Five Television Plays (David Mamet) (3 page)

W
INNIE:
Just, Sweetie, just be . . . just, whatever I say, you pretend you're asleep.

T
ROOPER
(
to
W
INNIE):
What is your name?

D
OUG:
She's You Don't Want Her. She isn't anybody. Don't. . . don't take her. Mama. Come on. Let's Run!

W
INNIE:
Officer, I . . .

D
OUG:
She's not the one you want . . . Come ON!

R
ANGER:
He and his mother escaped through a back window of the bus. And they ran into the woods.

D
OUG:
Keep running . . .

W
INNIE
(
sighs
): Oh, my god . . .

D
OUG:
No
,
all we have to do is just keep running. They won't . . . they won't find us . . .

W
INNIE:
Alright.

D
OUG:
Don't go back. You can't go back. They'll put you back in Prison.

W
INNIE:
Alright.

R
ANGER:
In the deep dark they became lost. In the woods.

W
INNIE:
Are you alright?

D
OUG:
I'm cold.

W
INNIE
(
of compass
): We'll just keep walking North. We're going to find a road.

D
OUG:
How do you know?

W
INNIE:
Because I have the compass and I have a map.

D
OUG:
How do you know that there
is
a road?

W
INNIE:
Because I see it on the map.

D
OUG:
What will we do when we find it?

W
INNIE:
Give ourselves up, because you're cold, and you should be warm, and sleep. And we can't run forever. And that's what we're going to do.

D
OUG:
We're going the wrong way. We
passed
this way before.

W
INNIE:
No
.
We didn't.

D
OUG:
How do you know?

W
INNIE:
Because I have my compass.

D
OUG:
I don't think it's working. Yes it is. We'll trust it now. And everything will be alright.

W
INNIE:
Now
;
for a moment. What's the first thing that you do if you get scared and you're lost in the woods?

D
OUG:
I don't know.

W
INNIE:
Yes. You do. You Sit Down and Think. (
Pause.
) Now we'll sit down a moment.

(
They sit.
W
INNIE
sings: “Just Because You're Lost Don't Think Your Compass Is Broken.” She sings: “We Must Abide, in Moments of Stress, by Those Things We Have, in Moments of Peace, Decided Are Correct.” She finishes singing.
)

Now, let's go on, and soon we'll find the road, and then you'll be warm.

D
OUG:
Look!

W
INNIE:
What is it?

D
OUG:
A light!

R
ANGER:
They walked in the forest to a little hut made out of wood. A sign over the door said “Ralph Blum.”

W
INNIE:
Ralph Blum.

D
OUG:
Who is that?

W
INNIE:
I don't know, but I hope that he'll help.

(
She knocks on the door. Pause. She knocks again. Pause.
)

D
OUG:
Let's go in.

(W
INNIE
tries the door.
)

W
INNIE:
It's locked. Well, we're going to
get
you warm. We'll break a window.

(
They start around the side of the cabin, the door opens.
)

R
ALPH:
Who are you?

W
INNIE:
May we come in? My son is . . .

R
ALPH:
Why didn't you come to the door?

W
INNIE:
We
did
come to the door. We knocked and knocked and . . .

R
ALPH:
I didn't hear you. Come in.

(
They go into the cabin.
)

R
ALPH:
The boy's cold? Let's get him something to eat. Here. Put on those warm clothes and I'll put the bed by the fire.

W
INNIE:
Thank you.

R
ALPH:
What?

W
INNIE:
Thank you.

R
ALPH:
Not at all.

R
ANGER:
So they sat around the fire and the man gave them soup.

R
ALPH:
Now
,
you two should go to bed, because you look like you could use the rest. You go to sleep, now.

W
INNIE:
I don't think that I can sleep.

R
ALPH:
You sleep, and everything will look brighter in the morning, whatever it is.

W
INNIE:
I don't think so.

(
Pause.
)

R
ALPH:
Is there anything that I can help you with?

W
INNIE:
Thank you, you're very kind, I don't see how you can.

R
ALPH:
You never know. Did you know that? That's one of the true things. You never know.

W
INNIE:
I'm sure you're right.

R
ALPH:
What?

W
INNIE:
I said I'm sure you're right.

R
ALPH:
I am right. Lived in the forest all my life. You think that's crazy?

W
INNIE:
Not at all. Quite the contrary.

R
ALPH:
Eh?

W
INNIE:
I think that's the best place one could live.

R
ALPH:
You
do?

W
INNIE:
Yes.

R
ALPH:
Huh. Huh. Huh. (
Pause.
) Well, I'm going to tell you what: Us Outdoorsmen have got to help each other. Don't you think? (
Pause.
) Don't you think?

W
INNIE:
Mm. Yes.

R
ALPH:
Well, we
do.
And I'm going to help
you.
I don't know what your
problems
are, ‘n’ it's none of my business . . .

W
INNIE:
My problems are I have to go to jail and be separated from my son tomorrow.

R
ALPH:
Then I'm going to help you.

W
INNIE:
How?

(
Pause.
)

R
ALPH:
Can you keep a secret?

W
INNIE:
If it will help me and my son.

R
ALPH:
It will.

W
INNIE:
Then I'll keep a secret.

R
ALPH:
You give me your solemn oath?

W
INNIE:
I do.

R
ALPH:
Alright. (
Pause.
) I am the Magic Woodsman. (
Pause.
) I have the Power to grant Wishes of the Heart.

(
He sings the “Song of the Magic Woodsman.” He finishes. Pause.
)

And now you have two wishes. Anything your Heart Desires.

(
Pause.
)

W
INNIE:
I can wish for anything?

R
ALPH:
Yup. And it will be granted.

(
Pause.
)

W
INNIE:
Is that true?

R
ALPH:
Yes. It is.

(
Pause.
)

W
INNIE:
Thank you.

R
ALPH:
What?

W
INNIE:
Thank you.

R
ALPH:
That is alright. Now, you take your time, and whatever you . . .

W
INNIE:
I don't have to take time. I am going to wish . . .

R
ALPH:
Oh, oh, oh. I forgot: (
pause
) First you have to guess my name. Nothing to it. (
Pause.
) You have to guess my name and then I grant your wishes. Understand?

W
INNIE:
Yes.

R
ALPH:
Think that you can do it?

W
INNIE:
Yes.

R
ALPH:
Alright, then. Now: what are your wishes?

W
INNIE
(
pause
): I wish that everything was just the way it was before the congressman came in the restaurant . . .

R
ALPH:
. . . alright . . .

W
INNIE:
And I wish my son and I were in Yellowstone Park. (
Pause.
)

R
ALPH:
Good. You tell me my name your wishes shall be granted.

W
INNIE:
Your name is Ralph Blum. (
Pause.
)

R
ALPH:
I'm very sorry, Miss.

W
INNIE:
That's not your name?

R
ALPH:
I'm very sorry. (
Pause.
) I'm very sorry.

W
INNIE:
Do I
get
another chance?

R
ALPH:
No
.
It is not within my power. (
Pause.
) I'm very sorry. (
Pause.
) I . . . you and the boy. Feel free to stay here tonight. I, I'm sure everything will, will look brighter in the morning. (
Pause.
) I hope that everything works out. I'm very sorry.

(
The
M
AGIC
W
OODSMAN
leaves the cabin.
W
INNIE
waits. Sits down at the table, smokes a cigarette.
)

R
ANGER:
The false dawn came, that time before the dawn, and, after it, the dawn, and Winnie sat at the table smoking her cigarette while her son slept.

(W
INNIE
sings a song of remorse, how, standing on principle, she has sacrificed the well-being of her child. She finishes.
D
OUG
wakes up.
)

D
OUG:
Where are we . . . ?

W
INNIE:
Come on. Get up, Sweetheart, we . . .

D
OUG:
What's that . . . ?

R
ANGER:
They heard the baying of dogs. Drawing closer.

W
INNIE:
They're coming to
get
us.

(
Through a megaphone we hear a
T
ROOPER.)

T
ROOPER:
We know you're in there . . .

S
ECOND
T
ROOPER:
Be careful, she's dangerous.

T
ROOPER:
You have one minute to come out, you and the boy . . .

D
OUG:
What are we going to do?

W
INNIE:
I have to
give
myself up . . .

D
OUG:
No! What will they do to . . .

W
INNIE:
I'm sure everything will be al . . .

T
ROOPER:
Alright, we're coming in . . .

W
INNIE
(
she embraces
D
OUG):
Sweetheart, I'm sure that everything will be al . . .

(
The door opens. She shields
D
OUG.
It is
R
ALPH
B
LUM.)

R
ALPH:
Wait a second. Did you say “Ralph
Blum
"?

W
INNIE:
What?

R
ALPH:
Did you say “Ralph
Blum
"? My
name?

W
INNIE:
Yes.

R
ALPH:
You
did.

W
INNIE:
Yes.

R
ALPH:
Cause, that
is
my name. It's on, you know, it's on a sign right outside the
door.

W
INNIE:
I, I, I
know.

R
ALPH:
What?

W
INNIE:
I said that I
know.

R
ALPH:
I thought you said “Brown.” But you said “Ralph
Blum.”

W
INNIE:
Yes.

R
ALPH:
Word of honor?

W
INNIE:
Yes.

R
ALPH:
Well, then you get your
wish! I'm
sorry . . . such a silly . . . I don't
hear
so . . .

(
They are transported.
W
INNIE
is back in the restaurant with the
C
ONGRESSMAN.)

R
ANGER:
And they were magically transported back in time. To the time before she saw the congressman take the tip from the table.

(
At the restaurant.
)

C
ONGRESSMAN:
Miss.

W
INNIE:
Yes, sir, I'm coming.

C
ONGRESSMAN
(
of check
): What is this? Ninety-five cents for a substitution?

W
INNIE:
You had beans instead of the creamed spinach.

C
ONGRESSMAN:
I'm not going to pay it.

W
INNIE:
Then I will pay it for you. ‘Cause I bet you've had a hard day.

C
ONGRESSMAN:
Uh. You will?

W
INNIE:
Yes.

C
ONGRESSMAN:
That's, uh, you know, it's not the money, it's the principle of the thing.

W
INNIE:
I know that it is.

C
ONGRESSMAN:
That's very kind of you.

W
INNIE:
Just Pass it On.

(
Another
W
AITRESS
and she talk.
)