First Love (14 page)

“I don’t believe in casual sex,” Jordan said. She lowered her voice and stared at the floor. “I’ve never had sex with anyone. Can you imagine what it’s like to have your every move monitored and reported to your parents? Or to think that the only reason a guy wants to have sex is to say he slept with the president’s daughter?” She looked at Drew. “Besides, I believe in waiting until you find the one person you will spend your life with. That has also been part of my father’s political campaigns. He wants more programs to encourage abstinence. That would reduce pregnancies outside of marriage and STDs.”

Drew shook her head. “Is that what you believe?”

“I look at my sorority sisters and I see how easily some of them give themselves to whatever boy they’re dating. I don’t understand how they can have sex without love.”

“Jordan, interest in sex is not that unusual in kids our age. Abstinence doesn’t work for everyone. Lots of our classmates are sexually active. That doesn’t make a person bad or promiscuous.”

“What about waiting for the right person? Do you ever plan on being with that person?”

“One day. Right now, I just want to finish medical school.”

She hesitated, but finally Jordan asked the question that Drew expected. “Are you sexually active?”

“If you mean, have I had sex with other females, then the answer is yes.”

Jordan sat in the nearest chair, folded her hands on her lap, and stared at the floor. “What about a boy? Have you ever wanted…I mean, did you…?”

No matter how hard she tried, Drew couldn’t stop the laugh. “Jordan, I’m gay. I have lots of close male friends, but I’m not remotely romantically interested.” She paused and thought about it. “Eww. Sorry, not for me. I don’t think you’re a bad person for wanting to wait. If you want to wait, then don’t let anyone convince you to do anything else.”

“Even if I found someone I was interested in, I would be afraid my parents would want to have that person vetted. How humiliating.” She finally looked up at Drew. “I really do believe in what my parents taught us about waiting for the right person.”

Drew was touched. She knew about waiting. “Was I vetted before you hired me? I never thought about that.”

Jordan looked into Drew’s questioning eyes. She answered without hesitation. “No. I made the decision.”

“Oh.”
Well, Jordan has old-fashioned values about life and love, yet her parents don’t know that a lesbian is her best friend.
Fuck
.
Now what do I say or do? For one, quit being a shit
. “I do believe you. Please believe neither Mark nor I are promiscuous. I just ask that you don’t judge either one of us, and I promise we’ll continue to accept you as you are.”

“Can we start over?” Jordan asked. “I’m not prying.”

“I’m sorry for being a shit.”

Jordan grimaced but nodded.

“Sorry about the swearing.” Drew grinned.

Jordan had a huge smile growing on her face.

Drew felt a tingling beginning in her stomach.
She’s beautiful. Yeah, and she knows I’m gay and hasn’t run out of the room. That’s good, I guess. This is definitely a different day. No, this is a bizarre day. Another one.

Jordan quietly gathered her courage. “Can I ask you some questions?”

Drew nodded, knowing the day was getting stranger by the minute.

“How did you know you were gay?”

Drew moved over to the couch and lifted her injured leg onto the coffee table. “I’ve known since I was ten that I was different. By ninth grade, I knew what that difference was. My senior year I came out to my family. They’ve been great.”

“They didn’t have any problems with you being gay?” Jordan sounded surprised.

“Initially, they were upset. They didn’t understand and thought it was a phase. When I continued to insist I was gay and wasn’t planning on changing, they began to change. After all, they just want me to be happy. That’s what they’ve wanted for each of us.”

“My parents believe that homosexuality is wrong.”

“And the assumption is that you do, too.”

“I’ve always accepted what they said is right. It’s Biblical.”

Drew sighed and tried not to roll her eyes. “So does this mean you believe I’m a bad person?”

“No!” Jordan hesitated. “No, I don’t understand, but I know you’re a good person.” Jordan ran her hands through her hair. “I’m sorry, but there are lots of questions. I need time to try to figure things out.” She looked back up at Drew. “You’re still a friend, no matter what.”

“What will your father say?”

“I hope he will love me and accept my decision.”

“Maybe it’s a good thing you don’t have to tell him. I’m not as sure as you are.”

“Can we please not talk about my family?”

“Sure.” Drew started toward the kitchen. “Are you hungry?”

Jordan nodded. “Let me cook,” Jordan said. “I’m still feeling guilty about your leg.” She gathered enough ingredients to make pasta with clams and a salad.

Drew sat at the table and talked while Jordan cooked. She didn’t doubt there would be more questions. She needed to give Jordan time. And she needed to be ready to answer. Drew was not sure if she was glad Jordan knew she was gay or if her life had just become more complicated. She would just take one day at a time.

April

Their time together had become more relaxed and Jordan was enjoying every moment. They watched movies, had dinner together, even took walks. There was so much she was learning from her conversations with Drew. Her view of the world was changing. Jordan cherished every moment.

One evening, while she and Drew were watching a movie, she put her hand on top of Drew’s. For Jordan, it felt like a natural thing to do.

Drew pulled her hand back. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I was hogging the couch.”

“No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I just saw your hand sitting there and wanted to touch it.” Jordan stopped. Had she really said that out loud? “I’m not…that way.”

“What way, Jordan? Gay? Queer? Lesbian?” Drew looked anguished. “What do you want?”

“I just want to be your friend.” No sooner were those words out of her mouth, than Jordan was drowning in her own doubts.
Why do I want to touch her? Not just her hand. Her face. Her arms.
The thoughts startled her.
I’m not gay. That is wrong. Then why do I feel this way?
“Do you think…has it ever bothered you being gay? Did you ever want to change?”

Drew shook her head. “Why are you asking? Are you trying to rescue me? This is who I am. If you truly believe that God doesn’t make mistakes then I’m not one.”

“I’m sorry. This is all new to me and I’m just trying to understand. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“No, I shouldn’t have raised my voice.” Drew leaned back, running her hand across her face. “I don’t think it matters the gender of the person you love. I’ve always had more straight friends, and I never questioned them about who they were dating. I just accepted that they were interested in certain guys or girls.” Drew’s voice was gentle, as if teaching a difficult topic to an unreceptive student.

Jordan felt a little guilty. Had she been acting in a way that made Drew feel uncomfortable? “Why did you pull your hand away?”

Drew sighed. “You’re not only straight but the daughter of the president. I don’t want you thinking I’m making a pass at you.”

“But I touched you.”

“Yes, but I can’t afford to take the chance that you’re going to scream and have a bunch of agents flying in here with guns loaded. I’m fast, but I can’t outrun a speeding bullet, bend over backward and sideways to avoid gunshots. It looks great in the movies, but my body doesn’t bend that way.”

“Drew, I would never do that.”

“Okay, they won’t shoot; they’d just pin me down on the floor.”

“I would never do anything to hurt you.”

“Sorry, but I’ve heard that before.”

“Not from me.”

“No, not from you. Trust me. It’s easy to say anything in the beginning. Later, you can say anything or blame me for anything you want.”

“I can’t imagine anyone doing that.”

“Well, trust me, there are people who do.”

“Drew, I don’t understand. I want us to be friends.”

“That’s what Penny said.”

Drew had promised she wouldn’t allow the past to intrude into her present. Here it was. Except she had no intention of getting involved with Jordan.

“Who’s Penny?”

“Penny was this girl who said she loved me and was my girlfriend during my freshman year.” Drew regretted bringing up the topic.
May as well get it over with.
“Except she had a boyfriend at home she was sleeping with while she was sleeping with me. Then in June, she announces she’s going home to Cody and marrying him. When she comes back to school, she wants to be discrete. To be friends. Friends who fucked.” Drew gritted her teeth. “You know what she said? I’m a good Christian and I’m not like you.” Drew leaned forward. “The hell she wasn’t.”

“What happened?”

“I told her to never come near me. She kept showing up at my dorm, begging me to have sex with her. I moved out and got an apartment. Penny decided it was so we could be together. One day her husband showed up and told me to leave his wife alone. She’d told him I was chasing her.”

“Oh, Drew, I’m so sorry.” This time Jordan took Drew’s hand and held it tightly. “That was so unfair. Did you tell him she was the one chasing you?”

“Who do you think he would believe?” Drew held up her hands, palms up. “Hmm. His wife, the good Christian girl, or the dyke, the pervert?

“Why do you call yourself that?” Jordan asked.

“Dyke? That’s what I am. I’m a lesbian. Queer. It’s just words. Words that can hurt if I let them.” Drew took a deep breath and forced some semblance of calm to return. It was unfair to take her anger out on Jordan. “I’ve learned that some straight women are just curious. They want you, but they assure you they are not gay.”

“I’m sorry.” Jordan tentatively reached for Drew’s hand but then withdrew.

Drew felt like she had been tossed into a tornado.
This is fucking crazy.

“Is this okay?” Jordan asked as she reached for Drew’s hand.

“Jordan, we need to talk.” Drew was determined to set some boundaries. “What do you want from me?” She let go both physically and emotionally. She needed the distance.

“I just want to be friends. I care about you…and Mark.”

Drew heard the words but her heart wasn’t sure they were true.

*

May

Jordan flew to Washington after finals. Her feelings for Drew were perplexing. She didn’t understand her need to be near Drew, to touch her, to stare at her.

At dinner on the third evening, her mother asked, “Jordan, is everything okay? I don’t think you’ve heard anything we’ve said.”

“Sorry. I was just thinking about school and missing my friends.”

“Why don’t you invite your friends to come visit?” her father added. “Brandan’s father says you two haven’t seen much of each other. He’s a nice young man. Is anything wrong?”

“No, sir. I’ve just been busy.” Jordan changed the subject before her father could ask another question. “My classes are sometimes overwhelming, but I’m doing well and understanding. I owe it to Drew. She gave me a good foundation.”

“She and her young man are good examples of what is right with America. Hard working. Clean-cut. They’ll make excellent physicians.” Jordan tried to nod in agreement, but guilt was creeping in. “Bring them to the White House. Have Brandan come, too. Maybe we can have a party for your young friends.” Her father looked like he was plotting some campaign strategy. “Maybe have a reception. Emphasize the future of America.” He was lost in his own politics.

“Yes, sir.” The tone of the conversation discomfited her. She quickly shifted topics. “I’ve enrolled for the summer session. If I go this summer, I can graduate next summer.”

The surprised look on her parents’ faces prepared her for her mother’s comments. “I thought you would be spending the summer with us. Your brother and his fiancé will be here tomorrow. They want to discuss wedding plans. I thought you could help. After all, you may need to be doing this soon.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” her father began, “young Carter seems to be quite taken with you. His father constantly talks about how much time the two of you are spending together.”

Jordan lost her appetite. So many areas of her life were being turned upside down. Even her core beliefs were in question. She was at an utter loss at what to say. “I’ll be here for the next week, but I want to get back. As for Brandan Carter, I hardly see him.” She needed to get away from the table. She wasn’t the same person who left for college in the fall. She looked at her parents. “I love you both. Thank you for your love and support.” She rose and hugged each one. She didn’t like keeping secrets from her parents.

“Of course,” her father added. “We’re proud of you, honey, and all your hard work.”

If only that were true, Jordan thought as she walked to her bedroom.
I hope you will say that in the future.

The next few days passed quickly. Jack and Sandra spent as much time as possible with Jordan during the evenings, but the days were filled with various White House staff and planners discussing wedding venues. An October date next year was chosen for the probability of good weather and Jack and Sandra having finished their research. The research was more important to them than the weather.

“I keep apologizing to Sandra and her family. Mom and Dad keep adding names to the guest list.” Jack and Sandra sat on the couch holding hands. “I’ve been threatening to elope. Her parents have been great but are overwhelmed by all the attention.”

“My parents are very traditional.” Sandra spoke softly, her voice characteristic of her personality. “They’re still in awe of the president and the White House. And they only visited here once.”

“This can be a bit much,” Jordan said, “and Jack and I have grown up in this.” She waved her hands to encompass their surroundings as she spoke. “I hope it doesn’t cause problems.”