First Rapture (The Rapture Series) (7 page)

Madison whirled away from her tormentor and paced toward the center of the hotel room.

Dammit. Nothing was going right.

He was supposed to be lying in the bed, too stunned by her abrupt departure to do anything but watch her walk away in silence.

And then…

Well, her imagination hadn’t gone beyond that moment, but she’d assumed that she would return to New York; a woman at last at peace with her past.

Instead, Luc refused to let her leave the room, badgering her with questions that he had no right to ask.

Spinning back around, she sent Luc a glare, doing her best to ignore the bronzed, shockingly beautiful male body.

It would have been easier if she wasn’t abruptly fantasizing about running her lips over those washboard abs and allowing her tongue to tease his cock back to full, erect glory.

A heat bloomed between her legs, making her hands clench in frustration.

No, no, no.

Tonight was about new beginnings…not indulging her senses with Luc Angeli.

Even if her entire body ached to feel his touch.

“Why do you have to ruin this?” she growled.

He scowled, as if he didn’t know exactly what he was doing. “Ruin what?”

She pointed toward the door. “My walk-away.”

His brows arched. “Your what?”

“My walk-away.”

“Christ, Maddy.” He shoved his fingers through tousled hair, managing to look completely baffled. “What are you talking about now?”

“When you left me I allowed you to make your grand exit,” she said, torn between punching him in the nose and kissing him. “But you just had to be a bully and take mine away.”

His expression softened as he finally understood why she was so pissed, but did he move aside and allow her to walk away with some dignity?

No.

He stubbornly paced to stand directly in front of her, his hands framing her face in a gentle grasp.

“Because this isn’t you,” he murmured, his thumb brushing her lower lip. “You aren’t cruel. You don’t deliberately try to hurt people.” His lips twisted in a wry smile. “Not even those people who might deserve it.”

The heat from his body blasted through the thin silk of her dress, a raw surge of need making her shiver.

“I—”

His brows snapped together as her words trailed away. “Maddy, for god’s sake,” he rasped. “Tell me the truth.”

She ground her teeth together. Dammit. Obviously, the only way she was getting out of the hotel room was to give him what he wanted.

Pigheaded pain in the ass.

“I want you out of my head,” she said, offering him the stark truth he claimed to want.

He blinked. Then blinked again. “You mean the memory of that night?”

She planted her hands on her hips. “No, the memory of you.”

He flinched, as if he were bothered by her confession. “Did I truly hurt you that badly?”

“I was hurt and humiliated when you walked out, but it’s…”

“What?”

She hunched her shoulder, her cheeks heating with embarrassment. “I can’t enjoy myself with another man.”

There was a startled silence, Luc searching her carefully composed expression. “You don’t like men?”

“Of course I like men,” she snapped, deliberately narrowing her gaze. “When they aren’t being jackasses.”

He rolled his eyes at her inability to resist another jab. “Then explain what the hell you’re talking about.”

Unable to reveal her darkest secret while being watched by Luc’s piercing dark gaze, she turned to pace toward the windows overlooking Vegas.

“Over the years I’ve met dozens of wonderful men,” she said, her voice so low Luc had to move closer to hear her. “Handsome, successful, charming.”

His breath brushed the bare skin of her shoulder. “You didn’t like any of them?”

She grimaced. A part of her wished she could say that she’d chosen a string of complete losers. That would easily explain why she hadn’t managed to create a lasting relationship. Unfortunately, there had been more than one man who should have been perfect for her.

“Actually I liked several,” she grudgingly admitted. “A few I even dated for several months.”

He was close enough behind her that she could feel him tense, almost as if he didn’t like her talking about other men.

Which was stupid considering he was the one who’d forced this unpleasant conversation.

“Why didn’t the relationships last?” he asked.

“Because I couldn’t—” The words stuck in her throat.

“What?”

“Orgasm,” she at last spit out, unable to resist watching his reaction in the reflection of the window. “Are you happy?”

Shock rippled over his fiercely beautiful face, swiftly followed by a frown of disbelief.

“Why would I be happy?”

She hunched her shoulder, feeling raw and exposed now that the truth was out. “You’ve obviously spoiled me for other men.”

She expected smug contentment. Didn’t most men long to think that they were such fantastic studs that no other man could satisfy their previous lovers?

Instead, Luc appeared troubled. Grabbing her shoulders, he turned her to meet his searching gaze.

“Because I walked out?” he demanded, his voice thick with regret. “Are you afraid the men will hurt you?”

It would be so easy to say yes. To let him think that he’d destroyed her life by leaving her that night. She sensed that far from being proud at her inability to find pleasure with another man, it would truly torture him to believe he’d caused such damage.

But he was right.

She’d never been deliberately cruel.

“I don’t know.” She gave a helpless shake of her head. “I can date a guy, enjoy his company, and even be aroused when we go to bed, but then…” She sucked in a deep breath. “Then suddenly my mind is filled with images of you touching and kissing me and the moment is lost.”

He took a second to analyze her words before his fingers tightened on her arms, his eyes narrowing.

“And because I happened to pop up in your sexual fantasies, you returned to Vegas to sleep with me again?” he rasped. “Is that supposed to make sense?”

She licked her dry lips, her breath catching as his gaze was dragged downward to watch the unconsciously provocative movement.

“I thought…” She grimaced. It was going to sound stupid no matter how she said it. “I hoped that once I’d slept with you and walked away I would feel…empowered.”

His brows arched. “Empowered?”

Yep. It sounded stupid.

She clicked her tongue with impatience. “It was supposed to be an exorcism that would get you out of my head for good.”

The dark eyes flared with a sudden fury. “Of all the asinine—” He bit off his angry words, sucking in a deep breath. “Did you ever consider the fact that your inability to enjoy intimacy with a man has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with you?”

She pulled out of his grip, her chin tilting to a defiant angle.

“What are you implying?”

“I’m not implying anything. I’m saying that there are two obvious explanations.”

She met his smoldering gaze without flinching. Maybe she’d been an idiot to return to Vegas, but she’d be damned if she let Luc intimidate her.

“Fine.” She folded her arms over her stomach, wishing to hell he’d put some clothes on. “Let’s hear your brilliant psychoanalysis.”

A portion of his anger seemed to ease at her taunting tone, his hand reaching to cup her chin. Did he sense her defensive vulnerability?

“It’s possible that you used the memory of me as a subconscious method of keeping other men at a distance,” he said, holding her derisive gaze. “Making me the bad guy was easier than admitting that you couldn’t open yourself up enough to reach your climax.”

“So why would I be able to—”

“Orgasm with me?” He finished her sentence, his lips twitching with a wry amusement at the heat that stained her cheeks.

She scowled. “Yes.”

“Because you trusted me.”

She snorted at his ridiculous explanation. “Then more the fool me.”

He grimaced at yet another reminder of his jackass behavior. “You trusted that I wasn’t going to press for more than you were willing to offer,” he clarified. “In your mind I was the guy who loved ‘em and left ‘em. No danger to your closely guarded heart.”

Madison barely resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She wasn’t about to admit that far from believing he was going to love and leave her, she’d devoted endless hours to fantasizing over the moment that Luc Angeli, the Dark Angel, would realize she was his one and only soul mate.

She’d truly thought she was the woman to tame the bad boy.

What an idiot.

“So I want to be alone?” she instead played along.

“You want a life where you’re in complete control.” He stepped closer, watching her tense as the heat of his naked body wrapped around her. “Not surprising. You were abandoned by your mother. It had to leave you with a fear of opening yourself up to anyone.”

Her lips thinned. Logically she knew her past had been a driving force in leaving Vegas, as well as in her success in her career. She’d been obsessed with the need to build a sense of security.

But she’d never been bitter.

Her mother was who she was: a weak, pathetic woman who’d spent her whole life searching for happiness that forever remained out of reach.

Madison felt nothing but pity for the woman who’d chosen a life of addicted misery. It certainly hadn’t twisted her ability to connect with other people.

“A fine theory, except for one glaringly obvious flaw,” she said in dry tones.

“And what’s that?”

“I’ve met hundreds of guys that I knew were without a doubt love ‘em and leave ‘em assholes.” Her smug expression dared him to deny her logic. “Why didn’t I crawl into bed with them?”

He smiled. A slow, wicked curling of his lips.

She shivered, feeling the power of his male charm tingle all the way to the tips of her toes.

“There’s another explanation,” he assured her.

“I’m afraid to ask,” she muttered, taking a discreet step backward.

One touch and she would be melting at his feet.

“You’re still in love with me.”

The breath was slammed from her lungs at his teasing words.

Still in love with him…

The accusation had been tossed at her only hours earlier by Kristen and she’d readily denied the claim. Now she realized that it wasn’t nearly so easy.

No. God, no.

She wasn’t so pathetic that she could have harbored an unrequited love for this man for eight years.

Was she?

A sick ball of dread lodged in the pit of her stomach as she recalled how often she’d compared her male companions to Luc’s dark, sinful beauty. Or how she’d returned from a night out feeling oddly restless, as if she’d been searching for some special quality in her date that was missing.

The sickness intensified. Christ. Could she have more of her mother in her than she originally suspected? Was she constantly seeking the one man she couldn’t have?

Madison gave an automatic shake of her head.

It’d been a stressful night that had become a damned mess.

After a good night’s sleep she’d be laughing at the mere suggestion she could still be in love with Luc Angeli.

“Screw this—I’m out of here,” she growled, pointing a finger in Luc’s face as he held up a hand to halt her retreat. “Touch me and I’ll kick you in the nuts.”

His brows snapped together at her threat, but his hand fell to his side. “Fine. You can run all you want, Maddy. Eventually the past will catch up with you.”

If Madison possessed a gun she would have shot the alarm when it jolted her out of her restless sleep.

With a groan, she lifted her head, blearily reaching to grab her phone and end the chirping.

Eight thirty.

Crap. She’d been asleep less than two hours.

She hadn’t actually expected a good night’s sleep after she’d returned to Kristen’s apartment. Not after the way she’d parted from Luc. But it was still aggravating that she’d tossed and turned until after six a.m.

Even worse, she had an appointment at nine thirty that she couldn’t miss.

Cursing at the headache that felt as if it was drilling a hole in her brain, Madison stumbled from bed and into the shower.

Thirty minutes later she was clean and dressed in faded jeans and a casual stretchy top. She pulled her hair into a braid, but she left her face bare of makeup.

Her appointment was at a shop known for its discretion, but there was no point in trying to attract unwanted attention. She was famous enough to occasionally capture the interest of the paparazzi.

Besides, there wasn’t enough makeup in the world to disguise the pallor of her skin or the purple shadows beneath her eyes.

Grabbing her purse, Madison stumbled out of her bedroom, lured toward the kitchen by the scent of freshly brewed coffee.

She ignored Kristen’s curious gaze as she moved to take a seat at the breakfast bar, deeply relieved when a cup of steaming black coffee was placed on the counter in front of her.

“Thank god,” she muttered.

“And good morning to you too, sunshine,” Kristen mocked, appearing nauseatingly perfect in her black pencil skirt and crisp white shirt. There wasn’t so much as a strand of honey hair out of place.

“Ugh.” Kristen sipped the coffee, sending her friend a jaundiced scowl. “Why are you shouting?”

The indigo eyes widened with surprise. “Do you need my famous cure for a hangover?”

Madison shuddered in horror. She’d only tasted the infamous cure one time, but it was enough to have left the hideous taste scorched into her memory.

“Not even if I was on my deathbed,” she muttered.

“Hey,” Kristen protested. “It’s guaranteed to work.”

Madison grimaced. “It also tastes like snail sludge.”

“How would you know?” Kristen narrowed her gaze. “Have you actually tasted snail sludge?”

Madison held up a hand, her brain still throbbing. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t have a hangover.”

“Uh-oh.” Kristen turned to cross the tiled floor, swiftly returning to place a small bakery bag in front of Madison. “Here.”