Five Summers (13 page)

“SHHHHH!” EMMA WHISPERED AS SHE PUT A FINGER to her lips. The distance from the fire pit to the dock wasn’t far—maybe a quarter mile, mostly on fine, sandy dirt that gave way silently beneath their feet—and the only animals around were squirrels, scrawny from a summer of dodging stampeding Nedoba campers, out foraging for leftover graham cracker crumbs, but now that it was just the six of them, Emma felt a rising sense of danger that sent nervous laughter bubbling up into her throat. It didn’t help that the moon was hiding behind clouds, plunging the woods, the lake, and what seemed like the whole world into total darkness. Emma raised herself up on tiptoe and extended her arms for balance, walking as if she was stepping delicately around a motion-sensor laser maze that protected a priceless artifact like the
Mona Lisa
or King Tut’s mummy. In related news, she was tipsy. She’d only had half a beer back at the campsite, but it had been enough.

“I’ve only ever had alcohol at my cousin’s wedding,” she whispered to Adam, who was walking a few steps in front of her, balancing a six-pack on one shoulder. “They had dinner rolls in the shape of
swans
. I mean, how do you even make those?” She reached out for him blindly and stumbled over a branch.

“I don’t know. Quit trying to touch my butt,” he laughed, grabbing her hand.

All of a sudden, it seemed, they came spilling out of the woods, and in the weak moonlight Emma saw the long, skinny finger of the dock lying still on the surface of the water. Upside-down row boats lay on the shore, their wide, white undersides turned up to the sky like the bellies of beached whales. To the east, the lake stretched out for miles, broken only by the dark lump of Wexley Island. Emma was used to seeing it in the daylight, but now it looked ominous. As they got close, she could hear the soft, rhythmic groan of the wood, the gray pylons, wound with thick rope, swaying almost imperceptibly as tiny waves broke against them with a soothing, frothy slap.

“It’s creepy here at night, huh?” Maddie said, coming up behind them with Jo and Skylar flanking her on either side. She pursed her lips and blew across the open mouth of her beer bottle, eliciting a deep note that sounded like a fog horn.

Emma looked around nervously.

“Don’t worry,” Jo said. “No one can hear us.”

“Aren’t you worried we’ll get caught?”

“Emma,” Skylar said, patting her head like a puppy. “We do this all the time.”

“Well,
I
don’t.”

“Relax!” Adam said, massaging her shoulders. “Trespassing can be fun if you have the right guide.” He led Emma over to the rowboats and set the six-pack down in the sand. “For instance,” he said, flipping one over and gesturing like he was showing off a game show prize, “did you know that this makes an excellent open-air conference room?” He held out his arm and she used it for balance, stepping into the creaky old boat like it was a stagecoach. He gestured for the other girls to get in, and once they were all seated he bowed. “My name is Adam and I’ll be your waiter this evening,” he said. Emma tried hard not to roll her eyes; this was laying it on thick, even for him. Across from her, Maddie and Skylar hung their heads and were laughing behind their hands.

“Hey, where did Nate go?” Jo asked. In response, a glow-in-the-dark circle flew through the air, and Maddie immediately ducked.

“Is that a UFO?” she cried, covering her head.

“No, it’s a Frisbee,” Jo grinned, waving as Nate jogged over from the shed down the shore that was generously referred to as the boathouse. She laughed and pointed at Maddie. “I forgot how much you hate sci-fi!”

“I don’t know why everybody thinks E.T. is cute,” Maddie shuddered. “He looks like an anorexic turd caterpillar!” The girls shrieked with laughter. Adam offered Emma a beer and Emma took it.
Why not
? she reasoned. It was the Summer of No Excuses, part two. Jo didn’t even raise an eyebrow. She actually almost looked like she was having fun, which balanced out Skylar’s sudden testiness nicely. Emma had been trying to catch her eye to make sure she was okay, but it felt like Sky was avoiding looking at her.

Adam and Nate started a game of what they dubbed Ultimate Night Frisbee while the girls stargazed, and Emma felt a warm wash of nostalgia and intoxication turning her knotted muscles into Play-Doh. Over the years it had become easy for Emma to file her camp memories away in short clips, stringing them together sometimes in a movie-preview montage that made her feel instantly wistful—Laughs! Loves! Adventure! Best friends!—and at that moment she felt like she was living in the trailer of her imagination. The only thing that would have made it more cinematic was a soundtrack.

“How come I never danced with anyone?” she wondered aloud. She could still see the barn in her mind’s eye, the rafters strung with white Christmas lights.

“Oh, come on, nobody danced for real,” Jo said, passing the beer to Skylar, who finished it in three long slugs and reached over the side of the boat for another. “We just danced together, trying to avoid getting
asked
to dance.”

“And watching your dad do the frug,” Maddie laughed, shimmying her shoulders.

“I always wanted to,” Emma said. “I just didn’t want to seem like I wanted to. But I would always look for him, you know. . . .” She blushed. “It’s pathetic.”

“No, it’s sweet,” Maddie said. “You should go tell him that.”

“I couldn’t,” Emma said, although she didn’t feel the stab of cold fear that used to accompany any suggestion that she open up to Adam. “And anyway, what about sticking together? I meant it when I said I didn’t come here for him.”

“I know,” Jo said. “I was just giving you a hard time. And I know it’s important to you.” She took a sip of beer and shook her head, as if she couldn’t believe what she was saying.

“Sky?” Emma asked. Skylar finally looked up at her with a blank, glassy stare.

“Are you asking my permission?” Skylar sighed.

“Kind of, yeah.”

“Why do you care what I think?”

“What do you mean?” Emma asked. “I just want to make sure it’s okay with you if I go hang out with Adam for awhile. I know we haven’t gotten a lot of time together yet.” She reached out for Skylar’s knee, but Skylar bristled.

“I can’t tell you what to do, okay? Stop asking me to make decisions for you.” Emma could tell that she was a little bit drunk, so she tried not to take it personally.

“I’m not asking you to tell me what to do,” she said carefully. “I was just being polite.” Jo and Maddie looked down into their laps.

“Please, you don’t make any decisions for yourself,” Skylar groaned. “You don’t do anything, period. You’ll
never
hook up with him, because you’re too scared.” Emma felt tears spring to her eyes and turned away just in time to see the glowing Frisbee shoot past her face, missing her by inches.

“Heads up!” Nate yelled as it landed a few yards out in the lake with a splash. Adam ran after it, pulling his T-shirt off as he waded into the black water. Emma wished she could run in after him, just float away until there were miles and miles between her and Skylar.

Then, all of a sudden, she realized she could.

Emma reached out and snatched Skylar’s beer from her hands, chugging it and then throwing the rest in the sand.

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” she said, standing up and pulling off her shirt. The blood rushed to her head, but even through her dizzy haze she saw Skylar’s eyes widen. Emboldened, she kicked off her shorts.

“Emma,” Jo said, standing up. “She didn’t mean it. Put your clothes back on.”

“No!” Emma said stubbornly. “Never have I ever skinny dipped, remember?” Maddie burst out laughing.

“Don’t encourage her,” Jo snapped, but Emma didn’t hear anything after that, because then she was gone. She ran down the beach, her feet causing tiny avalanches in the peaks of wet pebbles left by the high tide. She reached the water’s edge just as Adam turned around, clutching the Frisbee, and he stared at her. She wasn’t sure if it was appreciative or uncomfortable, but she dove in anyway.

“Nice night for a swim, huh?” he asked with a smile when she had paddled out to where he stood in the waist-deep water.

“Yup,” she said.

“Are you drunk?” he asked. “Because as a trained lifeguard I have to discourage you from swimming under the influence.”

“I had one beer,” she said, splashing him.

“Even so, I’d feel better with you on more solid ground.” He stuck the Frisbee in his teeth and took her hand, dragging her through the cold, murky water until she felt a sandbar rise under her toes. Emma clung to his arm, which prickled with heat under the droplets of water that clung to his skin. Nate and Jo stood watching them from shore, and Adam tossed the Frisbee back, a neon shooting star against the clear night sky. It made Emma think of fireworks.

“Be careful!” Jo yelled. Skylar was still sitting in the rowboat with her back to the water, and she didn’t turn around. She was probably just jealous, Emma realized. Against all odds, Skylar didn’t seem to have a boyfriend at the moment, and Emma knew all too well how lonely it could get when your best friend is more in demand than you are. But there was no reason to lash out at Emma, even if she was drunk. They would have to have a talk.

“You’re stuck with me now,” Adam said, crouching down next to her. “I know you can’t swim.”

“I can
swim
,” Emma said.

“You never passed the swim test,” he reminded her.

“Whatever, it’s basically impossible to pick a dime off the bottom of the deep end of the pool.”

“Yeah, if you can’t swim,” he laughed. He sat down and looked at her. “Remember when we capsized in the canoe?”

“Of course,” she said. “It was the first time we met.” Emma paused and smiled at him. “I should have known you were trouble. I’ve never been in a canoe since.”

“Whatever,” he said, puffing up his chest. “I saved you.”

“You did not!” she laughed. “We both cried.”

“Ah, yes,” Adam said with a smile. “Well, then, I almost saved you. Through my tears.”

Back on the shore, Jo and Nate started up the Frisbee toss again, and Emma watched it streak back and forth.

“I always wanted to dance with you,” she said.

“What?”

“At the dances, in the barn. I always wanted to slow dance with you. I used to stand near you hoping that when a slow song came on, you would ask me.”

He smiled and put his arm around her. “I always thought you stood near me because I was near the snacks.”

“That too,” she said, nestling into his chest. “I figured I’d kill two birds.” She listened to his heart beating under his slick, wet skin. It was speeding up.

“Adam?” she said, turning her face up to his.

“Emma . . .?” He squeezed her and kissed her forehead.

“
Skylar
!” Maddie’s voice rang out across the water, and Emma looked out to see Skylar wading into the lake in her bra and underwear.

“Skylar, come back!” Maddie stood on the shore, frantically rolling up her pants and splashing in after her.

“Wow.” Adam pulled away from Emma; he looked suddenly panicked. “Uh, party on the sandbar, I guess.”

“You guys just looked like you were having way too much fun!” Skylar cried as she got closer, splashing at Adam with theatrical glee. “The water feels so good!”

“She’s drunk,” Emma whispered to Adam.

“You think?” he muttered.

Skylar climbed onto the sandbar, her long limbs glistening. At least she wasn’t wearing a thong, Emma thought.

“Hi, guys,” Maddie said apologetically as she reached the sandbar, her only outfit now soaked through from the shoulders down. “Sorry for crashing. This one got away from me.” She grabbed Skylar’s arm. “Come on, hon,” she coaxed. “You’ll catch cold, or something will swim up somewhere you don’t want it to be.”

“Oh, shush,” Skylar said, draping her arms around Adam. “I’m just saying hi to my friends.”

“Hi,” Emma said.

“You are
very
friendly,” Adam laughed, taking her hand off his chest. “But maybe we should go in.” Skylar whispered something to Adam, and he laughed nervously.

“We need to get you out of the water,” he said. “Maddie, can you help me?”

“No, stay!” Skylar cried. “We can play chicken.” She attempted to straddle his shoulders.

Emma rolled her eyes and looked to see Adam’s reaction, but he was busy gazing up at Skylar’s almost naked body with a look of happy disbelief. All at once, Emma felt like she was thirteen again.

“Well, I think that’s my cue,” she said. She stood up, suddenly acutely aware of the way her blue underwear, now soaked, hung against her thighs like a wet dishrag. Her bra didn’t even match. It was black and had a deodorant mark on one side. This was why people like her didn’t skinny dip. Or play chicken. Or try to get a guy’s attention while standing next to anyone who looked like Skylar.

She stepped off the sandbar and into the frigid, murky water, which pulled at her limbs as she swam back to shore as fast as she could.

“Emma, wait—” Adam tried to untangle himself from Skylar, unsuccessfully. She heard a splash and a giggle, but willed herself not to look back. Instead, she focused on the Frisbee, now sitting still on the sand as Jo and Nate rushed to get towels. If she kept her eyes on its fading light, everything else slipped painlessly out of focus.

SKYLAR SIPPED HER COFFEE AND DUG INTO HER BAG for her Ray-Bans. The sunlight streaming through the windows in the cafeteria was a little too bright. She normally slept through her hangovers, but Jo’s phone alarm had gone off at six a.m., and then she couldn’t get back to sleep. She had a pounding headache, not to mention a terrible feeling she had ruined everything with Emma. Coffee was helping a little bit, but Maddie’s heaping plate of gelatinous egg substitute was not.

“Could you not eat those right now?” she winced.

“Not a problem,” Maddie said, taking a swig of orange juice. “The eggs here still don’t come from chickens.” She looked pointedly at Jo. “I’m lodging an official complaint.”

“Whatever,” Jo mumbled. Skylar would have looked surprised, if it didn’t hurt so much to raise her eyebrows. It was only the second day of reunion and Jo’s seemingly boundless camp spirit was already flagging. Or maybe she was just feeling the effects of the beer she’d ingested the night before. Ugh. Skylar couldn’t even think the word
beer
without getting nauseated.

She hadn’t meant to get so sloppy, but the Emma and Adam situation had upset her more than she’d thought it would. Of course it made sense that Emma wouldn’t be over Adam—a crush like that didn’t just go away. In Skylar’s experience, crushes were like horror movie villains, and every time you were sure they were dead, they’d spring up again and scare the crap out of you. But she hadn’t expected
Adam
to be so receptive to Emma. She certainly hadn’t expected him to stick by her side all night, putting his arms around her and swimming around half-naked with her while totally ignoring the fact that the girl he was basically dating was sitting right there.

Skylar knew that Adam wasn’t in love with her or anything, but sometimes it felt like he didn’t even like her. And while she hated to be the cliché girl in the situation, she’d gotten kind of . . . attached to him. At first, back in the beginning, it was just hooking up, and it didn’t even happen all that often, but in the four weeks leading up to reunion, things had felt like they were getting more serious. They saw each other every night. They slept together—actual sleeping, not just as a euphemism for sex (which they also had, more and more frequently). It had started to feel kind of like Adam was her boyfriend, and the weirdest part of all had been that it made her happy. Now, on top of feeling sick, Skylar felt tears forming in the corners of her eyes. Thankfully, she finally found her sunglasses and slipped them on gratefully.

“Sunglasses indoors. How very Kanye West of you,” Emma said tersely, picking at her pancakes.

Skylar didn’t know what to say to Emma now. She should have just told her right away, or at the very least, when Emma had admitted that she was still going after Adam. That would have been hard, but it would have been the right thing to do. The display at the lake had been more “showing” than “telling,” but either way, Emma had clearly started to get the message. Even if she didn’t know that they were hooking up behind her back yet, she definitely thought Skylar was moving in on her territory. To tell her now would just make things worse. Especially since, as of around midnight, Skylar and Adam were officially over.

The immediate aftermath of the sandbar debacle was slightly muddy in her memory thanks to the drinking, but Skylar was pretty sure that after Emma got out of the water, Jo and Nate had followed her. Maddie had helped Skylar dry off and get back into her clothes, but then she’d left, too. Adam was being kind of quiet, but he offered to walk her back to the girls’ side. They had held hands, she was sure of that, and then at one point he’d tried to kiss her. That must have been the moment the last of her buzz had worn off, because Skylar remembered the rest of the night quite clearly.

“Not now,” she’d said, pushing him away.

“Are you mad?” he’d asked.

“I’m not mad, I’m just . . .” She’d been hurt, but she couldn’t tell him that. “I’m tired,” she finished.

Adam had sighed heavily. “You came on to me like a freight train back there. And now you’re tired?”

“Okay, maybe I’m a little mad.”

He’d flashed his trademark grin, which usually charmed her but which suddenly felt impersonal, like a one-size-fits-all flirtation device. “I knew it,” he’d said, going in for another kiss.

“Uh-uh,” she’d said, batting him away again. “You don’t get to do that and be all over Emma, too.”

“I thought we were casual,” Adam said. “I thought we agreed we could hook up with other people.”

“Yeah,
people
,” she’d said. “Not
Emma
.”

“You don’t get to choose.”

“Actually, when it’s my best friend, yeah I do,” she’d snapped.

“Well, nothing happened. Nothing was
going
to happen.” Adam had yawned then, which had really made her furious. As soon as he’d figured out he wasn’t getting laid, he’d turned narcoleptic. So typical.

“Don’t lie,” she’d said. “I saw you all over her.”

“Yeah, well, she saw
you
all over me. Thanks for that. Very subtle.”

“I made a mistake,” she’d admitted. “But at least I wasn’t trying to hook up with Nate right in front of you.”

“You can do whatever you want,” he’d said. “I wouldn’t care.” As if that was a good thing.

That was what did it. At that moment, Skylar knew Adam would never talk to her the way he talked to Emma, or look at her the way he looked at Emma. He would never choose her over Emma. And she realized she didn’t want him to. If the feelings she had for him didn’t go both ways, then she didn’t want it. She’d been through too many superficial relationships to settle yet again for a guy who treated her like an on-demand movie he could watch whenever he got the urge. She deserved someone who saw something in her that they didn’t see in anyone else. Something below the surface.

“Skylar? Hello, Earth to Skylar. You guys, I think she passed out.” Emma’s voice swam up through her haze of hangover and heartache. Skylar took off her sunglasses and attempted a smile.

“I’ll be okay,” she said. “Just tired.” This time, it was true.

Emma’s face softened. “Maybe you should get some more sleep before we leave for the beach,” she suggested.

“Yeah, no puking off the side of the boat,” Jo said.

“At least not on the way there,” Maddie added with a wink. “Sexy Island has a way of making people fly their freak flags.”

Skylar closed her eyes. She had never felt less sexy, or less confident. The reunion was not going the way she had hoped, although she realized that she’d been naive to hope it could go anyplace but disaster. Camp could never be the same as it was—and it was all her fault.