Finger Lickin' Dead (3 page)

Peggy Sue gasped. “But everybody knows this is
the
place in Memphis for barbeque ribs. Not
Memphis
enough? When the King himself came to this restaurant, played out on the porch, and left Aunt Pat a signed guitar? And the guitar is hanging right up on the wall over there? Is this food writer off her trolley?”

Lulu beamed at Peggy Sue. “You’re sweet. But you know, it is her job. Whoever this Eppie Currian restaurant critic is.”

“That’s very nice of you to say so, Lulu,” said Cherry, still fired up, “but the fact of the matter is that this person doesn’t have to be snide and unpleasant. If she didn’t like the food, she could just point out the problems in a professional way. Instead, she makes it personal and cutting.”

“It wasn’t
that
bad of a review,” said Evelyn in a soothing voice.

“It was pretty bad,” demurred Adam.

Cherry shot him a flaming look. “I thought you were too busy to subscribe to the paper!”

“He was reading my copy of the paper this morning, Cherry,” said Evelyn. “He came over for an early morning coffee.”

“Right,” said Cherry through gritted teeth.

“‘Aunt Pat’s needs to be skewered.’” Sara quoted from the review. “That was the headline for the write-up.”

“Y’all have been around for generations, though,” said Tudy. “I just don’t see the review hurting you like it hurt us.”

“But
you’d
been around for years yourself. It wasn’t like you were the new restaurant on the block or anything. Whether we like it or not, this girl has a lot of power and influence,” said Lulu with a sigh. “Although I still say that the reason the food is so good here and that people keep coming back for more is that Aunt Pat’s love of food is in every bite of her recipes.”

“Makes me long for the days when Holden Parsons wrote up the reviews,” said Tudy with a sigh. “He didn’t sugarcoat his reviews, but he was
fair
. He could be tough on a place, but he wasn’t going to be snide. And restaurants didn’t end up closing their doors because of him.”

“Where has Holden been lately? Usually he’s in here every week, stuffing himself with some ribs. But I haven’t seen him so far this week,” said Lulu.

“This girl! Eppie.
She
happened to him. As soon as she sashayed into the paper, his rear was kicked out onto the street. There’s just no loyalty anymore, you know? He’s a good friend of ours, and Oliver and I just hated seeing what happened to him. He used to be a regular at the restaurant. And now I see him just wandering around, looking lost. Wearing his bow tie. So sad.”

“If this Eppie is anonymous, how do you know she was sashaying anywhere?” asked Adam dryly.

“Oh, believe me, honey, I know all about that kind of girl,” said Tudy, shaking her head. “I don’t have to
see
her to know everything about her. You can just tell it through the tone of what she’s writing. Sassy! Thinks she knows everything. Smarty pants!”

“But food reporters are supposed to be anonymous,” said Adam, looking bored. “That way the restaurant they’re visiting won’t make them a super-delicious meal and give them the best service. Right? They’re supposed to get an accurate picture of what the restaurant is really like.”

Lulu nodded. “That’s right. But this Eppie seems like she’s not all that concerned about the truth—she just wants to write funny copy. But Holden was sort of a well-known secret in the business. We weren’t
supposed
to know who he was, but we did. He treated everyone fairly. If Holden wasn’t happy about something, he also made sure to still say some good things about the restaurant, about the décor or something, even if the food was rotten.”

Adam carefully put his plate aside, scooted off the booth, and stood up. Evelyn stood up, too, smoothing down her expensive slacks. “I’ll walk you to the door, sugar.”

He did walk over to the door—but first he quickly walked up to the brick wall and compulsively straightened a picture of an Aunt Pat’s regular holding up a huge fish and beaming.

“Now watch,” said Cherry. “He’s going to lean over, act sweet, then say something to her, and next thing you know, her hand is going to be dipping in her pocketbook and pulling out some twenties.”

Flo squinted toward the door. Sure enough, Evelyn pressed some money real quick into Adam’s hand before he walked out the door. “Whatta man,” said Cherry in disgust.

“Maybe he’s going to run some errands for her,” said Jeanne.

“You are so good, Jeanne,” said Flo. “Always looking for somebody’s good side.”

“Well you’re not going to find it with Adam,” said Cherry. “I think you could look for his good side with a microscope and not be able to find it.”

“Not be able to find what?” asked Lulu’s son, Ben. He was finally taking a break from the kitchen. He pulled up a chair near the booth and sat down next to Sara with a relieved sigh. Standing up for hours on end used to be easier than it was now that he was in his late forties.

“Evelyn’s new old beau,” said Sara.

“
That
joker? I hope she gets rid of him soon. There’s something that’s not right about that guy. He had Big Jack cornered here a couple of days ago, and after he was done talking to him, Big Jack looked all pale and shaky.”

“Big Jack? Big Jack Bratcher, the politician?” asked Flo. Ben nodded and Flo said, “Wonder what he told him to have him that shaken up? Every time I see Big Jack, he’s got a beer in one hand, a puffy red face, and is bellowing out a laugh about something. Maybe he had the flu or strep throat when you saw him that day.”

“Maybe. But he sure looked the picture of health up until Adam started talking to him,” said Ben.

He looked over at the group of men who’d just come in the door. Big Ben, Buddy, and Morty were retired blues musicians, now in their eighties, who called Aunt Pat’s their hangout. Sometimes they even played if there was a break in the band lineup in the evenings.

“Hey there,” Ben called out to them.

Buddy and Morty looked over, but Big Ben was deaf as a post. Morty tapped his arm and he greeted Ben.

Buddy said, “Y’all sure looked awfully serious when we were walking in. Something going on?”

Ben said, “No, we were just fussing. We’re not crazy about Evelyn’s boyfriend, that’s all.”

“Know what I don’t like about him?” said Morty. “He doesn’t have a nickname. Nobody thinks highly enough of him to call him Bubba or Bud or Ace.”

“Men who don’t have nicknames bother me, too,” said Ben, smoothing his mustache. “Maybe that’s part of it.”

“He should be Gator or something,” bellowed Big Ben. “This Adam nonsense—he just wants everybody to take him seriously.”

“And he’s too pretty,” said Lulu, squinting thoughtfully. “He needs a rugged scar or something. If you put a wig on him, he’d pass as a girl.”

“
I’ll
give him a scar,” said Cherry darkly.

“You are just dead set against the poor man,” said Peggy Sue. She laughed. “He could be building churches in Africa and you’d find a way to criticize him.”

“If he were building churches in Africa, I’d be looking for some kind of flimflam. He’d have some kind of secret connection to the company providing the building materials or something. No, he’s just no good and that’s all there is. It makes me feel all sick to my stomach to see Evelyn making the same mistake again.”

“You should do something about it,” said Tudy.

“Rabble-rouser.” Ben grinned as he got up and headed back to the kitchen.

“I just like to stir the pot,” said Tudy. “It entertains me and my life hasn’t been much fun lately.”

“I’m going to do it,” said Cherry. “I’m going to get some dirt on that Adam and show Evelyn what he’s really like. Before it’s too late and she marries him a second time. I’m just not going to be able to plaster a happy smile on my face for
that
wedding.”

“Uh-oh,” said Flo. “Don’t look now, but Evelyn is in trouble again with Adam’s ex. I guess Evelyn wasn’t able to leave the building before Miss Thing came up to talk to her.”

Naturally, thought Lulu, all the Graces turned and looked on cue. There was no such thing as “don’t look now” for them.

Evelyn was, you could tell, trying to keep her patience. She really did behave like the lady she was, thought Lulu. But she was clearly biting her tongue.

“What’s her name again?” asked Lulu. “Seems like every time she comes in here, she’s stirring up trouble.”

“It’s Ginger,” said Flo. “She’s legally separated from Adam, but they’re still married. Once Evelyn came back on the scene, he dropped Ginger like a hot potato. But they were already separated then—so it’s not like Evelyn stole him away. Anyway, Evelyn is an ex of Adam’s, too.”

Ginger, a salt-and-red-haired woman with what must have been a good figure that was now sagging a bit with age, had both hands on her hips and her angry face was too close to Evelyn’s.

“Her beef should be with Adam,” said Peggy Sue. “He’s the one who ditched her, not Evelyn.” She absently reached for another bite of her corn muffin.

“This just illustrates the point I was making,” said Cherry. “The guy goes through women like yesterday’s newspaper.” They all watched as Ginger continued giving Evelyn a piece of her mind. Although it seemed to be more of a large chunk of her mind. Apparently, it suddenly occurred to Evelyn that she didn’t need to listen to the woman and she finally walked out the door of the restaurant.

Ginger looked frustrated at having her diatribe thwarted. Looking around the restaurant, she spied the table with the Graces. “Shoot! She’s coming over here now,” said Flo.

“All right, ladies. Let’s show her what good manners are all about,” said Lulu.

“All we need is a big scene at Aunt Pat’s.” Cherry glumly rested her helmeted chin on her hands. “The perfect way to end lunch.”

It was just another example, though, of why Cherry was glad she wore a helmet. You just never knew when some jealous, vengeful redneck was going to approach you at a barbeque restaurant and give you hell.

“Y’all are friends of Evelyn Wade’s?” Ginger demanded, hands on her hips again.

“Yes, we are,” said Lulu, shoulders squared. “And I think you know her, too?”

“I do. But our acquaintance is no pleasure. I know Evelyn as a man-hungry home wrecker.”

The man-hungry part might be right, thought Lulu. “Evelyn explained to us that y’all were actually already separated when she and Adam started seeing each other. Isn’t that the case?”

Ginger’s lips poofed into a pout as she considered the validity of this statement. “That part is true,” she said grudgingly. “But he and I were working it out. We were trying to get back together and make the marriage work until Evelyn showed up. And I did tell her,” said Ginger in a malicious voice, “that it was all about the money. Adam is always distracted by bright, shiny objects dangling in front of him.”

“And you’re
upset
that you’re not seeing this guy anymore? Seems to me you should be giving Evelyn a medal for getting him out of your hair,” said Cherry with a snort.

“That’s my own problem and none of your business. I love Adam. We’ve been together a long time. But I warned Evelyn away and I’ll tell you the same. Adam isn’t going to do any of you any favors.”

“What does that mean? Adam isn’t going to do us favors? What are you talking about?” asked Lulu, frowning.

“He’s not the kind of person you want to get friendly with,” said Ginger.

“Well, I know that,” said Cherry in a dry voice. “But I thought that was because he was a slimy freeloader.”

“He’s more than just a slimy freeloader. He’s also a restaurant critic. Have y’all heard of that Eppie Currian?” Ginger grinned unpleasantly. “I can’t believe nobody else knew that. And he sure blasted Aunt Pat’s this morning,” she said with a sly look at Lulu.

Tudy struggled to her feet. “That guy with Evelyn? The pretty boy?”

She got up in Ginger’s face. Actually, she towered over Ginger, looking down at her from her nearly six-foot height.

“It wasn’t just a review. It was an evisceration. And you
like
him? You think you
love
him? He destroyed my husband’s business that he’d been building up his whole life.”

Ginger shrugged, but she did step back from the fire-breathing Tudy. “I just wanted to let you know what you were up against, that’s all. Maybe you better warn off your friend, like I just warned you. Geez, no good deed goes unpunished,” she said, turning as Cherry stood up, too.

Lulu took a deep breath. “I don’t want any trouble here at the restaurant. You’ve warned us off. Now shoo!” Ginger looked at Lulu uncertainly. “Shoo!” repeated Lulu, making the appropriate shooing hand motions to reinforce her words.

Realizing that she was clearly in enemy territory, Ginger made a huffy exit.

Lulu watched her as she left. “Y’all, I just don’t have a good feeling about this,” she said, shaking her head. “We’ve got Evelyn’s boyfriend/ex-husband/whoever stirring up passions at every turn. And now Ginger clearly blames Evelyn for all her troubles.”

Cherry said fiercely, “Don’t worry yourself over it, Lulu. We’ll figure out a way to get through to Evelyn about the mess she’s heading into. Especially since she’s completely clueless about how dangerous Adam Cawthorn really is.”

 

 

Early that evening, Peggy Sue, Cherry, and Lulu rang Evelyn’s doorbell. Peggy Sue rested against one of the huge white columns on Evelyn’s verandah. “I don’t know how I’m going to be able to prop my eyes open all the way through Bunko. I’m completely wiped.”

Lulu said, “You do look pretty worn out. What did you do this afternoon after I saw you?”

“Oh, I cooked for the next week and froze it.”

“Girl!” Cherry shook her head. “I feel like such a slacker next to you.”

Lulu said, “No wonder you’re all worn out! What kinds of things did you cook?”