First Chance (5 page)

Chapter 5

Natalie

“As I lay dying...”

I hear his throaty aggressive rasp.
It’s sexy as hell and all man. My mind does not want to be attracted to this voice. My body has other plans and my ears are taking it all in. This man can sing. Enjoy his songs, I do not. But god damn I could listen to his voice A-Cappella all night.

If I
mentioned one word about this to Layla she would never let me live it down. I am not a fan of change, and I would never voluntarily listen to this band. I've heard a few of their songs on the radio. Enough to remember who it was and then change the station. Not without Layla showcasing those pouty eyes trying to beg me to keep it there.

Whomever
said that every band sounds the same live as they do on their albums, are liars. I have never heard an artist sound so much better live on stage, then they do on their songs.

His voice is knocking me down
, breaking my musical barriers. And then he opens his mouth to speak rather than sing, and slowly ruins every thought I just had.

“Honey?” I hear, rather than see him. It would be pitch black in here if it wasn't for one solo light. That's currently shining on me. I look around, hoping, praying.

Surely he isn't talking to me.

Anyone else but me.

“Yes
, you” he yells.

The lights come on, and
he’s staring right at me. I stare back. He is pissed. What could I have possibly done, to piss of a complete stranger so much?

“Why
don’t you get your ass up here on stage?” Not asking, but demanding.

I s
ee a few people walking toward me, his self-appointed minions. I look behind me, to the door. Maybe, just maybe I could make it out before they reached me. I look back to the crowd, Layla is on the outside barrier of people. Still with Benjamin. Her eyes currently pleading with me to just do as asked. She wants me to go.

Fight or flight.

I choose fight. No one is carrying me, I'll walk willingly. I put my feet down flat on the floor and stand up. Looking him in the eye, not to show submission, but to show that I am an equal. Making my way to the stage the crowd of people part a path for me to walk through. I feel eyes on me. Looking up to confirm who they belong to. It was as I thought. Steele. Glaring holes right through me. A tight smirk playing upon his face. What game is he playing? I ponder maybe this is part of their show. Randomly calling out women from the audience.

So I
walk slower. He can wait on me.

I study his face. H
e is what I would consider beautiful.

My heart is pounding
erratically. He runs his hand through his jet black hair. It’s falling down in cascading waves slightly shading his eyes.  Eyes that I can partially see, staring back at me. A color so magnificent, an ocean blue, but obviously laced with pain, an emotion so intense I can almost feel it pouring out of him and embracing me. With an overwhelming sensation, my breath hitches.

I reach the stairs, one step closer to confronting this broodin
g stranger. I walk up the steps one at a time. As slowly as possible. He reaches his hand out, I reluctantly grasp it and let him pull me up. Stumbling I fall into him, he catches my fall, my chest landing against his. I can feel he is as affected as I am by this.

His heart is pounding, slowly matching the rhythm of my own. Calm the fuck down Nat, I tell myself.

C
orrecting myself, standing upright quickly, face reddening. I look behind me and realize that I had forgotten the large mass of people that are also witnessing my humiliation not only at falling into his embrace but that I was ordered to stand upon this stage. I glance at the band with a help me look. They do not seem surprised that I was called up here, they know exactly what’s about to happen.

This
gorgeous specimen of a man interferes in my space, grabs my hand, then leans his head in to the side of my face and whispers in my ear “About time you came up here, I'm Steele. You know most women would have ran up here.”

I take a step back withdrawing my han
d from his. Bewildered and angered by his presumptuous tone that I should be honored to stand next to him. I look around, searching for someone who isn't Okay with this. But everyone, including my best friend is begging, pleading for something to happen.

Well Fuck it.
I’ll give them what they want, then I'm fucking gone. I stare at Steele, right into his torment filled eyes, and say “What do you want?”

He and I
are the only ones who can hear what is being said. Thank God.

“You
obviously weren't enjoying the show, so I thought I would make ya part of it Minx.”

“Tell
me, Steele” I hiss. “How did you figure that I being up here is going to make me enjoy your show?”

“
Well Honey, it’s going to work, because you’re going to be singing a song with me.” He states with confidence.

“
You're delusional. Lyrics? I don’t know one word to any of your fucking songs.” I say hysterically.

This guy
is fucking crazy. He starts laughing, putting his right arm over his stomach, bent over gasping for breath because he finds my predicament so hilarious.

“I don’t think this is funny.”

W
hat seems like minutes later, he stands upright and wipes the smile off his face. Replacing it with a no nonsense, downright serious glare.

“
Now, why are you going to lie to me like that? I highly doubt you haven't heard any of our songs, for fuck sakes you are going to a college for music. Let’s get this fucking moving. You’re singing. With me.”

“What
song?” I ask resigning myself to this, if I just sing this goddamn song then I can leave.

“Used
by you.” He smirks.

What a bastard.

“I'm not singing that song with you, it’s about cheapening the meaning of love, and degradation of women. An example of everything I despise in mainstream music. No, I'm not going to fucking do it.” I snarl.

“Ha
! So you do know one of our songs!” He exclaims, quite happily it seems.

I'm
defeated, I just want to get this done and over with. This is probably the only song I know well enough to attempt singing, and as soon as I do this, I won’t have to see him again. At this moment leaving is all I want to do. The only reason I am still standing right here on this stage. Is because I am about to knock him on his smug ass.

Unbeknownst to him I can
sing, I've been compared to some of the best female voices of all time.

“Well
let’s get this moving.” I say.

He turns to the band members, they all
take their place. Unfortunately Steele and I have to share a microphone. The song starts with the drummer hammering on the snare and bass drum. The bassist and guitarists both start in on the same cue. Making this earth enchanting rhythm, almost hypnotizing. The stage is vibrating beneath my feet. Shaking me to my core.

Looking into Steele's
eyes and he into mine and together start to sing every verse harmonizing.

“When
I first met you, you were fucking crazy

Maybe that's why you
r pussy didn't faze me

S
o used and abused

Unconscious and boozed

Sharing yourself with every-one

You couldn't make me cum

Clothes tattered and to
rn

You screaming out for more...”

The song ends. I scan the audience, seeing that they are pleased. I run. Down the stairs of the stage, out the
auditorium. Out of the college. I run. I keep running until I am gasping for air.

My ribs are screaming out in
pain but I don’t want to stop. Not until I am home where I can think about what the hell just happened and the consequences of my running away. So I keep going. For over five miles I run as if the grim reaper himself were chasing me claiming me for death. As soon as I get home I race to my bedroom and lock my door.

N
o doubts as to whether or not Layla is going to want to discuss this. I know I sure as hell don’t want to. I sit on my bed and place my head between my knees breathing in and out. I can feel a panic attack coming on. The slight dizziness in my head, the drink I had earlier fighting its way out, with every muscle in my body tensing.

This point in the anxiety game
is when every single one of my fears lace together and run amuck in my head. I feel as if I am held hostage there having to bear witness to every possible worse scenario that could ever conceivably happen to ones I love, ever loved or even myself. My fears, they bridge forming one piece. Pain and death. I'm forever fighting to keep people out, because at any moment anyone can die from anything and I never want to feel that pain ever again.

My breath stolen from my
lungs, and my heart breaking into a million pieces. I was the one left alive, knowing I would trade my life for theirs. But it’s impossible.

Death is final.
There is nothing I can do to change it now.

It’s
been years and I still feel that void that will never fill. I'm frozen. Nothing and no one can ever relieve the emptiness inside of my heart. For the attack to subside sooner I have to let the reins loose, and my battle to maintain control down to a minimum. I just have to go with it. Face it. And eventually everything will be alright. My mantra. I keep telling myself over and over again. It will be alright. One day, I will get over this. These feelings will not have a hold over me. Maybe then, I can let someone in. Slowly, my thoughts become my own and any fears I had were thrown to the back of my subconscious.

The door slams
! I jerked my head out of my lap. Who in the hell is that? I ask myself. I run out into the living room and see Layla and Benjamin.

“As
your best friend I'm going to ask, are you alright?” Layla says in a controlled manner while Benjamin acts as if he would rather anywhere else in the world at the precise moment.

“Yeah
, I'm fine. I was just full of nerves and didn't want to be ambushed by all of the crazy fans, ya know.”

“Yeah
, YEAH! Nat I completely understand how you fucked this up for YOU, for US. Ryan Fucking Steele asked you. YOU! To come up onto his stage, and what do you do? You hightail it out of there before he could get your name, let alone speak to you.” She yells punctuating each and every word.

I underestimated her anger.

“I hope your joking right now Layla. I mean you are joking right?” A hint of anger lacing my voice.

“
I'm not playing.” Layla says annoyed.

“
I know you wanted me to go up there, you were practically begging me with your eyes. But I was humiliated, he did it on purpose.” Snapping back.

“
You didn't hear our conversation. He was taunting me, he was making an example out of me because I wasn't enjoying their god damn show.” At this point I am yelling.

“It
doesn't matter. What matters is you could have learned from a legend, his entire empire is made up of THE BEST in this business. Instead you have to fuck up every single good thing you have coming your way.”

Instantly
I retort “It wasn't what...”

She cuts me off. "I
don’t want to hear it. I'm done discussing this. I'm going out with Benjamin. I won’t be home until Monday for class. We just came back so I could grab a change of clothes. Think about what I said.” 

And
with that she just walks away. I can’t even speak. Layla and I never argue, we may disagree on a few things here and there as they come up. Ultimately though, we always just let the other be. We've never fought about each other’s actions or choices. Flabbergasted, I decide to hide out in my room until they leave.  

Chapter 6

Steele

We finish our set thanking everyone for entering the contest- the contest that I nor the band approved of or was even aware that our tour manager Mel had allowed us to be entered in. I storm off backstage, the guys following.

Shocked. T
hat's the only way I can describe what I'm feeling. I reenter our dressing room. Before I can even speak Jason does.  “The princess you had on stage was something else Ryan, she has some fight in her. It’s not a surprise she stuck out to you in that mob of fans.”

“What
do you mean it’s a not a surprise that she caught my attention?” I question, wondering what he could be implying.

“Cool it man, all I'm saying is that chick was easily the most unapproachable in that entire horde. Also she was easily the sexiest.” He says almost laughing.

“Yeah
well it didn't go exactly how I had planned. She ran dude, fucking ran.”

At that precise moment, a female walks in interrupting our conversation. She introduces herself to Jason first, then Gage, Zepp and Liam, then me.

“I'm Layla” she says, in a smooth seductive tone.

“Uh
, Hi Layla and what may I do for you?" I say with a suggestive wink. This girl is fucking hot, thing is she knows it. I'm unsure if this is a good thing or a bad thing with her.

“Oh no baby, it’s not what you can do for me but what I can do for you. You see that hot little thing you were just singing with on stage, well I know her name. Am I wrong in assuming you might want to know it too?” She says sure of herself.

I look around at the guys, curiosity laid out over their face
s. They want to know as bad as I do who this girl is. The one- the only person we've come across that's remained unflustered, almost offended by our music. I mask my features, needing to remain calm, cool and collected. I don’t want any of them to really see how interested I am, I want to teach this little girl a lesson or two.

No one runs from me.

“Sure. So what’s her name and who is she to you. I mean she has to be somebody if you would risk sneaking past security to get in here. Am I right?" I say back sounding uninterested.

“One, she’s my best friend. Two, if you hurt with her I will come after you.” She says threateningly. “And three, her name is Natalie. Natalie Wright.”

It’s
clear this girl means something to her but I will heed to her warning. “You have nothing to worry about, I don’t plan on seeking her out. She’s a college kid for Christ sakes. Nothing special.” She flinches as if I cut her.

“Security”
I yell.

“Will
you help this kind young woman find her way out?”

  Dee offers her his hand and she reluctantly takes it, glancing back she says
“Remember what I said? Don’t hurt her.” And with that she disappears from my view.

“Drinks
. Now. This is our last few days off consecutively so let’s enjoy it. Also, is that bet still on?” Gage walks over five bottles of Whiskey in hand, no need for those girly shot glasses. When we drink, it’s to get fucked up.

Zepp starts laughing
“Hell Yeah that bets still on, let the battle begin.”

A
nd with that we all smack our bottles together and drink until we can’t handle the burn anymore.

I wake up to the light
streaming through the windows. When I open my eyes pain shoots straight to my head. Fucking alcohol, I always seem to forget why I decide to stop drinking. Alas the morning after never fails to remind me exactly how shitty it really is.

At that moment I realize I
have to piss in a bad way, but I cannot get up. I am pinned by arms and legs at least two sets of each. This is going to take some time. Slowly, one by one I remove said limbs. Careful not to wake the owners, creeping across the bed I glance at the naked beauties. Smiling because at least while drunk I still had a high set of standards.

I shimmy my ass down the bed, not wanting to wake these girls. Wanting to escape clean and fr
ee, no begging for a commitment or a phone number or even my address. It gets old and frankly it’s quite pathetic.

A woman is worth one night only
to me, after that I'm good. Why ruin a sexually adventurous experience. I creep to the bathroom take a piss then go on searching for my clothes, my shirt covering a lampshade. My jeans on the headboard of the bed my socks and shoes in front of the door. I throw them on and run out of the door.

As I shut the door, I
realize by looking down the hallway, I must have taken the girls back to the same hotel were staying in. Well that makes it a whole hell of a lot easier. At this moment all I want is a cigarette, a hot shower and a cup of coffee and a side of aspirin. Maybe then the hangover will subside enough to get through these damn interviews today. That reminds me, I have yet to get Mel’s input on exactly what i should be looking for.

Putting the
keycard in my hotel room door. I overhear a girl.

“Thank you
so much for last night baby, I left my number on your night stand .Call me.”

I turn around and witness probably
one of the best walk of shames I have ever seen. This woman’s hair is stiff as a board pointing in every direction, mascara running around her eyes as if she is a raccoon and her lipstick smeared all the way to her ear. I have everything I can do not to laugh out loud. What a surprise that must have been opening your eyes up to that sight.

As
soon as she is out of earshot, I burst out laughing barely catching my breath, “Oh shut the hell up already would you? My count: one" Gage states.

When I manage to catch my bearings I
stand up straight, look him in the eye mischievously and say “My count: two” and with that I turn my heel and walk into my room.

I let my door shut itself, and strip my clothes from yesterday off. Placi
ng an order with room service, I order an entire breakfast tray of fruit and pastries. Knowing that the guys will be knocking at my door by the time I am out of the shower and dressed. Its tradition, the night after a show. We regroup in the morning.

Communication is one of the reasons we have made it to the top, when yo
u are in a five person rock group you always have to maintain that open line.

Hanging up with the hote
ls kitchen, I walk into the bathroom and start a steaming hot shower.

I didn’t even bother
placing my hand under the rain shower of water to check the temperature. I just jump under the stream, back facing the showerhead. I run my hands through my hair, exhaling everything I have been holding in the past two days. Pissed off at Mel, Pissed off at that strange female.

Grabbi
ng the hotel branded shampoo, I squirt a dollop into my hand and sniff, flowers. How fitting, to smell of a girl. Fuck it. I start scrubbing it into my scalp, once my head in covered in a soapy lather I rinse. Taking the paper covered bar of soap the size of a matchbook the hotel again provided so freely, I rip the paper wrapper off and cup it in my hand running it all over my body, turning around so I face the shower head I close my eyes and allow myself to go back to last night.

She looked so haunted. D
isturbed even. There was a turbulence of emotions in her murky brown eyes thorough out entire interaction. Part of me almost felt bad for what I was going to do to her. What I attempted to do anyways. I almost backed out as she made her way, but her eyes lied about her strength. She fought back, which of course makes me all the more curious.

I sh
ould just let it go and move on. We’re only here for a few more days. What could I possibly learn about her? If I leave this hotel I will be lucky not to have a horde of people following me. One of the downfalls? No privacy. Ever. So without privacy I’m not able to go around asking questions about her. If one sneaky press affiliate or groupie heard I was asking around about a random female, news headlines would make the front page. Claiming I possibly knocked someone up or some other imaginative tale.

D
eciding my skin is as clean as it’s going to get. I turn the shower off, step out grab the towel off the fancy towel rack and dry my body off. I strut out of the bathroom and grab my luggage bag out of the closet, I never unpack. I yank out a pair of blue Calvin Klein boxer briefs my favorite, diesel jeans, and a t-shirt. Smoke time. Stopping in front of the mirror on my way out I throw my hands through my hair, messing it up just a little bit. Perfect.

Grabbing my
cigarettes and lighter I leave my room and make my way down to the concierge desk, asking the woman behind it if there is a discreet smoking spot. She points me in the right direction and I head outside. I don’t smoke a lot, with a profession of lead singer I have to be careful not to ruin my vocal chords. Nicotine, I can’t forget about, I've tried kicking the habit. It isn't going to happen so I just cut down, a few a day to get me through.

Stepping through the door, it’s hot as a bitch out, even with the wind blowing in from the harbor it doesn't make the heat any more bearable. Thank god for Air conditioner. Originall
y born down south, you'd think I was accustom to handle it. Nope. Exhaling my cloud of smoke, I take a look around. She sent me to the roof, its abandoned all but a couple of beat up plastic chairs, the ones you buy at Walmart for ten bucks you sit in it and if you make one wrong move the leg snaps off. I decide to stay standing, not taking a chance of falling on my ass.

Thinking I
should call Mel before breakfast with the guys, I take my cell out and speed dial his number putting the speaker to my ear. “You still pissed off?” He says wearily.

“Not as pissed as I was two days ago, I
wasn't calling to chew you out again, even though I really fucking want to. Just don’t throw shit on me like that again. You know our tour starts in a few days. The guys were saying goodbye to their families and you took that away. You’re lucky they agreed to come along. Anyways, who am I interviewing and what is going to be their job?” I ask, chewing on my lip as a reminder to just shut my mouth and not jump down his throat.

“They are interns, literally all we have to pay for is accommodations and meals. They work for free, learning whatever they can on the way. It’s not u
p to me what you’re looking for. It’s ultimately the bands choice. Berklee is a huge school, everyone is getting a degree under music. You have the pick of the litter here. Take advantage of it. I have a professor that will help accommodate you and set you up with interviews. He will give you and the guys transcripts you might have an interest in taking a look over.” He explains.

“That’s all?”
I ask with a slight annoyed laugh, not even slightly amused.

“
Don’t sound so interested, remember when I found you guys all playing in that hole in a wall bar. You had all you could do not to beg me to take you on, I took a chance. Pay it forward Ryan. This school has the cream of the crop. These kids have to work their asses off. If they don’t, they don’t stay past the next semester.” He says defending students he has never met.

“Alright
, just give me this teachers name and where I can locate him, I’ll let the guys know our plan for the day when we meet up for grub.” He then proceeds to tell me what building I will find Professor Roberts in.

I hang up, but
t my smoke out and throw it in the ashtray then make my way back to my room where I am sure the guys have already made their way to and are stuffing their faces.

They better have
saved me a fucking cup of coffee. As I near my door I can overhear them, yup as I figured. It really is a bad idea, handing each other’s room keys out. It has its upsides, also its downfalls.

I enter and in unionism
all I hear is “TWO? Really two fucking girls?” I laugh, must be I am already in the lead.

Serves them right, bringing this wager on, I’m going to have to come
up with a much more creatively humiliating thing for these losers to do this time when I beat them. A way to start off tour with a fucking bang.

“Come on guys, you've all had two or more at once,
don’t act so innocent. In fact I'm pretty sure Gage here has had four women at once. I walked in on it, in MY hotel room at that" I remind them.             

“Don’t forget, you told me that night you wouldn't be back, and I didn't want them to know which room I was in. Plus one of the girls did offer to suck your dick, to make up for your sour ass mood.” He says defensively.

“If
you remember right, I was only in a sour mood because I had just outran a crazy obsessed fan-girl, who didn't know the meaning of No.” At that we all start laughing. I remember that morning clearly.

I decided to join this after-party, big fucking mistake there
. I wanted a night of normalcy. Never again. Lesson definitely learned. This hot piece of ass, walked right up to me, yanked me into a bedroom, got on her knees and started unbuckling my jeans. Who in the fuck was I to say no? A blowjob, I will take any-day. I wasn’t going to stop her, I returned the favor with a rough fucking.