Finding The Way Back To Love (Lakeside Porches 3) (22 page)

She stretched one arm over her head. “You’re not working later?”

He shook his head and raised himself onto one elbow. His gaze made a lingering, head-to-toe sweep.

“And that’s mostly why I didn’t come here right away when Ursula threw me out,” Haley said.

She and Gwen sat side-by-side on the sofa in front of Gwen’s fireplace, sipping hot cider. Flames leapt and danced around the logs. Rick had left that morning for classes at RPI, and the baby was already snuggled into his boat-themed nursery in Pound Ridge. Haley was home with Gwen, struggling with an onslaught of hormones and emotions.

“I don’t think I understand.”

“I was so ashamed.”

“Of being pregnant?”

“Well, that too. But mostly of my drinking and what it led to. I drank out of control and drugs came after. And to get drugs my friends and I went to places we shouldn’t have gone, and one of them did things she shouldn’t have done. I was afraid to tell you all that. You’re so perfect, and I was so ashamed.”

“Haley, I am so far from perfect.” Gwen exhaled a moan. “And I’m sorry I gave the impression of being anything other than approachable. Sweetie, I would want to be the first person you thought of who could help you.”

“I know that now. But then, I was too ashamed to think straight.” She blew a rude noise with her lips. “My brain was a mess last fall, I swear. Do you know I don’t even remember packing to go home with Rick for Christmas? We were halfway to Ursula’s, when I checked my purse and didn’t see my birth control pills. I took off my seat belt so I could ransack my duffle in the backseat. And there were no pills. So, Rick’s yelling at me about riding without a seatbelt, we’re on the Northway in heavy traffic and I didn’t dare ask him to turn around and go back to campus.” She rubbed her forehead. “The rest is history.” She shook her head. “He so didn’t deserve that.”

Gwen waited a beat and asked casually, “I wonder if you were in a blackout when you packed?”

“I’ve heard that word, but I don’t know what it means. What’s a blackout?”

“Alcohol and drugs can cause brief periods of amnesia when we appear to be functioning, but the brain is not recording it, and we’re under the influence the whole time. The memory of what we did during those periods never comes back. That period of alcohol-induced amnesia is called a blackout.”

Haley focused intently on the flames. “So. Yes. I packed in a blackout. And I had blackouts other times, too. Like, I don’t remember how I got back to the dorm the first time I got so drunk. Or the times we did drugs. I was just so relieved to wake up in my own bed, I didn’t want to think about it.” She shuddered.

“Blackouts are a symptom of alcoholism,” Gwen said. “And they’re dangerous. When people drive drunk in a blackout or people get into a bar fight in a blackout, they can kill, in a blackout, and never remember doing it.” She shifted to see Haley’s face. “I—Gwen Forrester, your paragon of virtue—called my husband a selfish prick, in a really loud voice, in a room full of his colleagues, and his partners delayed making him a partner for six months because of that. They told him to ‘get the little woman under control or find another firm.’ When he told me that the next day, I had no recall.”

Haley stared at her aunt, her eyes wide with disbelief. “You really did that?”

“I could tell it was the truth, by how upset he was and by how the rest of them treated me after that. It was a wake-up call about my disease.” Gwen looked sideways at Haley. “When you talk about being ashamed, I get it.”

“That is so totally not you.”

Gwen caressed Haley’s cheeks. “And doing drugs and forgetting your pills and doing acrobatics in a moving vehicle on the Northway while your boyfriend has a heart attack are not how the Haley Forrester I know and love behaves. But I can understand it, because alcohol made me into the worst version of myself.”

“That’s exactly what it did to me.”

Gwen stroked Haley’s beautiful, tear-stained cheekbones with her thumbs. “Alcoholism is a shameful, dangerous disease. We do stupid, unconscionable things when we drink. AA has given me, and a lot of other people, a way to stay sober, one day at a time. And, even better, a way to clean up the wreck we’ve made of our lives.”

“Phil said that, too. And more, that I don’t remember right now.”

“I’m glad you’ve talked with him.” She planted a kiss on Haley’s forehead and sat back with a loving smile.

“How do you ever make it right?” Haley squinted with doubt. “I don’t even know where to start, especially with Rick.”

“I did my amends with a sponsor for guidance. It was hard work, but it paid off.” She smiled with sparkling eyes. “When the time comes, Rick will tell you what he needs from you to make things right.”

“Do you think I’m an alcoholic?” Haley’s voice was panicked.

“That’s something only you can decide, Haley. Around the program, we say no one can tell you you’re an alcoholic, except you. Maybe you could come to a meeting with me and listen to how other women decided they were alcoholic.”

Haley’s voice was barely audible when she asked, “Could I? Come sometime to a meeting with you?”

“Sure. We could go to the women’s meeting in Clifton Springs on Friday. There are some meetings that meet every day, like Early Risers first thing in the morning, and Happy Hour right after work.”

Haley laughed. “I can’t believe they named an AA meeting Happy Hour.”

Tony’s right hip slammed against the hard floor. “What the—” He sat up and directed a murderous glare at his opponents, scrutinizing each face to identify the guilty party.

“Not like you to be clumsy, bro,” Sam said and gave him a hand up.

“Clumsy, my ass. That was a foul.” Tony limped off his anger and massaged his hurt pride.

Sam fell into step. “Quite a few unnecessary falls the past two games, you notice? Werner. Johnson. Now you. What do you think is up with that?” He already knew what was up. Or thought he did.

He’d had his eye on Peter since Werner had broken his anonymity and, along with it, Johnson’s and Tony’s too. Sam knew about Peter’s attitude toward drunks. Apparently, it extended to sober drunks—guys in recovery, like his brother and two teammates.

What he’d done to trip Tony was nothing a ref would catch, especially since it was against a guy’s own team. But, as the players had repositioned themselves on the rebound, Sam had seen Peter plant a foot wider than he needed to, right where it would throw a fellow player. Not in a way that would cause injury. Just a sneaky, deliberate nuisance. And it was the same move he’d used last game for Johnson and Werner.

“Yeah, now that you mention it. Keep a watch on us and see what we’re doing wrong.”

“Think I already know,” Sam said.

Tony drilled him with a look. The buzzer sounded.

“We’ll talk after,” Sam told him.

The Sneaks celebrated their 60-50 victory with burgers at Ralphs and traded a few friendly insults with the losing team across the dining room. Because Sam and Peter were on duty at eleven and Tony had an early morning carpentry gig before his shift at the college, the Sneaks wrapped up by nine o’clock.

“What do you think’s the problem?” Tony demanded as the brothers walked to Sam’s car.

Sam’s gaze swept the parking lot. He waved goodbye to Werner and waited for his door to slam shut. “Pretty sure it’s our newest recruit,” he told Tony.

“Your partner?” Tony shouted in disbelief.

“Real sorry I got him on the team.” Sam’s mouth was a grim line as he stashed his bag on the rear seat.

“You can’t be serious.” Tony’s face contorted with disbelief.

To give his brother time to calm down, Sam walked slowly around to the driver’s door and paused.
I know I’m right about this
.

As soon as he rolled forward out of the parking space, Tony was on him. “You’d better make sense in the next ten minutes, little brother. I don’t need your workplace issues showing up on the court—especially not during season play.” He jabbed his finger at Sam. “I should boot both of you from the team.”

Sam didn’t point out that would leave the Sneaks with three players. He eased the Cruze onto the highway and headed toward Tony’s apartment on the west side of Tompkins Falls. “My partner has a thing about drunks,” Sam began with a calm he did not feel. “His father was one. Do you remember when Werner gave away your anonymity a couple weeks ago?”

“Not really,” Tony huffed.

“We were at Ralphs,” Sam reminded him, “and Werner said something like ‘Bunch of drunks’ and clapped you and Johnson on the shoulder.”

“Yeah, I remember now,” Tony said. “We were sitting together on one side of the booth. Johnson came back with something about sober drunks being the best teammates.”

“And you pontificated about AA for way too long.” Sam laughed to break the mood.

“And your point? What’s that got to do with all the falls lately?”

“That’s when the so-called ‘clumsiness’ started, the very next game. I just happened to see Peter’s face after Werner took that fall that knocked the wind out of him. I didn’t like what I saw.”

“Which was?”

“A smug smile. And he was closest to Werner, but he didn’t reach out a hand to help him up.”

“No, you’re right,” Tony remembered. “I helped him up. I wondered why Peter didn’t.”

“Probably no one would have suspected a teammate of tripping, but I know my partner and I know how he is about drunks. He always gets out of booking the drunk drivers.”

“Why? Is he afraid it’s catching?” Tony’s laugh was caustic. “Or worried he’ll take a swing at one of them? I can’t believe your police captain is letting him get away with it.”

“I’m thinking it’s time to let the captain know about it.”

“Why haven’t you?”

“Everybody hates paperwork so much, we’re glad to have Peter do it instead of us.”

“It’s not right,” Tony contended. He glanced at the passing scenery—two car dealers closed up for the night.

“No, we shouldn’t let him get away with it.” Sam forced out a breath.
I’ll talk to the captain tomorrow
. He checked his speed and eased up on the gas.

“So, what, you’ve been watching him on the court? And you’ve seen him interfere with Werner, Johnson and now me?”

“Exactly.”

“And that’s how we’re falling all of a sudden? You’re saying it’s deliberate?”

“Appears to be.”

“Ask him.” Tony spat the words. “Tonight.”

“I will.” Sam shook his head and muttered, “I fucking hate this.”

They drove in silence for another mile.

“I just thought of something,” Tony said.

Sam glanced over and read worry on his brother’s usually carefree face.

“How’s he treating Gwen? She’s sober in AA. I know her. She wouldn’t let him get away with crap like that.”

“He must know.” Sam tapped his thumbs on the steering wheel.

“Or not,” Tony said.

Sam exhaled, “Shit.”

“They’re pretty serious?”

“Yeah, they are. I think they’re sleeping together now.”

“What can we do? Gwen’s my friend. I don’t want to see her get hurt.”

“Not much we can do. She’s nuts to keep it from him.” Sam steered into the apartment complex and idled at the door to Tony’s building.

“But you’ll confront him tonight about the tripping?” Tony persisted.

“Yes. And I’ll talk to the captain about the DWIs. Can you say something to Gwen?”

“I don’t know, man.” Tony hesitated with his hand on the door handle. “Let me sleep on it.” He swung out of the car, retrieved his bag from the backseat, and waved. “Thanks for the ride, bro. I’ll catch you at the Bagel Depot in the morning.”

The station was quiet at two-thirty in the morning. “Time for a basketball break?” Peter asked.

Richards grunted. “I’ll hold the fort. But Pinelli’s on edge. He needs a workout.”

Sam’s head snapped up.
Guess it’s obvious something’s eating me
. “Yeah, I’m in. Let’s see if the kids are around tonight.”

Shouts greeted Sam and Peter as they filed through the side door. On the court behind the building, three young teens dribbled and laid up a few shots, accompanied by loud, good-natured ribbing.

Sam called to them, with a smile on his face. “You guys are lucky no one lives in this neighborhood. They’d have you arrested for disturbing the peace.”

“Like you’d ever lock us up,” the tallest, Stretch, shot back, his mocha face alive with good humor. He poked at the ball Peter carried under his arm and dislodged it. “Let’s see what you got, Shaughnessy.”

Peter grinned, retrieved the ball, and put a hook shot through the net.

The scrimmage revved up with Sam and Peter making sure each of the boys had their share of success.

“Stretch, you playing for North High this year?” Peter asked as they cooled down.

“Yeah. Practice starts way early.”

“Well, that’s good, right?”

Stretch scowled. “How’s that good?”

“It means your coach is already keeping you on track with your fitness. He’ll be watching you on your schoolwork, too, all season.”

“Yeah, I see that.” The young man brightened.

Sam flashed a smile at Peter. “My partner’s right. You’ve got a good coach, Stretch. See you guys tomorrow night?”

“Probably.” Stretch tucked his ball under his arm and followed his friends.

The teenage joshing and laughter faded away as the boys turned a corner. Sam bounced the ball a few times.
You can do this. You’ve had plenty of practice confronting Tony. You know how tough love works.
“Talk to you a minute, partner?” He tucked the ball under his arm.

“Sure. What’s on your mind?”