Finding Refuge (15 page)

He’d never ask.

She replayed the scene over in her head, reliving the
sensations of Travis holding her, the need she felt in his kiss. She lingered
on the heat of his mouth, the hardness of his muscles under her fingers, the
possessive way he pulled her to him.

It left her aching, body and soul. But something had yanked
him out of the moment, and she wished she understood what. The ugly little
thoughts that fed her inadequacies filtered into her head.

She’d told Rachel she didn’t have any man skills. She never
kept a man’s interest beyond a few of months. Men seemed to like her, or at
least like part of her, until they got to know her better. Some drifted away,
with calls or texts or online messages dying off gradually. Others were more
direct, and she’d heard ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ enough to figure it probably
was
her. Seeing them move on to someone else who really did
make them happy solidified it. Her man skills sucked. She shoved the mental
snakes to the back of her mind, refusing to feed them as they coiled and
hissed.

Parked in front of her apartment building, Travis switched
off the ignition, leaving them in the dark, his face outlined by the sidewalk
light. He stared out his window, tension filling the air between them.
“Travis,” she said softly. “Look at me.”

His gaze met hers as she ran her fingers over his where they
clenched the steering wheel. “It was just a kiss, Travis. It was a great kiss,
but that’s all. Don’t regret it, because that just makes me feel inadequate.”

She couldn’t breathe, watching distress and a hint of anger
cloud his eyes. His gaze went to her mouth and held. He reached over and drew
his fingers along her cheek, pulling the ache inside her to a peak.
Oh, please kiss me.

Travis ran his thumb across her lower lip, then dropped his
hand from her face and got out of the car. He gave her a smile that didn’t
gleam in his eyes when he helped her out, tucking her hand into the crook of
his arm as he walked her up to her apartment.

Andri’s thoughts churned. She wasn’t sure what to do, but
instinct told her if he left with this uncertainty hanging between them,
something vital in their relationship would be irretrievably lost. She unlocked
her door and turned back to him.

Travis said, “I had a great time, Andri. The best ever at
one of my mother’s events.”

His broad shoulders were stiff with tension, his dark blue
gaze conflicted. Her heart pounded, pulsing in her ears, as he stared at her
mouth for a moment, then shifted back on his heel, ready to turn away. Watching
him leave suddenly became unbearable. “Travis?”

He froze. “What?”

What did she think she could say? Please don’t leave? I want
you? She’d hit something inside him, something he pulled back to protect. How
did she work past that?

She drew a shaky breath, then stepped forward and smoothed
the lapel of his jacket. “Come in for a while.”

He watched her, his expression clouded, the muscle in his
jaw clenching. A man at war with his thoughts. Finally, he stepped forward,
pushed the door open, and waved her in.

Travis followed her, sinking onto the sofa with her. He sat
stiffly, hands on his thighs, and she wondered how to proceed. She was making
this up as she went along, and now she wondered what she was doing. As much as
she feared sacrificing herself in a relationship that would be a ménage between
her, him, and his pain, she wasn’t ready to let the possibility of being with
Travis vanish.

She took his hand in hers, feeling the calluses on his palms
under her fingertips. He ran his thumb over her knuckles and a slow burn
ignited deep inside her belly, swirling in time with the motion of his thumb.
She licked her lips, a thrill shivering across her skin when his gaze focused
on her mouth. Then he shook his head once. He lifted her hand, pressed his lips
to her knuckles, and released her. “I’d better go.”

No, that’s not what she wanted. Her brain flew through
options in the seconds between when he spoke and she responded, “Why?”

He laughed softly. “Why? Honestly? Because if I stay, I
don’t think we’ll be friends for long.”

Her stomach flipped. He felt the heat, too. Good. For once
in her life, she was going to dig into the source code of a relationship and
program it to do what she wanted it to. “I have an idea.”

His brows lifted. “What sort of an idea?”

She sat up, leaning toward him slightly. “Neither one of us
is looking for a serious relationship right now.”

“True.”

“But I’ll be honest with you, Travis. I’ve been really
lonely for a long time now, even before I found out my engagement was a farce.
Feeling alone when you’re with someone hurts even more than just being alone,
you know?” She laid her hand on Travis’s thigh and watched the hunger she’d
been hoping for fill his gaze. “I’d bet my life savings that you’re every bit
as lonely.”

He swallowed hard. “I am. But I see where you’re headed with
this, and it’s not a good idea.”

“Oh, you think not? Tell me something. Do you think about
kissing me in your truck?”

His expression grew pained. “Constantly.”

“So do I. Look, we’re both intelligent adults here. We like
each other, we get along, we clearly have chemistry. We don’t have to fall into
anything if we choose not to. We can take care of each other, enjoy each
other’s company. Like, friends with benefits.”

He shook his head, his tension visible. “It won’t work. Do
you know how many movies have been made with that premise? We won’t stay friends.
The whole thing will implode.”

“No, it won’t. We’ll be careful. We won’t abuse the
privilege of benefits.” She traced her fingers up his arm, along his shoulder,
down to his chest. She reveled in the hard heat of the muscles beneath his
snowy shirt. “Travis, I haven’t been touched in four years. I need your hands
on me.”

He ran his fingertips down the side of her face, then slid
his hand into the mass of hair at her nape, his stormy gaze locking onto hers.
The intense desire radiating from him was unmistakable and cranked her own to a
fever pitch.
Please say yes, please, please.

Travis wrapped her hair around his hand and her breath
caught. He shifted closer, tilted her chin up with his other hand, the warmth
of his skin feeding the flame inside her. He brushed his lips over hers, once,
twice, then held, sinfully gentle. The rushing sound of her pulse grew stronger
in her ears, as he caressed her lips with his own.

“Promise me you won’t hate me in the morning.” His words
vibrated against her mouth.

Could she ever hate him? “I promise.”

His mouth captured hers again, harder, his tongue seeking
entry. She moaned, deep in her throat, as her lips parted, welcoming him.

He tasted her, exploring her mouth in a slow seduction that
made her ache for more. Travis held her to him, kissing along her jaw, down her
throat as she dropped her head back. The heat of his mouth sent Andri’s pulse
soaring, and she reveled in the iron grip of his arm around her, curling her
fingers around the hard bicep beneath his tuxedo jacket. Goosebumps shivered
onto her skin in the wake of his hand caressing her back, her waist, her
bottom. She pressed her palm to his jaw, bringing his lips back to hers.

The rasp of his tongue against hers, the nip of his teeth on
her lower lip sent waves of delicious tension rippling through her, coursing
over and under her skin. He drew his fingers up, tracing her rib cage, finally
closing over her breast, and her flesh tightened in response, every nerve
ending alive and tingling. She gasped, arching into his touch. Oh, she’d needed
this, needed
him
, so much! He swirled his thumb over
her taut nipple through the layers of silk separating his skin from hers,
sending white hot bolts of desire straight through her belly, leaving her
throbbing.

Breathing hard, he pulled back, his eyes hot. “Come on.” He
rose from the sofa, pulling her up by the hand. He kissed her, then grabbed
her, swinging her up into his arms. “I’ve dreamed of doing this since I caught
you when you fell.”

She loosened the knot on his tie, sliding it from his neck
as he carried her down the hall and pushed open her bedroom door with his foot.
He set her on her feet at the side of the bed, shrugging out of his tuxedo
jacket and letting it drop to the floor as she worked the buttons of his shirt
and vest. Soon, those fell to the floor as well, and she ran her hands over the
smooth skin and hard muscles. She’d enjoyed her own little lust-fest over his
chest since the day she’d watched him coat his firm pecs and golden skin with
sunscreen. Touching him beat the hell out of any fantasy.

His hands settled at her waist, fingers stroking along her
sides until his left hand found the zipper of her dress. He tugged, growling
with obvious frustration when the zipper refused to move. She smiled and threaded
her fingers into his hair, pulling him down to kiss him while she gripped the
top of the dress with her other hand, allowing the zipper to move when he
tugged again. “There,” she said. “Teamwork.”

“I like teamwork.” He ran his fingers under the edge of the
strap on her gown, pulling it over her shoulder. He drew it slowly down her arm
and she shuddered as the fabric slithered over her hips, puddling at the floor
when he released it, leaving her bare except for silky pink panties and the
shoes she started to slip off.

He stopped her with a hand on her waist. “Keep the shoes.”

The erotic suggestion melted her, leaving her wet and
wanting.

“Andromeda.” The rough edge in his voice, the near reverence
in his tone, sent a delicious shiver down her spine, matching the electricity
generated as his calloused hands skimmed over her bare breasts. “You are
beautiful.”

Andri smiled, as warm inside from his sweet words as she was
outside from his touch. She backed up a half-step, then lay back on the bed,
shifting her hair out from under her back. Eyes darkening as he watched her,
Travis stripped off his pants and stretched out beside her.

She touched the beautifully carved muscles of his chest,
thrilled at the combination of heat and hardness, suddenly craving the feel of
him in her hand. Andri slid her hand down his torso, but he grabbed her hand
before she reached her destination.

Travis shook his head. “In a minute.” He lifted her arms up
over her head, locking the fingers of one hand around her wrists. “Let me touch
you,” he murmured, sending off another ripple of desire to pulse between her
thighs.

“Please do,” she whispered, her voice catching on a gasp as
he nuzzled her, kissing her neck, her breast. His tongue flicked and swirled
against her flesh, a moan escaping her. He trailed his fingertips from her
collarbone down over her breast, her stomach, her lower abdomen. He released
his grip on her wrists as he shifted down and she explored the muscles along
his arm, his shoulder.

She sucked in a shuddering breath and flexed her hips as he
ventured lower, encouraging him to please, please get there, almost,
oh, God, yes.
He took his maddeningly sweet time, his touch
gentle as he explored, discovered, tasted, until she was trembling with need.
And then everything inside her surged, peaked, exploded in climax.

Travis slid up her body, skin against skin, chest against
breast, his smile full of primal pride, his gaze brimming with desire.
Suddenly, his expression dimmed. “Damn. Andri, I wasn’t expecting this. I’m not
a good Boy Scout.”

It took a moment for her brain to register his words and
translate. No protection. He wasn’t carrying condoms. The intense satisfaction
that bloomed in her heart at the thought that he’d been celibate so long he
didn’t bother with an emergency packet in his wallet surprised her. “That’s
okay. I was a very successful Girl Scout.” Bad periods had meant years of the
pill. “We’re good to go.”

He grinned. “Glad to hear it, because I really, really don’t
want to stop.”

She grabbed his neck, pulling him down to her, kissing him
hard. “Please, don’t stop. Don’t you dare.”

He braced his weight on one forearm, slid his hand along her
thigh, and slowly entered her, giving her time to adjust. The fullness, the
sense of completion, took her breath away. She wrapped her arms around him,
rocking her hips against him, and he took her cue. She welcomed him, relishing
the way he fit her. As the rhythm built, she recognized and accepted how very,
truly, deeply lost she was.

The realization colored her building excitement with the
understanding that, whether he returned her feelings or not, a relationship
with this man would likely be painful. She chose to take the chance, to risk
misery in exchange for being with the man she saw struggling to shoulder the weight
of his life. She’d simply have to take every moment as it happened and work to
keep some sort of wall up between his suffering and her need to carry it for
him.

She teetered on the edge of bliss, distracted by her
thoughts until he surged against her, groaning her name. The thrill engulfed
her and she came with him.

****

Sunday morning, Travis woke to the sound of movement in his
room. He cracked an eye open and caught sight of Andri, all tousled hair and lovely
skin and a truly outstanding ass. Oh, yeah, not his room. Hers. She slipped
into the adjoining bathroom, closing the door with a tiny click. He stared at
the blank white ceiling for a moment, trying to engage his brain rather than
think with his growing erection.

The kiss by the fountain had done it. He knew for certain
then they were more than friends. No. If he was honest with himself, he’d known
there was more for a long time. After that kiss, he couldn’t deny his own truth
any longer. For all her ‘friends with benefits’ talk last night, he was willing
to bet she knew they were much more than friends, too. He growled at himself
and tossed back the tangled sheets, making his way into the hall and the second
bathroom.