Read Five Television Plays (David Mamet) Online
Authors: David Mamet
A
NDERTON
(
stands
): Thank you. (
He picks up a small pack, marked with a large Day-Glo cross. Holds it up.
) This is a little
daypack.
What's in it? (
He starts unloading it.
) Several packets of raisins and nuts. Some chocolate. A flashlight. A small first-aid kit. A hunting knife. Some nylon line, a whistle. Matches. A small hatchet. Most importantly . . . (
He takes a compass out of a side pocket.
) A
compass.
(
Takes a beat. Composes his thoughts.
) We are going out into the woods. Where any of these things could save your life. Where the presence of any of them could mean the difference between life and death. Your
safety
is the responsibility of me and my partner. We are here to take you where
you want to go, to help you accomplish whatever it is you want to do, to bring you back
safely.
But you're going to have to do your part.
Think. THINK BEFORE YOU ACT
Stay with the truck. Stay in camp. Do not
leave
the camp except with Danny or myself. You may have outdoor skills. Defer to us. Let's do things
our
way. We'll make the fires and we'll dowse the fires, we'll mark the trail and we'll read the maps for you. What you're paying us for is
technique,
which is to say
habit:
the ability to act correctly faster than you can think. This is what we're trained to do. Listen to us. Use your common sense, stay alert. That's it. Tomorrow we'll be heading . . .
North?
Professor . . . ?
P
ROFESSOR:
That is correct. North. I thank you, and so if you could show us to our rooms, I'm sure my wife . . .
A
NDERTON:
You want to tell them, Danny . . . ?
E
SPOSITO:
Thank you. (
He rises, goes to the front of the room.
) We're going to be making a Hudson's Bay Start. Let me explain that to you: The Fur Trade: the eighteenth, the nineteenth, and twentieth century, all of this area, of course, was controlled by the Hudson's Bay Company, the Fur Trade. They found that when their men went off on an expedition that they made a better start if they spent the last night before they left, not in the
camp,
but half a mile
outside
the camp. And living as they would on the trail . . .
P
ROFESSOR:
What was the purpose of this?
E
SPOSITO:
To make a good start. To break camp early and get on the trail. To not waste the day looking for the articles that one has left behind, to shake down, to get in the right frame of mind. We've chosen a campsite (
points
) ’bout half a mile back in the woods, we'll get some practice pitching
camp,
we'll talk about some safety pro- cedures, I've got some
venison
that I've bought from Mr. Maclaren, it's out of season, but he tells me it died of a broken heart. So. Let's pack up the . . .
P
ROFESSOR:
Mrs. Scholtz and I . . .
M
RS.
S
CHOLTZ:
I'm alright, George.
P
ROFESSOR:
I approve in the abstract of your plan . . .
E
SPOSITO:
Then let us be philosophers, Sir, let us live
as if
those things of which we approved
in the abstract
were the case.
(
Sound of the airplane leaving.
)
And there goes your taxi, so we're stuck with each other awhile. Who'd like to help me load the truck? (E
SPOSITO
goes outside.
)
M
RS.
S
CHOLTZ:
I'll help.
(
The
P
ROFESSOR
hangs back, comes up to
A
NDERTON.
)
P
ROFESSOR:
Mr. Anderton.
A
NDERTON:
Mike.
P
ROFESSOR:
Mike, yes. Mike. One question. I saw the first-aid kit, but in the event of a
medical
emergency . . .
A
NDERTON:
We have a fully stocked medical kit in the truck. Danny and I are both trained in its use.
P
ROFESSOR:
Yes, yes, but, for example, what if there was a
serious .
. .
A
NDERTON:
Seriously,
my partner once removed a man's appendix with a hunting knife.
P
ROFESSOR:
Is that true?
A
NDERTON:
Yes, sir, that's absolutely true.
OUTSIDE. AT THE SIDE OF THE TRUCK.
E
SPOSITO
and
M
RS.
S
CHOLTZ
loading the Rover.
E
SPOSITO:
Some fine equipment you got here, Ma'am.
M
RS.
S
CHOLTZ:
Mmm.
E
SPOSITO:
What's it for?
M
RS.
S
CHOLTZ:
"What's it for” is to get my husband out of the house. How old are you?
(
The
P
ROFESSOR
comes out of the house, comes up to
E
SPOSITO.
)
P
ROFESSOR:
Mr. Esposito?
E
SPOSITO:
Sir?
P
ROFESSOR:
Did you once remove a man's appendix with a hunting knife?
E
SPOSITO:
Yes sir. I had to. He was trying to kill me.
(A
NDERTON
comes out of the house, comes over to the truck.
)
A
NDERTON:
Let's go camping.
(M
ACLAREN
comes up from the pier, calls to them.
)
M
ACLAREN:
Looks like rain.
E
SPOSITO
(
under his breath, to
A
NDERTON
)
:
Good “Mossing” weather.
A
NDERTON:
How do you like being a businessman?
E
SPOSITO:
Anything to get out of the house. What are we looking for?
A
NDERTON:
We aren't looking. He's looking. We're
driving.
You
heard
the man.
E
SPOSITO
(
shrugs
): Okay.
(M
RS.
S
CHOLTZ
and her husband are in the truck.
)
All set . . . ? (
He gets into the shotgun seat.
) And away we go.
ACT TWO
THE CAMPSITE. DUSK.
Three tents, attached to the Land-Rover. A campfire in the center, the wind is starting to blow. A corner of one of the tents has come loose and is flapping.
K
AREN
S
CHOLTZ
comes out of her tent and tries to fasten down the corner which has come loose.
M
IKE
A
NDERTON,
holding a kerosene lantern, crossing from tent to tent, speaks to
E
SPOSITO,
who is tending the dying fire.
A
NDERTON:
Danny!
E
SPOSITO:
Yo!
A
NDERTON
(
pointing to
M
RS.
S
CHOLTZ
and the tent
): Tighten it up, will you . . . ?
(E
SPOSITO
nods, goes to help
M
RS.
S
CHOLTZ.
A
NDERTON
continues into the other tent.
)
E
SPOSITO:
I'll do that. (
He works refastening the tent.
) Blowing up a bit.
M
RS.
S
CHOLTZ:
It's beautiful out here.
E
SPOSITO:
It most certainly is. (
He finishes with the tent, starts back to the fire.
)
M
RS.
S
CHOLTZ:
We have any more coffee?
E
SPOSITO:
Uh-hmm . . .
(
He pours her some, they sit on a log by the fire. Beat.
)
M
RS.
S
CHOLTZ:
It makes you lonely sometimes. Doesn't it?
E
SPOSITO:
What? Being outside. Yes. I . . . I don't know . . .
M
RS.
S
CHOLTZ:
Hmm. You feel at home here.
E
SPOSITO:
Uh-hmm.
M
RS.
S
CHOLTZ:
That must be a very good feeling.
E
SPOSITO:
Well. I suppose
it is.
M
RS.
S
CHOLTZ:
I make you nervous.
E
SPOSITO
(
smiles
): I think you just got to loosen up a bit. You got to leave the
city
behind. You will. In a day or two.
M
RS.
S
CHOLTZ:
I will?
E
SPOSITO:
Sure. I'll tell you what. Most of the time that people think: I have to do
this,
the
world
is coming to an end . . . a
business
meeting . . . what it is: it's too much
coffee . .
. not enough time to themselves. (
Beat.
) Not enough quiet.
M
RS.
S
CHOLTZ
(
bemused
): Hmmm. And that's the answer to the problems of the world.
E
SPOSITO:
Yes, Ma'am, that's what I think . . . two things. Now: Maybe I'm this unsophisticated guy who doesn't understand the problem . . . (
Shrugs.
) And maybe I'm
right.
(
Smiles.
) You want a donut?
(
Inside a tent. The
P
ROFESSOR
at a small folding table. Maps all around him. He speaks into a small tape recorder.
)
P
ROFESSOR:
. . . north on
this
trail A-5. (
He makes notes on a scratchpad.
) To Kenyon's Hill. The basic bearing is ... (
He hunts for something in the pile of maps on the table, he cannot find it. He spies the small daypack marked with the Day-Glo cross hanging on a peg on the tent upright, he goes into the side pocket, takes out the compass, comes back to the table.
) The basic bearing is 335 degrees. The
Lair,
according to the . . . (
He makes more notes on the scratchpad.
) According to Nessy and Mosher “Notes on Anthropoids, “ . . . should lie within five to six hundred yards of . . .
(A
NDERTON
comes into the tent. The
P
ROFESSOR
stops speaking, covers his maps and notes, turns off the tape recorder.
)
Mr. Anderton . . . ?
A
NDERTON:
Just checking, Sir. Everything alright?
P
ROFESSOR:
Mmm. I'm fine. Thank you. It's . . .
tomorrow . . .
we'll have breakfast at . . . ?
A
NDERTON:
Whenever you say, we can spend the day in
camp
if you want and set out Thurs . . .
P
ROFESSOR:
No
.
We've, I want to be (
points at map
)
here
on the twenty-third. I want to set out tomorrow.
A
NDERTON:
Then I'd say, we'll get up early anyway. We could break camp . . . I think you'll find we can be on the road by eight. Eight thirty, no problem.
P
ROFESSOR:
Fine. (
Sighs.
) Fine. I'm glad we were able to do this together. (
Smiles patronizingly.
) You know, it's not hard to be a
visionary,
Mr. Anderton, all you have to do is be prepared to take it in the teeth from the rest of the world until they come and catch
up
to you. (
Pause.
)
A
NDERTON:
S'been a long day.
P
ROFESSOR:
Yes. It has. You and your partner seem to be very good at your job. And we appreciate that. (
Beat.
) Good night.
A
NDERTON:
Good night, Professor. Anything you need during the night, we'll be here.
(A
NDERTON
leaves the tent. Goes over to
E
SPOSITO,
who is cleaning up around the fire. Camera follows.
)
A
NDERTON:
How's every little thing?
E
SPOSITO:
Fine, hey, you never told me. This is like being a cross between a hotel and a psychiatrist.
A
NDERTON:
Who knew? S'we get the fire out?
E
SPOSITO
(
looks at the sky
): Yeah. It looks like we're ‘bout to get some . . .
(
The rain starts coming down in torrents.
)
Even
as he spoke. Aha!
A
NDERTON:
Let's check the tents.
(A
NDERTON
starts making the circuit of the tents, checking the lashings. He goes to the Land-Rover and rolls up all the windows, leans inside and checks the emergency brake.
)
(E
SPOSITO
at the
P
ROFESSOR
’S
tent.
)
E
SPOSITO:
Looks like we're going to get some heavy rain, you'll be fine, see you in the . . .
M
RS.
S
CHOLTZ:
Where's my husband . . . ?
E
SPOSITO:
Over at the other t . . .
M
RS.
S
CHOLTZ:
Anyone ever tell you you're a very attractive man?
E
SPOSITO:
That's right, Ma'am. See you in the morning.