First Kiss (Heavy Influence) (56 page)

             
He kept talking. “I just wanted to protect you from certain things, things that your sister had experienced. I believed that if I instilled certain rules and values, it would keep you away from trouble, and Kyle would think twice before getting into something that could potentially change his life forever. Your mother and I didn’t get into things like this, Alyssa. Sure we messed around, but it wasn’t as complicated.”

             
I slowly came around to being able to look at him, and by this time my mom was in the room with us. She cried and told me how much she loved me, and how much she cared for Jake. I’d learned that my dad was actually the one that went and collected him from the police department after Marshall explained to him the whole situation of Jake trying to recue me. My dad felt it was the least he could do to not get Kate or Notting involved under those circumstances.

             
My life would never be the same.

54

Jake

              Time flies when you’re numb. I could hardly believe I’d graduated high school. It all seemed so unreal, because I hadn’t walked with my friends and classmates wearing our black cap and gowns trimmed in blue. I’d still yet to receive my diploma in the mail, and it’d been four weeks. You plan your life based on how it goes for the majority, but then you’re the minority, which makes life seem tougher, this was my conclusion. I’ll always wonder if I’d lived a normal life, would anything have been that much different. I sat slumped down in one of Amy’s black leather chairs and watched her fritter around her apartment in a white slip dress that was so sheer you could see her animal print underwear. I’d come to understand that’s just who she was, a bohemian hippy, happy to be alive and sober. She was the only one who understood me at the moment.

             
I’d fallen off the pill pop wagon and got back on again. Six months had passed since I’d beat Mike unconscious and I was picking up the pieces, trying to hold my band together and keep my distance from Aly. We were finally signed to an independent label, under the Universal umbrella and one of our songs had hit radio with a little bit of success, but with all that, I still felt like I was missing an appendage.

             
“What’s the scoop? You headin’ home today? I heard you talking that you were going to your mom’s.” Amy said as she plopped down on the floor, placing her lunch plate in front of her. “You want some? It’s turkey avo on wheat.”

             
“I hate avocado.”

             
“Yeah, well, maybe it’ll do ya some good.” She took a huge bite and waved her finger at me as she chewed. “You need to get tested tomorrow. Don’t forget. This will be it, then you should be off probation.”

             
My stomach turned with excitement and I smiled. “Yeah, it’ll be nice to have all that shit behind me.”

             
She looked at me cautiously. “Is it really behind you? Don’t screw with me, can’t con and conman, you know. I feel it, I see it, and there ain’t nothing behind you yet.”

             
Her question dug at me and I ignored it, getting up. “Ok, I’m outta here. Thanks for letting me crash, eat you out of house and home and all that shit.”

             
Amy looked at me thoughtfully and took a drink of her water, smacking her lips. “Take care, Jake. You’ve come a long way. You’re 18 and you’ve been given a gift and too many second chances. You really need to put to rest the things that hold you down. You’re wings have grown back, fly away.”

             
Amy’s used all those words so many times. They finally resonated for so long I began to believe them. “I know and that’s why I’m making some drastic changes.”

             
“What?” Interest pitched up her tone.

             
I sighed, still unsure if I’d pull the trigger. “I’ll let you now when I make the jump.” I smiled cleverly and walked out the door.

             
I’d come to really care about Amy. She’d turned into the big sister I’d never had. Between her and Notting, they were my rocks. I was forced to move in with Notting to get away from Aly’s next door presence and I’d barely spoken to my mother ever since, mainly because she didn’t have anything to say to me. In her eyes, I’d gone crazy and she wondered what
she
did wrong. I’d had enough of hearing how my life choices were about her. I didn’t think she’d ever change. I dreaded telling her of the bands plans.

             
After much deliberation with Notting and the band, we all agreed and decided a change would do us good, especially after the offer Notting was presented with. We were offered a huge European tour and I was still in shock about it. I drove to my mother’s to give her the news and to talk to Mr. Montgomery. Aly was still all I could think about. I loved her too much to sit by and watch her fail at things because of me. 

             
A knock came at our door. Even though I knew it was coming, my heart stopped when I heard his rumbling voice. Aly’s dad was there to talk to me. I crept closer to get a better listen. My mother was indifferent to him. I could hear it in her voice.
“You have real boldness, coming over here, Frank.”
She’d had enough of anything that had to do with the Montgomery’s after all of his scalding insults toward her as a mother. She’d said it was all so unfortunate.

             
“Jake called me and asked me to come over.”

             
“Oh, I see.” Kate’s voice softened. “Well, then. Jake!” She yelled for me and my heartbeat went from 80 to 500.

             
I wasn’t ready for this.

             
Mr. Montgomery towered over my mother and she disappeared into her bedroom without a word when she saw me turn the corner into the foyer. We shook hands and a few awkward second ticked by and I finally began blurting out what my plans were and I asked if I could speak to Aly, alone. I reiterated to him how much I cared for her and that all I wanted was what was best for her.

             
He nodded pensively at me. “Good luck with everything, Jake.” He shook my hand respectfully. “Come over whenever you’re ready.”

***

              My mother stood with me at our front door, her crinkled forehead matched mine. My hands were damp from anxiety. I hadn’t laid eyes on Aly since I saw her looking beat up and stripped down at Rachel’s house. I still wanted to kill Mike and was glad his ass spent a long time in jail, thanks to Mr. Montgomery and his inability to come up with bail.

             
“This is just a little blip in your life, Jake.” She tried to reach out for me, but I backed away. I was still so annoyed with her about so many things. “You are so much bigger than all this. You’ll see.”

             
“Mom, stop with the pep talk.” I jabbed and walked out the door and crossed our lawns, to deliver the news to Aly.

             
My insides were a billion colorful, squiggly lines as I made my way to Aly’s house. I felt out of control, even though I was in the most control I’d been in a long time. It was as if my arm moved in slow motion when I reached out to knock on the door. Aly’s dad opened it and he didn’t say a word. He looked drawn and unhappy. He blinked three times before removing his glasses and rubbed his eyes as if he was seeing things. He yelled out for Aly to come down. I instantly felt the surge, the energy that was only between Aly and I. She was getting closer. When she saw me her eyes popped wide and she gasped. I gulped. I don’t ever recall feeling like I could burst out crying, but I knew what I felt in my jaw and throat was burn of emotion.

             
Aly stood at the door looking disheveled, wearing pink lady bug pajama bottoms. Typical Aly, naturally beautiful as ever and I wanted to punch at the air, at the frustrations of life. Her hair had grown so long over the year that it cascaded all around her shoulders and chest. She wrung her hands. “Um, this is kinda awkward.” She whispered, looking over her shoulder. “What’s going on?”

             
I sighed and got sick to my stomach. “I called your dad and asked if I could see you.”

             
She breathed in heavily, and nodded. She wouldn’t look at me. She was silent, staring down and I saw the tears begin to leak down her cheeks. I reached for her hand and pulled her out the door and shut it. I wrapped her in my arms, tight against my chest. “Stop crying. Please,” I said it for me more than for her, as moister filled my own eyes and I gulped over and over again, trying to hold it back. “Hey…”

             
“I’m so sorry, Jake. I’m so beyond mortified. I didn’t mean for things to go so far with Mike.”

             
I couldn’t control my feelings and cupped her beautiful, sad face in my hands, trying to kiss her tears away. “Hey, shush, we did this together. It’s not your fault.”

             
We stood holding each other as if we’d die if we let go. “I can’t believe my dad let you see me.” Her muffled words squeezed through the fabric of my t-shirt. I felt her warm breath at my chest and knew how quickly I’d get caught up again if I let myself. I knew I had to just tell her, but I struggled with the delivery.

             
“Hey, I’m here because I have to tell you something. It’s good…and bad news.”

             
“I want the good news.” She said pulling away, sitting down at the rot-iron patio table. She wiped her face with hands that sported blue glittering finger nail polish.

             
I tried to stay up beat. “Nice nails,” I said, kicking her foot and stepped over sitting on the chair next to hers.

             
“Spit it out,” She ordered, quietly. Her eyes were red and bloodshot as they searched mine.

             
“The band is going to Europe. We’ve been offered a pretty big tour and if it goes well, we’ll stay there for a while and on the east coast too.”

             
She nodded passively. “I’m happy for you. I really am.” She was cold, but how else did I expect her to respond.

             
“You know this is good for the both of us, right?”

             
“Does it really matter? Anymore?” She asked almost cruelly. “We’ve barely spoken in almost six months, Jake.”

             
“It’s not because I didn’t want to, Aly. This is just as painful for me as it is for you,” I retorted defensively.

             
She looked away from me because she knew I was right. “It doesn’t matter anymore.” She stifled her tears and pressed her hand hard against her pink lips.

             
“It matter’s to me, Aly. I love you. Everything that’s happed good with the band is because of you…”

             
“Who are you going on tour with?” She interrupted and my stomach went into a ball. I was hoping she wouldn’t ask.

             
“We’re opening for…Eva James.”

             
Aly’s eyes narrowed in on mine and I felt the energy between us falter as if she turned it off. “You’re sleeping with her, aren’t you? You know what…” She stood up and paced, huffing. Her chest heaved with each step. “It doesn’t matter. Because for some reason, you never thought of me that way, or you would have taken your many chances! Instead you choose some fucking…who knows what!!! This is how you operate. You say you love me, but then don’t have the balls to tell me you’ve been seeing someone else!”

             
I couldn’t argue with her, because it was true. I’d been seeing Eva.

             
“You can’t blame me for carrying on with my life! And I wanted to honor you, Aly! Your father already thinks I’m a piece of shit! But you know what? At least I can walk away from this knowing I loved you enough to care about it. You’re 15, Aly.” I stood up to meet her and she backed away.

             
“I know how old I am, Jake! You’re a coward. After everything, why couldn’t you tell me? I sit here and live my life day after day, thinking and looking forward that we’re gonna be together, because of the things you’ve said to me…”

             
“We’re still gonna be together, Aly.” I yelled over her rant and she quieted. “If I could be with you now, I would.”

             
We stood at odds. “Please, don’t do this. Don’t blame me for all of this. I never made any promises on timing, Aly. Everything I’ve said to you I’ve meant. But I can’t stand by and watch you be with other people and pretend that I’m ok with it, and I don’t expect you to do the same. The whole Mike thing was a joke. I was miserable. Your father hates me. My mom hates the thought of us. We need to grow up.”

             
“You’re already fucking grown up, now, aren’t you?” She shouted and her face twisted into a pathetic sob. “You’re a coward! You made me waste months thinking we’d be together! I should have known better!”

             
Aly and I went around and around in conversational circles about who was right and who was wrong and rehashed every painful, pathetic moment trying to keep score. I was exhausted and I was over it.