Finding Refuge (5 page)

“And you agreed to marry him?”

“I didn’t know, at first.”

“Oh. How long were you together before you figured it out?”

She felt the blush flow across her cheeks. “That’s
embarrassing. It took about a year.”

Travis whistled. “I…at the risk of sounding unkind, um…”

Andri sighed. “Why did it take me so long? Didn’t I notice
that he had no interest in touching me outside of hugs and perfectly chaste
kisses?” She pressed against the bitterness rising inside her. “Believe me,
I’ve asked myself every possible version of the obvious questions and most of
the not so obvious ones, too.”

He said nothing, only reached over and took one of her hands
in his. She realized then she was trembling. She never meant to have a deep
conversation with this man, and yet, here she was, smack in the middle of one
with no hope of a quick resolution. Nowhere to go but forward. “He treated me
with perfect chivalry, and I assumed he was old-fashioned. I never suspected a
thing until I discovered him enjoying a little afternoon delight with his
boyfriend. I put the pieces together really fast after that.”

He winced. “No wonder you needed to escape.”

He caressed her fingers, offering a gentle comfort. The
threat of impending tears stung her eyes and she blinked hard, swallowing them.
She’d be damned if she’d cry. That would be a horrible way to end the date.
There was something else she could do, though. Something that would offer as
much comfort as shedding tears and do much to repair the tattered edges of her
self-esteem. “Escape isn’t all I need. I realize I’ve been used and walked on.
I need to remember how to assert myself and make sure my needs are met.”

Rachel was right. She needed some fun. And she needed a man
to really look at her as a woman, if only for a little while. This man didn’t
want any entanglements. That made him perfect for this moment. She locked her
gaze onto his as she reached up and drew her fingertips down the side of his
face. His eyes darkened and he sucked in a sharp breath as she traced one
finger over his lower lip. That was precisely what she needed most. His
interest, that glint of desire in his eyes.

He swallowed, his voice rough when he spoke. “What do you
need, Andromeda?”

She refused to stop and think. “Right this second? Travis, I
need you to kiss me.”

****

Travis’s logic raised its head for a split second, but she
dropped her hand to his chest, her lips parted slightly as she drew a breath,
and all that mattered was giving her what she wanted.

He leaned forward, sliding his fingers into her thick, silky
hair, bracketing her face with his hands. Her gaze dropped to his mouth, then
her eyes slid closed as he pressed his lips to hers. He kissed her gently,
caressing her lips, soft and full beneath his own. His heart skipped with every
hitch of her breath, and her hands glided over his shirt and up into his hair,
encouraging him to deepen the kiss. He traced his tongue along her lower lip,
and the whiskey sound of her low moan shot straight to his groin. She parted
for him and he dipped his tongue into her delicious heat.

He pulled her into his arms, angling his head for better
access as they explored each other, her tongue meeting his stroke for stroke,
her little whimpers of pleasure tingling in his blood. Her hands trailed down
his neck, flexing and kneading his shirt against his chest, sliding over his
ribs to his back, urging him closer.

She tightened her arms around him, holding him, infusing him
with her warmth, her sweet, small breasts pressed against his chest. In that
crystalline moment, he connected with how desperately he needed to be touched.
Followed almost immediately by the realization that he was a split second from
groping a girl in his truck like some horny teenager. With a silent curse, he
ended the kiss, pressing his lips to her cheek then holding her as their
breathing evened out. Andri leaned back first, letting a little air flow
between them. Her gaze churned with confusion, flecked with desire.

Then her expression cleared, as walls slammed shut behind
her dark eyes. His own armor thickened in response. This wasn’t going anywhere.
Nor should it.

Andri smiled as they let each other go, separating without
recoiling from each other. “Thanks, Travis. I had a great time tonight.”

“You’re welcome, so did I.” He paused for a moment,
searching for something non-committal to say, but it became irrelevant when she
placed her hand on the door. The night was over. Travis shook his head and held
up a finger to make her wait, then got out and jogged around to open her door.

His heart still pounded harder than necessary when he took
her hand to help her down, her fingers cool in his light grip. He kept hold of
her as he walked her to the porch, registering through the remnants of desire
fritzing out his brain that she didn’t make any move to pull away. No. There
was nothing to this. It was friendly, that’s all. A nice date, a new friendship
begun, and friends held hands sometimes.

She stepped up on the stairs and faced him, closer to his
height. She opened her mouth to speak when a car door slammed. He released her
hand and looked over his shoulder as Rachel approached from the driveway, a
grocery bag swinging from her hand.

“Hi, guys.” Rachel edged around Travis and stopped on the
stairs next to Andri. “How was dinner?”

“Great,” Andri said. She smiled, the version that didn’t
reach her eyes, not the one that pierced the fog in his soul. He warred with
the desire to fix that while a part of him sighed with relief. Easier to walk
away like this.

“Yeah, good food, good company,” Travis said, welcoming the
easy exit Rachel’s appearance created. He couldn’t have Andri. Correction, he
shouldn’t. He never wanted his own heart ripped out again, but his top priority
was ensuring he didn’t hurt her either. “I’d better be going, Andri. I have an
early day tomorrow.”

“Thanks again for dinner. I had a good time.”

“My pleasure.” He nodded a farewell at Rachel, then
retreated to the safety of his truck.

He cranked up the rock music on the way home, refusing to think
about Andri. Once home, though, her image took up space in his head and refused
to leave.

Travis sat in the dark, on the leather couch in the main
room, staring up at the flood of blue light from the salt-water aquarium
dancing on the ceiling. It had been way too long since he was genuinely
attracted to a woman. So long that while his brain comprehended why he would
never have a relationship with Andromeda Miller, his libido refused to accept
no for an answer.

He’d forced himself away from her tonight, but getting close
enough to touch her in the first place had been a less than stellar idea. It
had been so damned long since he’d allowed himself the simple pleasure of a
real kiss, and kissing her was so very good, but if he made the mistake of
losing himself in her, he’d doom them both.

Everything inside him tightened a notch, still feeling her
beneath his fingers. He wrenched his thoughts away from the screaming physical
attraction and considered what he’d learned about her. He’d never known a woman
quite like her. She’d surprised him, showing him traits he admired. Honesty,
kindness, sensitivity to difficult subjects.

She gave the simple expression of a smile a depth and warmth
he’d never seen. She talked about her broken engagement, clearly a painful
subject, without calculation or guile. And, damn, that hadn’t been one of his
best moments, had it? He’d instantly judged her motives, assuming she wouldn’t
try to work things out before he had the slightest clue what had gone so very
wrong for her. She had every right to hold his immediate accusation against
him, but she hadn’t. She just calmly explained.

He cursed himself and went into the office to check his
email. So far, Andri was all those things he didn’t want her to be, and that
made it brutally difficult to get her out of his mind. He answered a couple of
messages, his attention only half on what he was doing. He could all too easily
picture her in his life, taking up residence in his home, in his bed. He
couldn’t go there. Did she want children? That question hadn’t surfaced, though
it wouldn’t surprise him to hear she wanted a full house. God, he didn’t need
his imagination going there, but he couldn’t yank his thoughts away, either.

He’d never have children. He didn’t dare. It was bad enough
to fail other adults in his life. It would break his heart to fail a child.

Andri deserved far more than he could give her.

Travis firmly placed her on his off-limits list. No matter
how much his body craved her, he wouldn’t allow himself to hurt her. He couldn’t
see her again. If he did, his desire for her might overwhelm his good sense,
and then he would do something they’d both live to regret. He’d marry her.

****

Andri sat at the heavy pine table in the farmhouse after
Travis left, her brain—and her hormones—good and frazzled. She made a point of
not thinking about him, about his kiss, while waiting for Rachel to find the
ice cream scoop.

She loved this vintage kitchen. The old wooden cupboards
retained their distressed look, and red gingham checked curtains and modern
appliances in early American styles added to the feeling of homey,
old-fashioned living. Someday, if she ever had a house rather than an
apartment, she wanted a kitchen like this.

Rachel cheered with success and returned to the table with the
scoop and two spoons in one hand, bowls in the other. She took a chair across
the table corner from her. Andri reached for the shopping bag on the end of the
table and pulled out the mint chocolate chip ice cream, then took the offered
scoop and dished up a bowlful.

Rachel’s green eyes glittered with that time-to-gossip look,
but she said nothing as she scooped her own dessert. Andri sighed, letting a
spoonful of ice cream melt in her mouth until her friend squirmed in her seat
and tapped her fingers on the table. Curiosity was killing her.

“Oh, all right,” Andri said. “I can see the suspense is
getting the best of you.”

“Can you blame me? Two of my best friends go out to dinner,
and I have to hear about it secondhand, and you’re not spilling.”

“We ate at Tia Maria’s Grill. We talked. He brought me
home.”

Rachel’s eyes flashed with frustration. “No! I require
details.”

Andri indulged her, with tidbits from what they ordered to
how he draped her wrap across her shoulders and some of the subjects of
conversation. She found herself stopping short of revealing the intimate
details of their conversation, like the way his expression clouded talking
about his mom and his brother. Clearly, things were not all sunshine and roses
in the Holt family.

The Garretts were close to them, so Rachel probably knew the
details already. She could ask her to fill in the blanks, but decided against
it. If she wanted to know more, she owed it to Travis to get details directly
from him.

And she didn’t want to know more, she was certain of that.
Already she felt the pull to him, the desire to take care of him, to soothe
away his hurt, waking and stretching inside her. She refused to make her dad’s
mistakes in her own life.

“Did he kiss you?”

She’d known that was coming. She did her best to look
indignant and offended. “None of your business.”

Rachel waved her spoon dramatically. “Hey, the man’s got a
mouth made for kisses.”

A sharp tingle zoomed through her. Oh, God, yes, the gentle
caress of his lips, the slow sweep of his tongue against hers, the way his
hands tightened in her hair. She still felt the heat they generated, coiled in
her core. “For someone who notices details like that, I’m surprised you’ve
never kissed him.”

Rachel made a face. “Gross. That’d be like kissing Ian.
Besides, I’m turned on by a little more badass than Travis has in him. And
tattoos are always a nice bonus. So, did he kiss you or not?”

Andri’s cheeks heated and triumph crossed Rachel’s
expression. “Hah, I knew he kissed you.”

“Once. Briefly.” She had to stop thinking about it, stop
feeding the desire to feel his lips on hers again.

“Liar. So, when are you going out again?”

Andri’s heart flipped, and she forced herself to find
calmness again. He hadn’t said anything about seeing her again, which filled
her with equal measures of disappointment and relief. “We’re not. He didn’t ask
to see me again.”

Rachel growled, annoyed. “Stupid man. I hate saying that,
because I know he’s not stupid. Look at you! You’re pretty, smart, talented,
fun to be with. What was he thinking?”

She appreciated her friend’s support, but the more Andri
thought about the evening, the better she felt that he hadn’t asked her out
again. She had too many things to think about right now to be starting a
relationship. “Rach, you said yourself he’s not looking for anything. Tonight
reminded me that I’m not really ready to be dating, either. If he does ask, I’m
going to turn him down.”

“I don’t approve of that plan.”

Andri smiled at Rachel’s reaction. She was a great
cheerleader, but this wasn’t something she could push her into. “Sorry to
disappoint you, dear.”

They had nearly finished the ice cream when Rachel’s
brother, Ian, walked into the kitchen, wearing biking clothes. The clingy
yellow and black fabric showed off his lean form, hugging his muscular thighs
and butt. With his fit body and attractive face, it’s a wonder he didn’t drag a
horde of off-season ski bunnies everywhere he went. “Hello, ladies.”

“Hey. Want some ice cream?” Rachel pushed the carton across
the table.

Ian tucked a thick lock of dark red hair that had pulled
loose from his ponytail behind his ear, then rummaged through the refrigerator,
emerging with a plate of leftovers he put in the microwave. “Dessert comes
after real food, Rach. How did dinner go, Andri?”