Finding Refuge (2 page)

“Hey,” Rachel said, her voice gentle. “I was willing to let
you stew while we finished up back there, but we’re facing a twenty-five minute
drive home, give or take, so now would be a good time to talk.”

“Talk about what?” She’d shown up on Rachel’s doorstep in
Park City late last night after a brutal twelve hour drive from Phoenix, and
her sweet friend had been content to show her to the guest bedroom and let her
crash. This morning, she’d woken up just in time to get cleaned up and hop in the
van to hang out with Rachel as she worked. She hadn’t expected to end up
helping her friend work. Which brought her thoughts firmly back to the ladder
fiasco. Every nerve ending from head to toe sang at the feel of his hard
muscled arms wrapped around her…

Rachel sighed. “Come on, woman, how long have I known you?”

“Ages.”

“Yep. So talk to me. You’re all thoughtful over there. You’d
better not be mooning over that cheating SOB you left in Arizona, or so help
me—”

Andri held up a hand, shaking her head. “No, absolutely not.
I don’t waste my time thinking about Pete.”

“Good. I seriously thought about hopping on a plane and
giving him a piece of my mind in person when he did that to you. Still not sure
how you never figured out he was seeing someone on the side, though.”

Andri shrugged. “Easy. I’m stupid.”

Rachel shot her a stern look. “No.”

She sighed. “Oh no? He was seeing another guy, Rach. And I
didn’t see it. I’m pretty sure that qualifies me as stupid.”

“No. Naïve, maybe. He showed you an orthodox, traditional
guy, and you believed in him.”

“I thought he was being a gentleman. I mean, my mom
introduced us, and she met him at church.” She’d been swept away by his refined
manners, his kindness and thoughtful things he did for her. He knew so much,
had so much culture, and he’d never touched her in lust. That should have been
a red flag, but it was so refreshing and old school and romantic. To realize
that the flowery poetry he’d written had been composed while thinking of his
boyfriend just slammed her self-esteem into the dungeon and tossed away the
key.

She shrugged, tracing a finger absently along the window
seal. “Maybe if I hadn’t been working such long hours, I would have put it all
together sooner. I don’t know.”

“I still think you should have outed him.”

Andri shook her head. “There was no reason to be cruel to
him. Honestly, I can’t imagine living in that kind of hell. He’s so ashamed, so
afraid to be who he really is. He has to find a way to deal with that or be
stuck in his own personal perdition forever. At least I could walk away.”

Rachel took a long look at her. “I don’t know how you do
that. You get hurt and you find a way to understand the guy’s motives and even
feel sorry for him.”

 She slumped in her seat and blew out a breath. “Hating
him for it won’t make me feel any better. You know, I was going to marry him
under false pretenses of my own. I mean, he offered me so much, such stability.
That’s what I wanted. I was so tired of being alone and having my mother
constantly complaining that I was going to be single forever. I didn’t love
him, not really. We both made bad choices.”

And now she had to live with knowing that the only guy who’d
ever wanted to marry her had been looking for a beard. Was she that undesirable
that only a gay man would want her in his life? Even worse, she’d almost
stayed. Almost let her need to nurture and rescue condemn her to living the
rest of her life permanently lonely in a sexless marriage.

She shook off the dark twist of her thoughts and shifted in
her seat to focus on Rachel, instantly her friend the day they met in the U. of
U. dorms as freshmen. It didn’t matter that they’d lived in different states
since college. Rach always had her back. She smiled. “Thanks for letting me
visit you. I really needed a place to go, some time to clear my head.”

“Well, I’m thrilled to have you. And, you know, Ian won’t
care because he’s hardly ever home.”

Andri nodded. Rachel’s pro skier brother had always seemed
like a decent guy. Too bad she couldn’t have fallen in love with him, but there
was no chemistry there at all in the few occasions she’d spent with him.

Rachel glanced over her shoulder and changed lanes. “So,
what did you think of Travis? Not exactly how I ever pictured you meeting him.”
She laughed, a full, clear sound.

“Yeah, falling into his arms. Probably the strangest way
I’ve ever met someone.” She closed her eyes for a moment, recalling the thrill
that shivered down her spine at the feel of his strong arms around her, hot on
the heels of the fright of falling. His solid shoulders beneath her hands, his
body heat setting all her nerve endings on alert…

“What did you think of him?”

Andri pulled herself out of her thoughts. “Well, the photos
spoke the truth.”

Her friend muttered something about the idiot driving too slow
in front of her, then said, “Yep. Decent eye candy, that man.”

“Very true.” His image rose in her mind, standing beside
Rachel back at the mansion, matching her five-ten height. Not huge, but still
far taller than she was. When he’d caught her, time had slowed and she’d found
herself staring at him. His short brown hair had sun streaks and tiny lines
showed at the corners of his amazing dark blue eyes.

What bothered her wasn’t how he looked. It was how he looked
at her, at least for a moment there. His eyes had filled with surprise when he
caught her. Of course, she’d only imagined the flicker of interest in his gaze
before he set her back on her feet. But when she smiled at him, something
shifted behind his gaze. The walls there dropped, just for a moment, giving her
a glimpse of darkness swiftly eclipsed by his answering smile.

Something about that flash of deep-seated pain behind his
smile had reached out and grabbed her by the heart. And that was all she
needed. Pain in others had always called to her, spiking the soul-deep desire
to rescue and soothe and heal.

But she’d learned a harsh lesson from watching her parents.
You couldn’t build a relationship on one person saving the other, because you
ended up with one person sucking the heart and soul of the other dry, never
changing, leaving only a husk where the nurturer once was, useless to
themselves let alone anyone else.

Rachel slowed the van as traffic thickened in front of them
on the canyon interstate. Probably an accident up ahead. “I think you should go
out with him.”

Andri’s mouth dropped in shock. “What? No!” Her stomach
flip-flopped, setting off her anger. She was not doing this. No way. And not
just because he was suffering. The only man who’d shown more than fleeting
interest in her since college ended up being gay. Clearly she had no man
skills.

Raising a hand, Rachel said, “Now, just wait a sec and
listen. I’m not suggesting a relationship.”

“Good. Not ready to do that.” Especially after she’d already
had an emotional and physical reaction to Travis. Though, in all honesty,
couldn’t part of it just be due to loneliness? She’d probably have reacted
strongly to anyone who smiled and treated her like he’d noticed, and been
interested in, the fact that she was female.

Rachel snorted. “He’s not ready, either. Look, I’ve known
Travis most of my life. I absolutely adore the man. But he deals strictly in
temporary arm ornaments since his marriage ended. Emotional involvement just
isn’t going to happen. I know you’re not doing the emotion thing either, and
let’s be honest, dear friend, you would make a lovely ornament.”

Andri felt the blush stain her cheeks. She gave herself
credit for being reasonably pretty, but an ornament? Um, no. “So…what? You’re
suggesting that I date him for entertainment?”

“Sure, why not? It would be good for you. He’s interesting,
heterosexual, and a lot of fun to hang out with, and I think you could use some
fun while you’re here. Who knows, you might even get lucky.” Rachel slid her
sunglasses down and wiggled her brows.

An unwelcome thrill shot through her at a sudden vision of
kissing Travis. He did have nice, well-shaped lips. Andri shoved the thought
out of her head. “You are impossible.”

“That wasn’t a no.”

Andri sighed. “I’ll think about it.” Dating wasn’t even on
her radar at the moment, but maybe one date, just for fun, wouldn’t hurt. As
long as it didn’t go anywhere. And as long as she never again saw the pain
crammed inside him.

Chapter Two

Wednesday morning gave Travis a taste of the summer heat he
craved. Too bad he only had a moment to enjoy it. The apartment door opened and
the stench of the place swallowed Travis as he stepped inside. The odors of
sweat, cigarettes, beer, some painfully floral perfume, and apple cinnamon air
freshener clung to him. Jeez, thirty seconds into this, and he already needed
another shower.

He eyed the skinny blonde with the bloodshot eyes who let
him in. Where in the hell did Danny get his taste in women? “Where is he,
Misty?”

She waved a hand in the direction of the hallway. “Back
there, in my room, the one on the left. I’d let him stay, but I gotta get this
place cleaned up. Landlord called, said he’s coming by today to fix the sink.
He’ll have a cow if he sees all this.”

Travis stepped over empty beer cans and vodka bottles
littering the ugly brown shag carpet. Misty didn’t stand a chance in hell of
cleaning up anything if she was as wasted as she looked. He worked his way back
to her bedroom, trying to breathe only through his mouth.

Danny lay sprawled face-down on the floor. Travis nudged his
brother with his foot. Danny shifted slightly and mumbled a foul curse at him.

Travis focused on the ceiling, gritted his teeth, mentally
ticked off the numbers from one to ten, trying to get a grip on the anger
rising in his chest. God, he wasn’t up for this today. He was too damned tired
after spending the past couple of nights tossing and turning. He was accustomed
to the jumbled stew of work and bad memories that usually crossed his mind at
night, but his dreams had added a new torment: a curvy little brunette with
incredible hair, a gorgeous ass, and big, expressive brown eyes.

He dropped his gaze back to his brother. “Come on, Danny,
I’ve got things to do.”

He stirred. “Go away. I’m totally wasted and I swear, if I
move, I’m gonna throw up.”

So much for being on the wagon. Travis looked around, and
felt his tenuous grip on his temper slip when he spotted a mirror on the bed. A
mirror holding a short straw, a credit card and a few streaks of powder. Dear
God, not again.

He reached down and clamped his hands around his brother’s
arms, hauling him to his feet. True to his prediction, Danny heaved. Since he
was facing the other direction, Travis simply waited until his brother finished
emptying his gut on that lousy carpet before dragging him outside the
apartment.

He pulled Danny out to his truck, then turned him around and
pushed him hard against the passenger door. Travis bracketed his hands on
Danny’s face, examining his reddened nose and bloodshot eyes. He didn’t miss the
stray wisps of white powder under his nostrils.

Heat flushed Travis’s face, and his hands trembled with the
force of his anger. “Damn you, Danny, I thought you were clean. Misty said you
were drunk, and that was bad enough. But this? When did you start using again?”

His brother squinted at him in the bright morning light.
“Oh, hi, Trav. Sorry I was an asshole, I didn’t know it was you kicking me
around back there.”

Travis fisted his hands in Danny’s shirt, if only to keep
from beating him to a bloody pulp. He checked his volume before he spoke again,
in an effort not to create too much of a scene. All he’d need right now was
someone in the apartment complex hearing a fight and calling the cops. “How
long have you been back into the coke, Dan?”

Danny cracked the grin that helped him seduce dozens of
women. He shook his head, his long black hair falling in his eyes. “I don’t
know. What day is it?”

With a growl of frustration, Travis released his brother and
paced away a few feet. Twice he’d put Danny in rehab. Twice. It obviously
wasn’t working, and the helplessness made his head spin. If his brother’s
latest girl hadn’t called Travis to come get him…

Travis eyed Danny’s low-slung red motorcycle a few parking
spots away. How long would it be before he tried riding that thing strung out?
At best, he might get pulled over for driving under the influence and end up in
jail. At worst—no, he didn’t want to think about the worst.

He turned back to Danny, who had slumped down against the
truck and was steadily sliding toward the pavement. Travis strode over, yanked
his brother up, opened the door, and half-pushed, half-lifted him into the
passenger side of the truck.

Travis stalked to the rear of the truck, lowered the gate,
and slid a long board into position as a ramp. He reached back into the cab,
fished through Danny’s pockets until he found the keys, then took his brother’s
beloved crotch-rocket rumbling up the makeshift ramp into the bed of the truck.

The deep growl of the engine made the bike feel like a big
animal beneath him. Something not quite trained, that would turn on him the
minute he relaxed. Danny liked it because it felt wild and free to ride. Danny
was too wild by half without the help of the stupid motorcycle.

Travis’s chest ached, tight with frustration. He gave the
bike’s tie-down straps a harsh yank, hoping to release some of the stress. This
couldn’t keep happening. His brother had only been out of rehab for a month
this time. Danny’s savings was cleaned out, and he wasn’t working even
part-time hours for the company.

God only knew how much money he’d blown on drugs and alcohol
in the last few years. He couldn’t continue feeding his addictions without
cash. Somehow, though, Travis doubted a lack of funds would bring Danny’s drug
use to an end. He’d find a way. The little bastard could be incredibly
resourceful. A supply of cocaine was probably the source of Danny’s attraction
to Misty.