda and met her on the couch when she arrived with a can
for each of them.

She settled beside him. “I guess I’d better call the movers
Monday morning and reschedule. Maybe I can time it so that they can deliver on
the day I get the keys.”

“That puts you into July, though. Another month’s rent on
your storage unit.”

“That’s true. But it would save you from helping me move
from here to the apartment.”

He shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. I said I’d help
and I don’t mind. I’ll have to call in some friends to help get your furniture
up to the second floor, though.”

“That would be appreciated. I’m sure I’ll owe you something
for that.”

“A token of thanks would be appropriate.”

Andri considered the options for a moment. “Hmm. I’ll buy
pizza for everyone who shows up to help.”

Travis stretched his legs out and settled back into the couch
cushions, lacing his fingers behind his head. “That would definitely take care
of the guys.”

“But not you?”

“No, I’m more expensive.” Oh, the way that slow grin of his
made her insides go all gooey distracted her to no end.

“Okay. I’ll cook you dinner as soon as my place is put
together.”

He mulled her offer. “Not often a woman cooks for me. I
could live with that.”

“Great. You’ll be my first dinner guest in my new place.”
She relaxed against the back of the couch and smiled at him. Warmth filled his eyes
and he took her hand, tracing his thumb over her knuckles. The motion tingled
up her arm, heating her blood.

“Are you serious about adopting a cat?”

She grinned. “Absolutely. I haven’t had a pet since I was a
kid.” A memory surfaced. Spirit, her little mutt, who had shored her up during
his fourteen years of life. She really missed him, even now. “I can’t guarantee
I’ll be home enough to take good care of a dog, but cats are pretty
self-sufficient. I think it could work out nicely.”

He stretched his other arm along the back of the couch,
catching a tendril of her hair between his fingers. “My mother wouldn’t allow
cats in the house because of the shedding. I’ve always liked them, though.”

Andri was a firm believer in the wonderful things pets did
for a person, especially children. Her dog was her confidant and comforter,
resting patiently in her arms for hours when she hid from Ma’s tirades, from
the screaming, from the hurtful words that proved the mean girls at school were
complete amateurs. “Did you have any pets?”

“I had a hamster. Tiny little thing, a Russian dwarf. I
called her Zippy. Danny wanted a dog, but Mother absolutely refused. So he’d
beg Uncle Mac to bring his family’s golden retriever to the parties.”

“I’m guessing that went over well.”

“Mother allowed it, but only if Danny cleaned up whatever
messes old Sunshine made. He never complained. For him, playing with that dog
was worth every moment of picking up after her.”

His smile warred with the hint of wistfulness in his voice
and the deeper emotions banked behind his gaze. “Hey…I’m sorry you had to be
there through my discussion with Dan this afternoon.”

She squeezed his fingers. “It’s fine. I tried to make myself
scarce so it didn’t embarrass him too much.”

He sat quietly for a moment, staring at her hand in his.
“You know, my brother has had problems for a long time now. Dealing with it
consumes whole days sometimes.”

A dark cloud gathered in her chest, memories of her own
experiences ‘dealing with it’ sifting up from the recesses of her mind.
“Drugs?”

Travis winced. “Cocaine. Alcohol. Marijuana. I just thank
God that’s all. He lost a friend to meth last year. You’d think that alone
would convince him to get clean and stay that way, but he manages to convince
himself that he’s different.”

That sounded familiar. “I thought I heard him say he’d been
in rehab.”

“Twice now. Ninety days this last time. He just got out the
end of May.” He sighed heavily. “I don’t think it helped. He’s already had one
relapse that I know of.”

What did she say to that? “I’m sorry, Travis. I know how
painful that must be for you.”

He shook his head, then chuckled softly and put on a bit of
a smile. “Wow, I really turned this evening into a downer. I apologize.”

“Hey, don’t worry about it. I enjoy talking to you, no matter
what subject comes up.” Andri understood the shift he’d made, and the best
thing she could do at this point was let it go. He was hurting, but unwilling
to voice it, whether in general or because they still didn’t know each other
very well. She knew how hard it could be to talk about life with an addict, but
if he wasn’t ready to say more, she couldn’t really offer any advice. That
would be a surefire way to irritate him.

He yawned, then patted her hand and rose to leave. “I enjoy
talking to you too, Andri. I’m short on sleep, though, and a tired brain
doesn’t always choose the best topics.”

She walked him out, pausing at the top of the porch stairs.
“Thanks for your help with the apartment hunt. That would have taken me forever
on my own.”

He leaned down, and her breath caught when he kissed her
cheek. “Night, Andri.”

She watched him drive away, then went inside and turned on
the TV. She flipped through channels, not really paying attention to what
flashed on the screen. She and Travis were friends. Period. At this point, even
getting into benefits might be going too far, but being more than friends was
out of the question.

One addict in her life, albeit a recovered one, was the
limit of what she could handle. She hadn’t realized until that moment how deep
the scars from dealing with her mother all her life ran. She liked Travis a
great deal, and she really liked their chemistry. It didn’t matter, not after
catching a glimpse of how thickly his brother’s addiction twined around
Travis’s life. How could she willingly invite that destructiveness into her
life again?

She fervently hoped Danny Holt would recover and go on to
have a long, happy life. It broke her heart to see people lose their battles,
knowing what it cost those who loved them. But right now, the thought of coping
with the strain of another addict was too much.

It shook her, recognizing she was damaged in a way she
hadn’t noticed before. Tears filled her eyes and she let them fall in silence.

****

Andri stayed busy over the next week, working a few days
with Rachel. Her belongings arrived from Arizona, and she felt strangely better
having her stuff stacked in the garage. It meant progress, made her decisions
feel more real. It also meant her own fishing rod was available, so she and
Rachel spent time on the river.

Friday was the Fourth of July, and she and Rachel spent the
day at a huge park in Salt Lake. Holt Construction threw an annual picnic for
their employees and the subs and their families. She saw Travis off and on
throughout the day, but he was busy helping with the food, assisting his dad
with running some contests. When he did spend a few moments with her, his happy
mood rubbed off on her and she found herself enjoying the day more than she’d
anticipated.

That night, under a dark, clear sky, Andri joined Rachel in
the middle of a mass of blankets, spread on the lawn for watching the impending
fireworks. Kids ran past, waving sparklers as she chose her spot and sat
cross-legged. Rachel leaned back to study the sky.

Travis arrived a few moments later, having said goodbye to
his parents. She turned to look at him as he stretched out beside her, the warm
bit of breeze teasing her with his scent, accented with tones of sunscreen and
smoke from the grill. His t-shirt clung to his frame just enough to hint at the
muscles that shaped his chest and abs.

She let her gaze slide down over his faded jeans, to the rip
in one thigh. She imagined how the lightly-furred skin visible beneath the
ragged edges of the denim might feel, jerking her thoughts away before she fell
to temptation and touched him. This was supposed to be about friendship, right?
She did not need a relationship right now. She did not need a relationship with
him
. Better get her mind elsewhere in a hurry. “How’s
your dad?”

“Fine. I think he wore himself out today. That three-legged
race was a bit much.” Travis looked around her and lifted a hand to signal
someone. Soon, Andri recognized the lanky form of Danny approaching. He’d
arrived late tonight, but apparently sober. So far, it looked like Travis was
simply going to be happy his brother had shown up. That was a good place for
him to be.

Danny nudged Rachel’s legs with his foot. “Make a space,
Rach.”

“And you’ll make it worth my while how?”

He narrowed his eyes at her. “I’ll tickle you until you
can’t breathe if you don’t.”

Rachel snorted. “Come on, kid, try it. I can still take you,
and you know it.”

“You wish. I suppose I could ask nicely.”

“Suppose you could.”

Danny adopted a foot-forward stance and gave a flourished
bow. “Dearest Rachel, sweet lady, grand friend, Queen of all that Glows with
the Might of Electricity, wouldst thou be so kind as to move thy ass, so that I
may occupy the smallest of parcels at thy delicate feet and watch the fireworks
that shall surely dim in the face of thy beauty?”

Andri laughed and applauded, glancing at Travis and enjoying
the happiness etched on his face.

Rachel laughed and pulled her feet up to make room. “That
was laid on a bit thick, Danny-boy.”

Danny shrugged and sat. He lay back, cushioning his head on
his arm. “Yep. Worked, though.”

Andri settled on her back, staring up at the sky, but after
a moment, Travis scooted flush beside her and urged her to sit up enough that
he could slide his arm beneath her head. Her heart tripped into a pounding beat
as she rested against his strong shoulder.

When he tilted his head to touch hers, the throbbing of her
pulse intensified. It had been so long since someone set off her desire, and it
was all she could do not to squeeze her thighs together in response. Clearly,
it didn’t matter to her hormones what her brain understood about their
friendship. He wasn’t flirting with her, and heaven knew she didn’t want him
to, but it sure felt good to have him close.

“Comfortable?” he asked, his breath warm against her cheek.

“Very.” No, she was actually getting a little achy, but that
wasn’t something she needed to share.

“Hmm. Good.”

The first firework shell boomed and burst into a thousand
points of blue and red light, and as if on cue, Travis, Rachel, and Danny all
said, “Ooooooh.” They followed the next burst with “Ahhhhhh.”

Andri giggled. “You three have done this before.”

Travis chuckled and she felt it vibrate through his chest.
“Oh, yeah. Wait’ll we get to the end. Gotta make a big deal out of the grand
finale.”

She joined in with the oohs and ahhs after that, trying to
ignore the flare of heat in her belly every time he shifted beside her. They
were friends. Friends who could enjoy a holiday together and not get any
deeper.

Chapter Seven

Travis pulled into the driveway at his parents’ house the
following Wednesday afternoon, fighting a yawn. Everything had been fine for
days, but last night, out of the blue, he’d dreamed about Jacob. Dark,
distorted images, twisted sounds. His brother’s face, his expression so
desolate and unreachable. Screaming until his throat burned. Fighting as hard
as he could, but losing…failing… It hung in his mind, creating a haze he
couldn’t shake for the rest of the day.

He’d considered catching a nap in the office, but with his
luck, that would be proclaiming open season on his brain for whatever part of
his subconscious enjoyed filling his dreams with the past.

His mother was playing the piano when he walked in past the open
entry of the music room. He waved but she merely nodded at him and continued
playing. He went into his dad’s office, but he wasn’t there. Travis found the
plans he’d come for and gathered them under his arm, then made a quick trip
through the house to find his dad.

Ready to give up, he finally spotted him in the backyard.
Travis made his way outside, across the expanse of deep green lawn to the edge
of his mother’s wild garden. There, Terrence stood on an overgrown path,
touching the petals of a row of black hollyhocks, on a stalk as tall as he was.

Feeling strangely like he was interrupting a moment of deep
communion between man and nature, Travis said, “Hey, Dad.”