Finding Solace (28 page)

 
"I am a
hair stylist. He is one of my clients and had asked me if I could do a huge
favor for him and come over here to cut his hair."

 
"You
mean to tell me you had no idea he was dealing marijuana? We have been watching
the house for weeks and have documented your car being here on more than one
occasion."

 
"Officer,
I really did not know. I know he has locks everywhere but I did not know, I
swear!" Tears kept falling from my eyes. He just looked at me and then
walked out of the room.

 
I sat there
on Colt’s bed. So many memories came rushing back. The first, being the most
prominent. To think, if I had never believed Mike, I wouldn’t have given myself
up that night. I may not remember anything from the time we met until the
morning, but everything since is in the fore front of my mind. Making love, our
talks, being sick, losing time, making up, erotic sex, it’s all there. Who is
that man out there on the floor? What in the world could he possibly have been
thinking would happen other than all this leading us to being hand cuffed? Well,
in this case, zip tied. Speaking of which, they were really starting to hurt.

 
The officer
came back in the room and started to put my stuff back in my purse. When he was
done, he came over to the bed and started to take off the ties when he said,
"You’re free to go. Colton Jennings has given a statement that matches
your own. It is your lucky day, young lady."

 
I stood up,
collected my work supplies and walked out of the broken down door to my car.
Once I was inside, I lost it. I cried for everything we had. I cried for Colt.
I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore. I started my car but I couldn’t imagine
driving away. My whole body was shaking. I had to go back to work and work on
clients. How was I supposed to do that? When I finally calmed down enough to
hold onto the wheel without feeling like I was having a seizure, I pulled out
onto the road and thought, lucky day my ass.

 
When I got
back to work I walked in trying to act like nothing had happened. I
contemplated calling Tony, but felt it was Colt’s place to do that, not my own.
Working,
ironically did help. It allowed my mind a
little time to stray from what had to be happening to Colt at that very moment.
Was he being prosecuted? Was there bail he could set? How much? This was a
nightmare and I just wanted to wake up from it. The end of my work day finally
came. I was sweeping up hair when my phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and
almost passed out. Really! I had to grab onto to my styling chair to support my
weight. It was someone calling from Colt’s phone. Who could have it? I did not
want the call to go to voicemail, so I hurried and answered it.

 
"Hello?"

"Sadie, are you okay?” It was Colt. I threw up
in my mouth. I know that’s disgusting people. How do you think I felt when it
happened? I didn’t think I would ever get to hear his voice again. Now it had
only been a few hours and he was calling me from his cell. ‘Wait, is this his
one phone call thing?’ is what I was thinking. I have seen enough movies to
know you get one. In reality, I still couldn’t believe it was him on the phone.

 
"Colt,
is that really you?"

 
"Yes,
beautiful, it’s really me. When do you get off work? I need to see you. I need
you, Sadie." I think I stopped breathing for a solid minute.

 
"I’m
done now. Do you want to come to my house or me to come there? Wait, where are
you?"

 
"I am at
home. I just got here. Please, Sadie. Come over." He sounded panicked.

 
"I’m on
my way now."

 
"Okay,
I will see you in a couple minutes, and Sadie?”

 
"Yes?"

 
"Thank
you."

 
I didn’t
know what he was thanking me for, but I could find out in person. Right now, I
needed to see him with my own eyes.

 
"I will
be there before you can blink, Colt. Just wait for me."

 
"Always.
Bye, beautiful."

 
I hung up
the phone and ran out the door to my car. I didn’t want to get pulled over and
have to deal with the police twice in one day, so I stayed under the speed
limit, but got there as quick as I could. When I pulled in, I saw Colt fixing
the door jamb that was kicked in. I got out of my car and Colt turned when he
heard the door close. We ran to each other and I jumped into his open arms. I
held on so tight, I thought I might squeeze him to death. When we were both
ready to let go, he set me down and grabbed my hand leading me back into the
house. It was awful having to walk through the chaos that was once his
apartment. He led me back to the only room that stood untouched and that was
his bedroom. Colt had never let go of my hand and had a grip on it giving me
the impression he had no intention of doing so anytime soon. When we reached
the bed and sat down, I couldn’t hold back.

 
"What happened and why?
You need to start from the
beginning."

 
He took in a
huge breath and started, “I have always smoked pot. I started back in high
school and it just seemed to calm my nerves. I had a friend that dealt, so it
was always available to me. I had no desire to sell
it,
it was just something I did recreationally. When I moved up here, I met someone
up at the bar that was talking about getting high. I asked him if he could hook
me up with somebody to get it from. He told me he sold it and I have been
getting it from him ever since. When school, wrestling and work started to be
too much for me, I was buying it a lot more. He suggested selling it in small
increments. If I did that, it would cover the cost of my own use. It seemed
like a smart move with all the money I had been spending, and all the money I
have to send Jamie every month. I started to see how much I could make off of
big trades. I wouldn’t have to deal with individual sales anymore. I would just
buy the big amounts, break them up into smaller amounts and give that off to the
smaller dealer. The money was awesome, Sadie. Once I started, I couldn’t stop.
Every week I told myself that this was going to be it.
That I
would walk away from it and be done.
Then Jamie would call and need more
money. How could I say no to her if it was for Maddie? Then he came that night
when you were here. I was done. I never wanted you to know and I never wanted
you to be a part of any of this. That is what did it for me. The chain was
broken. The guy under me got caught. Then he decided to roll and give my name.
And now we are up to present time."

 
"Uh, no,
we are not. How are you here?"

 
"That
is where it gets crazy. I now am on the payroll of EIU. The station knows most
of the tax dollars that come in to this town are due to the college. Bringing charges
against me would be horrible publicly for the school. They came up with the
plan that if I could give information on anyone selling much harder drugs on
campus, they would pretend none of this ever happened. So I basically said,
‘who’s dick do you want me to suck first?’ I would have done anything they
needed me to do, if it meant not going to jail and losing my daughter. What I
was doing was fucking stupid, Sadie. The risks that I was taking were so high.
Fucking stupid.
The only reason I don’t feel awful giving up
names is, I told them about the people dealing
roofies
on campus. Those mother fuckers buy them and then come in to my bar and try
slipping them to poor girls that are just there to have a good time. Not to be
raped by some prick that bought them on school grounds."

 
Holy
shit, that
was a lot to take in. I want to be mad, but he
has suffered so much today. How fucking scary! Colt still had my hand. He still
looked scared. I leaned over and grabbed his face, breaking our link of hands
to kiss the shit out of him.
My broken man.
He kissed
me back with so much intensity. My face started to feel wet and I knew then, he
was crying. I kissed him until he did not want to kiss me anymore. When he
finally pulled away, the tears were still falling.

 
"I was
so scared, Sadie. So scared, scared of losing everything that is important to
me, including you. The fact you were here. Oh my God. I looked at you and felt
lower than I ever have in my life. I won’t blame you if you can’t forgive me. I
would never forgive me."

 
"I
already have."

 
"Why?
Why would you want to spend time with someone who would allow you to be
handcuffed, Sadie?"

 
Now is when
I tell him that it is easy because I am in love with him, right? It would all
make sense then. But I can’t, so I didn’t.

 
"Because, you mean a lot to me.
You are my best friend.
I know it was a mistake, but you almost had to pay the ultimate price. I know
you’re sorry.
It’s
okay, Colt. Everything is going to
be okay." He still had tears falling from his eyes. He grabbed me and
pulled me down in bed with him. He made sure to put me right where I belonged
and just held me. Every so often his body would shake a little. As if he was
trying to catch a breath. I knew he was still crying, so I laid there in his
arms until his breathing went shallow and so did mine.

 
The next
morning I woke still dressed in my clothes from yesterday, still lying with
Colt, still wrapped in his arms. Opening my eyes made what I was hoping was a
bad dream, bring me back to reality. It all happened. The bust, Colt crying, it
all happened. He stirred awake and squeezed me. I think reality just set in for
him as well.

 
"I'm
still here. You don't have to squeeze me to death."

 
"That's
good to hear." He let go a little as he said it but not completely.

 
"Sadie,
where do I go from here?"

 
"What
do you tell me? One day at a time. We can't change our past but we can learn
from it, right? Doesn't that sound like something you would spout out?" I
was flipped and into some wrestling hold within seconds. I could not get loose.

 
"Colt!
Let me go! I'm going to pee in my pants.
Please!" I was laughing so hard it hurt.

 
"I
spout shit, huh? Is that really it, Sadie? Or do you love my words of
wisdom?"

 
He held me
so tight I couldn’t get out no matter how hard I tried. I was truly on the
verge of peeing myself.

 
"Say
it. Tell me you love my wisdom."

 
I couldn’t
talk. I could barely breathe. I was laughing so hard.

 
"Say it
or you don't get out. Say it."

 
"I love
your wisdom!"

 
"Good
girl." he let me go finally. I ran to the bathroom and barely got my pants
down in time. I was still laughing. When I finished relieving myself I brushed
my teeth. Colt came in and started peeing while I was still brushing. How
comfortable we have gotten is disturbing on so many levels. After I was
finished, I went in to the kitchen to make breakfast. I know we established a
sleep over rule, but today is a good exception. Bacon! Sorry to just blurt that
out, but it sounded so good. Eggs, sausage, green peppers and onion were all
there for omelets. Yes, I checked the dates this time. I heard the shower
running so I went ahead and cooked everything. When he came out, the table had
just been set. Perfect timing, if I do say so myself. Colt came over and kissed
me.

 
"Thanks
for making all this, you know it’s my job to feed you, not the other way
around."

 
"I was
too hungry to wait on your old ass. You seem to be moving slower and slower
these days."

 
He slapped
me on the ass hard.

 
"Ouch!
That hurt."

 
"Then I
must not be moving too slow to get that kind of momentum, huh?"

 
"Sit
down and eat before it gets cold."

 
"Wow,
bossy. I like this side of you."

 
"There
is plenty more where that came from, smart ass. Now eat."

 
After
breakfast, we spent the morning cleaning up the mess that the cops made. What
we could not clean, we fixed. A trip to Home Depot was needed but we got a new
door for outside and the closet. Colt didn't want to have the landlord find out
what happened, so we did it all ourselves. When we finished, I told Colt I
needed to get going. I hadn’t been home since the morning before. He was
reluctant to let me leave, but in the end he understood. He walked me out to my
car and hugged me.

 
"Thank
you for being you, Sadie."