Finding The Way Back To Love (Lakeside Porches 3) (26 page)

“Planning to argue, young lady?” Phil asked with a cautionary tone.

“Nope. Good plan. Thank you.” That rated a smile from Gwen.

“Drink your cocoa, Dr. Forrester.”

Gwen reached for the last mug on the tray.

“That’s better.” Phil lifted his mug to his lips and took a noisy slurp. “Edie’s secret recipe,” he told them. “Nothing like it.”

“There’s vanilla in this,” Gwen said with delight. “I love vanilla.”

“Gwen doubles the vanilla in every cookie recipe,” Haley told Phil.

“That must be why I like the Forrester cookies so much.” He stretched out his legs toward the fire. “I wish you’d make me some molasses raisin some time. But skip the vanilla.”

With a warm smile, Gwen told him, “The ingredients just flew onto my shopping list.”

“When are you going to tell me what happened to the canoe?” Phil prompted.

Gwen’s face crumpled, and she stared into her half-empty mug.

“She and Peter paddled down the eastern shore Saturday and got caught in the storm,” Haley answered. “They crashed and spent the night in a cabin somewhere. Some guy brought them home in the morning, with the canoe strapped to the roof of his truck.”

“Do you know Foster Mendel from Clifton Springs?” Gwen asked Phil.

“Sure. He’s a legend over there. Been sober forever, helped a lot of people.”

Gwen nodded, her gaze on the flames that licked the logs.

After a silence punctuated by noisy slurps, Haley said boldly, “Then Peter and Gwen had a shouting match and they broke up.”

Gwen set her mug on the hearth with a clang and burst into tears.

Haley turned doubtful eyes to Phil, and he assured her, “I think Gwen needs to cry. In fact, I’m pretty impressed she’s held out this long. Losing a boyfriend and a canoe in a single weekend is not to be suffered in silence.”

Gwen wailed and stomped one bare foot on the brick hearth. “Ow.”

“Haley, why don’t you check on the drier now?” Phil suggested. “I’ll see to Gwen.”

Haley mouthed her thanks and tugged her towel tight around her as she left them.

Phil picked up a box of tissues from the coffee table and deposited it on the ottoman, then sat on the loveseat next to Gwen.

When the flood of tears abated, Gwen plucked six tissues from the box and asked Phil, “You really think it’s beyond repair?”

“The canoe? No question, Gwennie.”

Gwen dried her face and blew her nose with four of the tissues. She used the fifth to blot any remaining moisture. “I thought so. I don’t know which hurts more.”

“What do you mean?”

“Losing Peter or losing the canoe.”

“It’s not a contest.”

“I guess.”

“I don’t believe I’ve ever seen you have a meltdown, my friend.”

“I don’t much.” She smiled wryly. “I keep that professional face in place most of the time.”

Phil squeezed her shoulder. “Sometimes it’s good to let your friends in.”

“Yeah. Thanks.”

Gwen bundled up her damp tissues with the remaining dry one and laid the little package on the tray. She and Phil sat side-by-side, watching the flames.

When Haley returned, fully dressed, shoes in hand, she told Gwen, “Your turn.”

Phil pressed down on Gwen’s shoulder to keep her seated a moment longer. “Will I see you both here at my Big Book meeting this Wednesday?”

Gwen frowned. “Your meeting is closed, Phil. Alcoholics only.”

Haley told them, her voice shaky. “I’ve decided I am an alcoholic.”

Gwen glanced at her niece, cut to Phil, and back to Haley. “Absolutely, Haley and I can walk over together.”

“In dry shoes and socks, please,” Phil said with a chuckle. “And clothing.”

“Speaking of which,” Haley added, “I’ll take you up on that offer for socks, Phil. These are dry, but it’s going to be killer to walk on gravel in one thin pair.”

“Two pair of thick socks coming up. Gwen, is that Joel’s car I hear on the driveway? Get yourself decent before he thinks I’ve had an orgy in here.”

“You saw it coming, didn’t you?” Gwen asked Joel over salads at Lynnie’s Chestnut Lake Café. He had driven the women home so Gwen could fetch dry shoes. Haley begged off lunch with them to spend time in her studio. Gwen agreed to lunch if she could treat Joel.

“Manda and I were both very concerned. First, about Peter’s attitude toward his sister’s drinking and, well . . .”

“
And well
what?”

Joel studied the mound of unwanted green peppers at the side of his bowl. “I should have remembered Lynnie’s salads come with peppers.”

Gwen sat back with a huff. “Phil knows more about Haley’s alcoholism than I do. You and Manda are talking about my affairs behind my back. Clue me in, good buddy.
And well
what?”

Joel’s face flamed. “Your friends have been concerned for a while. Peter has made some enemies on the basketball team. You probably know his teammates Werner and Johnson, who are in the program, as well as Tony. Peter’s been less than cordial to them since he found out they’re in recovery, and it prompted Tony and Sam to be concerned about you. They concluded you hadn’t told Peter you’re one, and he hadn’t picked up on it himself.”

Gwen plunked her elbows on the table and buried her face in her hands with a groan. “I screwed this up so bad. What is wrong with me?”

“That is the right question,” Joel said sharply. “It takes two to make a mess this epic. I’m sorry if that sounds callous.”

“It sounds like tough love, which is what I need right now.”

“Is Deirdre helping?”

Gwen poked at the last two pieces of chicken in her bowl. “More or less. She’s got some issues of her own right now, and it’s messing up our communication.”

Joel signaled for the check.

“Mine, remember?” Gwen pointed out.

“You have no idea how much I hate having a woman pick up the check for me.” Joel glared at her.

“Force yourself.” Gwen snapped.

Joel burst out with a laugh. “When you put it that way . . .”

Lynnie appeared, and Joel gestured to Gwen. “The lady insists on picking up the tab.”

Gwen fished a credit card out of her purse and placed it on the bill. Lynnie made a hasty retreat.

“And finish that full disclosure you started a few minutes ago.” Gwen said as she pushed her salad bowl away.

“What full disclosure?”

She slapped her hand hard on the table. “The one that started with
and well
.”

“I need you to simmer down first.” Joel said.

Gwen huffed, and her cheeks flamed. She licked her lips. “Sorry.”

“Manda wasn’t sure if she could confide in you or not about seeing Peter’s sister at an AA meeting.”

“What?”

Joel held up his hands to placate. “She’s not sure where anonymity begins and ends. And since Manda and I have no secrets, she and I talked it over after she chaired a beginners’ meeting. The sister—”

“Bree. Her name is Bree,” Gwen said grudgingly. “I know that much.”

Joel smiled easily. “Bree has been struggling to stay sober. She’d like to live with Peter, but she doesn’t dare talk about recovery with him or let on that she’s in the program.”

“Why not?”

Joel nailed her with a look. “Seriously, Gwen?”

“What?”

“You didn’t disclose your alcoholism to him. You can understand, better than I, why his sister is keeping her alcoholism from him.”

“I—no, I don’t think I understand much of anything right now.”

“I suppose you’re wondering why I didn’t tell you Manda and I knew Bree was already in the program?” Deirdre said at the Bagel Depot as she and Gwen debriefed after the Tuesday women’s meeting. Bree had been in attendance at the meeting and greeted Manda with squeals and hugs, as if they were old friends.

Gwen’s cheeks flamed. “You knew, too? Why the secrecy?”

“It’s all about anonymity.”

“Spare me.”

Deirdre held up her hands in a signal for calm. “Manda chaired a beginners’ meeting. Bree was there, in tears, in a quandary. She needed to go to meetings while she was at her brother’s but knew he would have a fit if she told him about it. She didn’t like sneaking around, because it felt dishonest. She got some good advice at the meeting, and obviously she’s here again.”

“You knew all this and didn’t tell me?”

“Gwen, not everything is about you.”

“I can’t believe you said that. Don’t you think I’d want to know?”

“Manda needed to talk after that meeting, and I guess you had been on her case about breaking someone’s anonymity, unintentionally. She didn’t dare tell you about Bree, because she was sure she’d blurt out Bree’s identity to you.”

“Oh.” Gwen covered her face with her hands.

“You see now?”

“Yeah. Thanks for being there for her.”

“I’m always there for her, you know that. And she had never before come to me that way.”

“So why didn’t you tell me after?” Gwen searched Deirdre’s face.

“As I remember, you and I had just had that blow-up about keeping your sobriety from Peter. Honestly, Manda’s situation—and Bree’s—just faded out of my consciousness. There was no intent to exclude you from anything.”

Gwen sipped her decaf and examined her fingernails. They had been chipped, split, and bruised in the storm.
I need a manicure.

Deirdre sat back. Gwen took the last sip and frowned at the empty mug in her hands. Deirdre prompted, “What are you thinking?”

“Just afraid Peter will turn on Bree the way he did on me.”

“She’s scared.”

“That would be a disaster. They mean so much to each other, and this could drive them apart. I feel helpless about it.”

“Or,” Deirdre said, “it could be a turning point for Peter. What is it we hear at meetings? The day will come that we have to choose between losing what’s most important to us or giving up our obsession.”

“And Peter has said Bree is the most important person in his life. What would you say is his obsession?” Gwen asked Deirdre.

“From what you’ve told me, Peter is consumed with anger about his father the drunk, to the extent he’s excluding people he loves from his life. Is that obsession? You decide.”

“So . . .” Gwen sat up straight. “What? Pray for them both?”

“Yes, and practice what we know from Al-Anon. Detach with love. It’s not in your power to avert a crisis.”

Gwen shuddered as she shouldered her purse and reached for her jacket.

“I’ll bet you wish I’d never broken into your house.”

Gwen hadn’t heard Haley come onto the porch. With all her niece had to deal with, her own tear-streaked face made her ashamed. She softened her lips into a smile. Haley’s eyes brightened as Gwen reached out for a hug. “No. Way. Your aunt is just having a pity party.”

Haley rushed into the hug. “I’m so sorry about you and Peter. I really, really thought you were perfect together. I wanted so bad for things to work out.”

Gwen squeezed her tight. “Me too, sweetie.”

“What’s his problem anyway? Is his manhood threatened by how much money you have? Didn’t you tell him it’s just inherited?”

“No. He doesn’t know I have a bundle of money. He knows I have a big old house that’s a money pit.” Gwen chuckled. “He’s pretty cool about money.”

“So why did he break up with you? Or don’t you want to say?”

“Let’s walk, and I’ll tell you what I think is going on. It might sound a little familiar to you.”

Haley grabbed their jackets while Gwen locked the kitchen door. Haley led them on the shoreline path. Clumps of dry, brown leaves clung to the oaks, and a fickle breeze off the lake set them rattling and shaking.

Gwen’s smile was wistful as she recalled walking here with Peter when all the trees still blazed with color.

“So, what’s up with Peter?” Haley said from a few paces ahead of her.

“Peter’s dad was a drunk. He was mean and unreliable, and the whole family suffered. Peter never let go of the anger he has toward his father, and he thinks all drunks are scum. And when he realized I’m an alcoholic, that was it for him. In his experience, alcoholics are unreliable and untrustworthy and make terrible parents. So he ended our relationship.”

“He can’t really think you . . .” Haley stopped and turned to Gwen.

“Yes. That’s what he thinks. And I can’t fault him for wanting to marry someone reliable and trustworthy who’ll be a great mom for his children.”

Haley glared.

Gwen’s gaze was steady.

Haley sputtered. “Can’t he see that you’re responsible and financially stable and-and all those things his father never was?”

“Apparently he can’t see the difference between a sober alcoholic in recovery and a hopeless drunk.”

Haley shook her head in disbelief. “Why the hell not?”

“Darned if I know.”

“Isn’t that going to hurt him on the job when he’s dealing with drunks and drug addicts?”

“You have a very good point, Haley.” Gwen cocked her head. “I hadn’t thought of that. Let’s sit a minute.” Debris had piled up on both sides of the path. Gwen spotted a fallen log by the water’s edge and motioned Haley to follow. She stepped carefully over big branches and tossed aside any loose ones in her way. They sat side-by-side on the log, arms touching.