Finding the Way Back (Book 1 in the Forgiving Hearts Trilogy) (19 page)

“I wouldn’t ask you to do that.”

“I’m only trying to make the idea more appealing.” He looked away from her, a sad smile on his lips. “It’s no secret that I’m miserable without you in general, but it’s ten times worse during holidays.”

Laurel sighed softly. “I agree that holidays are difficult. It’s as if everyone is walking around on egg shells afraid of saying the wrong thing. My parents decided to go to the other extreme and not mention you at all.”

“I get the ‘you’re getting what you deserve’ treatment. It really affects my appetite. I usually gain weight over the holidays – not last year. I actually lost a few pounds. Would you think about coming, Laurel?”

“We have to consider what this would mean to your family. Would it upset them to have us there, but not…together? I don’t want to cause any extra anxiety for your parents when their anticipating the arrival of their first grandchild.”

“This is exactly why it’s a good time. They won’t be worrying about what we’re doing.” He could see by the look in her face that she was weakening. “I won’t bug you about it anymore. The offer is open if you want to take it.”

“We still have Taryn to think about.”

Colton smiled faintly. “I hadn’t forgotten Taryn. She’s included in the invitation. I wouldn’t leave her behind.”

She shook her head slowly. “I wonder how many men would be so understanding.”

“A man desperately in love will do almost anything,” he answered quietly.

There was no ignoring the sincerity mingling with passion in his voice. Had they been alone, Laurel might have gone into his arms.
How could she feel this way when only a few hours ago she’d run from him?
Confused by the mixture of feelings his words invoked, she sought to return the conversation to less personal subjects.

“We should probably check the bathrooms. I’ve noticed students going in, but not coming out. That usually means they’re up to something.”

Colton threw away his empty soda can. “This should be fun. If I catch them smoking or whatever, what am I supposed to do?”

“Bring them to me. The school’s policy is to call their parents to come pick them up.”

“Talk about a bad end to the evening.”

“It’s a no-win situation for everyone. I’ll meet you back here in a few minutes.”

* * * *

The rest of the dance was a blur. Laurel avoided any serious subjects when they were alone, and Colton followed her lead. They did the same during the drive home. All along the path leading to the door of her apartment, he tried to talk himself out of telling her about Leslie. Nothing worked; he knew what he had to do.

As he watched her dig the key out of her purse, he forced himself to speak. “Can I come in for a few minutes?” At her hesitation, he went on. “This is about what happened at the dance.”

“Okay; I’ll make some coffee.” Once they were inside, she waved him into the living room. “Have a seat.”

Colton took off his coat and loosened his tie. Neither of those things helped him relax. The anxiety he’d managed to ignore at the dance returned with a vengeance.

“Why aren’t you sitting down?” she asked as she slipped off her high-heeled sandals.

“I’m too nervous to sit down,” he admitted. “I’m not even sure I can do this standing up.” He saw the flash of fear in her eyes as she sank down in a chair.

“Has something happened to someone in our family?” she asked.

“No, no, nothing like that. This concerns me and you.”

Laurel clasped her hands together in her lap. “What is it?”

Colton started to pace and then stopped himself. “There’s no way to lead into this – no way to make it sound better than it is. Earlier when you found me praying, it was because I got a text from Leslie. This is the first time I’ve heard from her since,” he stopped and took a deep breath, “since that night. I haven’t responded, and I don’t intend to. I have nothing to say to her nor do I want to hear from her.”

“What did she want?” Laurel asked slowly.

“I’ll show you the text,” he offered.

She shook her head in obvious distaste. “I don’t want to see it. Just tell me.”

He glanced at the floor; this was so much harder than he imagined. “She’ll be in Charleston next week; she wanted to know if we could meet.”

Laurel’s fingers tightened until the knuckles showed white. “Why would Leslie think you’d be interested in meeting her?”

Colton ran his hands agitatedly through his hair. “I don’t know. Like I said, I haven’t had any contact with her in over a year. If she texts me again, I’ll change my number.”

“It’s strange that she would do something like this out of the blue.”

“Without encouragement from me, you mean?” Colton asked tonelessly.

“Without
some
reason. It doesn’t make sense.”

“I can’t explain her motivations or her actions; I can only tell you what mine have been. If you choose not to believe me, there’s nothing left to say.”

“I haven’t said whether I believe you or not.”

“You don’t have to say it; it’s written all over your face.” He bent to pick up his coat. “I can’t blame you for doubting me; what I did to you almost guarantees that response. But I can’t deny part of me was hoping you’d believe me.”

Laurel rose slowly to her feet. “What you did before is irrelevant. You acknowledged your mistake, asked for my forgiveness and I gave it. For me to refuse to believe you now would be wrong; it would also be impossible. I’ve seen enough in the last few weeks to know that you wouldn’t lie to me. If I needed reassurance, which I don’t, Leslie’s request to meet you in Charleston is proof that you’re telling the truth. If you’d been in contact with her, she’d know you were in Brunswick.”

“I didn’t even think of that,” he admitted slowly. “All I wanted to do was delete it. I couldn’t stand the thought of complicating an already delicate situation between us.”

“But you didn’t delete it. You chose to tell me, not knowing how I would react. That means a lot to me. I would have preferred this not to happen, but it merely underlines the importance of not having secrets from each other.”

“There’s something I’d like to show you.” He took out his wallet and drew out a worn pink envelope. “Do you know what this is?”

Laurel’s face paled. “Why did you keep it?”

He held it almost reverently in his hands. “For two reasons. The first is so I never forget what I threw away, and the second is so I can remember that you once loved me.”

Walking over to where he stood, Laurel lightly ran her fingers down the side of his face. “I never stopped loving you, Colton,” she whispered.

Her touch set off a thousand sensations through his body. His hands clenched at his side as he fought the desire to hold her. Only the memory of her earlier reaction stopped him. A muscle twitched in his cheek, the only outward sign of his agitation. “I don’t deserve your love,” he said huskily.

“None of us deserve love. It’s a gift that is given without conditions or expectations.” She leaned forward and kissed his cheek.

Colton’s eyes closed as an uncontrollable quiver went through him. He could hear the wild beating of his heart.
Would he be able to do that in a dream?
He opened his eyes again. Laurel was still beside him. Maybe this
was
real and not a cruel figment of his imagination.

“That was nice,” he said softly.

She smiled shyly and stepped away. “I think the coffee is ready.”

A look of longing entered his face as he watched her go.
Had she really never stopped loving him?
After the terrible thing he’d done?
Such behavior defied explanation.

Her voice reached him from the kitchen. “I’m going to fix a sandwich. Want one?”

A wry smile formed on his lips.
He wanted her, not food
. “I’d love one.”

* * * *

Laurel tried to concentrate on making sandwiches and ignore the tingling in her body. What had begun as a desire to comfort Colton had blossomed into something far more potent. For the first time, the thought of a physical relationship with him didn’t seem so inconceivable. She looked up to find him watching her. Embarrassed by her thoughts, she hid behind a curtain of hair and wished she could think of something to say. Did he feel the tension between them or was it just her?

“Here you go,” she said as she handed him a plate. “If you want to pour the coffee, the cups are in the cabinet behind you.”

He retrieved the cups and set them on the counter. “How long do these makeup parties last? I thought Taryn would be here by now.”

“I’m sure the party is over, but you know Taryn. She’s probably pumping Rose for information. Let’s take our food into the living room.”

Laurel sat down on the couch and after a second’s hesitation, Colton sat down next to her.

“This reminds me of our first meal in the apartment,” he said. “We didn’t have a dining room set so we used the coffee table.”

“We had grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup.”

He glanced at her sideways. “Do you remember what we watched on television?”

“Are you saying that you do?” she asked with a grin.

“Of course. We watched
Raiders of the Lost Ark
.”

“That’s right; if I recall correctly, we never got to see the ending.”

Colton carefully swallowed the food in his mouth.
Had he heard her right?
Was she actually making a reference to
that
part of their life? He couldn’t believe it. Maybe he was reading too much into her remark. He was better off ignoring it. “What did you do with our furniture?”

“It’s in storage. I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of it.”

That had to be a positive sign,
he reasoned. Before he could respond, the doorbell rang.

“I believe Taryn has arrived,” Laurel said as she hopped off the couch.

* * * *

Colton gathered their plates and carried them into the kitchen. Inside he was still reeling from Laurel’s comment about the movie. A few days ago, she wouldn’t have said anything so intimate. Her willingness to open up to him was a big step in the right direction.

Even her negative reaction to him touching her hadn’t been a bad thing. It had given them the opportunity to talk about the issues confronting them. He was overjoyed that she trusted him enough to confess her fears. He thought about how far they’d come since the afternoon he found her in the ER. Only God could have wrought such a change in their situation. With a silent prayer of thanks, he turned to greet Taryn.

“Kind of late for you to be hanging around, isn’t it?” she asked as she came into the kitchen.

“Not really; I hope you realize you’re prettier without all that stuff on your face.”

Taryn laughed. “Thanks a lot, Colton.”

“Ignore him, Taryn. You look great.”

Taryn looked from one to the other. “Did I interrupt something?”

“Just me getting ready to leave,” he answered. “What time are you heading back tomorrow?”

“Around two or so. Are you going to come over and wish me a fond farewell?”

“I would have, but I’ve got a meeting after church that will probably last a few hours.”

“In that case, I’ll say goodbye now.” Taryn gave him a quick hug. “Thanks for everything, Colton. You’re like the older brother I never had.”

He patted her shoulder. “At least you didn’t say father. That would have made me feel really old.” His glance went to Laurel. “I should be going. I’m sure you two have more things to talk about.”

“I’ll walk you to your car,” Laurel volunteered. “Just let me get some shoes.”

As soon as Laurel disappeared into the bedroom, Taryn moved closer to Colton and whispered, “There’s only one reason a woman offers to walk a man to his car. She wants you to kiss her.”

“Really? Is there anything else I should know?”

“Don’t get greedy; one kiss is enough for now. You don’t want to appear too eager.”

Colton smothered a laugh as Laurel rejoined them.

Taryn wagged a finger in his direction. “I’ll be coming to check on Laurel if she’s not back in here in five minutes.”

“I wouldn’t advise you to do that,” he said as he motioned for Laurel to precede him to the door.

Once they were outside, she surprised him by saying, “Can we sit in your car for a few minutes?”

Colton hadn’t put any stock in what Taryn said, but could she possibly be right?
Did Laurel want him to kiss her?
These wishful thoughts disappeared when he joined her and caught the pensive look on her face. “What is it, Laurel?” he asked gently.

She smiled uncertainly. “When you suggested we start over, I thought you were crazy. I didn’t see how this would work and to be honest, I didn’t want it to work. But you didn’t allow my negativity to stop you. Instead, you responded to my anger with patience and to my resentment with humility. Your actions forced me to examine my own behavior and realize what I was doing to you was wrong.”