Flat-Out Matt (5 page)

Dear Finn—

Hope you don’t mind if I hang in your room for a little longer. Your mom suggested I ditch the impossible idea of trying to find a Boston apt. and stay here. Mornings at college, afternoons with Celeste, and evenings defending your room against monsters.

Being a girl and all, I’m resisting the urge to immediately paint your bedroom pink and plaster the wall with pictures of unicorns and rainbows. No promises on how long I can hold out.

How is South Africa? Celeste is waiting for pictures… Hint, hint.

—Julie

He smiled softly. If Julie could actually defend his current room against the multitude of monsters that had taken up residence there after Finn’s death, she’d really be one tough girl. If she could make those go away, then…. God, if only. Her enthusiasm, her optimism, her hope? They were all so far from where he was.

He read her message again. And then he sat quietly and stared at the screen.

He should end this now. He knew that.

But then what? Then she would leave, as anyone would, because nobody would stay after learning the truth. While Matt was—if he was honest—a bit taken aback at how well Julie and Celeste connected, the important thing was that Celeste was responding to someone. She certainly hadn’t to him, no matter how hard he had tried. It would be understandable to let someone else try to bring his sister back, wouldn’t it?

With the noise of the shower as his background, Matt began to type. Life wasn’t often fun or relaxed anymore, but as he wrote to Julie, a levity swept over him. Even a touch of joy at being able to joke and talk freely with someone who didn’t look at him as broken. Even as he told himself that Celeste was the one who needed Julie, there was a small part of him that wondered if he might need her, too. If he would ever be ready to jump.

Maybe, Finn,
he whispered as he typed.
Probably not, but maybe.

Flat-Out Love
, Chapter 19, MPOV

Matt Watkins
Today's Contrition Club meeting has been cancelled: words cannot express how deeply, deeply sorry we are.

Finn is God
“It's a possibootily” is my favorite new phrase. I’ve decided it means, “You may or may not get laid later.”

Julie Seagle
If I'd known how many times I would hear “Celebration” in my lifetime, I would have murdered Kool and his whole Gang years ago.

Matt knew that Julie was with Seth tonight. He didn’t know exactly what was going on with them—and not that it was any of his business—but he still didn’t like it. The phone call that he accidentally heard yesterday bothered him more than he wanted to admit. What had she said?
You mean you’ve had enough time with Celeste and me in the coffeehouse? You don’t find that romantic, and sexy, and hot?
And now she was going out with him tonight. Or worse, not going out, but staying in. She’d said something about him making her dinner at his apartment. He didn’t know anything about this Seth kid, and for all anybody knew, Julie’s date had a long history of violent criminal behavior. She left with the car only fifteen minutes ago, but Matt was already edgy. His fingers tapped rhythmically across his desk and he stared at his laptop’s screen. He didn’t know where Seth lived, but he wasn’t crazy about the idea of Julie driving around Boston by herself at night. She might have to park far away and walk down unlit back streets.

Matt pushed his chair back and walked to Celeste’s room. Her door was cracked open, so he knocked as he entered the room. His sister was on the bed, laying flat on her back, with both arms extended straight up and holding a thesaurus.

“Oh, Matthew, I am delighted that you chose this moment to stop by this evening. I have a project for school that Julie has been assisting me with, and I was hoping to work with her. Do you know when she will return?”

“Oh. I don’t know. After you’re asleep, I imagine.”

“So then you do believe that Julie will be returning back here tonight? I had wondered if perhaps this was going to be an overnight excursion, in which case I was unsure about what time to expect her tomorrow.”

“Celeste!”

“Why are you exhibiting a reaction that involves such a chastising tone? I understand that Julie is of an age where one may possibly engage in certain activities that often are conducted only in late hours, during which—”

“Stop right there, please.” Matt held up both hands. “We are not having this conversation or even thinking about this subject matter. Is that clear?”

“
You
may not be thinking about this subject matter, but as it directly affects my school project, I am.”

Matt sighed. He looked to the bay windows off to his left. It was dark out, indeed. Certain things were more likely to happen at night. Again, not that it was his business, but there were safety issues to consider. Maybe he could give Julie one of those handheld alarms. Or pepper spray. It was probably a good idea. He glanced at Flat Finn, who was positioned in one corner of the room, facing the wall. “What is Flat Finn doing? If he’s urinating on the floor, you’re cleaning it up.”

“Matthew! Flat Finn is most certainly not urinating. Do not be so outlandish.”

“Is he in trouble? He has to stand in the corner and think about what he’s done?”

Celeste lowered her book. “No. I was finding him disruptive.”

“Seriously? How exactly was he disruptive? Were his hinges squeaking?”

“I felt as though he were looming over me tonight. On occasion, I need a bit of distance. It was Julie’s suggestion that there may be times I find I do better with a break from him. So tonight we are having a break. I am entitled to some privacy, Julie pointed out.”

“Oh.” Matt shifted his weight. “I think that’s a valid point.”

“Did you want to speak to me about something in particular? I need to get back to my compilation of alternate words and concepts.”

“I… I… “ Matt suddenly felt mildly embarrassed.

Celeste blinked at him. “Yes?”

“I was just wondering if you knew this Seth guy’s last name?”

“I do not. We could call Julie and find out right now if you need immediate satisfaction.”

“No, no. We don’t need to do that.”

“Why are you interested in his last name? Are you developing a surname fixation? I have always found surnames to be quite interesting myself, so when you find out, please let me know, and I will likely be able to tell you quite a bit about—”

“What? No, no, I’m not interested in surnames. Forget it.” Matt turned to the door.

“Oh, I understand!” Celeste said, suddenly excited. “You would like to investigate Julie’s romantic interest! An amateur background check of sorts!”

Matt didn’t say anything.

“I am right! You are experiencing profound jealousy!”

He turned back her way. “No, I am not
experiencing profound jealousy
. Don’t be ridiculous. I just think that as her… local family, or whatever… we should be aware of who she is spending time with. There are safety issues here. She is out at night with a stranger.”

Celeste beamed. “I can see that in fact you most definitely
are
thinking about the aforementioned subject matter from which you steered me away. You have concerns that she may be becoming intimate with—”

“Celeste, seriously, knock it off.” Matt glared at her. “Forget I asked anything.”

“Unfortunately, I do not know Seth’s last name, but I know him from the many visits that Julie and I have taken to the cafe where he works. I have done an investigation of my own on this local student and part-time barista, and I have found nothing indicative of sociopathology. There is no reason for us not to hold him in high regard.”

“Okay. That’s good,” Matt said.

“There is, however, one concerning factor,” Celeste said slowly.

“What? What’s wrong with him?”

“What I dislike quite strongly about Seth is that he currently has the romantic, and possibly sexual, attention of the young woman with whom you are finding yourself progressively more and more besotted.”

Matt practically snorted. “Oh, God. Good night, Celeste. Perhaps a good night’s sleep will bring you to your senses.”

“Perhaps a good night’s sleep will bring
you
to your senses!” Celeste said matter-of-factly as she lay down and again lifted the heavy thesaurus. “A good night’s repose. A good night’s slumber. A good night’s….”

Matt shut her door and went back to his room. Celeste was out of her mind in more ways than one. He was not
besotted
with anyone. He took his laptop, sat up in bed to work, and cranked the music with a remote.
Besotted.
What a ridiculous word.

He checked his e-mail and found a message from Julie telling Finn that Celeste loved her barrette. And that she was exhausted from being up so late the night before. Matt smiled softly. Yes, it had been about three a.m. when he’d finally shut down the computer. He couldn’t believe how long they talked. Her message also said that she would look for him on chat later tonight. Meaning, Matt noted, that she was planning on coming home. The posing-as-Finn thing was a little awkward, obviously, but he and Julie seemed to have found a comfortable online friendship that worked for them both. It really wasn’t much different than the other online communications he had. Or not
entirely
different. But it wasn’t as though Julie told Finn everything, either. She had never mentioned Seth at all.

Matt sent a quick Finn reply, knowing full well that Julie was probably not checking out e-mails while on a date.

Yet a minute later, a chat message from Julie popped up.

Julie Seagle

Am flipping stuck in an elevator. Alone. Miserable. Help is on the way supposedly, but I am not enjoying this experience. Starting to seriously panic. Sweating, shakes, visions of brutal death.

This wasn’t good. Julie could not be in good shape. Matt had seen what the escalator ride had done to her, and the idea that she was dangling in a steel box however many stories up was probably not going over well. And there was no one there to catch her this time. A little humor seemed in order.

Finn is God

What??? Oh, no! Do not panic. Have you forgotten that I am a superhero?

Julie Seagle

I had forgotten! Feel totally safe now. Okay, you fly under the elevator and lift me up to safety. Ready? Go!

Finn is God

Unfortunately my flying powers were deactivated because I abused my superhero status. Apologies. I have other powers, though, that will get you through this.

Julie Seagle

Give it your best shot. Convince me that I’m not a million feet in the air.

Matt thought back to the first time that he stood at the edge of an open door as an airplane held him thousands of feet in the air, poised above certain death. Terror didn’t quite capture it. The safety of his training and the emergency backup chute did little to reassure him. There were a few minutes when Matt was so frozen with fear that he couldn’t even back out of jumping. Yet he wanted to jump more than anything. And Finn was there, so high on what they were about to do, so revved up with an energy and fearlessness that Matt wanted desperately for himself. Denial was impossible in those circumstances, so he took another approach. One that might help Julie now.

Finn is God

You can’t pretend you are not up high, because you are.

Julie Seagle

These are delightful powers you have. Thank you so much. I feel a million times better.

Finn is God

Accept that you’re up high and embrace it. Take control. It’s like when I go skydiving. I don’t actually love heights. It scares the hell out of me to be in that plane, looking down at the ground. But I jump through that fear and turn it into euphoria.

Julie Seagle

I would never in a million years go skydiving.

Matt hesitated before typing.

Finn is God

What if I took you?

Julie Seagle

I’d still be jumping out of a plane alone, just like I’m alone in this stupid elevator.

Finn is God

You wouldn’t be alone. I’d take you tandem, so you’d be strapped to me. We’d jump together.

Julie Seagle

How would that work?

Now that he had raised this idea, he realized describing it might carry a certain connotation that may not go over well. A risky connotation. But it wasn’t Matt’s fault. It’s not as though he invented tandem skydiving so that he would one day be able describe it to a girl stuck in a broken elevator.

Finn is God

You’d be in front of me, your back pressed into my chest.

He waited. Matt looked away from the screen for a minute, listening to the music that was filling his room. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the image on the screen move.

Julie Seagle

That part doesn’t sound so awful.

The tension that he was holding rushed from his body.

Finn is God

No. It doesn’t sound so awful, does it?

Julie Seagle

So then tell me more.

Finn is God

Okay. Pretend we’re going right now. Ready?

Julie Seagle

Ready
.

Finn is God

We’re in the plane, and it’s loud and cold. You see duct tape over parts of the interior of the plane and wonder if jumping is the worst idea you’ve ever had, but I tell you you’ll be fine. We both have on the full skydiving suits, helmets, goggles, chutes. The suit is tight, and it gives you the illusion of being safe, secure. You’re full of mixed emotions. Pride, anxiety, exuberance, terror.

Julie Seagle

Nausea?