Finding Refuge (16 page)

The situation churned through his mind as he cleaned up. He
wanted her around. Pure and simple. He’d let her down, of course. Somehow. He
always did. He’d lost Jacob, destroying his mother’s love for him and ripping
it away from Danny in the process. He’d failed in his marriage, made the
colossal mistake of tying himself to Melody, and had his heart crushed under
her favorite designer heels the day she moved out. Travis needed to push Andri
away, but he searched inside himself and failed to find the part that could do
it.

The truth was, no matter how brutally they would likely both
hurt each other down the road, he needed her. And, God help him, he wanted her,
too. So, headlong into the abyss he went.

When Travis returned to Andri’s room, he found her sitting
on the end of the bed. Her hands rested in her lap, fingers curled into the hem
of the enormous t-shirt she’d put on. Tension radiated from her, and for a
moment, he worried that she regretted asking him to make love to her. He
resisted that thought, realizing when her chin came up and her gaze sought his
that it was fear of him turning on her that churned in her head.

His heart twisted hard as he recognized her fear. He had to
reassure her. The time would come when he hurt her, but it wasn’t going to be
now, and it damn well wasn’t going to be on purpose. He could fix this.

He sat beside her, picked up one of her hands, wrapped it in
his own. “You know, your mom’s going to be seriously pissed at me. She did want
you to attend Sunday services, and here I am, keeping you otherwise occupied.”

Andri laughed softly. “Oh, Ma would rant and rave if she
knew you’d slept over. Missing church would be a far distant second.”

Travis pulled her into his side with an arm around her
shoulders, giving her a gentle squeeze and pressing a kiss into her shower-damp
hair. He ran a hand up her thigh, toying with the hem of her t-shirt. He slid
her hair aside and kissed the gentle slope between neck and shoulder, tasting
her skin, breathing in the intriguing scent of vanilla and Andri. When she
exhaled and the tension melted from her body, he smiled. This would end one
day, yes. Painfully, he had no doubt. But for now, they were fine, everything
was okay. “Let’s get dressed. I want to take you home with me.”

She pulled back to look at him. “What’s the plan?”

“Not sure I know yet. But you might want to follow me in
your car. I’d hate to head for work in the morning and leave you stranded.”

“Sounds good.” She grinned, warming his heart in a flash
before she hurried to dress.

****

After a quick stop to trade his dad’s car for the
truck—during which dad greeted Andri warmly, grinning from ear to ear—Travis
took Andri home. His chalet sat on a hill overlooking the picturesque town of
Midway, nestled into the foothills of the Wasatch Back. The log-walled house had
few rooms, but each of them went a bit overboard on square footage. He couldn’t
help it, he needed space to breathe.

He shifted his tuxedo jacket to his left hand and unlocked
the door, wondering if Andri noticed his hands trembling. Ah, no, she was checking
out the skyline, the surrounding mountains scraping the brilliant blue sky. He
forced a bit more control over himself to steady his hands. Amazing that
bringing a woman home for the first time would make him nervous, but it was
suddenly a matter of great importance that she like his personal space.

He pushed open the door and reached for her hand. “Welcome,
Ms. Miller. The grand tour begins momentarily.”

“I can hardly wait.” She grinned at him, and his stomach
flipped in a way that left him a bit dazed. He could look at that smile every
day for the rest of his life and never grow tired of it.

She followed him into the house. He lifted a hand to
indicate the room. “Here we have the main room. Living area and entertainment
space in one.” She glanced from the stark leather and wood furniture to the
rough rock fireplace extending up the wall to the top of the vaulted ceiling.
She nodded at the plasma television he rarely used, then stepped over to the
far wall of the open space and trailed her finger along one of the built in
bookcases. “Oh, very nice, Mr. Holt. You have a decent library, and…oh, this is
cool.” She stopped at the shelves crammed with vinyl records. She crouched to
slide album covers out and explored his collection a moment before turning a bright
smile his way. “You have some seriously awesome stuff here.”

Giddy. Yeah, that was a word that fit the silly happiness
bouncing through him. A girl liked his vinyl collection. Surely he hadn’t
generated enough good karma in his life to deserve this. “Thanks. I’ve had a
lot of them since I was a teenager, gifts from my Uncle Mac’s collection. I try
to stop at yard sales and I troll the internet for new ones sometimes.” She
pulled out a couple of glam rock LPs from the early 80s. “I found those at Deseret
Industries a couple of years ago.”

Andri laughed. “Never know what treasures you’ll find at the
D.I. It was always my favorite place to go thrifting in college.”

“Come on, the tour continues.” He held out a hand and she
accepted it, allowing him to pull her up. She heartily approved of the kitchen
and his supply of restaurant-quality pots and pans on the suspended cast iron
rack. The main bath, guest bedroom, and office space completed the main floor.
She admired his choice of wireless network router more than his kitchen setup.
“You must get full signal halfway down the street. Please tell me it’s secure.”

“Yes, ma’am. With a nice, long, complicated password.” He
laughed when she patted him on the head and nodded approval.

His heart skipped a beat as he ushered her to the curving
staircase, leading up to the loft. “The master bedroom takes up the loft.”

Her gaze slid into his, all warmth and light. “Does the tour
include the loft, then, or are you just mentioning it in passing?”

He touched her waist, ran his palm to the small of her back.
“That depends. If I take you up there, will you help me break in the bed?”

Andri’s elegant brows lifted as she drew her fingers down
along the buttons of the same white shirt she’d helped him out of last night.
He’d have never believed it if someone had told him to make sure he had a
change of clothes, just in case. “Is the bed new? Or are you trying to tell me
that it’s new to being used by two people?”

He curled his fingers around hers, lifted them to his mouth,
caught one between his teeth. She gasped, desire shimmering in her eyes. “I
built this place after my divorce. The only women who’ve set foot inside are my
mother, twice, and Rachel, but she doesn’t really count, and she’s never been
upstairs, other than when she did the electrical work.”

“Hmm.” She tilted her head to the side, withdrew her fingers
from his grasp and caressed his cheek and jaw, warming his heart as effectively
as she ratcheted up his need for her. “You know, this is definitely a man’s
home. I mean, you don’t even have curtains. Not that wood blinds are bad, but
still. It tells me a lot about your need for a woman’s touch.”

“Oh, does it?” The sudden vision of his home mixing with the
eclectic nods to decorating in her apartment filled him with delight. Damn, he
was completely gone over this girl. He shoved away the nagging self-doubt that
reared its ugly head. “You know, I do have one decorative item you might like.
It’s upstairs.”

“With the bed.”

“Yes.”

“Then I suppose you had better lead on and let me see your
more decorative side.”

He inclined his head, waving his hand up the stairs. “After
you, my dear.”

She climbed the stairs and he knew the moment she laid eyes
on his decorative side, as she put it. “Oh, Travis. Now that is spectacular.”

He followed her to the right wall. Between the door to the
closet and the door to the master bathroom, the wall housed a massive saltwater
aquarium. A rainbow of brilliant fish swam among corals and anemones, giving
his home color and a bit of life besides his own, lending his bedroom some
measure of peace. “You like it?”

“It’s gorgeous. The colors are amazing, purple and yellow
and red…so vibrant. Oh, look at the black clown fish. I love those.”

He set his hands on her shoulders, ran his fingers lightly
down her back until she shivered and turned to him, giving him a quick hug
before she stepped around him to explore the rest of the loft. Beyond the half
wall, the loft was open to the main room below. It was lit at the moment by
diffuse sunlight from the huge north-facing windows along the third wall.

She faced the king-size bed. “Very nice.” A flare of heat
raced across his skin when she sat on the bed, then stretched out across it.
“It’s bigger than mine.”

He grinned and unbuttoned his shirt. “Mmm-hmm. I think we
can put it to good use.”

Andri laughed, her grainy voice sending electric threads
swirling and sparking through him. He ached for her, but took his time pulling
off his clothes, determined to wring every ounce of pleasure from every moment
of making love to his woman, including all the foreplay she could endure.

He lay beside her, naked, intending to kiss every inch of
her as he removed her clothing. His intentions flew out the window when she
stripped off her t-shirt and shimmied out of her shorts in record time, then
settled herself between his knees. “What are you doing, Andri?” His blood
pressure skyrocketed when she gave him a deliciously wicked grin and wrapped
her fingers around him.

“I’m giving you, and your poor, lonely bed, what you both
need. A woman’s touch.” He groaned when she put her mouth to work on him,
beginning a very long, completely consuming, utterly satisfying afternoon that
succored every neglected thing—his bed, his body, and his heart.

****

She braced herself. Andri regretted waking after nights when
she dreamed of Travis, losing the remnants of him to the morning sun. Then she
opened her eyes and pleasure burst inside her, glowing to the tips of her
fingers and toes.

Two mornings in a row, it wasn’t a dream.

She stretched in Travis’s huge bed, then snuggled back into
the pillow that smelled like him, listening to the sound of water running in
the shower. She felt amazing, truly satisfied from head to toe. They had spent
Sunday breaking in the bed. And the couch. And the kitchen countertop. Oh, and
then there was the shower, that amazing marble shower with the built-in seat
and the full-body shower heads. She knew every inch of his beautiful form now,
and he knew hers.

One more thing she knew: she’d never be able to let him go.
Not that she was ready to admit it to
him
. But
tucking that truth away in her heart didn’t make it any less true. It merely
gave her what she, in her darkest thoughts, understood was a false sense of
security: the idea that she wouldn’t be hurt so bad when things fell apart if
she didn’t actually tell him how much she felt for him.

The water stopped and Travis emerged in a cloud of steam
from the bathroom, rubbing a towel through his hair. He quietly opened a few
drawers, pulling out clothing, seeming unaware of her state of consciousness.
She watched him move as he dressed, admiring the muscles flexing across his
back, along his shoulders and down through his legs as he stepped into his trousers.
There was something undeniably sexy about watching Travis dress, but she
quieted the stirring inside her. If he didn’t absolutely have to go into the
office, he’d still be laying beside her. She silently extracted a promise from
herself not to delay him.

He reached into the closet for a pale blue shirt, then
turned toward her while he fastened the buttons. His gaze met hers, and his
lips curved into a genuinely happy smile. “Morning.”

“Hey, handsome.”

Travis tucked his shirt in, fastened his trousers, then sat
down beside her. He leaned down, the clean smell of his skin enticing her, and
kissed her on the forehead.

She growled at him. “I’m trying very hard not to climb all
over you, you know.”

He grinned. “Believe me, getting out of that bed has never been
more difficult.” He got up and walked over to the dresser. He searched under
folded socks for a while, found what he wanted and said, “Here.”

He tossed something onto her blanket-covered stomach. Andri
picked up the key, excitement coiling in her stomach. “Is this an invitation?”

Travis’s eyes narrowed, his grin turned slightly wicked.
“No, sweetheart, it’s a demand. I expect you to be here when I get home
tonight. Just lock up when you leave to do whatever you’re going to do to while
away the hours.”

“You’re taking an awful lot for granted, Mr. Holt.” She
yawned and stretched, relishing the blatant desire on his face when the covers
fell away from her. “What are your plans for tonight?”

His gaze turned positively predatory and his voice dropped a
notch. “Oh, just let your imagination run wild. I’m sure you’ll cover it.”

The thrill rolling inside took her breath away. He shook his
head and said, “I’m not going to kiss you goodbye, because if I do, I’ll never
get out that door, and I have a meeting in an hour. See you later, Andri.”

She waved, watched him descend the stairs, listened to the
door open and close. Andri threw herself back on the bed, staring at the
ceiling. Life was good. No, definitely an understatement. Everything felt
perfect.

****

Travis drove, his mind divided between navigation and the
woman he’d left in his bed. He thought he’d forgotten how to feel, but Andri
pulled something vital from the dark recesses of his soul. He needed her,
needed the freedom he felt with her. She made it possible for him to breathe
again, and he wanted her on a level so deep he didn’t even try to question it.
It had been a very long time since he felt so strongly about anyone, not since
Melody—