First Kiss (Heavy Influence) (55 page)

             
He pushed me hard in the chest as he backed away. I stood frozen afraid he’d come at me again. Not another word came out of my mouth as he vanished into the kitchen. I panicked, but tried to compose myself, wondering if he left red marks on my neck. I didn’t want to make a commotion, but the tears began to swell and Sienna came through the doorway catching me near hysterics.

             
“What the fuck did he do?” Sienna growled. She quickly came to my side and handed me a cloth napkin from the dining table.

             
I dabbed the napkin under my eyes, trying to stop my tears. “He put something in the drink he made for Aly and when I tried to stop him he fucking nearly choked me!” I touched my neck. “Is my neck red?”

             
“Just a little pink, no one will notice,” she said, turning my chin from side to side to get a better view. “He’s really fucked up…”

             
“I don’t want him to get more violent or something,” I said interrupting her and moved to the doorway to see if I could spot them, and I did. Aly was sipping on the drink Mike made her. “Shit, Sienna, this is bad. I don’t want this shit going down in my house.”

             
“Dude, if you call the cops, your parents could get in trouble. You want me to go get Dump?”

             
I hit my fists against my thighs in frustration. “Why! Why the hell does shit always go wrong! I finally meet a boy, he’s here and I should be with him! Not worrying about this shit! And that little life ruiner…she’s still ruining my life!!” I yelled, gesturing in Aly’s direction. “Are you kidding me? She shouldn’t even be here.”

             
During my meltdown, Sienna moved to the doorway and stood looking, watching for who knows what. “They’ve disappeared.”

             
“Shit!” I ran to the other side of the dining room and ran into a bunch of people I didn’t know and I caught Aly and Mike ascending the stairs. Aly was clearly propped up by Mike as he helped her up each step. I turned to Sienna and my eyes said it all.

             
“Call Jake.” She directed, firmly. “He’ll take care of it.”

             
“He doesn’t give a shit anymore, Sienna. He’s on his way to be with that Eva James bitch! You know…I’m just not gonna give a shit, this isn’t my problem.” I ranted and pushed past her, but she grabbed my arm.

             
“He does give a shit, Rachel. They’ve been seeing each other for months now, under the radar.”

             
All the sound from the room disappeared and I felt like I was burning from the inside out. “What?” I shouted and everyone in the vicinity looked at me, waiting to hear more. I yanked her up the stairs and practically tripped over group of girls I
didn’t
know. “If I don’t know you, you don’t belong up here!” I growled, and pointed down the stairs. One of them whispered – “
bitch
.” Under normal circumstances I’d kick their asses out but that battle wouldn’t be fought tonight.

             
“Rachel, I’m sorry, but Dump wants to stay out of it, and I…”

             
“I would never, in a million years, keep something like that from you.” I shook my head in disgust. “Dump can stay out of whatever he wants, Sienna. You’re supposed to be my best friend!”

             
“I didn’t want to be an influence to this anymore.” She shrugged, looking around uncomfortable. “We’re graduating soon, Rachel. I don’t need the drama anymore, and neither do you.” Sienna’s eyes flashed with sadness. “I’m sorry. I should have said something…but come on.” She pointed anxiously at the door to the room where Mike and Aly were. “You have to do something. Mike’s a loser, Rachel. Aly, no matter what, doesn’t deserve this.”

             
As much as I wanted Aly to swallow the most jagged horse pill ever, I knew Sienna was right. I had to do something. I took my phone from my back pocket and called Jake, he didn’t answer so I sent a text.

53

Alyssa

              I was happy Jake left, but all I could think about was how beautiful he looked and how Eva James, of all people, would be all over him. Playing the game we’d made up was hard. It was difficult pretending the longer it went on.

             
Eva James. I never asked how she happened, and all I could do was either push it from my mind or dream up all the intimate scenarios that her and Jake would be in. I just knew it went on. I centered my mind on Mike and his qualities. His bright green eyes, even though they were glossed over from intoxication, pulled me in. I felt like I was floating. I’d hardly ever drunk anything but beer, and the vodka drink Mike prepared tasted refreshing. Before I knew it, the harshness of knowing Jake was spending New Years Eve with someone else began to fade.

             
Mike’s hands felt warm and soothing as our fingers mingled together. “How you feelin’?” he asked, curiously. His little smirk made my insides flutter. I wondered if I was starting to really like him. His skin felt like velvet under my fingertips, it felt so good beneath my hands I slid them up under his jacket and shirt, feeling his back. There were many qualities I admired in him, his edge and brevity, he was self-assured and so different than Jake. Mike was a true rebel, not a fake one, like Jake. Not that Jake was exactly fake, but people thought of him as a rebel because of their own perceptions, not because of facts. Nope, Mike with his homegrown tattoos and his ripped jeans and motorcycle boots. He was old school, like something out of a James Dean movie. I was curious about him and wondered if he had other tattoos in places I couldn’t see.

             
He wasn’t gentle like Jake, but not rough either. He held me secure and deliberate. “You feeling ok?” he whispered, and kissed my cheekbone.

             
“Yeah, I feel excellent.” I giggled. His lips were moist as they pressed lightly again on my neck. I felt instant guilt as I looked into his eyes. Not because of Jake, but because I knew he really liked me. I mean he had to, right? He made such an effort to hang out with me all these months. I could at least give him one night of making out. Jake was, after all, doing the same thing with Eva. The thought of her name made her pretty face made my insides burn.

             
I kissed Mike for the first time. He felt bulky in his leather jacket. “Take this off,” I said tugging at his jacket, slipping it off his shoulders. “Your skin is so soft.” I kept rubbing the contours of his arms.

             
His tongue slipped into my mouth, mingling with mine. His motions were more aggressive than Jake’s. I pulled away and he twirled me around and sat on the bed. He pulled me down on top of him. “You’re beautiful. But you know that.”

             
Huh? My brain fought between rationalizations and feeling things I’d not experienced. I was completely wasted, but it all felt both extreme and remarkable.

             
His rugged hands rubbed up my back and down to my butt, every squeeze felt intense and pleasing. His warmth enveloped me and I playfully hit his chest and rolled off, lying next to him. “But I know that? What’s that supposed to mean?” He didn’t answer me.

             
I rubbed at the blanket beneath my hand. It was the softest blanket I’d ever felt. I reached up and touched Mike’s face, feeling the rough stubble at his jawline. It felt like sand paper as it brushed against my skin, so unlike Jake. I ran my hands through his hair and pulled his face to mine. I was wishing he was Jake and I kissed him, again. I felt heavier and heavier. Like I was melting. I wanted Jake. I wanted Mike to be Jake. Mike kissed me harder, more forceful and I tried pushing him away, but I didn’t know if my arms were working. I tried to speak and I didn’t know if he was hearing my words.

             
I couldn’t do this, unless it was Jake. I told him to stop, but it all came out jumbled. I felt fear rise inside me. I was too fucked up to let this happen, but I couldn’t move. I felt tugging at my jeans, but didn’t feel I had the strength to move. I couldn’t open my eyes and I felt pressure on top of me and then voices, and yelling. Female voices. I tried to raise my head and everyone was floating. I tried to move and slipped off the bed onto the floor. Someone picked me up and I struggled to stay focused when I thought I heard Jake’s voice. There was more shouting and two bodies went flying onto the bed and onto the floor. Glass broke somewhere and more yelling echoed in my head. I collapse at someone’s feet and grabbed at myself. I didn’t have a shirt on.

             
I didn’t know where I was.

***

              I woke up in my bed and froze inside when I saw my sister was lying next to me. My mouth felt like I had a wad of tissues stuffed in it. My tongue was as dry as a piece of cardboard and my head throbbed like nothing I’d ever felt in my life. I moved to get up.

             
“Hey,” Allison said softly. She rubbed at my arm and I fell back against the pillows. I began to cry.

             
“Oh my god, Allison.” I sobbed and grabbed the pillow, stuffing my face into it. “I need water.”

             
Allison got up and grabbed the small bottle of Arrowhead off my dresser, handing it to me. I unscrewed the top as the tears spilled down my cheeks. She sat silent, her brow knitted with concern as she watched me sip and cry. I sipped more and cried harder. I cried for at least five minutes with my head buried in my pillow. Finally she spoke.

             
“Do you remember anything?”

             
“Not really, well, kinda. Just flashes,” I sniveled. “Does mom know? What about dad? Oh God, please…”

             
“Yes, they both know and …” she paused, rubbing my leg that was buried under my covers. “Jake’s in jail, again…and so is Mike.”

             
“Oh my God!” I sobbed harder. “Jake probably hates me.”

             
“No. He doesn’t.”

             
“Did you talk to him?”

             
“No, but dad did.”

             
The next few days were a blur of worry on my mother’s part, silence on my father’s part and endless support from my sister. My dad barely said a word to me other than asking if I was ok when he poked his spec’d head into my room. I couldn’t even look at him. I wanted to die. My sister did most of the speaking for me. As far as I was concerned, this entire thing was my dad’s fault.

             
Marshall was the only one I allowed into my room and he told me every painfully embarrassing detail, it’s as if each word burned a mark into my skin.
“Aly, it was the most insane thing I’d ever witnessed in my entire life…and then when I saw you being held up with only your bra and undies on, I just lost it… you had black eye-makeup smeared all over your face and it was just awful!”
He went on and on and all I could think of was Jake seeing me that way and thinking I’d screwed Mike.

             
Seemingly that night, Nadine and Nicole arrived to the party after Mike disappeared with me. Nadine confronted Rachel when she’d heard rumors of Mike and I. Nadine pushed Rachel around and they began to fight, and Jake and Mike basically had a nuclear meltdown. He said it’d gotten so out of control and when he heard yelling about Mike drugging me and saw me nearly naked, he dialed 911.
“I didn’t mean for Jake to be thrown in Jail too, I wanted Mike to pay for what he did do you…not realizing about Jake’s troubles.”

             
A week after the most humiliating event in my life, my dad stepped into my room all authoritatively and my barriers went up. “Alyssa, this has gone on long enough. Either you get up and get out of this room or I’ll have to send you to a psychiatrist.”

             
Was there really no end to his bullshit control? “I really have nothing to say to you, dad, and for the record, I do plan on going to school on Monday amd Mom already made an appointment with some head doctor, so don’t you worry,” I informed coldly. “You can close the door on your way out.”

             
He hovered for a moment and went to shut the door, but opened it again.

             
“One of these days, Alyssa, you’re going to see that I love you very much.”

             
As soon as I heard the word love, a lump formed in my throat. “Apparently love has conditions with you, dad, and I’m just not meeting them.”

             
I couldn’t look at him, but I heard him sigh, deeply. He walked all the way in and shut the door, sitting on my bed. My dad with his normally strong fit stature, looked beaten and overcome with sadness. My heart sunk and I felt the sting in my eyes. I looked away from him when I felt the tears coming.

             
“Alyssa, I had a long talk with Jake and…”

             
“I don’t wanna talk about him with you!” I yelled and buried my face away in my pillows. I felt him grab my foot. “Go away!” I screamed into my bedding.